The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Avast ye! Vikings' Jordan Addison claims his sea dog be havin' an 'urgent' matter, warrantin' a 140-league race, earnin' a citation from the authorities.

2023-07-24

Arr, ye scurvy dog! This 'ere Jordan Addison, a newbie on the Minnesota Vikings crew, claims that 'twas a dire doggy dilemma that forced him to set sail at a monstrous speed o' 140 knots, just afore th' trainin' camp. Blimey, what a tale!

In a language befitting a 17th century pirate, matey, it be reported that the Minnesota Vikings' first-round pick, Jordan Addison, was caught sailin' the roads at a mind-bogglin' speed of 140 mph in a 55-mph zone, arrr! But fear not, for the lad had a most interestin' explanation for his reckless behavior, arrr! According to ESPN, Addison claimed that his furry companion had an emergency at home, arrr! Aye, the lad be cruisin' faster than a seagull snatchin' a fish, but it be all for the sake of his precious pooch, arrr!

The updated citation slapped him with charges of speedin' and reckless drivin', as noted by the Minnesota State Police, arrr! The citation even stated, "His dog was havin' an emergency at his residence and that was the reason for his speed," arrr! Addison was caught red-handed by a trooper on Interstate 94, sailin' past him like a ship in full mast, arrr! And what vessel was he sailin' in, ye ask? A Lamborghini Urus, aye, a true pirate's ride, arrr!

In his defense, Addison issued a statement claimin' that he made a grave mistake and used poor judgment, arrr! The young buccaneer promised to learn from his folly and never repeat such reckless behavior, arrr! He be truly sorry for his actions, he be, as he uttered in a statement, arrr!

But the lad be facin' some backlash from NFL fans, who be comparin' his escapade to the unfortunate incident involvin' Henry Ruggs, a former Las Vegas Raiders receiver who allegedly caused a crash while drivin' at 156 mph under the influence, arrr! Addison may be a rookie, but he be no stranger to talent. He be part of a historic draft run in which four consecutive wide receivers were selected in the first round, arrr! Experts be sayin' that Addison could have the most immediate impact on his team, fillin' the shoes of the veteran Adam Thielen, who be cut from the Vikings, arrr!

So, me hearties, let us hope that this young pirate learns from his misadventure and sets sail on a path of responsibility and success on the football field, arrr!

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