The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Aforementioned NFL signal caller, a college hero, helmeth CFL crew's jolly feastful end zone revelry. Aye, matey!

2023-07-23

Arr, ye scurvy dogs! Chad Kelly be a plunderin' and pillagin' in the Canadian Football League! Last year, he be leadin' a championship-winning drive, and this season he be showin' off some fancy celebrations! Yo ho ho, that be a pirate's life for him!

In the vernacular of a 17th century pirate, me hearties, the Canadian Football League may be a lesser breed of football compared to the mighty NFL, but by Blackbeard's beard, their touchdown celebrations be right up there with the best of 'em! Now, picture this: the Toronto Argonauts be up by a fine eight points with just over two minutes left on the clock. That scurvy dog of a quarterback, Chad Kelly (aye, the very same one who got himself dismissed from Clemson afore he found his place at Ole Miss), he be runnin' like the wind and lands himself a touchdown, makin' the game a two-possession affair against the Hamilton Tiger Cats. Arr, thinkin' the victory be in the bag (and, by Davy Jones' locker, it was – Toronto won, 31-15), Kelly gathers his crew and leads 'em to the end zone. And what do they do there? They all sit down criss-cross applesauce – aye, just like a bunch of wee lads and lasses in a schoolyard. In a sight that would make even Captain Kidd crack a smile, they pretend to eat, then drink, passin' food to each other in perfect harmony. They go through the motions again and again afore they rise up and go completely mad with joy. Kelly, who be the nephew of the legendary Hall of Famer Jim Kelly, has the Argonauts sailin' with a perfect 5-0 record in his second season. He may have been a lowly seventh-round pick by them Denver Broncos in 2017, but he be showin' 'em all what he be made of. Last year, when the Argonauts found themselves in the Grey Cup with an injured quarterback, Kelly stepped up like a true buccaneer and led the game-winning drive, bringin' home the championship. In the battle against the Tiger Cats, Kelly showed his skill by completin' 20 of his 27 passes, scorin' two touchdowns in the process. Aye, he be a fine player, but he also got himself a reputation for misbehavior, resultin' in his release from Clemson and the Broncos, and even a suspension from the NFL. But now, after some time spent as an offensive coach and a spell at East Mississippi Community College, it seems Kelly be findin' a better path. Let's hope he keeps sailin' smooth waters and entertainin' us with his swashbucklin' skills!

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