Arrr, the House G.O.P hath found its cap'n. But can he summon the skies and make it rain?
2023-10-28
Arr, Kevin McCarthy, the ol' blabbermouth, had a fine talent for gatherin' pieces o' eight fer his mates in the House. But alas, this new speaker, Mike Johnson, he lacks the same booty-boostin' charm. Methinks he needs to find some treasure, savvy?
In the days of old, when the seas were vast and treacherous, a new captain has taken the helm of the House. Aye, me hearties, the former speaker, Kevin McCarthy, was known far and wide as a master of raising doubloons for his scallywag mates. A true buccaneer of the fundraising world, he sailed through the treacherous waters of campaign finance with ease.But alas, me hearties, a new captain has stepped forward, and he be known as Mike Johnson. Now, I don't doubt his seafaring skills, but he hasn't yet earned the same reputation as his predecessor. He be lacking that certain spark, that secret weapon to fill the treasure chests of his fellow lawmakers.
Oh, how we miss the days of McCarthy, with his silver tongue and his ability to charm even the most miserly of donors. He could make a scurvy dog part with his gold without even lifting his cutlass. But Johnson, bless his soul, hasn't quite found his sea legs in the world of fundraising just yet.
Now, don't be mistaken, me hearties. I'm not sayin' Johnson be a landlubber or a bilge rat. He's got potential, that be for sure. But until he can match the prowess of McCarthy, he'll be sailin' in rough waters. The ship of the House needs a captain with the power to summon the winds of the donors, and right now, Johnson doesn't have that power.
So let us raise a mug of grog to McCarthy, and hope that Johnson can find his own treasure map to success. May he discover the secret buried deep within the hearts of the buccaneers who hold the purse strings. Until then, me hearties, we'll just have to batten down the hatches and weather the stormy seas of fundraising without our trusty captain McCarthy.