Arrr! Republican swashbuckler Derrick Van Orden's firstborn lass be departin' this mortal coil! Reasons be unveiled, matey!
2023-08-22
Arr, me hearties! Be it known that Rep. Derrick Van Orden (R-WI) did confess on Tuesday that his eldest lass be taken from this world after a year-long skirmish with the scurvy dog, cancer. "With a heavy heart and a tear in me eye, me dear wench Sara Jane and I be sharin' the sad tidings o' our eldest daughter, Sydney Marie (Van Orden) Martens. She be lost to us after a fierce battle with a vile and ruthless cancer," he cried out in a writ. This former U.S. Navy SEAL declared that his daughter "departed this mortal coil with serenity, surrounded by her kin." "We be overcome with grief that we..."
Arr, mateys! Gather round, for I have a tale to tell ye that be both sorrowful and filled with joy. Rep. Derrick Van Orden, a scurvy dog from the land of Wisconsin, be sharing the news of his loss. His eldest daughter, Sydney Marie, has walked the plank after a fierce fight against a fearsome beast known as cancer. Arr, it be a battle that lasted a year, but alas, Sydney Marie could not conquer the treacherous sea that be this disease.But fear not, me hearties, for there be joy amidst the sorrow. Sydney Marie be given a peaceful passing, surrounded by her kin. Rep. Van Orden and his fair maiden, Sara Jane, be heartbroken by their loss, but find solace in the fact that their daughter be at peace.
As a former U.S. Navy SEAL, Rep. Van Orden be no stranger to battles and hardships. But this be a fight that even a swashbuckler like him could not win. Cancer be a formidable foe, striking fear into the hearts of many. Yet, Sydney Marie faced it bravely, standing tall in the face of danger.
Now, let us raise our tankards and toast to Sydney Marie, a brave soul who fought with all her might. We may shed a tear for her passing, but let us also celebrate her life and the joy she brought to those around her. May she find calm seas and fair winds in the afterlife, and may her family find comfort in knowing that she be at peace.
So raise your voices, me hearties, and sing a merry shanty for Sydney Marie. Let her memory live on as a reminder of the strength that lies within us all. Farewell, Sydney Marie, and may ye rest in eternal peace.