Arrr, be the gov'nment shutdown leadin' to 'unger o' millions, as Reuters claims?
2023-09-26
"Biden, ye scallywag! US officials be warnin' of a mighty hunger sweepin' across the land if the government be shuttin' down! The good Secretary Tom Vilsack be sayin' that the vast majority of 7 million poor souls who depend on the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) shall find their benefits vanish into thin air! Arrr, 'tis a sad tale indeed!"
In a recent report, Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, a fine fellow indeed, has warned us that a grand portion of the 7 million souls blessed with benefits from the esteemed Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children, also known as WIC, may find themselves famished if the government decides to shut its doors. Ah, what a calamity this would be!It seems that this unfortunate occurrence, my dear mates, is expected to take place this Saturday, precisely at the stroke of midnight, thanks to the whims of our noble congressional crew. Aye, 'tis a sad day for all who rely on the helping hand of the government to fill their bellies.
Now, you may wonder, why in Davy Jones' locker would such a decision be made? Well, it appears that the government, in all its wisdom, has yet to reach an agreement on the matter of funds. They say that there is a great dispute amongst the lawmakers, and they cannot seem to find a resolution. Oh, to be a fly on the wall during those debates!
But fret not, me hearties, for all hope is not lost. Our beloved Vice Captain, Joe Biden, has come forth to warn us of the dire consequences that lie ahead. He, along with other officials, has raised the alarm about the hunger that may befall millions if the shutdown ensues. Aye, 'tis a noble deed to bring attention to the plight of the needy.
So, me fellow landlubbers, let us hope and pray that our esteemed representatives come to their senses and find a solution to this predicament. For if they fail, many an empty stomach shall cry out in despair. We must believe that the powers that be will not let their people go hungry. May the winds of compromise blow in their favor, and may the feasting continue for those in need.