The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Lauren Boebert be caught in a bit o' mischief, layin' hands on 'Beetlejuice' in a jolly snuggling sesh. Blames it on the ol' divorce!

2023-09-16

Avast ye scallywags! The audacious lass Rep. Lauren Boebert, amidst her puffin' and bellowin' of shanties, managed to sneak in a cheeky grope whilst watchin' the notorious "Beetlejuice". Blamin' her scandalous antics on her divorce, the scurvy dog was caught on tape! Ahoy!

Arr, me hearties! Gather 'round and listen to this tale of the wild woman Rep. Lauren Boebert and her misadventures. Yar, she be a lively one indeed! It be said that during a viewing of the famous film "Beetlejuice," this saucy wench did engage in some rather scandalous activities.

Whilst puffin' on her trusty vape and belting out a sea shanty, this fiery lass did find herself in the throes of a quick gropin' session. Aye, me heart skipped a beat at the sight of such audacity! The security footage from Denver's Buell Theatre, bless its soul, captured this astonishing sight in all its glory.

Now, ye may be wonderin', what be the reason for such improper behavior? Nay, it be not the rum talkin', but rather the excuse she gave: her ongoing divorce. Arr, the woes of love can affect even the most reckless of pirates, it seems!

Her date, a Democratic Aspen barkeep, was caught unawares by this bold move. The poor soul must have been taken aback, for who could expect such antics from a politician? But fret not, me hearties, for the tale does not end there.

When confronted about her actions, this wild woman initially denied the act, claimin' she had not blown smoke nor reached down below. Ah, but the footage revealed the truth, and the truth be a fierce mistress!

So, me mateys, let this tale serve as a reminder that even those who walk the hallowed halls of power can succumb to their baser instincts. And mayhaps, just mayhaps, it be a lesson to all ye scallywags out there: beware the temptations of vaping, singing, and divorces, for they can lead ye down a treacherous path!

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