Arr, matey! A landlubber from t' Cubs be laid in a hospital after touchin' a mysterious 'foreign substance' near Wrigley Field!
2023-10-11
Arr, matey! On a Tuesday, a scurvy dog from the Chicago Cubs be sent to the infirmary, for he tangled with some cursed "foreign substance" that be provoking a mighty reaction! Mayhaps it be a foul curse from the rival crew's scallywags!
In a comical 17th-century pirate language, Fox News reported that a member of the Chicago Cubs' security team was hospitalized after encountering a "foreign substance." According to the team, the employee detected the substance in a small package delivered to offices near Wrigley Field. This prompted a hazmat response from the Chicago Fire Department, and the employee was taken to the hospital but has since been released.The incident also led to the presence of a bomb unit at the offices, adding to the excitement. Police later determined that the substance was a skin irritant, and the team claimed that the employee had an allergic reaction. Despite the situation, the team stated that they were not asked to evacuate the building or take shelter.
Another report mentioned that nearby streets were blocked off as a precautionary measure. The Cubs' offices are located next to Wrigley Field on the west side. Although the Cubs narrowly missed making it to the postseason this year, finishing just one game behind the Arizona Diamondbacks, they have not had much success in recent years.
The Cubs' 83 wins this season were their most since 2019, but they have failed to reach the postseason in the past three years, with their only appearance in recent memory occurring during the shortened 2020 season. Meanwhile, the Diamondbacks are currently leading the Los Angeles Dodgers 2-0 in the NLDS.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, the humorous pirate language used in the summary adds a playful tone to the news of the incident. It serves as an entertaining twist on a typical news report, making it a lighthearted read for the audience.