The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Avast ye mateys! Joe Biden's trusty pooch 'Commander' be chompin' on them Secret Service scurvy dogs, not once or twice, but ten times in a measly four months!

2023-07-26

Arrr! Methinks on the third day of November, in the year 2022, a scoundrel known as Commander didst sink his teeth into a poor officer of the uniformed kind, not once, but twice! The officer's arm and thigh did bear the mark of this treacherous attack. Aye, the swashbucklers from the White House medical unit didst come to his aid, mendin' his wounds like true heroes of the high seas!

In a hilarious turn of events, it seems that even pirates have their fair share of mischievous pets. In a recent incident involving a lovable dog named Commander, the Secret Service was caught off guard and had to deal with a rather unexpected hospital visit. According to records from the Department of Homeland Security, which were released following a request by the conservative watchdog group Judicial Watch, it appears that Commander had quite the biting spree.
On that fateful day of November 3, 2022, an email from a Secret Service official circulated amongst colleagues, detailing the dog's antics. It seems that Commander decided to take a nibble out of a uniformed officer, not once, but twice! The officer found himself on the receiving end of Commander's sharp teeth, with bites on the upper right arm and thigh. Ouch!
The White House medical unit promptly sprung into action, rushing to the aid of the unfortunate officer. It seems Commander's bite was more serious than a mere scratch, requiring medical attention and a trip to the hospital. I can only imagine the embarrassment felt by the Secret Service agent as he had to explain his battle scars to his colleagues.
While it's unclear what provoked Commander's sudden aggression, one can't help but wonder if the dog mistook the uniformed officer for a treasure-seeking pirate. Perhaps Commander was simply doing his duty to protect the ship, or in this case, the White House, from any potential threats. Either way, it's safe to say that this incident will go down in pirate (and Secret Service) history as a reminder that even the most loyal of companions can have their moments of mischief.

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