February 14, 2025, 11:50 am
Arrr! Blake Lively and that dapper scallywag Justin Baldoni be seekin' a pass from the courtroom squabble! On Thursday, a wise federal judge be grantin' their wish, lettin' 'em sail free from the mediation storm. Avast, let the merry ship of peace set sail!
February 14, 2025, 11:41 am
Arrr! Captain Tom Homan, handpicked by the scallywag Trump to guard the treasure-filled borders, parleyed with the fine folk of the NYC Council’s Common Sense Crew, including the swashbucklin’ Bob Holden. A right merry gathering, no doubt, to chart the course for landlubber safety!
February 14, 2025, 11:36 am
Arrr! The scallywag blamed fer bashin' over 30 landlubbers with his ship o' metal in Munich be said to be fueled by some wild Islamic fire, claim the lawmen. A right troublesome buccaneer he be, indeed!
February 14, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Todd Haynes of the Berlin Film Fest be proclaimin' that the scallywags in Trump’s crew be stirrin’ up a tempest o’ chaos and shock, like a mad parrot in a barrel! Avast, what jesters these landlubbers be!
February 14, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! A band o' landlubber Independents and Republican scallywags be raisin' their tankards in disapproval o’ the nasty jabber aimed at Cap’n Trump! A merry crew o' Fox News pirates be spillin’ the beans in their focus group, sayin’ such talk be walkin' the plank!
February 14, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr! The Philadelphia Eagles done laid waste to the Kansas City Chiefs, and this port o’ call unveiled their dubious “gift chamber.” Can ye score a treasure chest full o’ points in this week’s News Quiz, ye landlubber?
February 13, 2025, 5:54 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags known as Republicans in Michigan be settin’ sail on a new rule, cap’n! No more treasure chests o’ pork for them sanctuary ports, and they be doin’ it without the governor’s approval. A right cheeky maneuver, if ye ask me! Avast, what a jolly ruckus!
February 13, 2025, 5:53 pm
Arrr, matey! Saquon Barkley and his crew be raisin’ a ruckus o’ joy this Sunday, fer the Philadelphia Eagles claimed the treasure o’ the Super Bowl from the Kansas City Chiefs! Aye, let the grog flow and the shanties sing, fer victory be sweeter than a mermaid’s kiss!
February 13, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, matey! A landlubber from New Jersey be seekin’ to plunder a tour company after his missus met her doom at the jaws of a rogue hippo on their wild African jaunt. Aye, ‘tis a right ruckus of negligence, if ye ask me!
February 13, 2025, 11:41 am
Ahoy, mateys! On the fair day of Wednesday, them scholars o’ the University of Houston be raisin’ a ruckus! Word sailed in that a scallywag, accused of dastardly deeds against a lass, was set free quicker than a ship in full sail! Blimey, what be the world comin’ to?
February 13, 2025, 11:40 am
Arrr! Governor Shapiro of Pennsylvania be takin' the sails against Captain Trump’s crew, hoistin' a lawsuit on the high seas o' bureaucracy. He be demandin' the treasure chest of federal doubloons be unchained, lest the good folk be walkin' the plank o' poverty! Avast, matey!
February 13, 2025, 11:39 am
Avast, mateys! Rep. Andrew Clyde of the House GOP be lookin' to hoist the impeachment sails against a federal judge who scuttled the Trump ship's treasure freeze. A right jolly tussle awaits on the high seas of politics, arrr!
February 13, 2025, 11:32 am
Arrr, me hearties! The sea o’ opinions be split like a ship in a storm 'bout Captain Trump's course since hoistin’ anchor back at the White House. Seems the crew be takin’ sides, shoutin’ ‘aye’ or ‘nay’ in the latest treasure map of polls! Har har!
February 13, 2025, 5:33 am
Ahoy, mateys! Captain Marjorie Taylor Greene of the House Subcommittee be on the hunt fer squanderin' booty! In her maiden hearing, she declared a grand "war on waste," ready to plunder the Treasury and keep the doubloons flowin' smooth as rum! Avast, wasteful scallywags!
February 12, 2025, 5:27 pm
Arrr, matey! U.S. envoy Adam Boehler be chattin’ ‘bout how Captain Trump’s crew be thinkin’ them scallywags at Hamas be puttin’ the kibosh on lettin’ the poor Israeli hostages free! Tune in to “The Story,” or ye be walkin’ the plank! Har har har!
February 12, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, matey! On the morn of Wednesday, as the sun be risin’, Russian cannonballs rained down on Kyiv, just as Treasury Scurvy Dog Scott Bessent sailed in fer a chinwag ’bout some fancy security deal! Talk ‘bout bad luck, eh? Aye, a right ruckus it be!
February 12, 2025, 11:49 am
Arrr, matey! Columnist Joe Concha be spottin’ but three sensible souls among the Democrats, navigatin’ the wild seas o’ chaos brought by Captain Trump and Elon Musk, who be sailin' full speed ahead! What a jolly crew they be, tryin' not to capsize, har har!
February 12, 2025, 11:48 am
Arrr, me hearties! In the cursed town of Detroit, two wee urchins met their icy fate in a van o’ slumber! Their poor mum sought refuge from the cold months back, but alas, the sea of misfortune be a cruel mistress! Aye, a tale for the ages, indeed!
February 12, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr, me hearty! The mum of a lad snatched on the 7th o' October be plead’n with Cap'n Trump and Prime Minister Netanyahu to haul her boy back to the shipshape shores 'fore the ceasefire runs dry! Aye, time's a-tickin’, and she be wantin' her scallywag safe!
February 12, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr! James Carville, that crafty strategist, be bemoanin' the lack o' hearty moderate Republicans joinin' forces against the tempestuous Trump crew. He warns the Democrats be needin' a fresh treasure map, lest they be left flounderin' in the briny deep! Avast, me hearties!
February 12, 2025, 5:02 am
Arrr, me hearties! Pope Francis be givin' a right tongue-lashin’ to the Trump crew fer their grand schemes o' sendin' the lot o' folks packin’, especially fer that scallywag Vice President Vance's foolish talk! Aye, the Vatican's not afraid to hoist the Jolly Roger on such nonsense!
February 12, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr matey! A learned chap from the University of Illinois, tossed overboard from his post, be claimin' he walked the plank fer chattin' about their scallywag race-based hiring schemes. He’s now seekin' treasure in the court, hopin' to right the wrongs o' the landlubbers!
February 11, 2025, 5:49 pm
Arrr, the Associated Press be denied entry to the captain's quarters for spoutin' "Gulf of America" not bein' fit for their scribblin', all thanks to a decree from Trump the Buccaneer! Aye, the salty sea of news be a treacherous tide, matey!
February 11, 2025, 5:26 pm
Arrr, matey! Word be blowin’ like a tempest that the New York Jets be tellin' Aaron Rodgers he can't meander aboard "The Pat McAfee Show" if he keeps sailin' with 'em. Blimey! What a scallywag of a predicament!
February 11, 2025, 5:25 pm
Arrr, mateys! Rep. Buddy Carter, that scallywag from Georgia, be hoistin’ a jolly flag called the "Red, White, and Blueland Act of 2025!" If we snatch up Greenland, we’ll be givin’ it a right proper name, aye! Who knew pirates be so keen on rebrandin’, eh?
February 11, 2025, 11:54 am
Arrr, matey! On Tuesday, that scallywag Attorney General Andrew Bailey be settin' sail on a lawsuit against Starbucks, claimin’ they be usin’ cursed “race-based hiring” to fill their crew! Aye, me hearties, seems the coffee be brewin’ more trouble than treasure!
February 11, 2025, 11:50 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Republican law-battlers be standin' strong like a ship's hull against the Democratic cannon fire! Aye, the new captain of the Republican Attorneys General Association be sayin' they’ll guard the treasure of Trump’s grand plans! Avast, let the battle commence!
February 11, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr, matey! MSNBC’s landlubber lawyer Danny Cevallos be shoutin’ from the crow’s nest, sayin’ the “constitutional crisis” talk be a tad too stormy fer now. Aye, some scallywags be blowin’ it outta proportion, like a ship’s sails in a gentle breeze! Avast, let’s not be walkin’ the plank just yet!
February 11, 2025, 11:39 am
Avast, mateys! Israel’s trusty crew be givin’ a hearty "Aye!" to Captain Trump’s call fer Hamas to set free all their prisoners 'fore the sun hits high noon on Saturday! Aye, that’s what an Israeli buccaneer told Fox News, savvy?
February 11, 2025, 5:44 am
Arrr, mateys! Governor Jeff Landry be speakin' of a curious plan! The Louisiana crew be usin' nitrogen gas to send scallywags to Davy Jones' locker. A right breezy way to meet yer maker, if ye ask me! Avast, what a way to go, eh?
February 11, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! CNN's wise sea dog Mark Preston be spoutin' that some scallywag Democrats be ponderin' a half-sunk ship of a shutdown to give ol' Captain Trump a proper hullabaloo 'bout his mischief. Aye, the tides be turnin' in the political sea!
February 10, 2025, 5:48 pm
Arrr, me hearties! On a fine Monday, a flying contraption went rogue, plundered the runway, and crashed into another vessel of the skies at Scottsdale! One poor soul met Davy Jones, but the rest be left laughin' at this sky-bound folly! Aye, what a jolly mess!
February 10, 2025, 5:42 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Hear ye this jolly tale! The Justice Department be settin’ sail to toss aside the charges weighin’ heavy on Mayor Adams of New York City! Aye, Fox News be spillin’ the beans on this fine frolic of legal nonsense! Avast, what a merry jest!
February 10, 2025, 5:37 pm
Arrr, mateys! President Trump be sayin' if them scallywags of Hamas don’t return the hostages by noon on Saturday, he’ll blow the ceasefire to smithereens and unleash a storm of chaos! Avast, hold onto yer hats, fer all hell be risin’ like a rogue wave!
February 10, 2025, 5:33 pm
Arrr, on the fateful Monday, fair Tulsi Gabbard be settin' sail for her final vote o' procedure, readyin' to hoist the Jolly Roger as Trump’s swashbucklin' Director of National Intelligence! Aye, let the seas of politics be calm as she charts her course!
February 10, 2025, 11:50 am
Arrr, matey! Hamas be teasin’ the next batch o’ hostages, claimin’ Israel be breakin’ the rules o’ their ceasefire pact. Aye, it’s like two scallywags fightin’ over the last barrel o’ rum—ne’er a dull moment on the high seas o’ mischief!
February 10, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! A fresh-treasure video be floatin' 'round, showin' the teachers' union of New York City givin' tips on how to help landlubber migrant families dodge them Immigration sea dogs! It be a right ruckus, I tell ye! Avast, who knew schoolin' could be so cheeky!
February 10, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags of the Democratic crew be settin' sail to hoist the blame on them House Republicans if our ship o' governance be runnin' aground in a fortnight! Aye, it be a merry game o' finger-pointin' on the high seas o' politics!
February 10, 2025, 5:51 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Trump ship's Justice crew be settin’ sail to lift the anchor on DOGE's treasure map to the treasury, all after a pre-Superbowl decree! What a merry jig of coins and chaos, fit for a scallywag’s laugh! Avast, let the DOGE set sail!
February 10, 2025, 5:41 am
Arrr! Wheaton College be shiverin’ their timbers, deletin’ a hearty cheer for their matey Russell Vought, now the big chief o' the treasure map at the Office of Management and Budget! Aye, even the prayers be walkin’ the plank! What a hullabaloo!
February 10, 2025, 5:24 am
Arrr, a hearty North Carolina lass be payin’ tribute to the souls lost in that fateful sky clash 'twixt the flying beast and the metal bird! She be lendin’ a hand to the skate crew, makin' waves in honor o’ those who’ve sailed to Davy Jones’ locker!
February 10, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Wheaton College be swabbin’ the decks of their Facebook after givin’ a hearty cheer for Russ Vought takin’ the helm o’ the OMB, only to turn tail and scuttle it like a scorned sea rat! Aye, what a jolly mess!
February 9, 2025, 5:51 pm
Arrr, matey! Chris Jones, the mighty Chief of Kansas City, be dabbin' his peepers as the anthem played, all choked up like a scallywag spyin' a mermaid! Before the grand battle of Super Bowl LIX, he be feelin' the feels, as if he lost a treasure map!
February 9, 2025, 5:46 pm
Arrr, mateys! David Dunn, a landlubber plumber from Sapcote, be auctionin' off 50 shiny doubloons he stumbled upon whilst swingin' his metal stick last summer! These treasures be older than Neptune himself, hailing from the days of Ancient Rome. Grab yer grog and bid ye heart out!
February 9, 2025, 11:00 am
Arrr, mateys! Rep. Jared Golden be sayin’ to his crew, “Avast! Quit yer squawkin’ about every little thing that scallywag Trump be doin’! It be makin’ us look as foolish as a parrot wearin' a tricorn hat!” Keep yer wits, lest we sink our own ship!
February 9, 2025, 10:59 am
Arrr, mateys! Rep. Ben Cline be penning a missive to his shipmates, settin’ sail to sink them liberal tall tales ‘bout Elon Musk and the Department of Government Efficiency! Aye, he be claimin’ the truth be as clear as a parrot’s squawk! Avast, ‘tis a merry jest!
February 9, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Emily Damari, once a captive in the UNRWA’s lair in Gaza, has been set free! A grand ol’ swap ‘twixt Israel and Hamas, like treasure for a truce! She be back among the living, with tales of her salty adventures! Avast, what a merry jest!
February 9, 2025, 5:00 am
Avast, ye scallywags! In a world where folks be laughin' at the bonds of wedlock, National Marriage Week be settin' sail to change the tune, celebratin' the holy matrimony instead of makin' it a jest! So hoist the sails and raise a tankard to love, ye landlubbers!
February 9, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags say a poor soul met Davy Jones after a cursed crash ‘twixt the American Airlines beast and an Army bird! He be a loyal Kansas City Chiefs supporter, hopin’ to feast on Super Bowl joys with his kin. Aye, what a tragic turn o' fate!
February 8, 2025, 5:31 pm
Arrr, mateys! The swashbucklin’ duo, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, be missin’ from the 2025 Critics Choice shindig, as a ruckus brews ‘twixt Lively’s matey, Justin Baldoni, over some legal nonsense! Aye, what a tempest in a teapot!
February 8, 2025, 11:49 am
Arrr, Attorney Norm Eisen be a scallywag with a treasure trove o’ anti-Trump battles! Now he’s sailin' the legal seas, helpin' FBI mateys guard their good names from bein’ tossed to the public sharks over that ruckus on January the Sixth! Yarr, what a merry hullabaloo!
February 8, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! David Marcus be spoutin' that only the scallywags in bureaucratic garb be fussin' 'bout Captain Trump's tussle with the Agency for International Development. Aye, it be a jolly sign it ain't doin' much good fer foreign lands, and even some of their sea-dog leaders be noddin' in agreement!
February 8, 2025, 11:43 am
Arrr! Gov'nor Pritzker be settin’ sail to rechristen Lake Michigan as "Lake Illinois," takin’ a hearty jab at Cap'n Trump, who fancied the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America. Blimey! What be next? The High Seas of Illinois? Har har har!
February 8, 2025, 11:40 am
Ahoy, mateys! It be said that news travels faster than a cannonball! Seems them landlubber migrants be settin' sail back to their shores after catchin' wind of the U.S. border bein' tighter than a parrot's grip on a pirate's shoulder! Arrr, even the sea be safer, it seems!
February 8, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr matey, from Jan. 13 to Feb. 26, a grand hootenanny be settin' sail in India! A mighty show for the swabs to flaunt their Hindu ways an' jolly culture. Let the land o' spice and curry prove its worth, or ye be walkin' the plank!
February 8, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! In East Hampton, the town's scallywags be sayin’ their lawmen can chase off ruffians, but when it comes to landlubbers without papers, they’ve no power to keep ‘em tied up! A fine pickle, indeed!
February 8, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Hear ye! The swashbucklin’ songsmith Lee Brice be spillin’ the beans on the grand swell o' country tunes on 'The Will Cain Show.' Aye, it be takin’ the seas by storm, like a raucous crew on a drunken spree! Avast, the banjos be callin’!
February 7, 2025, 5:42 pm
Arrr, matey! The U.S. Coast Guard, them sea-dogs of Alaska, be shoutin’ on Friday that they spotted a flying contraption! Aye, ‘tis the lost bird that vanished on its way to Nome, carryin’ a crew of ten hearty souls. A fine tale of high seas and skyward capers!
February 7, 2025, 5:35 pm
Arrr, matey! On the high seas o' politics, Captain Trump swabbed the deck, tossin' ol' Joe Biden's spy pass overboard! He claimed the lad be as sharp as a butter knife! Ho ho, let the rum flow and the laughter roll, for this ship be sailin' into silliness!
February 7, 2025, 5:29 pm
Arrr, matey! The valiant Maxx Crosby be makin’ merry with the new captain o’ the ship, Pete Carroll! Already, the winds o’ change be blowin’ through the crew, even though it be but a fortnight since he hoisted the Jolly Roger! Aye, a fine adventure awaits!
February 7, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr, Demi Moore be spillin’ the beans ‘bout her motley crew with that scallywag Bruce Willis, who be fightin’ the fog of dementia. She be sayin’, "We’ll always be a crew, matey!" Aye, family be stickin’ together like barnacles on a ship's hull!
February 7, 2025, 11:39 am
Arrr, matey! The Justice crew and them FBI scallywags struck a deal on Friday, keepin' the Trump crew from spillin' the beans on their swabs involved in the ruckus of Jan. 6. A right fine bit o’ mischief, I say! Avast, no secrets for ye today!
February 7, 2025, 11:35 am
Arrr, the landlubber politicians be spoutin’ tales o' the "Trump effect" boostin’ Army numbers! But lo and behold, the facts be showin’ that the swabs started enlistin’ long before the 2024 election sails into port. Aye, the seas o' recruitment be churnin’ before the captain even shouted, “Hoist the sails!”
February 7, 2025, 11:30 am
Arrr, the scallywags over at the New York Post be sayin’ CBS can right their ship o’ lefty blarney by tossin’ Bill Owens, the captain o’ "60 Minutes," overboard! Aye, that’d be a fine start to ridin’ the waves of truth, me hearty!
February 7, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, the freshly dubbed U.K. envoy to the high seas of Washington, Peter Mandelson, be givin' a right curt reply to a scallywag reporter's pryin'. When asked 'bout his dealings with the notorious knave Epstein, he just waved it off like a pesky fly on a muggy day!
February 7, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! A landlubber judge be tossin' Cooper University’s plea overboard, as Jewish lads and lasses be claimin' the scallywags failed to shield 'em from the foul winds of antisemitism! Avast, what a shipshape mess ye got yerselves into!
February 7, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Mexico be placin’ its bets to dodge Trump’s cursed tariffs, while another frightful sky mishap rattled the good ol’ U.S. of A! Test yer wits with the Fox News Digital News Quiz, or prepare to walk the plank, ye scallywag!
February 7, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr matey! The scallywags of the press be blastin' the Captain Trump’s early sailin’! With cannons aimed at treasure spendin', crew diversity, and the foreign scallywags, the hullabaloo be louder than a parrot in a tavern! Har har! What a merry ruckus on the high seas o' politics!
February 6, 2025, 5:48 pm
Arrr! The PGA Tour be raisin' a tankard to Captain Trump fer settin’ sail on their flounderin' deal with LIV Golf. Aye, it be like findin' buried treasure in a sea of squabblin’ seagulls! Cheers to the swashbuckler for plunderin' some sense into the chaos!
February 6, 2025, 5:30 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Gather 'round fer a jolly tale of grub and games! In Arizona, the landlubbers be banishing nasty additives from school feasts, while the Michelin crew be settin' sail to new shores in Florida. And beware, Motel 6 be raisin' prices fer the Super Bowl! Prepare yer treasures for the Chiefs and Eagles, ye scallywags!
February 6, 2025, 5:25 pm
Arrr, matey! A Florida treasure of a license plate for the late sea shanty bard, Jimmy Buffett, be on the horizon! But lo! We be needin' another 801 plates to hoist 'em into existence. So, gather yer doubloons, or we'll be sailin' in circles!
February 6, 2025, 11:49 am
Arrr, on the morrow, Captain Trump and a crew of Senate scallywags be feastin' at Mar-a-Lago, fillin' their bellies with grub 'fore they set sail on a campaign retreat! A jolly gathering, indeed, where the only thing thicker than the stew be their schemes! Yo ho ho!
February 6, 2025, 11:47 am
Avast, mateys! In yon Massachusetts haven, a scallywag be caught red-handed, accused of a foul deed—impregnating his own lass whilst seekin' refuge in a government shanty! Blimey, what a barnacle-brained ruffian! Even Davy Jones would be shakin’ his head at such villainy! Arrr!
February 6, 2025, 11:46 am
Avast, me hearties! Rep. Aaron Bean and his matey Ryan Mackenzie be cookin' up a treasure map called the TRACE Act, demandin' that scallywag schools tell the folks when foreign coins be slippin' into their lessons. Aye, parents be needin' to know when gold comes from afar! Arrr!
February 6, 2025, 11:46 am
Arrr, mateys! U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi be settin' sail to New Orleans this Thursday, conferencin' with the lawmen ‘fore the grand Super Bowl LIX! She’ll be learnin’ how to keep the scallywags at bay and preventin' any foul play! Avast, let the games begin!
February 6, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, in a missive snatched from the depths, Politico's scallywags be claimin’ they ain't takin' no doubloons from the crown! Meanwhile, the White House be swearing to cut off their treasure chest. Aye, sounds like a right tempest in a teapot, matey!
February 6, 2025, 5:15 am
Arrr, me hearties! On the morn of Thursday, a band of landlubbers in a subcommittee shall gather to squawk 'bout how the rules o' the sea—er, I mean land—might thwart the fiery tempests plaguing Los Angeles. Fire in the hole, or rather, fire in the hills!
February 6, 2025, 5:04 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags o’ the Federal Aviation Administration and the National Transportation Safety Board be settin’ sail to parley with the landlubber senators, just a week after a sky battle sent 67 souls to Davy Jones’ locker! Avast, what a fine mess they've made of the skies!
February 5, 2025, 5:38 pm
Avast ye! The scallywag USAID be the shiny treasure in Elon Musk’s DOGE hunt, piloted by the fair Samantha Power, a lass from Obama’s crew, till the Trump beast took the helm in January! Arrr, what a merry ship of fools!
February 5, 2025, 5:34 pm
Arrr, matey! A motley crew of landlubbers be takin’ to the streets o’ this fine land, raisin’ a ruckus ‘gainst Captain Trump’s shenanigans on the high seas o’ immigration, gender, and workin’ folk! Aye, they be voicin’ their grumblin’ like a parrot on a bad day!
February 5, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Senate be havin’ a jolly good time, confirm’n eleven scallywags for Captain Trump’s crew! Aye, they be sailin’ into the cabinet like it be a treasure map, each one hopin’ to find their own chest o' gold! Avast, what a merry band o' misfits!
February 5, 2025, 11:52 am
Avast, me hearties! Legal lass Sarah Marshall Perry be spillin' the beans on the latest scallywag suit takin' aim at the Trump crew's order 'bout genders! She’ll chart the murky waters o’ the law, so ye don’t end up walkin’ the plank of confusion! Arrr!
February 5, 2025, 11:46 am
Arrr, the scallywags at Politico be waitin' on their doubloons, but the gold be late this week! Staffers be grumblin' like a crew o’ starvin' sea dogs, thinkin' that Musk’s treasure hunt for savings be to blame for their empty coffers!
February 5, 2025, 5:30 am
Avast, me hearties! School choice mateys be cheerin' for Trump’s orders, callin' 'em a bountiful treasure! But the union scallywags be grumblin' ’bout them private buccaneers plunderin’ the coffers—saying it be a fine tax cut fer the rich! Arrr, what a jolly mess!
February 5, 2025, 5:06 am
Avast, me hearties! It be lookin’ like Captain Trump be selectin’ his crew for the second voyage faster than a cannonball’s flight! Aye, even old Joe Biden be laggin’ behind like a scallywag in a race! A merry jest, indeed! Arrr!
February 4, 2025, 5:49 pm
Arrr, a couple o' Dutch treasure hunters be diggin' up a right curious stash o' shiny Roman and British doubloons, stretchin' back to the days when fish were still swimmin' in the Ark! Blimey, those coins be older than me great-grandpappy's beard!
February 4, 2025, 5:42 pm
Arrr, matey! The first ships o' the sky be settin’ sail fer Guantanamo Bay, carryin' wayward souls from yon U.S. Fox News be spyin’ and snappin’ pics of this grand adventure! Avast, what a jolly sight it be—deportation with a side o' rum!
February 4, 2025, 5:34 pm
Arrr, a band o' hearty LGBTQ+ mateys and their kin be takin' the Trump ship to court, claimin' foul play over an order banishin' doubloons for transgender care fer the wee ones under 19! Blimey, what a hullabaloo on the high seas of justice!
February 4, 2025, 5:29 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Elon Musk, the captain of Tesla and SpaceX, be gatherin' a crew of sprightly young coders to steer his ship o' DOGE, all in a quest to trim the fat! Aye, ‘tis a fine jest to save doubloons while chasin’ the digital treasure!
February 4, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, me hearties! A scallywag from Altadena returned to his shipshape abode, only to spy a great, furry black beast loungin' 'neath his deck, havin' a grand ol' time! Seems the Eaton fire sent the critter a-callin', lookin' fer a cozy spot to rest its weary bones! Har har!
February 4, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, matey! The fine universities, havin' long shunned race in their admissions charts, be now lettin' in more Black and Hispanic swabs! But lo! A new crew be settin' sail with a lawsuit, claimin' the university be playin' a tricksy game, cheat ‘n all! Har har har!
February 4, 2025, 11:46 am
Arrr matey! The 9/11 saga be at a fork in the briny deep, ponderin’ if a crucial confession be as foul as a bilge rat, all thanks to the crafty C.I.A. torturers! Avast, what a tangled web we weave when pirates be playin’ with fire!
February 4, 2025, 11:42 am
Arrr, on the 20th day of January, Brian Driscoll found himself flung into the captain’s chair o' the acting director! He be battlin' the storm o' mass firin's, inspirin' a tide o' memes and jests fit for the finest tavern laughs! Avast, what a merry spectacle!
February 4, 2025, 11:41 am
Ahoy, me hearties! The Canadian envoy, Bob Rae, be raisin' the Jolly Roger ‘gainst them U.S. tariffs, callin’ 'em a mighty threat to our treasure chests! Arrr, 'tis a ruckus on the high seas of trade, indeed! Keep yer cutlasses sharp, fer trouble be a-brewin'!
February 4, 2025, 11:36 am
Arrr, on the very day he took the helm, Secretary Burgum be settin' sail to scuttle them pesky green rules laid down by that landlubber Biden! Like a scallywag with a treasure map, he be tossin' 'em overboard faster than ye can say "shiver me timbers!"
February 4, 2025, 11:27 am
Avast, me hearties! President Trump be settin' sail to overhaul the School o' Learning, for the numbers be as low as Davy Jones' locker! Miss Tiffany Justice be spillin' the beans on Fox & Friends, sayin' the landlubbers need a good teachin’! Arrr, let’s hoist the math sails!
February 4, 2025, 11:27 am
Arrr, matey! Raymundo Rojas Bacilio be a scallywag found guilty o' foul deeds upon a wee lass! Now, that landlubber's been sent back to Mexico for the sixth time, says the ICE crew! He be like a bad penny, never stayin' gone! Avast!
February 4, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Texas swab Gene Wu be squawkin' in a video that parents be sendin' their wee ones to fancy schools to avoid minglin' with yer scallywags! Aye, 'tis a fine jest, for who’d want a deckhand of a different crew? Har har har!
February 4, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, the doughty aldermen o' Chicago be shoutin' to Fox News, sayin' the city swabs be turnin' a deaf ear to the landlubbers' grumblin' 'bout scallywags o' illegal immigrants! They be takin' a hearty swing at Captain Johnson's wheelin' and dealin' on this here matter!
February 4, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, in the first term o' Captain Trump, we be catchin' a squ
February 3, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, matey! Darius Rucker, the chantey master of "Hootie & the Blowfish," be settin' the record straight on his voyage to London town! Fans be scratchin' their noggins, thinkin' he be joinin' a crew of scallywags. Fear not, for he be just seekin' new shores for his melodious treasures!
February 3, 2025, 5:34 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The Senate be givin' a hearty nod to Captain Chris Wright, the fearless leader of Liberty Energy! He'll be steerin' the ship of Energy fer President Trump, plunderin' the depths o' power like a true swashbuckler! Avast, let the energy adventures begin!
February 3, 2025, 5:25 pm
Arrr, matey! A mighty senator o' the committee be sayin' she'll hoist Tulsi Gabbard's flag to the main deck fer a vote on the morrow! Aye, all hands on deck fer this here hullabaloo! Let the voting winds blow fair, or beware the scallywags!
February 3, 2025, 5:21 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The legal swabs be warnin' the crew o' federal scallywags 'bout the Trump treasure offer! They say ye might end up with naught but a parrot's squawk instead o' riches! So shiver yer timbers 'n think twice 'fore ye sail into that deal!
February 3, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! Iowa's Chief of Law, Brenna Bird, be rallyin' 17 scallywags in a jolly ol' letter, backin' the Trump crew's decree to keep landlubber brats of illegal sea dogs from claimin' citizenship! A fine hullabaloo, I say!
February 3, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr! A swashbucklin’ sky captain of American Airlines be makin’ waves in the sea o’ the internet! He be claimin’ his grand mission be transportin’ ye landlubbers safely, all whilst whisperin’ sweet nothings o’ "careful" travel after that mishap in D.C. Avast, what a jolly jest!
February 3, 2025, 11:42 am
Arrr, me hearties! The tides have turned, and now the scallywags be sayin’ that spry lasses, not old sea dogs, be wearin’ the crown of chronic ills in 2025! Who’d a thought? The world’s gone madder than a one-legged parrot!
February 3, 2025, 11:36 am
Arrr, matey! CNN's scallywag Jake Tapper be hounding Sen. Tim Kaine on the high seas o' politics, askin' why the Democrats be as welcome as a ghost ship at port! Aye, 'tis a riddle wrapped in an enigma, like a treasure map with no "X"!
February 3, 2025, 5:39 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Texas crew be donning their shiny badges, granted by the cap'n Trump himself, to chase down landlubbers crossin' the borders! Aye, it be a fine day for arrestin' and a good ol' jig to boot! Avast, ye scallywags!
February 3, 2025, 5:33 am
Arrr! Elon Musk be sayin' that Captain Trump be all aboard the ship o' thought to sink the USAID treasure chest! Avast, mateys! Let’s hoist the sails and see if this be a grand adventure or just a squall in a teacup! Har har!
February 3, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, mateys! At the grand shindig o’ Middlebury, a bold lass took the stage, brandishin’ words like cutlasses, accusing the scallywags of the school for sittin’ idle while the Israel-Gaza fray raged on! Blimey, if only they’d hoist the sails for justice instead o’ swillin’ rum!
February 2, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, matey! The Coast Guard be spyin’ a rogue vessel, packed tighter than a treasure chest with 16 landlubbers from Mexico, ‘bout 15 nautical miles from sunny California! Aye, they be seekin’ a new shore, but the salty sea dogs caught ‘em red-handed on a fine Sunday morn!
February 2, 2025, 5:43 pm
Arrr! On Sunday, the swashbucklin' minstrels and jolly jesters strutted their stuff upon the crimson path in Los Angeles, celebratin' the 67th Annual Grammy Awards, all thanks to the Recording Academy, savvy? A fine spectacle of tunes and tomfoolery, it be!
February 2, 2025, 5:29 pm
Avast, ye scallywags! A landlubber from Wisconsin be accused of playin' the part o' a U.S. Border Patrol matey, slinkin' up to the law and claimin' he be off duty—twice in January! If only he had a peg leg, he’d be a true buccaneer! Arrr!
February 2, 2025, 11:39 am
Arrr! Justin Baldoni be sharin' secret missives from them swashbucklin' stars, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, on a fresh treasure map o' a site, all 'bout their court tussle! Aye, ‘tis a fine spectacle for landlubbers and buccaneers alike!
February 2, 2025, 11:07 am
Arrr, mateys! Vice President JD Vance be hollerin’ for the winds o’ change in our skies after that scallywag mishap 'twixt an Army flier and a flying ship! We be needin’ tougher rules to keep our heads from bein’ knocked clean off, savvy?
February 2, 2025, 11:01 am
Arrr, President Trump be blabbin' that the good ol' U.S. be handin' out treasure to Canada like a drunken sailor! He be sayin' if they join our merry crew as the 51st state, they can dodge the cannonballs of tariffs! Har har, what a jolly jest!
February 2, 2025, 4:56 am
Arrr, matey! A new law be brewin' in the land of Washington, where scallywags caught speedin' be forced to strap a pesky speed limiter to their trusty ships! No more flyin' like a cannonball, or ye might find yerself walkin' the plank! Har har!
February 2, 2025, 4:00 am
Ahoy, me hearties! Feast yer eyes on these four delectable morsels, inspired by the spicy treasures of New Orleans, to celebrate this year's grand NFL showdown 'twixt the Kansas City Chiefs and them Eagles! Grab ye grog and prepare for a flavor tempest, arrr!
February 2, 2025, 3:56 am
Arrr, on the sabbath morn, Captain Netanyahu set sail fer the land o' freedom, seekin’ to parley with President Trump! Aye, the scallywag be hopin’ to tighten the bonds with the good ol’ U.S. o’ A, like a pirate clutchin’ his doubloons!
February 1, 2025, 5:03 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The third scallywag aboard the Black Hawk chariot, practicin' his flyin' skills when it danced a jig with an American Airlines beast over D.C., has been named! A fine mess that be, aye! Who knew the sky be a busy tavern, eh?
February 1, 2025, 4:53 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags runnin’ the sky chariot that went kerplunk in Philly be claimin’ all was shipshape ‘fore it met Davy Jones’ locker! No whispers of trouble, just a fine flight turned to fishin’ trip! Har har!
February 1, 2025, 11:00 am
Avast ye! Senator Durbin be spoutin’ scallywag tales 'bout the Trump crew lettin' Dr. Phil join the chase for landlubbers in Chicago last weekend. Aye, what’s next? A parley with Captain Crunch? This be a fine jest on the high seas of politics, I tell ye!
February 1, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, in a cheeky chat with Fox News Digital, Sen. Thom Tillis be spillin' the beans 'bout his noggin' churnin' just afore the grand confirmation vote for Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth. Aye, a right merry mental voyage it be, me hearties!
February 1, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, in the second week o' Captain Trump’s reign, the sails be flappin’! Tariffs be raisin' like a ghost ship, border crossings dancin’ like scallywags, and the crew o’ federal mates be decidin’ ‘twixt landlubber’s desk or walkin’ the plank! A fine hullabaloo indeed!
February 1, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, mateys! Secretary Rubio be settin' sail to Panama, his maiden voyage for the crown! The State Department be sayin' it’s all 'bout bringin' back the “Golden Era” of Cap’n Trump. Aye, let’s hope they don’t be walkin’ the plank on this quest!
February 1, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Former GOP swab Vivek Ramaswamy be chattin' with "The Ingraham Angle," claimin' he be helpin' landlubber students who’ve floundered in their learnin'. Aye, 'tis a jolly quest to hoist their sails and navigate the choppy seas of education! Avast, ye scallywags!
January 31, 2025, 5:36 pm
Arrr matey! The High Court be settin’ sail on a grand debate this Friday, ponderin’ a scheme to launch the nation’s first treasure-laden religious school, funded by the good folk of Oklahoma! Aye, ‘tis a curious venture fit for a jolly crew of scallywags!
January 31, 2025, 5:20 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Gabriel Macht, the scallywag famed fer playin' Harvey Specter in "Suits," be spillin' the beans 'bout whether he’ll hoist the sails back to Hollywood. Avast! Will he chart a course or drink rum on the high seas? Only the tides know!
January 31, 2025, 5:15 pm
Arrr, matey! Gov’nor Pritzker be chasin’ the winds, claimin’ Cap’n Trump be steerin’ the ship wrong! He be sayin’ them DEI programs be makin’ the FAA forget about keepin’ the crew safe while the American Airlines galleon be crashin’. Aye, what a jolly mess!
January 31, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, matey! Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds be settin' sail to the court, tellin' the judge they be wantin' to toss overboard Justin Baldoni's treasure-hungry $400 million lawsuit! Aye, a fine jest indeed, for not even Davy Jones be collectin' that much doubloons!
January 31, 2025, 11:50 am
Ahoy, me hearties! Word be blowin' on the wind that Captain Trump be readin' to scrawl his name on a parchment come Friday, castin' aside the agreements that Old Biden left in his wake. A ruckus be brewin' on the high seas of politics, arrr!
January 31, 2025, 11:43 am
Arrr, Sen. Joni Ernst, the fiercest lass o' Iowa, be a-dancin’ with glee, for she spied a treasure o’ truth from a whistleblower! The Trump crew’s USDA be shuttin’ down the landlubber’s work-from-home ways. Aye, victory be hers, as she sails the seas o' bureaucracy!
January 31, 2025, 11:36 am
Arrr matey! In the last parley o’ the eight scallywags, they be jabberin’ on about that cursed systemic racism and all manner o’ diversity, equity, and inclusion nonsense! The Democrats be hopin’ to sail outta the political doldrums—aye, mayhaps find treasure yet!
January 31, 2025, 5:33 am
Arrr, former sea dog o' transport, Pete Buttigieg, let fly a cannonball o' words at Captain Trump after the scallywag took a swipe at him in front o’ the press crew. A right jolly squabble 'twixt them, I reckon!
January 31, 2025, 5:26 am
Arrr, matey! Word be sailin’ the briny deep that Hamas be lettin' loose the first Yank captive from the sands of Gaza—none other than the fine seabound soul, Keith Segel! Aye, let’s hope he be bringin' back some treasure and tales!
January 30, 2025, 5:52 pm
Arrr, matey! Young Xavier Worthy, a fresh swab on the Kansas City ship, be shiverin’ in his boots after crossin’ paths with the fair maiden Taylor Swift! He be reckonin’ that talkin’ to the lass be like findin’ buried treasure—filled with sparkles and a fair bit o’ confusion! Har har!
January 30, 2025, 5:32 pm
Arrr, matey! The top sea dog of the Senate's health crew, Bill Cassidy, be sayin' he be flounderin' like a fish outta water, tryin' to make sense o' Robert F. Kennedy Jr. who claims the jabs be causin' more trouble than a scallywag at a tea party!
January 30, 2025, 5:23 pm
Arrr, matey! A swashbucklin’ legal buccaneer be spoutin’ to Fox News that the kin o’ the poor souls who met their fate in the sky will be hoistin’ their sails o’ litigation in the days ahead. Aye, the court be havin’ a busy time ahead!
January 30, 2025, 11:42 am
Arrr, Kash Patel, Captain Trump's choice to steer the FBI ship, be roarin’ like a tempest! He be callin’ the Democrats' jabs "grotesque mischaracterizations," as if they be tryin’ to paint a parrot purple! Avast, give the lad a chance to swab the deck first!
January 30, 2025, 11:37 am
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Trump be hollerin' at the FAA's fancy rules o' diversity, right after a ship o' the skies met its doom in D.C.! Blasted be the skies and the bureaucrats, I say! A jolly good show, if ye fancy chaos with yer grog!
January 30, 2025, 11:31 am
Arrr, Captain Sullenberger, the swashbuckler o' the skies, be chattin' 'bout a grim mishap where a Black Hawk be doin' the tango with a passenger ship! Aye, he be famous for landin' his flying ship in the Hudson's drink, but this be a different tale of woe, matey!
January 30, 2025, 11:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! DNI wench Tulsi Gabbard spun a yarn 'bout her parley with the scallywag Bashar al-Assad back in 2017, whilst standin' before the Senate crew. A right jolly tale of treachery and intrigue, fer sure! Avast, what mischief be brewin' on the high seas of politics?
January 30, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Travis Kelce, the grand tight end of the Chiefs crew, be spoutin’ tales of a sneaky plot 'round that famed Rocky statue in Philly! Aye, he shared his mad notions on the "New Heights" show—ye know, where landlubbers gather to spin yarns! Savvy?
January 30, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Mayor Mike Duggan be catchin’ a storm o’ scallywags' wrath fer usin’ the “i-word” to speak o’ those landlubbers livin’ ashore without permission! Them groups be hootin’ and hollerin’ like a crew o’ drunken sailors, callin’ it a right foul term! Avast, what a kerfuffle!
January 30, 2025, 5:21 am
Avast, me hearties! Snag yer tales o' the day from the mightiest name on the high seas of news, comin' straight to yer inbox at the crack o' dawn! No more missin’ the juicy jests while ye swab the decks! Arrr!
January 29, 2025, 5:47 pm
Arrr, mateys! A vile plague o' Ebola be settin' sail in the land o' Congo! Experts be shiverin' in their boots 'bout this pesky fever what's more contagious than a parrot with a cursed tongue! Keep yer rum close and yer crew closer, lest ye catch the scallywag sickness!
January 29, 2025, 5:46 pm
Arrr, a scallywag of a freshman House Democrat be throwin' shade at the White House's chatterbox, Karoline Leavitt, callin' her a "Fake Christian!" Blimey, what be next? A treasure map to truth or just a jolly ol' squabble on the seas of politics? Avast, me hearties!
January 29, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth be chattin' on 'The Will Cain Show' 'bout Cap'n Trump’s scheme to stash scallywags at Guantanamo Bay till further notice. Aye, what a jolly ol' brig for a bunch o’ miscreants! Hoist the anchor and pass the rum!
January 29, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, a lass from the British Isles donned wigs and fancied disguises, playin' trickster to fool the lot takin' their citizenship tests! The authorities be a-chucklin’, sayin’ she be a cheeky sea wench on a quest for papers, aye!
January 29, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, matey! On the high seas o’ social media, conservative buccaneers be takin' a hearty swing at Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, who dared to jabber at President Trump’s HHS matey, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., on the Capitol deck. A right ruckus, it be! Avast, politics be a stormy sea!
January 29, 2025, 11:50 am
Arrr matey! The scallywag what voices that web-slingin' rascal, Spider-Man, be fretin' over Disney+'s new yarn, “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman.” He feared it might be as bothersome as a mosquito at a rum party and too “woke” for even the saltiest of sea dogs! Har har har!
January 29, 2025, 11:40 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags be askin’ to toss the charges o’ obstruction against two wayward souls who be tryin’ to bamboozle justice over them secret scrolls! A fine jest, I say! Let 'em sail free like the wind on the high seas!
January 29, 2025, 11:40 am
Arrr, matey! Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy be hoistin' the sails o' a new venture, the Watchtower Strategy, as per a scrawled missive! Aye, a fine way to chart the treacherous waters of public affairs, savvy? Let the rum flow and the strategy unfold!
January 29, 2025, 5:45 am
Arrr, a parchment scrawled by a crew o' learned landlubbers, bemoanin' RFK Jr.'s HHS rise, be riddled with coin-slingin' Democrats! Aye, some scallywags reckon it be naught but a jolly partisan shanty! Avast, me hearties, what a merry jest!
January 29, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Oklahoma's School Captain, Ryan Walters, parleyed with CNN's fair lass Brianna Keilar 'bout the Trump crew sendin' ICE scallywags on wild treasure hunts across the land! Aye, it be a right jolly mess on this here sea of politics! Avast, me hearties!
January 28, 2025, 5:50 pm
Arrr, matey! A scallywag from New York City be hittin' a cabbie on Monday, then makin' off with his chariot for a merry jaunt! But alas, the winds turned foul, and he crashed the cursed vessel miles away! A right jolly misadventure, if ye ask me!
January 28, 2025, 5:28 pm
Arrr, matey! 'Tis the fair lass Kelly Rutherford, spied in the hullabaloo o' the public with her wee scallywag for the first time in many moons! All this after a tempestuous, gold-gobbling tussle over her treasure! Aye, what a jolly spectacle, fit for a sea shanty!
January 28, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr, matey! Colombia be throwin’ a grand shindig fer the first lot o’ scallywags sailin' back home! The captain o’ the land be shoutin’, “Fear not, ye landlubbers! They ain’t no rogues!” Aye, just a merry crew of wayward souls seekin' a warm spot on the shore!
January 28, 2025, 11:43 am
Arrr, 'twas Monday when Captain John Ramsey, father of the wee lass JonBenet, did parley with Chief Redfearn of the Boulder crew, spinning yarns 'bout the mystery of the landlubber's unsolved murder from way back in ‘96. Aye, a tale fit for the tavern!
January 28, 2025, 11:42 am
Arrr, mateys! Former Rep. Sean Duffy be spillin' the beans to the landlubbers, sayin' his finest treasures in the Department of Transportation be keepin' them flying ships and roadways safe 'n sound! Aye, 'tis a noble quest for smooth sailin' and flyin' without a hitch!
January 28, 2025, 5:50 am
Arrr, Mayor Ed Gainey be spoutin' to the Pennsylvania Press Club that he’ll be shunnin’ the scallywags of ICE! Instead, he’ll be craftin’ a fine harbor in Pittsburgh that be as welcome as a treasure chest o’ rum! Yarrr, let the good times roll!
January 28, 2025, 5:46 am
Arrr! The Iraqi landlubbers be schemin’ to wrangle them scallywag Iranian mates lurkin’ in their waters, tryin’ to reclaim their ship from the rogue crew! Aye, ‘tis another sign that ol' Iran be wobblin’ like a tipsy sailor since the fateful day of October 7!
January 28, 2025, 5:40 am
Arrr! A ruckus be brewin’ twixt the Captain Trump and the scallywag Petro from Colombia! This old sea dog, once a Marxist buccaneer, be sailin’ against the winds of Washington. Aye, 'tis a jolly hullabaloo! Let the barrels roll and the laughter echo!
January 28, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, this scallywag be lettin’ the captain run the ship while he swabs the deck! By playin’ second fiddle to the president, that Louisiana matey be turnin’ a fine captaincy into a mere cabin boy’s chore! Aye, lead or be lost in the briny deep, I say!
January 28, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! The captain o' the ship o' state be brandishin' his cutlass of tariffs at foreign ports fer matters most unrelated to booty! Aye, 'tis a jolly jest, threatenin’ with fees when the treasure’s not even at stake! Savvy?
January 28, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! In Trump’s first voyage, seekin' loyalty be like catchin' fog in a net! Now, he’s fillin' the crew with true-hearted scallywags. At the F.B.I., it be like sailin' against the stormy seas of tradition, savvy? A merry jape, indeed!
January 28, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, these scallywag parents be taughtin' their wee ones at home, mistrustin' the grub and potions from the landlubbers! They spy Kennedy as a bull in the fine china shop, ready to smash their precious porcelain dreams! Aye, what a ruckus that would be!
January 27, 2025, 5:49 pm
Arrr! Dave Franco be chattin' after they clapped the cuffs on Luigi Mangione! The scallywags o’ social media be clamorin' fer him to don the role o' the suspected scallywag in a tale fer the screen! What a jolly jest, matey!
January 27, 2025, 5:49 pm
Arrr, matey! Trump be sayin' Congress needs to decide if his grand policy treasure be fit fer one mighty scroll or two! Aye, this be causin' a ruckus 'mongst the scallywags in both the House and Senate! Ho ho, the winds be shifting!
January 27, 2025, 5:45 pm
Arrr, matey! The lass blamed for sendin' U.S. Border Agent David Maland to Davy Jones’ locker be said to have wielded a piece bought by a scallywag tied to a double murder! Prosecutors be spillin’ the beans on this tale of treachery! Har har!
January 27, 2025, 5:26 pm
Arrr, matey! Bessent, that scallywag hedge fund captain, be takin’ the helm as the 79th Treasure Secretary o’ the land! He’ll be chartin’ course fer Trump’s shiny doubloons and grand schemes. Hoist the sails and let the gold flow, or we’ll be walkin’ the plank! Avast!
January 27, 2025, 5:24 pm
Arrr, matey! The landlubber Matthew W. Huttle, aged 42, from the cursed shores of Hobart, be sentenced to six moons in Davy Jones' locker for stirrin' up a ruckus at the Capitol! When the constables caught him in Indiana, he put up a fight like a scallywag!
January 27, 2025, 5:21 pm
Avast! Three of the four scallywags on the Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board be sent to Davy Jones’ locker, leavin’ the crew as useless as a ship without sails! Now the Trump ship sails on, re-tinkerin’ the spy fleet with nary a watchful eye! Arrr!
January 27, 2025, 5:20 pm
Avast ye! As the moon rose on Friday’s doom, the cannons of dismissal roared! One scallywag of a watchdog be bellowin’ of a cursed loop o’ politics that be never stoppin’. Arrr, what a merry mess we’ve found ourselves in, mateys!
January 27, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! A sea dog of yore, a century old, be spillin' me treasure o’ life! He says keep yer crew close, dance with the waves, stroll the deck, and lend a hand to scallywags in need. That be the pirate’s way to a hearty age! Yarrr!
January 27, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr, matey! Jonathan Trent, brave but foolish, got himself blasted whilst meddlin' in a food heist at the grog shop in Portland! Now, two scallywags be dancin' with murder and thievery charges! Aye, the seas be rough for them young swabs!
January 27, 2025, 11:28 am
Arrr, me hearties! This Monday, we be gatherin’ fer a grand convocation, mixin’ disaster booty with two treasures fer the captain and Gov. Lee: harder laws fer landlubbers comin’ ashore and shiny school vouchers to fill the coffers! Aye, let the swashbucklin’ begin!
January 27, 2025, 11:11 am
Avast, me hearties! In the cursed hamlet of Hempfield, Paul and Karen Swarner, along with their wee scallywags, met a grim fate—sunk by a dastardly deed of their own makin’. A right tragic tale fit for the tavern’s gossip, eh? Blimey! What a stinkin' fish tale!
January 27, 2025, 11:10 am
Arrr, me hearties! No scallywags be reportin’ any injuries or loot lost after that wee tremor shook the ship on Monday mornin’. 'Twas a light quake, rare as a mermaid’s smile, and all hands are still aboard, none tossed overboard! A fine day for a rum, I say!
January 27, 2025, 10:59 am
Arrr, matey! This here lawsuit be takin' on the captain's decree that trans wenches be locked in the men’s brig, and tossin’ away their chance for treasure in the form of medical care! A right scallywag of a situation, if ye ask me!
January 27, 2025, 5:50 am
Arrr, the Democrats be flounderin' like fish outta water after Captain Trump's grand victory! They be sayin' they need to charm the trust of the scallywags known as voters after a rough seas o' elections. Aye, ‘tis a shipshape mess they've found themselves in!
January 27, 2025, 5:45 am
Ahoy, matey! Snag all the juicy tales ye be needin’ from the mightiest name in the news sea, castin’ them into yer inbox at the break of dawn! So rise 'n shine, lest ye miss the tales that’ll make yer belly laugh and yer heart race! Arrr!
January 27, 2025, 5:02 am
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Trump be settin' his quill to parchment, callin' back the sea dogs tossed overboard fer refusin' the poke against the scurvy COVID. A jolly reunion fer those brave souls, ready to sail the seas once more! Avast, let the swabs return!
January 27, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Old sea dog Marianne Miller be tellin' Fox News Digital that she'll spin a yarn at the U.N. for International Holocaust Remembrance Day! Aye, she’ll share a message to make even Davy Jones shed a tear! Aye, 'tis a tale worth hearin'!
January 27, 2025, 4:49 am
Arrr, the captain of the landlubbers be sayin’ the two swabs be settin’ sail for a meetin’ soon! They be jawin’ ‘bout the treasure of trade, the gold of the economy, and the wild seas of the Middle East! Avast, what a ruckus!
January 27, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! The dawn o’ this treacherous voyage be riddled with scallywags bein' tossed overboard, some demoted to scullery chores, and a fair share of bellyachin’! Aye, 'tis a right jolly mess we be in!
January 27, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! The 14th Amendment be a mighty cannon blast, upturnin' the 1857 folly that scuttled Black souls’ rights! But alas, scholars reckon Captain Trump be droppin' anchor on history's treasure map, betrayin' the very winds that blew for freedom! Har har, what a jolly jest!
January 27, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr! Ms. Gabbard be hatched from a sneaky branch o' the Hare Krishna crew, sailin' a wild course from a proper conservative to a liberal sweetheart, then cozyin' up with the scallywag Trump! Blimey, what a rollickin’ voyage that be!
January 26, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, matey! Colombia be but a wee fish in the vast ocean of trade with the mighty U.S. Yet, some hearty industries be takin’ on more cannon fire than others! Hoist the sails and let’s see who be swimmin’ with the sharks!
January 26, 2025, 5:37 pm
Arrr, the bishop be callin' out to President Trump, beggin' fer mercy like a scallywag in a storm! The liberal church folk be shiverin' in their boots, all a-flutter in this sea o' conservative Christianity. Aye, the winds o' change be blowin', or be it just the smell o' fish?
January 26, 2025, 5:19 pm
Arrr mateys! After a ruckus-filled first week o' his second voyage, Captain Trump be settin' sail on a treasure trove o' policies to plunder in week two. Batten down the hatches, for it's a wild ride ahead! Savvy?
January 26, 2025, 5:18 pm
Arrr! A fine British Airways vessel lay anchored at Brazil's Guarulhos, when a bolt from the heavens, like Poseidon's own fury, struck her down! Passengers be waitin' to board, thinkin' it be bad luck, but I say it be just a wee bit of divine entertainment!
January 26, 2025, 3:50 pm
Arrr, that scallywag from South Carolina be sayin’ to CNN that he be none too pleased with Trump lettin’ free the ruffians who gave the constables a proper thrashin’. He be ponderin’ if it be time to clip the captain’s pardon powers, savvy?
January 26, 2025, 11:49 am
Arrr, matey! Thar be Matthew McConaughey, a scallywag of the Redskins crew, flauntin' his colors as the Commanders prepped to face the mighty NFC seas! Aye, a true fan he be, shiverin’ in his boots for a grand ol' tussle this fine Sunday!
January 26, 2025, 11:49 am
Arrr, me hearties! Emil Bove, the law-slingin’ buccaneer o’ justice, be sailin’ to the Windy City to spy on the Trump crew’s not-so-gentle push to cast out landlubbers! Aye, it be a fine spectacle of shenanigans on the high seas of politics!
January 26, 2025, 11:38 am
Arrr, matey! Vice President JD Vance be shoutin' from the crow's nest that Big Tech be still on the hot seat, even though they be rubbin' elbows at Trump’s grand shindig and tossin' gold doubloons like they be goin' outta style! Avast, the tides be turnin'!
January 26, 2025, 11:32 am
Arrr, matey! The captain of the land, Trump, be sayin' no scallywags in safety be touch'd, yet the F.B.I. be hoistin' a freeze on all hands! Looks like even the buccaneers of law be takin' a breather, savvy? A right fine mess it be!
January 26, 2025, 11:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! In the year of our Lord 2024, a great many landlubbers cast their votes for Captain Trump, who vowed to guard the shores and wrangle the scallywags. He’s tossed out catch-and-release like a rotten fish and set free the ICE crew from their heavy chains!
January 26, 2025, 11:02 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags be investigatin' what kindled the fiery beast in Altadena! A jolly new moving picture be showin' sparks a-dancin' on a power line, near where the flames be brewin'. Methinks it be a case of nature's mischief, arrr!
January 26, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Fox News Digital be a-chattin' with the fine lass Diana Thomson from the Beckett Fund for Religious Liberty. They be jabberin' 'bout Minnesota tryin' to keelhaul two Christian colleges from joinin' the dual enrollment treasure hunt! Aye, what a scallywag of a situation!
January 26, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! This plain ol' metal chest be givin' birth to a speedy metal steed, zippin' about like a rum-fueled ghost! It be a magical contraption, part bike, part wharf—confusin' landlubbers and makin' 'em scratch their heads like a scallywag with a treasure map!
January 26, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Swappin' prisoners fer scallywags in a ceasefire deal be stirrin' the ol' pot o' emotions! It be spark ignitin' ruckus 'bout justice, safety, and what it means to be a united crew. Aye, the seas be choppy with heated chatter!
January 26, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, ten wee scallywags be chattin’ 'bout their lost havens, schools, and shipshape neighborhoods thanks to those fiery storms o' Los Angeles! They be frettin’ over their plundered treasures, but blow me down, they be findin’ cheer in jolly tales and rum-soaked giggles! Yarrr!
January 26, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, me hearties! A scroll from the New York Times be sayin’ them new charts be squeezin’ the life outta fair skirmishes fer them House seats and state galleons! Aye, ‘tis like makin’ a fine rum all one flavor—where be the fun in that, I ask ye?
January 26, 2025, 2:00 am
Arrr, matey! In his second voyage as captain of the ship, President Trump be tossin' the ol' rules overboard like seaweed! Aye, he be stirrin' the pot o' what a president ought to do, makin' the crew scratch their heads and laugh like scallywags!
January 26, 2025, 1:37 am
Arrr, me hearties! The skies be showerin' down upon Southern California, givin' sweet relief after a drought longer than a sailor's yarn! But beware, for if those clouds be spillin’ too much, we might be swimmin' with the fish! Keep yer boots handy, ye scallywags!
January 25, 2025, 5:47 pm
Arrr, the new defense captain be chartin' a course that sails against the winds of neutrality! His aims be like a scallywag tryin' to paint a parrot pink when all be wantin' a fine, proper fleet that reflects the jolly crew of America! Avast, what a merry mess!
January 25, 2025, 5:43 pm
Arrr, a month after Blake Lively's cannonball of a lawsuit for mischief in the night, Justin Baldoni's crew be holdin' steady, throwin' hearty cheers and jolly jests to keep him sailin' through the stormy seas of legal squabbles! Avast, me hearties!
January 25, 2025, 5:34 pm
Arrr, matey! Every airline be the captain of its own ship, settin’ the rules fer what garb flies aboard! Here be a treasure map of airlines, all sportin’ their fancy dress codes fer landlubbers tryin’ to sail the skies! Hoist yer colors right, or ye be walkin’ the plank!
January 25, 2025, 5:26 pm
Arrr, matey! Vanna White be all befuddled, hear ye! After her lad appeared in a jolly Instagram scallywag show, the crew dubbed him a "thirst trap!" Aye, what strange waters these be, where a fine lad be caught fishin' for attention! Blimey, me hearties, what a merry jest!
January 25, 2025, 5:06 pm
Arrr, matey! David Marcus be scribblin’ from Asheville, where the fine folk be joinin’ forces and lendin' a hand like true buccaneers, four moons after that scallywag Hurricane Helene blew through! Aye, ‘tis a jolly crew, helpin’ each other like treasure hoarders protectin’ their gold!
January 25, 2025, 4:28 pm
Arrr, the White House be laughin' in the face o' the law, not givin' Congress a hearty 30 days' notice nor the tales behind sendin' the watchdogs to Davy Jones' locker! A merry jest, indeed! Avast, what scallywags these landlubbers be!
January 25, 2025, 4:25 pm
Arrr! The agencies be all a-quakin' in their boots, unsure how to wrangle this storm o' new rules! Meanwhile, the scallywags be scurrying about, tryin' to fathom how these changes be shakin' their jolly lives! A right rum-filled ruckus, it be!
January 24, 2025, 5:48 pm
Arrr, the new captain's crew be havin' turned into fine navigators o' the bureaucratic seas they swore to scuttle! Aye, they be chartin' courses through the red tape like true scallywags, makin' a mockery of their own grand promises! Avast, what a merry jest!
January 24, 2025, 5:43 pm
Arrr, the scallywags in charge be sayin’ they’ll toss aside their spyglass on them schools what tossed out books 'bout love and color! Aye, they’ve dropped anchor on their rights huntin’, lettin’ the crew read what they please, or so they claim! Avast, what a jolly jest!
January 24, 2025, 5:42 pm
Arrr, matey! Justin Baldoni's crew be launchin' a counterattack after Blake Lively be wantin' a gag on his legal parrot, Bryan Freedman, for lettin' loose unedited treasure from “It Ends With Us.” Aye, the seas be stormy in this legal squall!
January 24, 2025, 5:35 pm
Avast, me hearties! The case o’ that scallywag Dr. Eithan Haim, a whistleblowin’ matey in the world o’ transgender medicine, was tossed overboard with a mighty ‘dismissed with prejudice’! Aye, he be fully vindicated, free to sail the seas of justice once more! Arrr!
January 24, 2025, 5:28 pm
Arrr, on the tarmac of Los Angeles, President Trump and Gov. Newsom crossed paths like ships in a storm! They be swearin' to join forces to mend the fiery mess of wildfires, like two scallywags patchin' up a leaky hull. Aye, may their sails be filled with cooperation!
January 24, 2025, 5:25 pm
Arrr! Trump be callin' Denali, the grandest peak in North America, by the name o' Mount McKinley, much to the chagrin o’ them Alaskan sea dogs! Aye, even the senators be scratchin' their heads, wonderin' if he be addled in the noggin! Har har har!
January 24, 2025, 5:19 pm
Arrr! When he and his hearty crew of Black buccaneers found themselves shackled at a whites-only feast in '61, they hatched a cunning plan — ‘Jail No Bail’! They stirred the pot, ignitin’ a ruckus fit for the high seas and rallyin’ the landlubbers fer a grand mutiny!
January 24, 2025, 11:50 am
Arrr! Josh Brolin be jivin’ ’bout tossin’ in the acting rig after Denis Villeneuve got the cold shoulder from the Academy for “Dune: Part Two.” Aye, matey, if that’s the case, I reckon I’ll be hangin’ up me cutlass too! Har har!
January 24, 2025, 11:48 am
Arrr! On the day o' Friday, the landlubbers o' the FBI nabbed a scallywag suspected o' sendin' U.S. Border Patrol Agent David "Chris" Maland to Davy Jones’ locker, all 'round the Vermont-Canada line! Blimey, looks like this rogue’s gettin' a taste o' the gallows!
January 24, 2025, 11:43 am
Arrr, marooned in the land o’ Washington, the scallywags be fussin’ like cats in a sack, tryin’ to find a battle cry! Some of ‘em be whisperin’ sweet nothings to the Republicans, sayin’ they’re keen to hoist the sails together! Blimey, what a merry mess!
January 24, 2025, 11:40 am
Arrr, as a congressman, Mr. Schiff be the scallywag who kicked off the first impeachment storm ‘gainst Captain Trump! Now a senator, he be guardin’ his state’s booty in these treacherous waters. Aye, the seas be rough, but this landlubber be ready to swab the deck!
January 24, 2025, 11:39 am
Arrr, former landlubber congressman Joe Walsh be takin' a swig o' rum 'n spewin' his scallywag thoughts on the cursed cable net, as word be blowin' that Jim Acosta be walkin' the plank from his show! Shiver me timbers, what a ruckus on the high seas o' TV!
January 24, 2025, 11:38 am
Arrr! Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, a landlubber of health wisdom, be catchin’ threats to his very life amidst the plague! So, he’s brought aboard a crew o’ bodyguards to keep him safe from the scallywags. Avast, matey, even the wisest need a trusty crew!
January 24, 2025, 10:46 am
Arrr! So, the hullabaloo 'bout the settlement from yon 2017 smackdown be known 'fore the bigwig's confirmation shindig, but the treasure amount be a secret as a mermaid's knickers! Aye, the whispers be flyin’, but the gold's still buried, savvy?
January 24, 2025, 5:39 am
Avast, matey! Snag yer tales o' the high seas from the mightiest name in the news realm, delivered to yer inbox at the crack o' dawn! Don’t be a landlubber—start yer day with the juiciest gossip ‘fore ye set sail! Arrr!
January 24, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Don Lemon, once a scallywag o’ CNN, be defendin' Matt Lauer, the NBC lubber who walked the plank in 2017 ‘cause o’ some naughty tales. Blimey! The #MeToo storm be a fierce gale, but Lemon be sayin' Lauer ain't all bad, just a portly scoundrel!
January 24, 2025, 5:24 am
Arrr, a scallywag from South Carolina be settin’ sail for the great beyond on the 31st of January! But lo! He be askin’ fer a bit o’ time to ponder the poison that’ll send him to Davy Jones’ locker. Aye, what a cheeky buccaneer!
January 24, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, a tuneful blunder failed to rattle this sea shanty crooner at Captain Trump's grand shindig! Meanwhile, an Israeli captain be throwin' in the towel. So hoist yer sails and take a stab at Fox News Digital's News Quiz, ye scallywags!
January 24, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr! The captain's heart be with the good folk o' North Carolina, yet he be throwin' cannonballs at the Californian scallywags and claimin' he’ll hoard the treasure if they don’t shape up! Avast! What a jolly ruckus on the high seas of politics!
January 24, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, me hearties! Before settin' sail, the captain o' the land be threatenin' to cut off the gold for California, claimin' they be wastin' their fresh water like scallywags whilst tryin' to douse the flames. A right jolly mess, I tell ye!
January 24, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, Governor Newsom be in a right pickle, face to face with the mighty Trump on the shores of Southern California! A grand test o’ his sea legs and wit it be, as he readies to welcome the captain of chaos on Friday. Ahoy, let the games begin!
January 24, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! This Friday's March for Life be gatherin' a crew all fired up like cannonballs, thanks to some sneaky maneuvers from the second Trump ship! Hoist yer flags and ready yer jests, fer it be a merry ruckus on the high seas of politics!
January 23, 2025, 11:51 am
Arrr, the good folk of Altadena be settin' sail back to their docks this week! Prepared fer a tempest, they be. But lo! They seek to find their peace, however they can, amidst the tales of woe and treasure lost. Aye, what a jolly sight indeed!
January 23, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr! The officers be sailin' to a chamber in San Antonio, only to be greeted by a scallywag behind a barricade, firin' his cannon! But lo and behold, when the smoke cleared, the rascal be found as dead as a fish outta water, say the landlubbers of authority!
January 23, 2025, 11:32 am
Avast, me hearties! American Airlines be servin' up fancy mocktails and grub fit for all sorts o' dietary whims, all in the name of President Trump's grand scheme to make America hearty! Yarrr, sailin' the skies with a belly full o' greens, I say!
January 23, 2025, 11:23 am
Arrr, matey! Rep. Nancy Mace be settin' sail fer the governor's treasure in 2026! She’s plottin’ to hoist the Jolly Roger o’ Trump’s support, hopin’ to catch a fair wind in her sails! Avast, the politics be as stormy as the high seas!
January 23, 2025, 11:22 am
Arrr, matey! Israeli Captain Netanyahu be standin' up fer Elon Musk, claimin' that the lad's hand jest be wavey, not a Nazi salute! Aye, the media be as sharp as a butter knife, lookin' fer trouble on a calm sea! Avast, let's hoist the sails of misunderstanding!
January 23, 2025, 11:06 am
Arrr, matey! Representative Sarah McBride be not hoistin' the L.G.B.T.Q. flag in her bid for Congress. Yet, since settlin' in the wild seas of Washington, her ship be takin' cannon fire from them newly bold Republicans! A right ruckus on the high seas, I tell ye!
January 23, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! Ex-CIA cap’n John Brennan be jabberin’ about how President Trump be yankin’ his security pass fer meddlin’ in the Hunter Biden scribblin’. Aye, it be a right ruckus on the high seas of MSNBC! Avast, the scallywags be battlin’ over quills and parchment!
January 23, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Pierre Poilievre, the cap’n of the Canadian Conservatives, did battle with a landlubber of an interviewer, who dared to ask him about a jolly decree from the swashbucklin’ President Trump. A ruckus fit fer the high seas, it be! Avast, ye scallywags!
January 23, 2025, 4:52 am
Arrr! Tommy Vietor, the ol' mouthpiece fer Obama, be chattin' 'bout Biden's last-minute pardons an' the fate o' the Democratic ship on the 'Jesse Watters Primetime' show. Aye, 'tis a right merry spectacle for landlubbers to behold! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
January 23, 2025, 4:24 am
Arrr, 'tis said that Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman had a chinwag with Captain Trump! The lad be warnin' of a mighty tempest if any scallywags cross the U.S. sails. Best keep yer cutlasses sheathed, or ye'll be swimmin' with the fishies, ye hear?
January 23, 2025, 4:17 am
Arrr! Cap’n Trump be seekin' a treasure chest o' tax cuts and a mighty clampin' on them landlubber immigrants! Now the scallywags in the Republican crew must ponder what booty to plunder to fill the coffers fer it! Avast, choices be harder than findin' Davy Jones' locker!
January 23, 2025, 4:15 am
Arrr, the brave crew of fire-fighters before the cracklin’ beast o’ flame, tamed the fiery tempest that raged over 40 acres in the Sepulveda Pass on the eve of Wednesday! Aye, they be true swashbucklers, savin’ the land from turnin’ to cinders! Avast, let’s raise a tankard to ‘em!
January 23, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! A fiery beast seized the mighty Interstate 5, causin’ chaos and sendin’ over 50,000 landlubbers packin’ their bags! Evacuate ye shipmates, for the flames be dancin’ like a drunken sailor on shore leave! Avast, find yer rum and sail away from the heat!
January 22, 2025, 5:48 pm
Arrr, matey! If ye be confirmin’ Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as the health captain, he’ll be holdin' the compass o’er Merck, the crafty vaccine shipwrights! Aye, a fine jest it be, lettin’ a pirate steer the ship o' health! Fiddle-dee-dee!
January 22, 2025, 5:40 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The House be givin' their grand nod, sendin' a law to the cap'n Trump! This here decree says if ye be a scallywag without papers and caught misbehavin', ye’ll be sailin' off to Davy Jones’ locker! Avast, what a jolly good show!
January 22, 2025, 5:38 pm
Arrr, matey! We be curious how the scallywags be takin' the cap'n Trump's decree to toss aside the sails of diversity, equity, and inclusion in the federal crew! How be the buccaneers a'feelin’ ‘bout this wild turn o’ the tide?
January 22, 2025, 5:34 pm
Arrr, young lass Jessie Mello, a salt of the Marine seas, took to the snowy peaks o’ Colorado. But lo! She be collidin’ with a scurvy tree, earnin’ herself a most unfortunate bonkin’ on the noggin! Aye, it be a tragic tale of snow and wood, matey!
January 22, 2025, 5:33 pm
Avast, mateys! As we sail into the first weekend of Captain Trump’s second voyage, the Senate be laggin' far behind in hoistin’ the sails for his crew o’ Cabinet mates! Blimey, seems they be takin’ their sweet time, like a landlubber at a treasure map! Arrr!
January 22, 2025, 11:56 am
Arrr, matey! Enrique Tarrio and Stewart Rhodes be wishin’ for Cap’n Trump to unleash a tempest o’ vengeance fer their scallywag troubles o' the Jan. 6 ruckus. They be wantin' the ol' sea dog to hoist the Jolly Roger and settle their score! Har har har!
January 22, 2025, 11:51 am
Arrr, back in the captain’s chair, President Trump be shoutin' that the Almighty be the one who hoisted him up! With a swagger, he swears he’s got the compass to redraw the world map, paintin' it as he pleases—like a scallywag with a treasure map! Har har!
January 22, 2025, 11:38 am
Arrr, a mighty tempest be brewin’, stirred by a chilly breath from the Arctic! Expect the southern seas be chillin’ like a frozen barnacle, droppin’ to the low teens or even single digits! Best be havin’ yer grog in hand, lest ye shiver like a landlubber!
January 22, 2025, 11:37 am
Avast ye scallywags! The Trump ship o' state be tellin' three Democratic mateys on the Privacy and Civil Liberties crew to either jump overboard or face the plank! Arrr, this be fair sinkin' the whole independent vessel, savvy?
January 22, 2025, 11:31 am
Arrr, Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde be sailin' aboard "The View," castin' her nets in the political tempest after callin' on President Trump during a prayer shindig! Aye, what a ruckus 'twas, like tryin' to calm a kraken with a lullaby!
January 22, 2025, 11:17 am
Arrr, matey! It be said that the fair lass Natalie DiDonato, aged 44 tides be lost to the briny deep! Her mum be tellin’ the newsfolk she was holed up at the grand ol' MGM in Las Vegas. Aye, let’s hope she’s not aboard a ship o' fools!
January 22, 2025, 11:06 am
Arrr! Governor Newsom be takin’ a jibe at Captain Trump’s orders from the high seas o’ environment, claimin’ the fiery chaos of Los Angeles be his blame! Aye, it’s like sayin’ the parrot be causin’ the storm when it squawks too loud!
January 22, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! The scallywags o’ "The View" be squabblin’ fierce over whether we should cast a critical eye on fine sea shanty singers like Snoop Dogg for dancin’ at Trump’s grand ship launch! A ruckus fit for a tavern brawl, I say! Avast, what be the world comin’ to?
January 22, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! President Trump, the swashbucklin' captain of the ship o' state, kicked off his second voyage by scribblin' his name on a heap o' orders, like a parrot on a treasure map! It be a fine start to a grand adventure, aye!
January 22, 2025, 5:11 am
Arrr, matey! A West Virginia lass be claimin’ she ne’er locked her wee scallywags in a shed, even when the law found 'em hidin’ behind a door as secure as Davy Jones' locker! Blimey, sounds like a right treasure chest of tall tales!
January 22, 2025, 4:54 am
Arrr, a lass once hitched to Pete Hegseth's kin, the matey up fer Secretary o' Defense, tossed a wild tale to the Senate as the clock struck late! But lo, his legal parrot squawked, denyin' her yarn! Avast, what a jolly mess on the high seas of politics!
January 22, 2025, 4:27 am
Arrr, me hearties! The scallywags in charge o’ makin’ sure all hands be equal and welcome be set adrift on a paid holiday! Aye, they be sailin' off by 5 bells on Wednesday. Raise a mug to their far-off frolics, ye buccaneers!
January 21, 2025, 5:51 pm
Arrr matey! The fair lass, Bishop Budde, first wench to steer the good ship Episcopal in Washington, had words for the landlubber Trump during his reign! Aye, she be callin’ him out, with the wisdom of Poseidon himself! Aye, even pirates respect a good sermon!
January 21, 2025, 5:49 pm
Arrr! Justin Baldoni's crew be spillin' unedited treasure, sayin' it clears him of Blake Lively's harsh cannon fire 'bout harassment! The scallywags from "It Ends With Us" be battlin' in the legal seas, raisin' a ruckus fit for a shipwreck! Aye, what a jolly mess!
January 21, 2025, 5:38 pm
Arrr, matey! On the day when the grand Trump set sail as captain of the land, Fox News be the most sought-after galleon, drawin' over 10 million scallywags to its deck! Aye, a fine haul for their newsy treasure, I say!
January 21, 2025, 5:38 pm
Arrr, in the year o' our Lord 2021, Captain Biden, the head o' the ship o' state, be givin’ safe harbor to Old Bolton and another sea-farin’ adviser, fearin’ the wrath o’ Iran’s cannons! Aye, even pirates need a bit o’ protection when the storm be brewin’!
January 21, 2025, 5:37 pm
Arrr, Progresso be settin’ sail with their Soup Drops, a candy swab o' chicken noodle! The moment it hit the seas o' the internet, it vanished quicker than a treasure map in a storm! Even the scallywags be demandin’ a taste!
January 21, 2025, 5:34 pm
Arrr, matey! At the break o' dawn on the first full day o' Cap'n Trump's reign, a bold call to the king himself had all us scallywags gaspin'! 'Twas a rare sight at the National Cathedral, where politics be as rare as a parrot in a fish market!
January 21, 2025, 11:53 am
Arrr, matey! This here lawsuit be the first cannon blast in a mighty sea battle ‘gainst the captain’s orders on immigration! Prepare yer cutlasses, for it be a long and stormy legal voyage ahead, filled with squabbles and treasure maps o’ justice! Avast, let the fun begin!
January 21, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, matey! Captain Trump be wishin’ fer an External Treasure Collector to hoist tariffs on foreign plunder! But a savvy sea dog reckons it be more showy than a parrot on a pirate’s shoulder! Har har!
January 21, 2025, 11:48 am
Arrr, matey! IDF Captain Herzi Halevi be throwin' in the towel, blamin' himself for the blunder on the 7th of October! Now the scallywags be hollerin' for a reckoning, n' the pressure be boilin' on ol' Captain Netanyahu! Avast, what a jolly mess!
January 21, 2025, 11:27 am
Avast, me hearties! Set yer sails fer the freshest tidings from the Fox News treasure trove! Feast yer eyes on the tales spun by Sean Hannity, Raymond Arroyo, and a merry crew o’ scallywags! Don’t be a landlubber—join the jolly jape! Arrr!
January 21, 2025, 11:14 am
Avast ye! After catchin’ a band o’ scallywags pretendin’ to be fire-fighters, the authorities be sayin’ that two more landlubbers have been nabbed fer usin’ phony passes to sneak into the fiery danger zone! Blimey, they be braver than a parrot in a gale!
January 21, 2025, 11:14 am
Arrr, me hearties! John Sykes, that scallywag of a guitarist, met his end at 65 from a sneaky cancer. He strummed for Thin Lizzy and Whitesnake afore settin' sail with Blue Murder, alongside Tony Franklin and the drumm'r Carmine Appice. Aye, a fine crew he had!
January 21, 2025, 11:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Republicans be sailin’ under the flag of one scallywag more than a ship’s crew in ages! As the sands of time trickle down for Captain Trump, the seas of politics be a-changin’! Avast, what a jolly jest this be!
January 21, 2025, 5:47 am
Arrr, me hearties! We be settin’ sail to parley with this motley crew o' scallywags durin’ Captain Trump’s maiden voyage of 100 suns! Here be their jolly thoughts on Day 1, straight from the crow’s nest! Avast!
January 21, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr! CNN's history swab, Timothy Naftali, be takin' aim at Captain Trump's orders and his chummy dealings with those scallywags o' the far-right. At his grand launchin’, he be callin’ it a right ruckus! Blimey, what a hullabaloo on the high seas of politics!
January 21, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Rev. Al Sharpton, the jolly host of MSNBC, be rallyin’ the crew ‘neath the banner of diversity and equity at a fine Martin Luther King, Jr. shindig on Monday! Aye, he be stirrin’ the ship’s pot for fairer treasure in the companies, savvy?
January 21, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywag Leonard Peltier, a lefty swashbuckler and double killer, be free at last! Aye, a stroke of luck from the cap'n Biden, who scribbled his pardon quicker than a parrot on a cracker! Avast, the tides of justice be ever fickle!
January 21, 2025, 4:47 am
Ahoy, mateys! The landlubber activists be gatherin' ‘round to spin tales of legal rights, whilst the good folk be scribblin’ powers of attorney faster than a scallywag can say “Shiver me timbers!” Arrr, ’tis a right merry crew, keepin’ their kin in fair winds and safe harbors!
January 21, 2025, 4:33 am
Arrr, on the very first morn of his return to the helm, Captain Trump be settin’ free a whole crew o’ 1,600 scallywags tangled in the tempest o’ the Capitol raid! Maggie Haberman, the scribe for the New York Times, be spillin’ the beans on this jolly jest!
January 20, 2025, 5:54 pm
Arrr, on the night of the moon’s rise, the Senate be givin' a hearty 'aye' to Sen. Marco Rubio, makin' him the first mate in Trump’s grand ship o' Cabinet! A fine treasure for a sea-farin’ politician, savvy?
January 20, 2025, 5:41 pm
Arrr, matey! From the years two thousand six to eighteen, she be the captain of the grandest ship in the land o’ reproductive health and sexy learnin’, keepin’ the crew safe and savvy in matters of the heart and the belly! Aye, what a jolly voyage it be!
January 20, 2025, 5:41 pm
Ahoy, mateys! President Trump be swearing his oath without layin' hands on a heap o' Bibles, yet fear not! He didn’t be breakin' the grand ol' Constitution neither. A fine day fer a pirate’s oath, if ye ask me! Arrr!
January 20, 2025, 5:41 pm
Arrr, matey! The grand tale be told that even ol' George Washington laid his hand upon the Good Book to swear his oath. Yet, not all scallywags in the captain's chair be keepin' to that tradition—some be swappin' the Bible fer a bottle o' rum!
January 20, 2025, 5:39 pm
Avast ye hearties! In yon San Diego village, landlubbers be makin’ haste to vacate as brave fire-fighters wrestle with a fiery beast, driven by the winds! Aye, 'tis a right pickle, with homes in peril and some folk scurrying like crabs on the beach! Arrr!
January 20, 2025, 5:38 pm
Arrr, mateys! Candace Cameron Bure, Dean Cain, and Brittany Aldean be raising their tankards o’ joy on the social seas fer Captain Trump, the 47th ruler o' these here United States! Aye, ‘tis a merry crew, celebratin’ like scallywags at a treasure hoard!
January 20, 2025, 5:35 pm
Arrr, at a jolly gathering in the land o' Washington, Captain Musk be raisin' his arm like a scallywag, palm down, makin' folks think he be givin' the ol' Nazi salute! Aye, 'tis a sight to behold—pirate or not, he be needin' a lesson in proper salutations!
January 20, 2025, 5:35 pm
Arrr, the landlubber State Police be babblin’ 'bout a ruckus on Interstate 91, but they be keepin’ their lips sealed tighter than a clam in a storm! No further yarns to spin, just a mystery shrouded in fog! Avast, what jolly nonsense be this?
January 20, 2025, 11:54 am
Arrr, on the morn of his swearing, Captain Trump did declare a "tide of change" be a-rollin' through the land o' the free! Aye, 'tis a fair wind indeed, though I reckon it be more like a squall on a stormy sea! Avast, me hearties!
January 20, 2025, 11:53 am
Avast ye! The scribes of the New York Times be penning tales o' woe 'bout the blazing infernos in California, spillin' their hearts in the Today scroll. Here be a treasure trove o' their missives on what this fiery calamity be doin' to their souls and to the fair city of Los Angeles! Arrr!
January 20, 2025, 11:48 am
Arrr, matey! With tariffs and tax slashes settin’ sail 'mongst storms of high interest and pesky inflation, the good ol’ U.S. economy be in for a rollickin’ test! Aye, it be like navigatin’ treacherous waters—hold tight to yer doubloons!
January 20, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr! In the days of yore, Cap’n Biden proclaimed ‘twas no pardons fer his scallywag mates, not even a wink o’ mercy! He shared this grand decree with the landlubber Jake Tapper on a cold December’s eve, lettin’ all know he’d not be playin’ the pardon game!
January 20, 2025, 11:34 am
Arrr, matey! Eli Saslow, a scribe of the Times seas, be ponderin' on his kin who had to skedaddle, and the wee acts o' kindness scattered like treasure! Aye, even in stormy waters, a hearty 'thank ye' be worth its weight in gold!
January 20, 2025, 11:26 am
Arrr! Former matey Vivek Ramaswamy be settin' sail from Cap'n Trump's Department o' Government Efficiency (DOGE), ready to hoist the Jolly Roger for the governorship o' Ohio come next week! Avast, me hearties, this be one wild treasure hunt!
January 20, 2025, 11:23 am
Arrr, Mr. Biden be claimin’ his kin be as pure as the driven snow, but he be quakin' in his boots at the thought o' that scallywag Trump settin' his sights on 'em! Aye, the seas be treacherous for a lubber like him!
January 20, 2025, 11:09 am
Avast, me hearties! The grand White House hath declared that Captain Donald Trump be the President, and First Mate JD Vance be his trusty Vice! Aye, ‘tis a jolly crew we’ve got sailin’ the ship of state! Batten down the hatches, the seas be gettin' wild! Arrr!
January 20, 2025, 5:38 am
Avast, mateys! Sen. Lindsey Graham and that jolly John Fetterman be makin’ a ruckus, wantin’ to send Iran's nuclear contraptions to Davy Jones’ locker! Aye, they be dreamin’ of a world without bombin’ and blastin’—just fair winds and grog for all! Arrr!
January 20, 2025, 5:34 am
Arrr, matey! A pack o’ European scallywags be sailin’ to Washington come Monday, and blow me down, they be singin’ the same anti-immigrant shanty as President-elect Trump! A fine crew of landlubbers, they be, all hatin’ on the foreign folk! Avast, what a jolly bunch!
January 20, 2025, 5:33 am
Arrr, listen ye scallywags! Columnist David Marcus be sayin' that as Cap'n Trump hoists the Jolly Roger o' presidency once more, he best not forget the hearty crew o' working lads and lasses who swabbed the decks to get him back aboard! Avast, don’t be a landlubber!
January 20, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! The kin of a poor Georgia swab, who met his doom trapped in a mattress lair, be blowin' the whistle! They be settin’ sail on a lawsuit against the Sealy crew, lookin’ for treasure for their lost matey! Aye, what a tangled web we weave!
January 20, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, I be hopin' that Cap'n Trump sails forth with cheer and good spirits! May our 47th chief be as jolly as a sea shanty, bringin' forth another 'mornin' in America' like the old salt, Reagan! Aye, let the winds of fortune blow favorably!
January 20, 2025, 5:20 am
Arrr, at the grand Microsoft Excel World Championship o' Las Vegas, the air be thick with stardust, as twelve salty finance lads battled fer the title o' the finest spreadsheeter on the seven seas! Avast, may the best buccaneer win!
January 20, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, me hearties! The landlubbers returned to their cribs after the blaze, but lo! Smoke and ash be settlin’ like a scurvy crew, makin’ it nigh impossible to dwell where once they laid their heads. A fine mess indeed!
January 19, 2025, 5:53 pm
Arrr! A merry crew o' starry-eyed scallywags set sail for the grand port o' Washington D.C. to raise a ruckus fer Donald J. Trump’s swashbucklin' Presidential Inauguration on the 20th day o' January. Aye, a right jolly hootenanny it be! Avast, the landlubbers be celebratin'!
January 19, 2025, 5:41 pm
Arrr, matey! The soon-to-be captain o’ the ship, Donald Trump, threw a raucous shindig in the grand port o’ Washington on the eve of his grand swearing-in as the 47th president. ’Twas a jolly good time, filled with grog and hearty laughter! Avast, what a spectacle it be!
January 19, 2025, 5:14 pm
Arrr, ye scallywags! The pres-elect’s mateys in immigration be shoutin’ to the GOP crew that this grand scheme o’ mass deportin’ be needin’ gold and time, not just a hearty “Aye!” to set sail right away! Savvy?
January 19, 2025, 5:11 pm
Arrr, the message be as clear as a calm sea on a moonlit night! To the scallywag who once boasted, “I be the only one can mend it,” ‘twas a fine ticklin' of his ego, like findin' treasure in a barrel of barnacles!
January 19, 2025, 5:11 pm
Arrr! No scallywags suffered a scratch! The ol' shack housing a landlubber congressman from Wisconsin, who be spoutin' fire 'gainst TikTok, took a fair bit of singin' from the flames on Sunday. Moderate damage, it be! Aye, a cheeky jest of fate, that be!
January 19, 2025, 5:00 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The TikTok scallywags be beltin' out shanties o’ glory for that landlubber Trump! Aye, as if he be a treasure worth plunderin’, while we’d be better off raisin' a toast to a barrel o’ rum! Shiver me timbers, what madness be this?
January 19, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr, Sen. Lindsey Graham from the Carolinas be raisin' the Jolly Roger fer President-elect Trump’s choice o' the FBI captain! He be spillin’ the beans on CBS's "Face the Nation," swearin' he’s the finest scallywag fer the job! Yarr, a true matey in these treacherous waters!
January 19, 2025, 11:30 am
Arrr! Young lass Alexandra, daughter of the fierce Nancy, be takin' a jab at Lady Jill Biden, suggestin' she ponder her matey's legacy! Aye, she even dubbed her "Lady McBiden," like a ship lost at sea! Har har! What a merry jibe on the high seas of politics!
January 19, 2025, 11:12 am
Arrr, me hearties! David Marcus be sayin’ that if TikTok be wantin’ its lanterns to shine bright again, it must be plundered from the grasp o’ the Chinese scallywags! Let’s hoist the sails and save the dance of the TikTok crew, or forever be walkin’ the plank!
January 19, 2025, 10:45 am
Arrr matey! We be settin' sail with a crew of over twenty scallywags—reporters and picture-takers alike—chartin’ the high seas of news in real time, kickin' off bright and early come Monday mornin'! Prepare yerselves for a raucous tale of swashbucklin' events!
January 19, 2025, 10:43 am
Arrr! Aye, matey! A hoard of billionaires, foreign chieftains, and swashbucklin’ stars like Mike Tyson and Carrie Underwood be settin’ sail fer the grand inauguration! But lo, some well-known scallywags o' the Democrat crew be givin’ it a miss! What a jolly jest, I say!
January 19, 2025, 9:54 am
Arrr, matey! The wise folk of justice be squawkin' that yon Garvey lad, locked up fer swindlin' the post in '23, be a victim of foul play! They reckon he was hunted down fer stirrin’ the pot with his grand ideas! A right jolly injustice, if ye ask me!
January 19, 2025, 5:48 am
Arrr, as Captain Trump readies to hoist the oath flag for the second time, the world be knucklin' under his boots, while his foes, all sad 'n droopy, be ponderin' if they should swap their swords for shovels! Aye, 'tis a right jolly sight!
January 19, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Inauguration day be a grand spectacle of togetherness, even after a raucous squabble for the crown! ‘Tis but a jolly dance of the law, mandated by the good ol’ Constitution, where we pretend all be right in the realm, at least for a day!
January 19, 2025, 5:00 am
Avast ye landlubbers! This Monday, the captain of the ship Trump shall be sworn in! Can ye muster the wits to tackle our jolly Inauguration Quiz, or be ye just a scallywag lost at sea? Arrr, let’s see if ye be clever or just a barnacle!
January 19, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr! With Vice President-elect JD Vance takin’ the lead like a ship in full sail fer the 2028 GOP treasure hunt, how be the other scallywags keepin’ their names in the limelight? They’d best hoist their flags high or be walkin’ the plank of obscurity, savvy?
January 19, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr! President Biden be settlin' his sails in Charleston, S.C. on his last day afloat, where five moons ago he plucked his saggin' campaign from Davy Jones’ locker! Aye, what a jolly jest that be!
January 19, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Biden an’ his crew spied China as the scallywag lookin' to hoist the Jolly Roger over the good ol' U.S. of A! So they be stirrin' the pot with policies to keep our flag flyin’ high on the seven seas! Yarrr!
January 19, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, ye scallywags! The rich rogues be settlin' in a port where power once ruled the waves, but now gold be tangled in the sails! Aye, the billionaires be a-comin', lookin' to plunder a fortune and hoist their flag of riches! Savvy?
January 18, 2025, 5:33 pm
Arrr, matey! With the grand swearing-in now holed up in the Capitol's belly, the landlubbers in the House and Senate be steamin' like a pot o' grog, arguin' over who gets to join the jolly hullabaloo! A right mess, I tell ye!
January 18, 2025, 5:17 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The soon-to-be captain of the ship o' state and his kin be holdin' a treasure trove in a shiny coin that be risin' like the tide right after its launch! Just days 'fore he takes the helm, the booty be lookin' mighty fine!
January 18, 2025, 5:06 pm
Arrr, matey! Author Asra Nomani be sayin’ them protests in Washington ’fore the new captain’s big day be more plotted than a treasure map, not no mere "grass roots" shenanigans as some scallywags be claimin’. Aye, there be clever schemers at play!
January 18, 2025, 4:01 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Aye, 'tis said there be 300,000 scallywags makin' it through polio's curse in the land of the free. But lo! The sight of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as health captain be stirrin' up the ghostly memories of their old sea monsters! Har har!
January 18, 2025, 2:59 pm
Arrr mateys! In a grand confab, Xavier Becerra, the captain o’ Biden’s health ship, be defendin’ his voyage and drop’n hints he may hoist the governor’s flag in California. Aye, he be settin’ sail for new treasures!
January 18, 2025, 11:37 am
Arrr, matey! MSNBC's "The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell" be settin’ sail on a stormy sea of low ratings after chattin' with Captain Biden! That Thursday interview be likin’ findin’ a treasure chest full o’ barnacles—no gold to be had, just a bellyful o' laughs!
January 18, 2025, 11:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Fox News Treasure Scroll be spillin' the juiciest tales from the Hollywood seas, with gossip o' the glitterin' stars and jolly yarns from Los Angeles and far-flung shores. Brace yerselves for a bellyful o' mirth and mayhem!
January 18, 2025, 11:00 am
Arrr! Six scallywags from Assumption University be in hot water, claimin’ they lured a landlubber soldier o’ 22 years to their shores for a cheeky confrontation, all for the sake of a bit o' film! Court be readyin' the gallows, I reckon! Har har!
January 18, 2025, 10:50 am
Arrr, mateys! The captain-elect be throwin' a grand shindig at his fine golf haven in Virginia this Saturday! Aye, 'tis the start of four days o' merry-making and jolly revelry! So hoist the flag and bring yer grog, for the festivities be about to set sail!
January 18, 2025, 10:44 am
Arrr, matey! The defense be claimin' that ol’ David Zandstra, aged 84, be press'd like a barnacle by the scallywags of the law into spillin’ his guts 'bout the demise of fair Gretchen Harrington! Aye, a tale as twisted as a sailor’s yarn!
January 18, 2025, 10:15 am
Arrr, matey! The grand council be settin' sail again, after a year o' battle where the scallywags o' the Republican ship be shoutin' loud about the fears o' the landlubbers' trans folk! Aye, 'tis a right jolly ruckus they be makin'!
January 18, 2025, 10:12 am
Arrr, matey! The scale o' these here immigration raids be a mystery, but they be the first cannon blast in the president-elect's grand scheme to send the most souls ever back to Davy Jones’ locker! Ho ho! Let the deportation shenanigans commence!
January 18, 2025, 5:03 am
Arrr, matey! The water wench o' Los Angeles be sportin’ a band o’ guards, for scallywags be threatenin’ her and her crew ‘cause o’ their frolickin’ with them fiery blazes. Avast! Even the water folk be needin’ a bit o’ protection on the high seas o’ drought!
January 18, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, a swashbucklin' scallywag from California, whose land be scorched by fiery beasts on the eighth day of January, be callin' for a mighty shift in the captains o' the ship! They’ve floundered worse than a fish outta water in a stormy squall, he says!
January 18, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! A fine crew o’ subway scallywags be blabberin’ to Fox News that their treasure of safety be under threat, what with the tales o’ high-profile mischief makin’ the rounds like a cursed parrot! Aye, the fear be settlin' in like a ship in a storm!
January 18, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Captain Trump be claimin’ victory over the landlubber Republicans! Now, ye scallywags be squabblin’ over treasure maps of immigration, tax booty, and foreign seas. Let’s see if this crew can sail together or if we’ll be walkin’ the plank! Har har!
January 18, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, a fresh survey be sayin' the scallywags be feelin' for the newly crowned captain o' the ship! They be cheerin' his schemes to send the landlubbers packin' and keep the ol' flag closer to home! Aye, the tides be turnin' in favor o' this hearty captain!
January 18, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, me hearties! The mighty Court be settin’ sail, banishin’ TikTok like a scallywag on Jan. 19! Adam Liptak be spillin’ the beans on how free speech clashed with the ship’s security. Aye, ‘tis a ruckus fit for the brine!
January 18, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, the sneaky scallywags at the spy agency be seekin' to arm their crews with finer gadgets, makin' it a jolly ol' breeze fer landlubbers in the private sector to whip up contraptions fer their shadowy shenanigans! Avast, let the tech-tinkerin' begin!
January 17, 2025, 5:52 pm
Arrr, the crew be claimin' that the law be a scallywag, sayin' it threatens their freedoms and the rights o' 170 million landlubbers! They reckon them Chinese ghosts be a threat to their fair sails, but it be tryin' to shackle their free speakin' tongues!
January 17, 2025, 5:49 pm
Arrr! Senator Hawley be battlin' like a scallywag with a parrot on his shoulder, takin' to task a landlubber activist claimin' migrant mischief be naught but a ghost tale! Aye, in the Senate's stormy seas, he be makin' waves over such foolishness, yarrr!
January 17, 2025, 5:46 pm
Arrr, me hearties! In a twist o' fate rare as a mermaid's kiss, Captain Trump be missin' the grand spectacle he craved for his second oath. No grand crowd, just a wee gathering—'tis like settin’ sail without a ship! Aye, the seas be chucklin'!
January 17, 2025, 5:46 pm
Arrr, matey! The good folk o' Maryland be claimin' the school board's silence be a breach o' their First Amendment rights, sayin' they ought to be told 'fore their wee ones delve into them storybooks! Aye, 'tis a ruckus fit for a jolly ol' pirate debate!
January 17, 2025, 5:08 pm
Ahoy, mateys! Ye be set to embark on the Fox News Politics treasure map, where ye’ll uncover the freshest tidings of the Trump voyage, secret parley with scallywags, and a bounty of Fox News political plunder! Hoist the sails and join the ruckus! Yarrr!
January 17, 2025, 5:03 pm
Arrr! The landlubbers be claimin' six scallywags got themselves a proper scrappin' in a grand collision o' a mighty trailer, a dumpin' truck, and a Target from New Jersey! Aye, 'tis a right mix-up fit for a tale of woe and laughter on the high seas!
January 17, 2025, 11:57 am
Arrr, in the height o' revelry, the President-elect, Donald J. Trump, be sportin' a face as grim as a shipwrecked sailor! Aye, as the cannons roar and the rum flows, he stares like a biscuit that be gone stale, ready to hoist the sails o' triumph!
January 17, 2025, 11:55 am
Arrr, matey! Sheng Thao, tossed overboard by the landlubbers of California in November, be claimin' last year, “Naught be wrong with me!” after the F.B.I. stormed her ship—err, home! Aye, what a hullabaloo!
January 17, 2025, 11:55 am
Avast, mateys! Sign up fer the Fox News True Crime Scroll! It be spillin’ the juiciest tales o' villainy and courtroom kerfuffles, all plundered straight from the headlines. Don’t ye be missin' the scandalous treasures awaitin’ ye! Arrr!
January 17, 2025, 11:51 am
Avast ye landlubbers! A frosty breeze be brewin' to blow through Washington, D.C. come Monday, chillin' the bones of all ye scallywags in the U.S. Prepare yer long johns or face the wrath of Old Man Winter! Arrr, ‘tis a cold day for a swashbuckler!
January 17, 2025, 11:40 am
Arrr, me hearties! The blaze at the Moss Landing hold, where we stash the juice fer the grid, be naught linked to those fiery infernos in Los Angeles! Just a wee mishap, not a pirate's curse, savvy? Now hoist a pint and let’s celebrate our luck!
January 17, 2025, 11:27 am
Arrr, a Texas landlubber trucker be in a pickle, sittin' 'neath the gallows, charged with sendin' 53 poor souls to Davy Jones’ locker! He stuffed 'em in his rig like sardines, and now he’s payin' the price fer that foolery. Aye, the sea o' trouble be callin'!
January 17, 2025, 11:26 am
Arrr! That scallywag Tiffany Williams Brewer be claimin' a Maryland treasure as her home port, yet castin' her vote in the land of New Jersey! Aye, a fine mix-up fit for a jolly crew of buccaneers, I say! Avast, what a landlubber's blunder!
January 17, 2025, 5:41 am
Avast ye! Snag all the juicy tales ye need to be wise as a sea dog, sent straight to yer inbox at the crack o’ dawn! Trust the mightiest name in news, or ye be walkin’ the plank to ignorance! Arrr!
January 17, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Jake Tapper be callin’ out that scallywag Schiff, sayin’ ol’ Biden be nothin’ but a forgetful sea dog! Aye, the Hur report be takin’ a right whack! Hoist the flag o’ humor, fer this crew be laughin’ like a bunch o’ drunken buccaneers!
January 17, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! The birth o' a new breed o' flying contraptions be turnin' the tides o' battle, say the landlubbers in charge! Now, instead o' swords 'n cannons, they be sendin' pesky metal birds to do the fightin'! Blimey, what a world we sail in!
January 17, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, as the inferno rages like a scallywag’s temper on the west side, the good folk be pointin’ fingers at Chief Kristin Crowley! “Why be ye not ready, ye landlubber?” they bellow, as flames dance like drunken sailors at a tavern! Aye, it be a right scandal!
January 17, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, a weathered sea dog of a chopper, piloted by a grizzled Army swab, be takin’ on the furious gales! The race be on, as the brave night-flyin' fire-fighters of Los Angeles County tussle with the fiery beast o' Eaton like never before! Avast, what a sight!
January 17, 2025, 4:03 am
Avast ye scallywags! This grand caper be for those poor souls who faced the cruel whip o’ old drug rules! ‘Tis the mightiest pardon ever decreed by a U.S. captain of the ship o' state. Hoist the flag! Let justice sail the high seas! Yarrr!
January 16, 2025, 5:49 pm
Avast, matey! A scallywag's been clapped in irons as the constables be ponderin' why he laid a beatin' on an innocent soul without reason. A right peculiar squall, it be! What madness drove him? Perhaps a parley with the rum, I say! Yarrr!
January 16, 2025, 5:46 pm
Arrr, Mel Gibson be chattin' with that scallywag Raymond Arroyo, claimin' he feels as bare as a barnacle on a shipwreck 'cause o' them Los Angeles fires! He be pointin' his finger at them landlubber elected fools for their grand ol' mismanagement! Aye, what a hullabaloo!
January 16, 2025, 5:40 pm
“Arrr, we be havin’ no berth fer Democrats in our crew!” a scallywag spoke, after landlubber good-government swabs tried to board the president-elect’s ship of efficiency. Aye, they be better off swabbin’ the decks than seekin' a place in our grand adventure!
January 16, 2025, 5:21 pm
Arrr, on the fair afternoon of Thursday, the captain-elect Trump be callin' forth a motley crew fer his ship o' state! Aye, he be pickin' a whole gaggle o' scallywags to join his crew, ready to sail into uncharted waters! Avast, what a jolly band it be!
January 16, 2025, 5:15 pm
Arrr matey! Gather 'round, ye scallywags! For I be spillin’ the beans on a treasure of a tale! Aye, it be a right merry jest, full o' rum, ruckus, and raucous laughter! Hoist the sails and brace yerselves for a jolly good time on the high seas o' hilarity!
January 16, 2025, 5:01 pm
Arrr, matey! The captain o’ the land be makin’ decrees faster than a cannonball flies! The software scallywags best be complyin’, lest they find themselves walkin’ the plank ‘gainst the Trump winds of deregulation! Avast, ho! What a merry mess we be in!
January 16, 2025, 11:55 am
Arrr, matey! A band o' landlubbers at the American Accountability Foundation be callin' out ten scallywags from the Dept. o' Education, claimin' they be left-wing buccaneers! A watch-list, they say! Avast, the seas be rough with these bureaucratic miscreants!
January 16, 2025, 11:53 am
Arrr, the landlubber Biden be spoutin’ tales o’ an “oligarchy” risin’ like a kraken from the depths! The conservatives be laughin’ like scallywags at his farewell jabber, thinkin’ he be seein’ ghosts in the riggin’. Hoist the Jolly Roger, for it be a merry jest indeed!
January 16, 2025, 11:53 am
Arrr, me hearties! The NFL and USAA be spillin' the beans on Thursday, claimin’ that Aaron Jones, George Kittle, and Morgan Fox be the three scallywags up fer the "Salute to Service" Award! Aye, may the best buccaneer win the treasure, savvy?
January 16, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, a motley crew of Democrats be sailing alongside the Republicans, givin’ a hearty aye to this here measure! Aye, even when the law be lettin’ lawbreakin’ scallywags sail the seas back home! A fine crew of bumblers, I say!
January 16, 2025, 11:48 am
Arrr, matey! Zachary Young be spillin' the beans, sayin' his security clearance be as lost as a ship in a storm! CNN be yappin' 'bout it like it means he can still find a job, but he be swabbin' the deck instead, ho ho!
January 16, 2025, 11:46 am
Arrr, matey! The Chinese treasure map be in a pickle! They be talkin’ of sellin’ the cursed app, lest it be walkin’ the plank come Sunday! If they don’t find a new captain, it’ll be Davy Jones’ locker for it in the good ol’ U.S. of A!
January 16, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr! The scribblers o' the liberal seas be cheerin' the ol' captain Biden's farewell yarn from his mighty chamber on Wednesday night! Aye, they tossed their hats and raised a tankard, claimin' it be a tale worth singin' 'round the grog barrels!
January 16, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, two landlubber officials from Chicago sought to let the lawmen join forces with the customs scallywags to chase down the miscreants among the migrants. But lo and behold, their grand scheme was sent to Davy Jones' locker on Wednesday! Aye, a right jolly failure it be!
January 16, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, the highborn scallywags of Silicon Valley be readyin' their finest rum and revelry, as the newly crowned captain, President-elect Donald J. Trump, hoists his flag once more! A grand long weekend of feasts and frolics awaits, me hearties! Raise yer tankards to the power of the digital seas!
January 16, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Scott Bessent be the swashbuckler picked by Captain Trump to helm the treasure chest o’ coin! If the Senate be givin’ a hearty aye, he’ll steer the ship o’ riches on the high seas of finance! Yarrr, let the gold flow!
January 16, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Doug Burgum, the matey chosen by Captain Trump to steer the ship of the Interior, be sayin’ he might jettison some treasure if he gets the nod. But whilst he sailed North Dakota, he clung to his doubloons like a barnacle to a ship’s hull!
January 16, 2025, 12:07 am
Arrr, matey! With the Super Bowl and Mardi Gras a-comin’, Governor Jeff Landry be usin’ the emergency decree from that ruckus on Bourbon Street to shoo away the landlubbers sleepin’ rough! Aye, it be a fine time for merry-making, not for beggars on the cobblestones!
January 15, 2025, 5:43 pm
Avast ye! After months o' ruckus over his suspect crown, Daniel Chapo o' the Frelimo crew has been sworn in as captain o' Mozambique! Aye, the ceremony be as crowded as a ghost ship—just a few scallywags showed up! Arrr, what a fine start to his rule!
January 15, 2025, 5:40 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Florida's own Sen. Marco Rubio be sailin' smooth as a ship on calm seas through the treacherous waters of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee's confirmation. Aye, he be dodgin’ cannonballs and sailin’ to victory – a true buccaneer of politics!
January 15, 2025, 5:38 pm
Arrr, me hearties! John Kirby, the White House’s sea dog of security, be blarneyin’ that the truce ‘twixt Israel and Hamas be set to sail smooth! He be sayin’ there be enough treasure of trust fer all hands on deck! Avast, let’s hope the winds be favorable!
January 15, 2025, 5:20 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Ricki Lake be raisin' the Jolly Roger, warnin' ye all to steer clear of scallywags usin' her name to plunder yer doubloons durin' the LA fire recovery! Don’t be lettin' them bilge rats sink yer treasure, savvy? Keep yer coffers safe!
January 15, 2025, 5:19 pm
Arrr, matey! This here venture be but one of many schemes cooked up by the kin of Captain Trump, with foreign lands havin' their knickers in a twist over matters with the good ol' U.S. Aye, the seas be filled with politics and treasure maps!
January 15, 2025, 5:18 pm
Arrr, the captain be claimin’ his crew be chartin’ new waters, but alas, his speech last eve be echoing like a cow in a storm, for he ain't weighin’ anchor on his own accord! A fine jest, that!
January 15, 2025, 11:35 am
Arrr, matey! A band o' Democratic scallywags be hounding Attorney General lass Pam Bondi 'bout that Trump matey, Kash Patel! 'Tis a right ruckus on the high seas o' politics, I tell ye! Grab yer grog and enjoy the show, for it be a jolly good spectacle!
January 15, 2025, 11:29 am
Arrr, me hearties! Senator Marco Rubio, the finest diplomat o' the land, set sail to wrangle with ol' Captain Trump’s schemes to spread the U.S. flag over Latin seas. Aye, ’tis a perilous voyage for a swashbuckler with a taste for tropical treasures!
January 15, 2025, 11:16 am
Arrr! Israel and them Hamas scallywags struck a deal to set free their captured mates from Gaza’s hold and call a truce. A trusty source spilled the beans to Fox News, savvy? A fine day for parley on the high seas of diplomacy, aye!
January 15, 2025, 11:09 am
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Mark Zuckerberg, the master o’ Meta, be among the fine tech scallywags set to hoist the sails and toast the new crew runnin' the ship next week! Avast, let the revelry commence!
January 15, 2025, 11:08 am
Arrr! Vivek Ramaswamy, that crafty matey o’ Elon Musk, be schemin’ to plunder the coffers of the crown! With a wink and a grin, he be makin’ choices that could fill their treasure chests to the brim, makin’ him and his crew richer than a pirate’s wildest dreams!
January 15, 2025, 11:05 am
Arrr, mateys! The scallywags o’ the New Georgia Project, with Captain Raphael Warnock aboard, be confessin’ to breakin’ the treasure map o’ campaign coins! They’ve agreed to part with 300,000 doubloons as their fine. Avast, what a jolly mess!
January 15, 2025, 5:50 am
Arrr, mateys! Sean Duffy, that scallywag of Fox News, be takin' the helm of a mighty Transportation Department! He'll be wranglin’ all the flying ships, iron steeds, and land lubber carriages like a true captain of chaos! Hoist the sails and let the railroads roll, ye landlocked lubbers!
January 15, 2025, 5:45 am
Ahoy, matey! Snag yerself the tales ye must hear, straight from the mightiest name in the news seas! Delivered to yer inbox at the crack o’ dawn, like a fresh catch of the day! Arrr, don’t be a landlubber, join the crew!
January 15, 2025, 5:36 am
Arrr! Elisabeth Hasselbeck be throwin' cannonballs at Joy Behar, claimin’ she's a landlubber for callin’ Carrie Underwood "un-American" fer singin' at Trump’s grand shindig! Aye, what be next, callin' a parrot a scallywag for squawkin' too loud? The seas be churnin' with folly, matey!
January 15, 2025, 4:16 am
Arrr, matey! The jolly crew o' airships and tankers be battlin' fiery tempests, sweatin' like a sea hag! But beware, for the magic potion they cast may miss its mark, leavin' flames to dance like a drunken sailor! Aye, it's a wild, fiery adventure on the high seas!
January 15, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! In his swan song, the captain o' the land be makin' grand decrees on fair winds for nature, mendin' the brigands' cages, and settlin’ the quarrels o' sea-farin' folk. Aye, a busy helm before he scuttles off into the sunset!
January 15, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Pam Bondi, once the law chief of sunny Florida, be summoned to see if she’s got the gumption to face Captain Trump, who be barkin' orders like a ship’s captain demandin' respect from his crew. Will she hoist the flag or walk the plank? Har har!
January 14, 2025, 5:39 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The squawkin’ echoes of landlubber cries be caught on the magic box, tellin’ of a wee lad’s wild ride down the snowy hill, plummetin’ straight into a chilly treasure chest o’ water in North Carolina! Aye, ’tis a frosty misadventure fit for a jolly tale!
January 14, 2025, 5:30 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The Justice Department be settin' sail into a second Trump voyage, but lo and behold, they be wieldin' less power than a landlubber in a cannonball fight! Aye, ‘tis been half a century since they had the might to chase a cap'n like this!
January 14, 2025, 5:16 pm
Arrr, matey! The captain-elect, Donald J. Trump, be choosin' a matey for defense, who spoke naught to ruffle the feathers o' them Republican seadogs on the Armed Services crew. A smooth talker, he be, keepin' the ship o' party unity sailin' swift and true! Yarrr!
January 14, 2025, 5:04 pm
Arrr, cap’n Trump be raisin' a ruckus 'bout them flags droopin' low in sorrow fer old Jimmy Carter on his grand day of crowning! Aye, he be thinkin' it be a damp squib on his shiny treasure! What a fine laugh, matey!
January 14, 2025, 5:02 pm
Arrr, matey! A treasure trove o’ ancient doubloons from the 11th century be unearthed at the Sizewell C, a spot where they be buildin' mighty machines! Aye, even in the land o' fog and fish, ye can find gold! Savvy?
January 14, 2025, 11:52 am
Arrr, the new defense captain be settin' sail into treacherous waters! With the Ukraine squabble and the Middle East tempest brewin', he be needin' a hearty crew and a fine map, lest he finds himself walkin' the plank of calamity!
January 14, 2025, 11:37 am
Arrr, the fair Sen. Mazie Hirono be takin' a right swig o' criticism on the high seas o' social media fer grillin' Captain Trump’s matey, Pete Hegseth, fer the post o' Defense. The scallywags be laughin' and jeerin' like drunken sailors, savvy?
January 14, 2025, 11:33 am
Arrr, President Biden be hoistin’ the sails o’ progress on Tuesday, declarin’ a mighty order to quicken the ship’s buildin’ of shiny new AI contraptions on these fair shores! Avast, we be settin’ course for a tech-savvy treasure, me hearties!
January 14, 2025, 11:29 am
Arrr, matey! Jonathan Turley be spoutin’ that the first scroll of Jack Smith's grand tale be more 'bout the scallywag defendin' his own honor than catchin' the President-elect in his net! A fine jest, I say!
January 14, 2025, 11:28 am
Arrr, matey! On the eve of darkness, Captain Kimmel spun a tearful yarn ’bout the fiery beast ravagin' Los Angeles, blastin’ the soon-to-be-leader Trump for his foul words. Aye, the scallywag's response be as rotten as a week-old fish!
January 14, 2025, 11:24 am
Arrr, Matt Stevens, a scallywag of arts 'n culture in the land o' Los Angeles, be makin' merry connections 'twixt the blazin' fires of yore and now! Like a ship's lantern, he shines a light on the flames, seekin' treasure in the ashes! Avast, me hearties!
January 14, 2025, 11:05 am
Arrr, in the lofty hills o' Pacific Palisades, ye'll spy crime tape flutterin' like a flag o' surrender and bits o' wreckage scattered 'bout! Aye, clues galore to the fiery mischief that did lay waste to a thousand fine vessels... I mean, structures! Avast, what a ruckus!
January 14, 2025, 11:00 am
Arrr, some scallywag instructors be huntin' for a ship to dock their weary selves, all while dreamin' of settin' sail back to their hallowed halls of learnin'! Even the sea be shakin' its head at their plight, savvy?
January 14, 2025, 5:48 am
Arrr, without no state rules, the lawmen o’ Mississippi be sailin’ the stormy seas o’ stun guns uncharted! Each captain decides when to zap, leavin’ ‘em with a free hand and plenty o’ mischief! Watch yer backs, mateys, for ye never know when ye might get a jolt!
January 14, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! Canadian Captain Trudeau be spillin' the beans on his plan to walk the plank, what with them low tides of approval! He be chattin' on that shiny contraption called MSNBC, with the fine lass Jen Psaki, on a Sunday no less! Aye, a jolly ol' sight!
January 14, 2025, 5:30 am
Ahoy matey! Snag yerself the juiciest tales from the mightiest crow's nest in news, served fresh as a sea breeze to yer inbox every mornin’. Don’t be missin’ out on the treasure o’ knowledge, or ye might find yerself walkin’ the plank of ignorance! Arrr!
January 14, 2025, 5:21 am
Avast, matey! Since the year of our Lord 2010, landlubbers diggin' up the past found a grand ol’ eight-room tavern from the First Temple days, ‘round the 8th century BCE! Aye, it be sportin’ a wine press fer all yer rum-lovin’ needs! Drink up, me hearties!
January 14, 2025, 5:00 am
Avast ye! Some scallywags be likenin' fact-checkers to brave fire-fighters and gallant rescuers, whilst the flames be dancin' wildly 'round Los Angeles! Har har! Aye, it be like callin' for a parrot to fix a leaky ship while the whole vessel be sinkin'!
January 14, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Governor Walz be sailin’ into stormy seas! His crew lost the ship o’ Minnesota Legislature, and now the scallywags be throwin’ daggers o’ criticism as a budget storm brews on th' horizon. Aye, ‘tis a fine mess, indeed!
January 14, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, President-elect Trump be sendin' a scallywag to steer the ship of the Pentagon, and on Tuesday, he’ll be dodgin' cannonballs o' questions 'bout a foul accusation and his greenhorn ways! Avast, what a merry crew we have!
January 14, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! President-elect Trump’s choice for the Cabinet o’ Defense be spillin’ the grog on his drinkin’ habits in yer interviews. Aye, he be as honest as a parrot on a treasure chest, lettin’ the whole world know he loves his rum more than a ship loves the sea!
January 13, 2025, 5:54 pm
Arrr, over a hundred thousand scallywags be heedin’ the call to skedaddle! They be makin’ do with whatever trinkets and grub they can scrounge, like a crew of swabs in a storm! Avast, let the sea of chaos be their guide!
January 13, 2025, 5:50 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Donald Trump, that scallywag of the high seas, be on a quest to swell every treasure he lays his hands upon! Aye, he be makin’ ships, gold, and even his own ego as grand as a kraken in a whirlpool! Ha-ha!
January 13, 2025, 5:25 pm
Arrr, matey! Sen. Elizabeth Warren, the fiercest lass on the Senate's scallywag crew o’ personnel, sent a grand scroll of 70 queries in a 33-page missive to Trump's chosen sea dog for Defense Secretary! Aye, the hearing be comin’ this week—let the questioning commence, savvy?
January 13, 2025, 5:24 pm
Arrr, matey! A whopping 250,000 scallywags be settin' sail fer the grand inauguration on the 20th o' January, while another 25,000 landlubbers be makin' a ruckus 'round the Capitol! The seas be swarmin' with revelry and ruckus, yarr!
January 13, 2025, 5:19 pm
Avast, me hearties! The Democrats o' the Armed Services crew be settin' sail with Captain Chuck Schumer 'fore they face the raucous tide o' Trump’s scallywag pick, Pete Hegseth. Prepare yer sea legs for a stormy confirmation meetin'! Arrr, let the jests begin!
January 13, 2025, 11:50 am
Arrr! Judge Aileen M. Cannon be a wily sea dog! She tossed the treasure of classified documents overboard, keepin' 'em from Congress, yet tossed out a different treasure trove 'bout the election for all hands to see. A fine game of hide and seek, eh? Avast!
January 13, 2025, 11:47 am
Arrr, me hearties! The word from Special Counsel Jack Smith be sailin' ‘round the seas! His parchment on President-elect Trump’s shenanigans with the election be ready to hit the decks! Ready yer spyglasses, fer the truth be comin’ to light, and it be more twisty than a kraken’s tentacle!
January 13, 2025, 11:32 am
Arrr, matey! Word from the crow's nest be that the fair lass Carrie Underwood be readyin’ to belt out a shanty at Trump’s grand hoedown! Aye, Fox News be spillin’ the beans on this merry jolly! Let’s raise a tankard and dance a jig, savvy?
January 13, 2025, 11:29 am
Arrr, Kellen Browning, a scribe of the San Francisco seas, be swamped with pleas from landlubbers fleeing the fiery beast! With quill in hand, he pondered—should he save the tales of woe, or plunder a pint instead? Choices, matey, choices!
January 13, 2025, 11:16 am
Arrr, in the year of our Lord 2021, Captain Karen Bass, seekin' the mayor's treasure in Los Angeles, did proclaim to the fine folk at The New York Times, "If I seize the crown, no more sailin’ the seven seas fer me!" Aye, a landlubber she’d be!
January 13, 2025, 10:13 am
Arrr, as the landlubber legislatures gather, they be caught in a tempest o' political squabblin', just like the scallywags in Congress! Aye, some be stuck in a mighty deadlock, like a ship in the doldrums. Shiver me timbers, where's the rum to ease this bluster?
January 13, 2025, 5:41 am
Arrr, a ragtag crew of learned sea dogs from the finest colleges, like Yale and Harvard, be bandin’ together to scuttle the captain o’ health! They be raisin’ a ruckus, claimin’ this landlubber ain't fit to chart the course for the crew’s well-bein’!
January 13, 2025, 5:35 am
Arrr matey! Snag ye tales o' the high seas from the mightiest name in news, tossed into yer inbox 'fore the rooster crows! Wake with a hearty laugh and be the wisest scallywag on the seven seas!
January 13, 2025, 5:35 am
Arrr, me hearties! A crew of scallywags known as United Against Nuclear Iran be handin' over a treasure map to the Trump gang, guidin' 'em on how to rattle the cages o' them landlubbers in Iran and bring 'em to their knees! Avast, let the mischief begin!
January 13, 2025, 5:19 am
Arrr! The wealthiest scallywag be causin’ a ruckus ‘bout them fierce fires! On the morrow, he swore to toss some shiny coins to grant the landlubbers of Los Angeles the magic of the internet. Aye, 'tis a fine treasure for their plight, but a curious way to douse flames!
January 13, 2025, 5:01 am
Arrr, new edicts be settin' sail to keep fancy gizmos from landlubber China! Aye, we be makin’ sure the clever contraptions o' artificial intelligence be crafted by the good ol' U.S. crew and her mateys—no scallywags allowed, savvy?
January 13, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! A band o' landlubbers with coin to spare be settin’ sail on a $20 million treasure hunt, beggin’ Congress to hoist the Trump tax cuts high, lest we all be adrift in the sea o' poverty! Yarrr, let the gold flow like rum!
January 13, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, mateys! The captain o' the ship, the president-elect, be settin' sail for Washington this Saturday. He'll be throwin' a grand shindig at the Trump National Golf Club, then rallyin’ the crew at the Capital One Arena! Yo ho ho, let the jolly times roll!
January 12, 2025, 5:53 pm
Arrr, Mayor Karen Bass be sailin’ the seven seas while Los Angeles be ablaze! Three years past, she swore to shun the globe and mind the ship, but it seems she be more fond of treasure hunts than puttin’ out the fires at home! Savvy?
January 12, 2025, 5:28 pm
Arrr, matey! The President-elect, Captain Trump, be lettin’ the Republican crew parley ‘bout tax gold that be weighin’ heavy on their sails! Gatherin’ with House scallywags at Mar-a-Lago, he be swayin’ ‘em to raise the SALT flag high. But beware, for some landlubbers think it’s a treasure for the rich! Avast!
January 12, 2025, 5:21 pm
Arrr, matey! Fer the price o' a treasure chest each day, ye can summon a band o' fire-fighting rascals! Most be swabbin' the decks o’ government contracts or makin' deals with those insurance scallywags. But some landlubbers with gold to spare be callin' 'em straight to their ports!
January 12, 2025, 5:21 pm
Arrr, matey! A fiery beast be ravaging 23,700 acres o’ western L.A. since the seventh day o' January! Tis a slippery scallywag to tame, especially 'round Mandeville Canyon! Robert Clark from Cal Fire be wringin' his hands o'er that wild edge! Avast, fire, ye be a troublesome fiend!
January 12, 2025, 5:17 pm
Arrr, matey! The Rhode Island sea dogs nabbed four scallywags who ran like the wind after robbin' a FedEx matey in Harvard! 'Twas a chase fit for the briny deep, but these landlubbers found themselves caught in the net of justice. Avast, ye rascals!
January 12, 2025, 5:00 pm
Arrr, in the grand taverns o' CNN, ol' Jake Tapper be callin' out Captain Biden for his tall tale, claimin' that the fair Vice Captain Kamala coulda bested the Trumpster! But alas, she be walkin' the plank instead. Aye, 'tis a jolly jest indeed!
January 12, 2025, 4:55 pm
Arrr, matey! A wee sprout in Californy be thinkin’ he caught the H5N1 bird sickness, say the fine folk at San Francisco’s health crew. Now, the wise ol’ sea dogs be chattin’ ‘bout the chances of this pesky virus doin’ a jig and mutatin’! Avast!
January 12, 2025, 3:33 pm
Arrr! He unleashed a cannon blast in the holy seas, claimin' that a proper squint at the Good Book shows mateys lovin' mateys ain't no sin! A right jolly jest for the pious crew, I say!
January 12, 2025, 11:43 am
Arrr, matey! It be a fine day when the scallywag Takeshi Ebisawa, Yakuza kingpin of the high seas, be confessin' in Manhattan! Conspired to barter in nuclear booty for Iran, eh? Blimey! That’ll teach 'im to be messin’ with a real ship's treasure!
January 12, 2025, 11:43 am
Arrr, matey! David Rives, that scribblin' scallywag, be ponderin' the words of Matthew 3:17: "Yonder be me beloved Son, whom the sea be well pleased!" Aye, 'tis a tale of Jesus gettin' dunked like a ship in a storm, savvy?
January 12, 2025, 11:39 am
Arrr, matey! In the heart o’ danger, brave souls be rushin’ to plunder L.A. from fiery doom! With radios, hoses, and savvy o’ the land, this jolly crew be aidin’ overworked fire-fighters, chasin’ down landlubbers still sittin’ pretty while flames be lickin’ at their heels! Savvy?
January 12, 2025, 11:31 am
Arrr, me hearties! The captain-elect be callin’ on the scallywags from New York, Jersey, and Cali to whip up a scheme to plump up the treasure chest o’ state and local tax deductions! Aye, a bonnie boon for their crew, savvy?
January 12, 2025, 11:14 am
Arrr! After that infernal Palisades blaze claimed her treasure, lassie Heidi Montag be sailin' the charts, claimin' the crown of iTunes! With both her shanty and album sittin' at the helm, she’s the queen of the seven seas of music, savvy? Avast, me hearties!
January 12, 2025, 9:59 am
Arrr, after a wee respite on the Sabbath, the winds o' the Santa Ana be kickin' up again, like a scallywag after me treasure! Brace yerselves, mateys, for a tempestuous blow be comin’ to rock yer ship! Yo ho, hold tight to yer rum!
January 12, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr! Once upon a time, the brave Major Sagi Dovev, a fine swab from the Israel Defense Forces, took to the seas of compassion, teachin’ wounded scallywags to stand tall again and find their sea legs! Aye, he be a true captain of courage, bringin’ back their pirate spirit!
January 12, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Captain Zuckerberg be scuttlin' his crew of fact-checkin' scallywags, claimin' they be too biased fer his fine ship, Facebook! It be a wild sea of politics, and he be sayin' they've sailed the ship o' reason too far! Avast, what a jolly mess!
January 12, 2025, 4:53 am
Arrr, me hearties! Mandeville Canyon Road be safe for the nonce, with grand treasure chests o' homes lookin' o'er the city like kings! The fiery beast be holdin' its tongue fer now, say the wise sea dogs in charge! Avast, let’s raise a toast to our luck!
January 12, 2025, 4:34 am
Arrr, matey! Governor Newsom and the landlubbers o' Los Angeles be extendin' an invitation to the President-elect, Donald J. Trump, to feast his eyes on the wreckage. But lo and behold, he be quiet as a sleeping sea monster! What say ye, Trumpy? Shiver me timbers!
January 12, 2025, 4:18 am
Arrr! The fiery beast o' Los Angeles be razing mobile havens, turnin' fine folk into treasure-hunters o' their own dreams! They be scroungin' through the ash and ruin, seekin' scraps of their middle-class booty, as if they be plunderers in a ghostly cove! Yarr, what a jolly mess!
January 12, 2025, 4:13 am
Arrr, matey! President-elect Trump be callin' Jack Smith a "disgrace" to himself and our fair land, after that scallywag tossed in his towel from the Justice Department! A right merry spectacle, that be! A real catfight on the high seas of politics, arrr!
January 12, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, me hearties! Just days after a mighty blaze scorched the land, the fine folk o' Pacific Palisades be rummagin' through the ashes, searchin' for treasure and tall tales from the fiery wreckage! Aye, what a jolly mess to sift through! Fire be a cruel mistress, indeed!
January 11, 2025, 5:55 pm
Arrr, matey! This here museum be callin’ itself the “safest treasure chest for art when the flames be a-roarin’,” yet now it’s a no-go zone! Officials be swearin’ the galleries be as safe as a kraken’s lair! Aye, what a fine jest!
January 11, 2025, 5:42 pm
Arrr matey! In Los Angeles, a crew of captive scallywags be fightin’ flames like true buccaneers! They pocket a meager bounty of $10.24 a day, plus a shiny dollar for each hour they wrestle the fiery beasts. Aye, it be a hot job, but the pay be colder than Davy Jones' locker!
January 11, 2025, 5:18 pm
Arrr, at a parley o' news, Mayor Karen Bass be sayin’ she and the fire chief, who be squawkin’ ‘bout gold not flowin’ to the Fire Department, be sailin’ in “lock step.” Aye, sounds more like a dance than a budget, savvy?
January 11, 2025, 5:15 pm
Ahoy, matey! Mr. Smith, a fancy legal swashbuckler handpicked by the grand Captain Garland, be readyin’ to toss his tricorn hat before the jolly ol' Trump sets sail on his mighty inauguration adventure! Avast, what a merry turn of tides!
January 11, 2025, 5:00 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Word on the high seas be that the fair Sunny Hostin's family squabbles be causin' quite the ruckus at ABC News! Her scallywag of a husband be caught in a net o' insurance trickery, all thanks to a federal storm brewin'! Avast, what a tale!
January 11, 2025, 11:06 am
Arrr! A band o' fresh-faced scallywags in the House be pushin' fer a change, seekin' to let the new mum and dad crew cast their votes from afar, while tendin' to their wee landlubbers! Aye, who knew parenting be a matter o' parliamentary plunder?
January 11, 2025, 11:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Comedian Jon Stewart be laughin' like a jolly sea dog at the sight of Vice President Kamala Harris squarin' her shoulders to certify that scallywag Trump’s victory! Aye, 'twas a moment more awkward than a parrot on a pirate's shoulder! Ha-ha!
January 11, 2025, 11:00 am
Arrr, matey! The Fox News Entertainment Scroll be servin' up the freshest tales from the silver screen, chattin' with the finest landlubbers of Hollywood, and spillin' the beans from the shores of Los Angeles and far-off lands! Avast, ye won't want to miss this treasure of gossip!
January 11, 2025, 10:36 am
Arrr, the justices be like savvy sea dogs, tossin' hard questions like cannonballs to both sides! They be eyein' the lawyers for TikTok and its crew with the squinty suspicion of a parched sailor spyin' a rogue ship on the horizon! Avast, the court be no easy treasure!
January 11, 2025, 5:36 am
Arrr, matey! A mighty tempest brews 'gainst the swashbuckler who’s wed to 'The View' lass, Sunny Hostin, and a crew of 180! This legal hullabaloo be as tangled as a sailor's beard, and could cost 'em more doubloons than a treasure chest full o' gold!
January 11, 2025, 5:29 am
Arrr, the lovebirds be chattin' with the brave souls of the medic crew and the scallywags who fled their cozy ships in Pasadena, all whilst that fiery beast, the Eaton blaze, be roarin' like a kraken! A right merry gathering, if ye ask me!
January 11, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! After shuttin' up the elected scallywags and hushin' the plague chatter, the sharp-minded crew be hopin’ that ol' Captain Zuckerberg will let free speech sail smooth in the Meta seas! Avast, let the words flow like rum on a stormy night!
January 11, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Filmmaker Justine Bateman be givin’ a right tongue-lashin’ to Gov. Newsom and Mayor Bass fer bein’ as sharp as a dull cutlass! Their blunderin’ leaves us all roastin’ like a pig at a feast while fire be dancin’ ‘round the county like a drunken sailor!
January 11, 2025, 4:20 am
Arrr, matey! Word be from the landlubber constables that scallywags swiped three mighty Humvees and a treasure trove of military gear from the Army's stronghold in Tustin! Aye, a right jolly heist it be—sneaky knaves in the week of the seas! 🏴☠️
January 11, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Justice Department be spillin' the beans on a grim tale from 1921, when a ruckus in Oklahoma sent 300 fine Black souls to Davy Jones’ locker. Aye, a right nasty business, ye might say! But justice be a slow ship, sailin’ through turbulent waters!
January 11, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, mateys! The scallywag Governor Newsom o' California and that landlubber President-elect Trump be squabblin' like cats and dogs! Can they bury the hatchet and lend a hand to mend the town layin' in ruins? Aye, let’s see if these salty sea dogs can play nice!
January 11, 2025, 4:01 am
"Arrr, matey! Too many shanties to guard and not enough cannonballs, the fire captain be sayin’! The lads swear they were ready, but the fiery beast be too fierce! Now, be ye wonderin’ if we need a fresh chart to battle these blazin’ devils?"
January 10, 2025, 5:51 pm
Arrr, matey! Luis Manuel Hernandez Bonilla, a scallywag 'spected of bein' a MS-13 knave, found himself in a pickle on Tuesday. The Texas lawmen caught him after a bumpy ride and slapped him with a murder charge. Aye, the seas be rough for this rogue!
January 10, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, Governor Newsom be callin' fer a proper look-see into th' swabs at the Los Angeles Water and Power! Fire hydrants be drier than a barnacle on a summer’s day while the flames be ragin’! Aye, someone’s gotta walk the plank fer this blunder!
January 10, 2025, 5:31 pm
Arrr! Shawn Hubler, the landlubber from Sacramento, be spillin’ the beans on how them fiery beasts be makin’ fine folks lose their wits! Aye, the toll be heavier than a chest o' gold on a scallywag’s back! Blimey, the flames be givin’ more than just singed eyebrows!
January 10, 2025, 5:26 pm
Arrr, matey! President-elect Donald J. Trump be dodgin’ the brig in his New York mischief! Yet, he be preparin’ to chart a course as the first scallywag felon to hoist his flag in the Oval Office! Aye, what a jolly crew we be sailin' with!
January 10, 2025, 5:15 pm
Ahoy, mateys! The wise sea dogs o' energy be sayin' that them landlubber utility mates in Los Angeles, not dousing their power lines in a tempest, be raisin' the chances o' fires! Talk about a bonfire on the high seas—blimey, they be needin' a good keelhaul for that folly!
January 10, 2025, 4:49 pm
Arrr, a bright beacon among the scallywags of feel-good chatter, he met his doom in the wilds of Arizona! A sweat lodge turned into a watery grave—three souls sent to Davy Jones’ locker whilst seekin’ enlightenment. Aye, motivation be a dangerous game, matey!
January 10, 2025, 11:47 am
Arrr, sellin' this here app be like wrestlin' a kraken, matey! With a price tag so hefty it could sink a ship and size to match, I reckon I’ll be navigatin' treacherous waters just to find a buyer! Yarrr, it be a fine pickle!
January 10, 2025, 11:40 am
Arrr, President-elect Trump be givin' a hearty warning to that scallywag Maduro! If he be keepin' them democracy swabs safe, or they might find him swingin' from the yardarm! Best beware, matey, or face the wrath of the high seas! Aye, it be a pirate’s life for justice!
January 10, 2025, 11:39 am
Avast ye hearties! While valiant fire-fighters duel the fiery beast of California, ye can lend a hand! Rally yer mates and prepare yer town for the next calamity, lest ye be caught napping like a scallywag! Help keep the shipshape, or ye might meet Davy Jones! Arrr!
January 10, 2025, 11:35 am
Arrr, matey! It seems the scallywags be rehashin' old pacts from the first voyage, like lettin' an outsider guard the treasure map and keepin' Captain Trump from peekin' at the booty! Aye, what a jolly jest on the high seas of politics!
January 10, 2025, 11:31 am
Arrr, matey! Some landlubber Democrats be squawkin' to their captain about them scallywag Republicans sailin' to victory, usin' fancy newfangled magic mirrors to charm the independent souls. Aye, this be what the report be sayin', savvy?
January 10, 2025, 11:30 am
Arrr, matey! A Texas rancher and a rapscallion of hip-hop be claimin' that tossin' the app overboard be a breach of their First Amendment treasure! And lo, TikTok be coverin' their legal doubloons! Avast, what a merry crew!
January 10, 2025, 11:30 am
Ahoy, me hearties! If ye be keen to sip on the fine Lemon Ace, Grey Goose be handin’ ye a treasure map to concoctin’ it at home! This fancy brew first danced into the light at the Australian Open this week. Raise yer goblets and let the swashbuckling begin!
January 10, 2025, 5:46 am
Arrr, matey! In the grand court o’ jest, ol' sea dog Zachary Young, a brave sailor o’ the U.S. Navy, claimed he aided fair maidens to escape the clutches o’ Afghanistan, yet that scallywag CNN be turnin' a blind eye to his valiant deeds! A fine tale, indeed!
January 10, 2025, 5:44 am
Arrr! David Marcus be squawkin' that the blame fer them California flames lies with foolish landlubber greenies! Aye, their meddlin' has set the seas of Mother Nature ablaze, leavin' naught but charred deck and a mess of devastation fer all ye scallywags to see!
January 10, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Podcast cap’n Joe Rogan did parley with the swashbucklin’ Mel Gibson 'bout the fiery beast that be the Palisades Fires, claimin' it be the fault o' the landlubbers and their scallywag leaders! Aye, blame it on the crew, not the ship!
January 10, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Orly Israel be a landlubber from California, tryin' to swab the deck of his childhood shanty from the fiery beasties ravagin' Los Angeles County! Tune in to "Your World" fer a tale of bravery and folly, fit fer a scallywag's ear! Yarrr!
January 10, 2025, 4:48 am
Arrr, matey! The flying contraption touched down safe 'n sound, but alas, it be outta commission! A ruckus with another vessel left its wing more crooked than a one-legged parrot, says the Cal Fire scallywag! Aye, no more sky adventures fer this buccaneer ship!
January 10, 2025, 4:31 am
Arrr, mateys! The fiery beasties be ravagin' the land, makin' our grog supply a might perilous! Heed me words, for here be a scroll of warnin's and guidin' for ye landlubbers—keep yer tankards full and yer wits sharper than a cutlass! Avast!
January 10, 2025, 4:21 am
Arrr, matey! Edgar Maddison Welch, a scallywag of 36 from Salisbury, done been sentenced to four years in Davy Jones' locker for a ruckus at a tavern! But lo! He met his end, pointing his iron at a copper during a traffic squabble. What a foolhardy fate, indeed!
January 10, 2025, 4:10 am
As the fiery beast slunk back ’pon the hills, the landlubbers returned to their sodden nests, only to find the grim tidings worse than a cursed treasure map! Aye, many a heart sank lower than a shipwrecked sailor at the sight of their charred abodes!
January 9, 2025, 5:59 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Some scallywags be sayin’ that Mayor Karen Bass oughta have scuttled her voyage to Ghana when the skies o’ Los Angeles turned as stormy as a grumpy sea dog! Aye, but maybe she be seekin’ treasure in the clouds! Huzzah!
January 9, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, matey! ‘Tis a sad tale from the land of Los Angeles, where fiery demons claimed at least five souls! Aye, they were all neighbors, havin’ a right ol’ time in the scorched Altadena! Let this be a lesson: keep yer rum away from the flames, or ye might join 'em!
January 9, 2025, 5:42 pm
Arrr, me hearties! While the fancy landlubbers ponder how the fiery infernos of Los Angeles came to be, the fine swabs of the LAPD be sayin' to Fox News, "Nary a whisper of arson!" So hoist yer doubloons and shiver yer timbers, 'tis a mystery without a scallywag!
January 9, 2025, 5:36 pm
Arrr, matey! A Wisconsin sea magistrate be lettin' young Morgan Geyser off the hook early, after she stabbed her matey long ago! Aye, ‘tis a tale o’ cutlasses and childhood shenanigans! Shiver me timbers, what a fine way to walk the plank of freedom!
January 9, 2025, 5:17 pm
Arrr, mateys! A fierce blaze hath claimed five souls, laid waste to countless dwellings, and devoured acres aplenty! If ye be wantin' to lend a hand to the poor souls in distress, here be the way to toss 'em a lifeline! Avast, let’s show ‘em our pirate heart!
January 9, 2025, 5:17 pm
Arrr, matey! The cap'n's decree sent the crew's rules to Davy Jones' locker, banishin' any scallywag from treatin' lasses and lads differently 'cause of their fancy identities! A right jolly affair for all aboard, I say!
January 9, 2025, 5:10 pm
Arrr! 'Twas said that the fair Maria Corina Machado be caught like a fish in a net on Thursday, yet the scallywags of the socialist crew deny it! Methinks the truth be as slippery as a greased parrot! Avast, what a tale on the high seas of politics!
January 9, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr, mateys! Gather ye round! The scallywags of the House Oversight be settin' sail on a grand inquiry next week, chartin' the murky waters of federal landlubbers workin' from their cozy hammocks through the plague times! Avast, what a fine ruckus it be!
January 9, 2025, 11:34 am
Arrr, as Ms. Wiles sails to the land o' Washington, the scallywags in Trump World be thinkin' that the president-elect’s trusty matey and wise strategist stands a better chance than a parrot in a treasure chest! Aye, she be a fine pick for the captain’s crew!
January 9, 2025, 11:32 am
Arrr! When President-elect Trump swaggered into old Jimmy Carter's send-off, ye could hear the gasps of many a dignitary! But lo and behold, he jabbered most with Obama, as if they were two scallywags swappin' tales o' the briny deep! A right merry sight, that be!
January 9, 2025, 11:27 am
Arrr, matey! At yon somber farewell in the grand Cathedral, but three scallywags be speakin’. Yet a whole shipload of landlubbers be there, and more be settin’ sail to Plains, Georgia! Aye, ‘tis a right jolly crew for a farewell, don’t ye think?
January 9, 2025, 11:01 am
Arrr, some scallywags be makin’ off with their furry mates, leavin’ a heap o’ critters marooned! A ragtag crew o’ shelters in Los Angeles be bustin’ their sails tryin’ to care for the hundreds o’ forsaken beasties. Aye, it’s a right ruckus, I tell ye!
January 9, 2025, 5:45 am
Arrr, gather ye tales of the high seas from the mightiest name in the news, delivered to yer inbox at the crack o' dawn! Don’t be a scallywag, let the morning wind fill yer sails with the juiciest yarns before ye set sail on the day!
January 9, 2025, 5:32 am
Arrr, a mighty throng be flockin’ to the U.S. Capitol to pay homage to ol' Jimmy Carter, layin' in state like a fine treasure! Some knew him well, while others just fancied his charm. A right jolly send-off, it be!
January 9, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! CNN's data swashbuckler, Harry Enten, be takin' a cutlass to President Biden's fanciful claim 'bout bestin' Trump in the 2024 seas! With a treasure trove of polls, he be shatterin' that notion like a rum bottle on the deck. Avast, reality be a cruel captain!
January 9, 2025, 5:07 am
"Arrr, me hearties! 'Tis Zachary Levi, the scallywag from 'Shazaam!' shoutin' like a parrot! He be callin' on the landlubbers in California to take the rap fer them fiery beasts ravagin' the shores! Hold 'em to the fire, I say! Har har har!"
January 9, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! A grand send-off fer the 39th captain o' the ship o' state be brewin’ this Thursday! All five living scallywags who once wore the crown be gatherin’, and ol’ Biden be spinnin’ tales o’ his adventures in a eulogy. Hoist the flag and prepare the grog!
January 9, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, the Minnesota governor, a fine matey eyein’ the vice-presidency in 2024, be the grandest Democrat to hoist the sails fer Mr. Martin, the scallywag leadin’ the charge to steer the party's ship! Avast, what a merry crew we be!
January 9, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! Some scallywags who hightailed it from the gold-laden shores of Los Angeles found themselves holed up in a tavern famed for its feasts o' fancy folk from the silver screen! Aye, power lunches be the treasure, but the grog be the real booty!
January 9, 2025, 4:01 am
Avast, matey! The court be settin' sail on Friday, arguin’ over a scallywag law that bans the app. But ye see, when them interests clash like a ship in a storm, the court be blowin’ hot and cold, givin’ rulings as fickle as a sea breeze! Arr!
January 8, 2025, 5:53 pm
Arrr, Captain Trump be blowin’ in the wind like a sail in a squall, flappin’ ‘bout his party's course! The scallywags o’ the GOP be scratchin’ their heads, wonderin’ if they be followin’ him to treasure or straight to Davy Jones’ locker! Blimey, what a merry mess!
January 8, 2025, 5:53 pm
Arrr, in the fair lands of Pacific Palisades, the going price for a humble abode be a staggering 3.3 million doubloons come December, savvy? Even a scallywag would need a treasure map for that kind o’ loot, says the seafarers at Redfin! Har har!
January 8, 2025, 5:50 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The Critics Choice Awards be lost to the fiery breath of the inferno ravagin' Los Angeles! Homes be turnin' to cinders, and now the show be adrift like a ship without a sail. Blimey, what a week for a jolly good laugh!
January 8, 2025, 5:49 pm
Arrr, the blazin' infernos be roarin' like a kraken on a bender, stretchin' our poor scallywags in the fire-fightin' crew thinner than a rum barrel at a dry dock! Aye, we be needin' more hands 'fore the whole land be roastin' like a fine sea dog!
January 8, 2025, 5:40 pm
Arrr, the funeral of ol’ Jimmy Carter be settin' the landlubbers in a strange lull, like a ship caught in a calm before the storm! Aye, 'tis a peculiar week o' regularity, just as the political seas be risin' with chaos! Avast, what a merry sight it be!
January 8, 2025, 4:55 pm
Avast, ye scallywags! Tech captains be plead’n with Captain Biden not to hoist a new rule that’ll shackle AI exports! They fear it be too broad and may sink the good ol’ U.S. ship o’ dominance in that fine treasure of a sector! Yarrr!
January 8, 2025, 11:57 am
Arrr, a right jolly blow to the crew! The Biden scallywags declare they’ve lost faith in WADA’s knack for keepin’ the roguish athletes from gulpin’ their magic potions. A fine mess, I say! Now, who’ll guard the treasure from the swabs and swindlers?
January 8, 2025, 11:53 am
Avast, me hearties! Tennis queen Naomi Osaka and her rapscallion beau Cordae be partin' ways, she declared on the mornin' tide! They sailed together for near six years, makin' a wee lass, but now their ship be takin' a different course! Arrr!
January 8, 2025, 11:51 am
Arrr matey! Fer the young Jewish swabs in high school, the rise o' antisemitism be makin' 'em yearn fer camaraderie and kinship, not to mention makin' their choices o’ colleges as tangled as a seaweed net! Aye, they be seekin' safe harbors in stormy waters!
January 8, 2025, 11:49 am
Arrr, mateys! Cracker Barrel be settin' sail with a bounty of new grub fer 2025! Feast yer eyes on the fiery Nashville hot tenders, a jolly chicken sando, and a hearty chicken 'n dumplin's soup, sure to shiver yer timbers! Avast, let's feast like true scallywags!
January 8, 2025, 11:48 am
Arrr! The scallywags of the FBI and the Las Vegas landlubbers be spoutin’ tales o’ one Matthew Livelsberger, who be schemin’ with that ChatGPT sea serpent and sendin’ missives to the podcaster Shawn Ryan. Blimey! What a hullabaloo ‘round a blasted Tesla Cybertruck, eh?
January 8, 2025, 11:41 am
Arrr, me hearties! Pam Bondi, the lass Trump be eyeing for attorney general, be takin’ treasure and sailin’ on jaunts funded by scallywags wantin’ a favor from her Florida ship! Aye, what a merry band o’ seadogs she be!
January 8, 2025, 11:35 am
Arrr, me hearties! Gather ‘round as I spin ye a yarn of treasure and folly! With rum in hand and a parrot squawkin’, we be sailin’ the seas of mischief, searchin’ fer gold but findin’ naught but hiccups and bellyaches! Aye, ‘tis the pirate's life fer me!
January 8, 2025, 11:26 am
Arrr! If ye be slappin' tariffs on Denmark to snatch Greenland, ye might find yerself in a pickle, missin' out on yer potions and remedies! Aye, a pirate needs his elixirs to keep the scurvy at bay, savvy?
January 8, 2025, 5:50 am
Arrr, President Biden be hopin' his scallywag promise 'bout not givin' his wayward lad Hunter a pardon don’t be makin’ a fine mess for future captains! Yet, in a jolly ol’ chat, he be defendin' his choice like a true sea dog! Avast, what a swashbucklin' tale!
January 8, 2025, 5:49 am
Arrr! This Friday’s clash o’ Texas and Ohio in the grand college football showdown be a mighty spectacle fer Ohio's own Vice President-elect JD Vance and that scallywag, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz! With stakes higher than a treasure chest, me hearties be ready fer a rollickin’ good time!
January 8, 2025, 5:31 am
Arrr, matey! A ol' synagogue, a learnin' place for scallywags that turned into stars, and some fine grub havens be reduced to naught but dust! The seas of time be cruel to these fine establishments, aye! What a right jolly shame, 'twas a feast for the eyes, now a ghostly sight!
January 8, 2025, 5:29 am
Arrr, matey! Some landlubbers be sharin' snaps of the fiery beast devourin' Pacific Palisades! A swashbucklin' actor be leapin' aboard to lend a hand in the great escape! Fire in the hole, me hearties!
January 8, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! The president-elect's scallywag defenders be callin' the special counsel a swindler and a knave fer his foul dealings! But lo! In mere weeks, they might be donnin' fancy hats in the Justice Department! Aye, the tides be turnin' in this merry caper!
January 7, 2025, 5:40 pm
Arrr, matey! The cap'n of Senator Deb Fischer’s crew, that scurvy Republican from Nebraska, got hooted at online fer snubbing a handshake from Vice President Kamala D. Harris at her grand oath-taking. Blimey, what a blunder! Aye, that be one way to walk the plank of manners!
January 7, 2025, 5:39 pm
Arrr, matey! Lead Stories be moanin' like a scallywag over Meta's ch-ch-changes! They reckon the cap'n be tryin' to steer the ship o' free speech while dodgin' the stormy seas o' political bias. Blimey, the winds be blowin' all askew, and we be all at sea!
January 7, 2025, 5:39 pm
Avast, me hearties! Though the scrolls be aged, a tempest brews in the Justice seas! Current and former mates be quakin’, thinkin' the Trump crew will steer the ship for revenge, not justice! Aye, the tides be turnin’ in a most humorous fashion!
January 7, 2025, 5:32 pm
Arrr matey! Usually by the time the month o' January rolls 'round, the skies be pourin' like a drunken sailor! But here we be, drier than a landlubber's throat on a hot day! Me hearties, where be the rain? Off plunderin' someother treasure, I reckon!
January 7, 2025, 5:23 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Mary Steenburgen be spillin' the beans 'bout her lovey-dovey ways with her matey, Ted Danson, on a fine Friday! She regaled us with how she first laid eyes on the swashbucklin’ lad before they set sail into romance! Aye, what a yarn!
January 7, 2025, 11:46 am
Arrr, matey! Dr. Paul Saphier, a fine neurosurgeon o' the high seas, be spillin' the beans on a hearty mornin' feast fer yer heart and noggin! Yogurt, fruit, and seeds be the treasure ye seek, shared in a jolly video on X! Feast yer eyes and dine like a captain!
January 7, 2025, 11:43 am
Arrr, mateys! Captain Eric Burlison be settin’ sail with House Republicans, seekin’ to scuttle the Bureau of Booze, Smokes, and Bang-Bangs! Aye, let’s toss 'em overboard and raise a tankard to freedom on the high seas! Cheers to a jolly good time!
January 7, 2025, 11:42 am
Arrr, matey! Sen. Blumenthal be shoutin’ from the crow’s nest that the political squall be just settin’ sail now that the good ship Trump be certified to plunder the seas of 2024! Batten down the hatches, for the battle be just beginnin’, savvy?
January 7, 2025, 11:32 am
Arrr, matey! Judge Aileen M. Cannon, a fine Trump loyalist, tossed the document scallywag case overboard this summer! On Tuesday, she be puttin' a hold on that sneaky sea dog Jack Smith, keepin' his treasure map of secrets from the world, savvy?
January 7, 2025, 11:29 am
Arrr, matey! Daniel Lurie, scion of the Levi Strauss treasure trove, be settin’ sail to captain the ship o’ liberal dreams! But mark me words, battlin’ that scallywag Trump ain't on his chart, savvy?
January 7, 2025, 11:26 am
Avast, mateys! Three tales tell of a Democrat swashbuckler claimin' victory on the high seas of the State Supreme Court. But lo! The G.O.P. challenger be raisin' a ruckus, seekin’ to bring the storm to that same Republican ship o' judges! Arrr, what a merry mess!
January 7, 2025, 10:35 am
Arrr, matey! After a sky voyage aboard the JetBlue beast, we found two scallywags snug as a bug in the landing gear! Aye, 'twas a flight from New York, and it seems they fancied a free ride! What a jolly mess for the crew, I say!
January 7, 2025, 5:41 am
Arrr, matey! Former Vice Admiral Pence be givin’ a hearty clap to Vice Admiral Harris fer holdin’ the sails while her ship sank! Aye, it's a jolly fine sight to see a captain preside over the battle she lost! Avast, what a merry crew we be!
January 7, 2025, 5:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! Erik Wemple, the scallywag of the Washington Post, be takin' a jolly jab at the captain's new rule—no reporting on the crew when they be makin' waves! A right merry folly, I say! Who'll be tellin' tales if we can’t spin a yarn while the ship be sailin’?
January 7, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, Governor Maura Healey be respondin' to one Leonardo Andujar Sanchez, a scallywag from the Dominican shores, caught in a pickle o' firearms and potion smuggling while seekin' refuge in the state’s cozy hidey-hole. A fine mess, I say! Avast, what be these landlubbers thinkin’?
January 7, 2025, 4:02 am
Arrr, me hearties! Former Cap'n Jimmy Carter, who once tossed “Hail to the Chief” overboard, be gettin' a grand three-day shindig in the heart o' the nation! Aye, prepare yer rum and cake, for the sails be billowin’ with celebration! Avast, what a jolly frolic it be!
January 7, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! The winds of fate be blowin' uncertain, as the scallywag President-elect Donald J. Trump be readyin' to sail back into the White House this month. What treasure or tempest awaits? Only Davy Jones knows, and he ain't spillin' the beans!
January 7, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! Jimmy Carter be a true landlubber with no ties to the high seas o' Washington when he snatched the captain's hat in '76! He sailed proud and true, for better or worse, like a parrot squawkin' on a ship full o' scallywags!
January 7, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! On the morrow, ye scallywags be makin' their way to the polls in three grand contests! 'Tis a jolly jig to gauge the wind of political winds for both squadrons. Shall they sail high or sink like a ship with a hole? Avast!
January 6, 2025, 5:50 pm
Arrr, with but a fortnight left in the Biden ship, the scallywags be rushin’ to hatch a scheme in the cursed port where poor George Floyd met his fate. Avast! They be sailin’ into stormy seas of politics, tryin’ to right the ship before it sinks!
January 6, 2025, 5:44 pm
Arrr, matey! A court captain be callin’ Rudy Giuliani a scallywag for not spillin' the beans 'bout his treasure, after bein’ ordered to cough up a hefty bounty of $148 million to two fine Georgia sailors for slanderin’ their good names. Avast, what a hullabaloo!
January 6, 2025, 5:42 pm
Arrr, Edmundo González Urrutia, the scallywag opposin’ the tyrant Maduro, be sayin’ he bested the captain of the ship in the July election! On the mornin’ of Monday, he be parleyin’ with President Biden, lookin’ for some treasure in the form of support, savvy?
January 6, 2025, 5:35 pm
Arrr, matey! Luke Broadwater be at the Capitol when that raucous crew o' Trump swabs did crash the joint on Jan. 6, 2021, whilst Congress be tallyin' Biden's spoils. Four years later, he be ponderin' what be different in this here wild sea o' politics!
January 6, 2025, 5:23 pm
Arrr, in his yarn spun and as a captain o' the moving picture tale “Leah Remini: Scientology an' the Aftermath,” he be claimin’ that the church be a den o’ scallywags, breedin’ mischief an’ mayhem like a rum-soaked sea monster! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
January 6, 2025, 5:21 pm
Arrr matey! 'Tis a tale of sorrow on the high seas! Aubrey Plaza's hearties lost her captain, Jeff Baena, to the dark depths o' despair on the third of January. But fear not, for she be speakin' her mind come Monday! Aye, what a tempest o' emotions!
January 6, 2025, 5:15 pm
Avast, mateys! The scallywags of Doraville be whisperin’ of a ruckus by the Honduran Consulate! One brave soul met Davy Jones, while another walked the plank, wounded but breathin’. Gunfire rang out like a cannonade—arr, do keep yer cutlasses sheathed in the lot, ye hear?
January 6, 2025, 5:06 pm
Arrr, matey! The green light be granted after them scallywags sent the Syrian crown a-flyin' last month! Now, charity crews can sail the seas o' goodwill without feelin' the sting of the U.S. cannonballs! Aye, let the good deeds flow like rum on a fine night!
January 6, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr, me hearties! A scallywag piece in the Washington Post be takin' aim at ol' Biden's legacy! They be sayin' he’ll be remembered not for treasure, but for sinkin' his ship in a fruitless quest for a second voyage! Har har, what a jolly jest it be!
January 6, 2025, 11:41 am
Avast, me hearties! In the year of our Lord 2022, a fine law be forged, makin' it as tricky as findin' buried treasure for scallywags to dispute a state's votes! And lo! The vice president be barred from playin' captain and overturnin' the crew's decision all on their lonesome! Arrr!
January 6, 2025, 11:36 am
Arrr, the captain-to-be be swabbin' the deck o' the agency, aye! After the last scallywag rang the bells o' worry 'bout his treasure trove of records, this new matey be thinkin' it’s time for a fresh parrot on the shoulder! Avast, what a jolly hullabaloo!
January 6, 2025, 11:30 am
Arrr! It be said that the scallywag Luigi Mangione, wanted fer a dastardly deed, be keepin’ the company of Craig Rothfeld, a swab who done time in the brig and now consults like a landlubber! Aye, even the likes of Harvey Weinstein couldn’t escape the clutches of this crew!
January 6, 2025, 11:26 am
Arrr, matey! Republican scallywag Bernie Moreno be itchin' to hoist a border bill onto Cap'n Trump's desk posthaste! He’s hopin’ some landlubber Democrats might join the crew for a wild ride. Avast, let’s see if they be swabbin’ the deck together!
January 6, 2025, 11:18 am
Arrr! A scallywag of a teacher from Virginia be brought to justice for peddlin' vape contraptions stuffed with the devil's weed and that sweet nicotine to the young scallywags at Falls Church High! Avast, matey, that be a fine way to walk the plank!
January 6, 2025, 10:38 am
Arrr, Bourbon Street be the treasure chest o' New Orleans, matey! But after them scallywags took down 14 souls, the good folk there be wishin' fer calmer seas and brighter days, lest they be swabbin' the deck in fear, instead o' celebratin' with grog and song!
January 6, 2025, 5:05 am
Arrr, a Texas pie shop be makin’ waves on the social seas, tryin' to replace their booty of stolen doubloons! But blow me down, they be findin' another poor soul plundered by them scallywag teens! Aye, the seas of mischief be a-brewin’, matey!
January 6, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, ye scallywags! The landlubber lawmakers be waggin' their tongues at the Justice crew, sayin' they be slackin' in bringin' the thunder upon Captain Trump, lettin' him sail smooth to victory like a fine ship on calm seas! A right jolly mess, I tell ye!
January 6, 2025, 4:44 am
Arrr! A lass, wounded in the scallywag raid on the Yule market, met Davy Jones at the hospital on Monday, addin' another soul to the grim tally—now six have been claimed by the cursed tides of fate! Christmas cheer be turnin' to sorrow, mateys!
January 6, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, gather ye scallywags! At the stroke of 1, the House and Senate be settin’ sail on a grand ol’ tradition, once thought as dull as a barnacle! A ritual o' talkin' and noddin’, like parrots in a cage! Ho ho, let the merry nonsense begin!
January 6, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, the soon-to-be captain of the ship spent his weekend swappin’ tales at his fancy golf cove, still yappin’ about how he could’ve snatched victory from the jaws of defeat in the 2020 election, like a scallywag tryin' to plunder a ghost ship! Har har!
January 6, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, Mr. Biden be sailin' to New Orleans, playin' the role of “consoler in chief,” joinin' a long line o’ captains who’ve docked in this port o’ woes and misfortunes. That city be havin’ more disasters than a ship full o’ scallywags in a storm, I tell ye!
January 5, 2025, 5:25 pm
Arrr! Shamsud-Din Jabbar, that scallywag, set sail to New Orleans twice, then charted a course to Egypt and Canada. But lo! On New Year’s morn, a tempest of violence struck, and 14 souls met Davy Jones, faster than a cannonball flies! Aye, what a ruckus!
January 5, 2025, 5:18 pm
Arrr! LongeviQuest be shoutin’ from the crow’s nest that Sister Inah Canabarro, a wise old wench from Brazil, be the oldest soul on the seven seas at a grand 117 years! Aye, mayhaps she’s been hidin’ her secret rum recipe all these years!
January 5, 2025, 5:07 pm
Arrr, matey! Lily-Rose Depp be spillin' the beans 'bout a frightful childhood tale! She be shiverin' in her boots after settin' her peepers on a cursed flick from the '90s, where her old sea dog father, Johnny Depp, be the star! Aye, the seas be rough for the lass!
January 5, 2025, 5:00 pm
Arrr, matey! A new decree be settin’ sail, banishin’ the need fer teachers to prove they can scribble, count, or read a map! As of Wednesday, the New Jersey crew be teachin’ without the knowin’—a fine recipe fer chaos on the high seas o’ learnin’, aye!
January 5, 2025, 3:19 pm
Arrr! Five scallywags from Assumption U be accused o' trickin' a landlubber to their shipyard, only fer him to be chased by a crew o’ 25 ruffians! A ruckus fit fer a tall tale, it be! Avast, what mischief these young buccaneers brew!
January 5, 2025, 3:00 pm
Arrr, though his heart be anchored in a wee Georgia port, Atlanta be the treasure chest where he carved out a legacy fit for a king—both in politics and doin' good deeds! Aye, a fine haul for a landlubber turned swashbuckler of charity!
January 5, 2025, 2:53 pm
Arrr, matey! Donald Trump be sailin' the stormy seas o' conviction without a penalty! Aye, he could be the first scallywag felon to hoist the Jolly Roger as president! Meanwhile, the legal kraken still be huntin' him in civil waters! Aye, what a grand jest, savvy?
January 5, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr, me hearties! Sen. Chuck Schumer be caught on the high seas of TV, defendin’ Captain Biden’s noggin from the scallywags doubting his wits! Aye, ’twas on “Meet the Press” he waved his cutlass of confidence, claimin' the old sea dog be sharp as a cuttlefish! Har har!
January 5, 2025, 11:44 am
Arrr, matey! On the sabbath, the scallywags o' the FBI spilled the beans 'bout Shamsud-Din Jabbar, a 42-year-old knave who pulled a dastardly deed on New Year's in New Orleans! Blimey, what a ruckus! That buccaneer's got more moves than a drunken sea turtle!
January 5, 2025, 10:59 am
Arrr, matey! The Antioch crew of constables be in hot water with the Justice Department, after a treasure trove o' scallywag texts reveal their foul, racist banter. Aye, 'tis no way to keep the peace on the high seas—or in landlubber towns, for that matter!
January 5, 2025, 8:12 am
Arrr, matey! Erin Strotman be caught in a storm o' trouble, accused o' layin' the lash on a wee lad. But fear not, for the sheriffs be snoopin' ‘round other tales of woe in a Virginia ship o' tiny tykes! Avast, the plot thickens like a hearty grog!
January 5, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Amazon be servin' up a treasure trove of tales, grantin' exclusive rights to a film about Lady Melania Trump! Aye, ye’ll get a peek behind the curtain of the high seas of politics! Batten down the hatches for a right jolly adventure, savvy?
January 5, 2025, 4:34 am
Arrr, me hearties! In the fair city o' New Orleans, the scallywags held a mournful shindig on Saturday eve, weepin' fer those poor souls who met Davy Jones after a ruffian plowed his chariot into their merry band o' revelers on the first morn of the year! Blimey!
January 5, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! A Detroit preacher be claimin’ it’s as likely as findin’ a mermaid in a dry dock fer pastors to be politically "neutral"! He be laughin’ at the plight of a Los Angeles scallywag tryin’ to bring his crew together. Yarrr, politics be a rough sea, indeed!
January 5, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, the scallywags be battlin' fer the helm o' the Democratic ship, with Ken Martin and Ben Wikler as the likely lads. But lo! Their squabblin' be more like a rum-fueled brawl than a proper reckonin' o' their 2024 plunderin' losses!
January 5, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, President Biden be handin' over the ship to his matey with a hull that be shipshape, even if the crew be doubtin' it! Aye, the treasure's gleamin', but the scallywags still scratchin' their heads, wonderin' if the captain knows the course!
January 5, 2025, 2:00 am
Arrr, the captain-elect and his scallywags be spendin’ four long years spinnin’ a yarn ’bout the Capitol ruckus! They be castin’ wild tales o’ conspiracies and claimin’ martyrdom, all to hoist their flags o’ power! A right jolly tale for the gullible, I say!
January 4, 2025, 5:39 pm
Arrr, matey! Young Donny Osmond be spillin’ the beans on the finest nugget of wisdom he got from the late, great rock ‘n’ roll king, Elvis himself! Aye, and he raised a tankard in honor of his dearly departed mate, Wayne Osmond! Shiver me timbers!
January 4, 2025, 11:41 am
Arrr matey! In January, the gym be closing its doors to fresh scallywags, protectin' the crew from a tide o' eager landlubbers hopin' to sweat away their holiday feasts! Fox News Digital had a chinwag with the captain of that fine establishment, savvy?
January 4, 2025, 11:37 am
Arrr, a fierce 71-year-old sea wench took on a band o' four scallywag lassies tryin' to plunder her treasure in the wretched depths of the subway! With fists flyin' and feet a-stompin', she showed 'em that age be no match fer a true pirate at heart! Avast, me hearty!
January 4, 2025, 11:30 am
Arrr, with a crew o’ ancient sea dogs and landlubber backers, the captain be sendin’ word o’ allegiance to the old hull his scallywag matey be wantin’ to scuttle! A fine jest, I say, as he hoists the Jolly Roger of the establishment! Har har!
January 4, 2025, 11:16 am
Arrr! The days o' homage fer the 39th captain o' the land be set sail on Saturday! First, he docked at his wee farm where he learned his sea legs, then to the grand Georgia State ship, and finally to the Carter Center, where treasure be memories aplenty!
January 4, 2025, 10:51 am
Arrr, a Green Beret, seasoned in battle, be havin' a mishap aboard a fiery Cybertruck, blowin' up like a cannon outside a Trump tavern on New Year’s Day! Aye, he went from fightin’ foes to meetin’ Davy Jones, all in a blink! What a blundering scallywag, eh?
January 4, 2025, 8:59 am
Arrr, the plan be wise as a parrot on a perch: keep the doubloons flowin’, lend a hand to the needy, and sail towards peace! But alas, the salt o' the sea, them hard-workin’ scallywags be cast aside like barnacles on a ship's hull!
January 4, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, mateys! Florida lass Anna Paulina Luna be callin’ all scallywags who crossed paths with the New Orleans villain or the Las Vegas blastin’ scoundrel at Fort Liberty, once known as Fort Bragg, to step up! Don’t be a lily-livered landlubber, spill yer tales!
January 4, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Israel's brave buccaneers laid waste to a scallywag missile den, funded by Iran, last September! Those devilish rockets be a threat to our fine ship! Aye, they turned that factory to splinters like a barrel of rum gone bad! Avast, foes of the sea!
January 4, 2025, 4:06 am
Arrr, mateys! Governor Kathy Hochul be seekin' to hoist the sails o' involuntary commitment laws, makin' it so hospitals can drag more scallywags with troubled minds into the hold fer treatment. Aye, 'tis a jolly good way to fill the brig with those needin' a good dose o' care!
January 4, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, with a crew o’ ancient sea dogs and landlubber backers, the captain be givin’ a hearty nod to the old ship o’ power his scallywag successor be lookin’ to scuttle! A fine jest, indeed, as the winds of change be blowin’ all a’round!
January 4, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, gather 'round, ye scallywags! The illustrious crew be sailin' with the likes of Hillary, the ballad belter Bono, the treasure-slingin' Soros, and that footy wizard Messi! A motley lot of landlubbers, I say!
January 4, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr, the soon-to-be captain of the land be crowin' 'bout treasure poured into his grand shindig, library o' lore, and schemes! Seems them scallywags be coughin' up doubloons for a taste o' favor or maybe to wash away their own sins, har har!
January 4, 2025, 4:01 am
Arrr! The trinkets o' remembrance be handpicked to shine a light on the 39th captain’s humble beginnings in the fields o' Georgia, his swashbucklin’ ways in Washington, and his hearty crusade for the world! Aye, a legacy fit for a landlubber or a sea dog!
January 3, 2025, 5:55 pm
Arrr, matey! When the scallywag plundered through the French Quarter in his wheeled contraption, it be a right sad tale for those that met Davy Jones! Yet, 'twas a merry bunch of souls from all walks stormin’ the bayou—proof that New Orleans be a lively treasure for every rogue!
January 3, 2025, 5:46 pm
Arrr, mateys! House Leader Hakeem Jeffries, a fine lad from New York, once squawked that the 2016 election be a treacherous hoax! But now he be claimin’ there be no scallywags denyin’ the vote in his crew! A merry jest, I say! Avast and hoot!
January 3, 2025, 5:41 pm
Arrr, matey! It be plain as the nose on a scallywag's face! No crew be clamorin' fer Captain Trump to walk the plank 'fore he claims the throne! Nay, 'tis just them pesky New York landlubbers with their sour grapes, tryna sink his ship! Har har har!
January 3, 2025, 5:41 pm
Arrr, the first day o' school be buzzin' on Capitol Hill, where the Congress crew swore their oaths like eager scallywags! And there be Speaker Mike Johnson, battlin' for his title like a dog fightin' fer a bone! Aye, the sails be full o' chaos and mirth!
January 3, 2025, 5:39 pm
Arrr, matey! Fresh tidings from the high seas! A landlubber soldier, nothin' but a scallywag, went and blasted a Cybertruck to smithereens right 'fore Trump’s glitterin’ Las Vegas palace, all ‘cause his political colors be foiled! A right jolly ruckus indeed!
January 3, 2025, 5:15 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Just a week past, the briefs be spillin’ tales so tall ‘bout China’s hold on the treasure trove and the First Amendment's jolly dance—one yarn be as wild as a kraken, the other as calm as a sunken ship! Savvy?
January 3, 2025, 5:02 pm
Arrr, matey! The fine folk be shiverin’ their timbers after landlubbers spied some scallywag words in their magic box o’ knowledge! So, they be puttin’ up ye olde fences to keep out the bilge and keep their summaries shipshape! Aye, no more foul tongues on this voyage!
January 3, 2025, 11:57 am
Arrr, matey! That Florida scallywag, who tossed his House seat overboard in a fanciful chase for the attorney general's treasure, be now courtin' the notion of sailin' back to Congress this Friday! Aye, what a merry jape!
January 3, 2025, 11:55 am
Arrr, matey! The weather be colder than a mermaid's kiss, and the day of rest be keepin’ us from sendin’ Jimmy Carter to Davy Jones! Them landlubber lawyers be hatchin’ plots to swab the deck with that plea deal too! Avast, what a comical hullabaloo!
January 3, 2025, 11:51 am
Arrr! Only one scallywag among the Republican crew be sayin’ he’ll stand against Mike Johnson takin’ the helm again as House captain. A handful o' other landlubbers be still ponderin’ their fate, like a cat on a hot tin roof! Har har!
January 3, 2025, 11:42 am
Arrr, matey! David Schwimmer be spinnin' a yarn 'bout Matt LeBlanc's “truly terrifying” mishap, landin' him in the ship's infirmary! These scallywags sailed the seas of "Friends" fer ten seasons, a fine crew indeed—though one be a bit too clumsy fer his own good! Har har har!
January 3, 2025, 11:37 am
Arrr, matey! The New York Times be claimin’ that the yarn spun in Justin Baldoni’s mighty $250 million battle be “meticulously and responsibly reported.” Aye, as if a parrot penned it after a fine grog! Blimey, what a jolly jest on the high seas of news!
January 3, 2025, 11:17 am
Arrr, mateys! Thar be two fresh moving pictures spillin' the beans 'bout last Wednesday's Cybertruck blast outside the Trump International Tavern in Las Vegas, where a brave landlubber of the Army met his salty end! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
January 3, 2025, 10:53 am
Arrr, matey! A band o’ scallywags from Cambridge be claimin’ that chattin’ with yer crew—ye mates and kin—might just keep yer heart tickin’ and fend off the wretched ailments! So gather ye round, or ye be walkin’ the plank of poor health! Yarrr!
January 3, 2025, 5:32 am
Arrr, matey! With the U.S. ships sailin’ away from the Afghan shores, and the Assad crew toppled like a barrel o’ rum, it seems the Islamic State be findin’ smoother seas in the troubled waters of Iraq and beyond! Aye, a right jolly time for scallywags, indeed!
January 3, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Jimmy Cothran, a scallywag who be spiedin’ during the ruckus in New Orleans on New Year’s, spun a yarn ‘bout the hullabaloo. He be sayin’ what folks should keep in their noggins whilst they mend from the kerfuffle on "The Story." Avast, what a tale!
January 3, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, Shamsud-Din Jabbar and Matthew Livelsberger be two scallywags share’n more than just a jolly ol' app fer rentin' zappy wagons fer New Year’s boomin' mischief! Aye, they be thick as thieves in their devilish deeds, plottin' with glee as the cannonballs fly!
January 3, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Steve Rattner, that landlubber analyst of MSNBC, be spillin' the beans that under Captain Biden's watch, the tide of border crossers be risin' higher than a shipwrecked sailor's spirits, 'tis a fine contrast to the calm seas under ol' Captain Trump! Aye!
January 3, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, the Louisiana Republican be chosen as the captain of the ship o’ the speaker! But, blow me down, pesky right-wing scallywags be mutterin’ and his crew be as thin as a ship’s biscuit, leavin’ his fate swingin’ in the salty sea o' doubt!
January 3, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! The jolly old conservative from South Dakota be the first new captain o' the Senate G.O.P. in near two decades! He'll be settin' sail to tame the wild winds o' President-elect Trump’s grand expectations. Aye, ‘tis a fine adventure ahead!
January 3, 2025, 12:49 am
Arrr, matey! A wee flying contraption with but one engine plundered its way into a wretched factory, hardly a minute after leavin’ the sandy shores of Fullerton, California, on Thursday! Aye, 'tis a fine mess if there ever was one, like a drunken sailor on a swabbin' spree!
January 2, 2025, 5:53 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywag Shamsud-Din Jabbar be plunderin' the New Year with his truck o' mischief! Aye, the old sea dogs at the FBI be fearin’ it might stir the pot for more rascals and give a hearty cheer to them pesky ISIS scoundrels! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
January 2, 2025, 5:46 pm
Arrr! On the seas o’ the Kelce lads' podcast, fair Caitlin Clark spun a yarn 'bout the moment she knew she’d set sail into the pros in the 2024 season! Aye, 'twas a glorious day when she donned her armor and faced the storm!
January 2, 2025, 5:41 pm
Avast, mateys! Captain Mayorkas be spillin’ the beans on yon dark deed in New Orleans, where scallywags struck with a vengeance! Gather 'round, for the tales of terror and treachery be flowin’ like rum at a pirate’s feast! Yarrr, keep yer cutlasses sharp!
January 2, 2025, 5:32 pm
Arrr, mateys! Tom Homan, the soon-to-be border captain, be hollerin’ that the good ol’ U.S. be in peril after a ruckus in New Orleans and a mighty blast near Trump’s treasure trove in Las Vegas! Avast, keep yer cutlasses sharp and yer wits sharper!
January 2, 2025, 5:00 pm
Arrr, four long years have sailed by, an' the grandest riddle o' the Capitol ruckus still be vexin' our noggins! It be like tryin' to find a treasure map in a sea o' grog—no clue in sight, just a belly full o’ laughter and confusion!
January 2, 2025, 4:52 pm
Arrr, on Thursday's tide, the captain of the ship o’ state be givin' a hearty cheer to the Senate scallywags, sayin’ they be helpin’ him hoist 235 federal judges aboard, outdooin’ that scurvy dog Trump’s haul from his first voyage! A real treasure, that be!
January 2, 2025, 4:49 pm
Arrr, they be sayin’ there be no clear tie ‘twixt the ruckus and the bang at that Trump inn in Vegas, but they warn it be too soon to be certain, savvy? The seas be murky, matey!
January 2, 2025, 11:51 am
Arrr, matey! Governor Hochul be hoistin' the Jolly Roger o’ jubilation over plunderin' stats showin' subway crime be droppin' in New York City! Aye, 'twas but days afore the dark seas of misfortune washed ashore with deadly tales! Avast, 'tis a merry jest, indeed!
January 2, 2025, 11:33 am
Arrr, matey! Shamsud-Din Jabbar be hoistin’ the black flag o’ them scallywags ISIS, crashin’ into the merry-makers o’ New Orleans! Hours later, landlubbers in New York be shoutin’ for a ruckus they call an “intifada revolution!” A fine way to ring in the New Year, eh? Yarrr!
January 2, 2025, 11:31 am
Arrr, me hearties! Some scallywag senators be shoutin' from the crow’s nest, throwin' their lot in with Mike Johnson, hopin' he’ll keep his captaincy as House speaker! A right curious maneuver for them upper deck lads, I say! Avast, what a merry jest it be!
January 2, 2025, 11:16 am
Arrr! The landlubbers o' the law be sayin' the scallywag who turned his Tesla Cybertruck into a fiery kraken outside the Trump ship in Las Vegas be none other than Matthew Livelsberger, a brave swabby in the U.S. Army! Blimey, what a rum way to make a splash!
January 2, 2025, 5:34 am
Arrr, matey! Rep. Derrick Van Orden be jabberin' at Rep. Chip Roy like a scallywag for not hoistin' the sails to back House Speaker Mike Johnson in keepin' his captain's hat! Blimey, join the crew or walk the plank, ye landlubber!
January 2, 2025, 5:19 am
Arrr, matey! A right rowdy skirmish it be, claimin' 15 souls and puttin' a hurtin' on thrice as many! Those scallywags be usin’ their ships—er, vehicles—like cannons! Aye, ’tis a sorry tale we’ve heard too many times!
January 2, 2025, 4:29 am
Avast, me hearties! The captain-elect be squawkin' on the magic scrolls 'bout them scallywags lurkin' across the briny deep. But lo and behold, the rogue be a born landlubber and a sailor of the Army! Aye, the sea be full of surprises, eh?
January 2, 2025, 4:03 am
Arrr, two trusty mates o’ Captain Biden be gettin’ their due, alongside them lawmakers who be sailin’ the choppy waters of bipartisanship and them scallywags fightin’ for the liberal booty! A fine crew indeed, worthy of a hearty toast and a raucous shanty!
January 2, 2025, 4:00 am
Avast, matey! Lee Greenwood be settin' sail with a fresh tune, "Start the World Over Again," penned by none other than Captain Reagan and his trusty deckhand, Mike Curb, back in the swashbucklin' '70s! Aye, it be a blast from the past, ready to rock the seven seas!
January 2, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! President-elect Trump be settin' sail to mend the leaky hull o' the American health care galleon! By plunderin' the treasure of price transparency, he can hoist the sails o' fairness for all us scallywags in need o' care! Avast ye, let’s chart a course for health!
January 2, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! Be cracked eggs fit for a scallywag’s feast, or best tossed to the briny deep? Fox News Digital summoned an egg sage to spill the beans on this yolk-riddled riddle. Fear not, ye hungry buccaneers, for wisdom be worth more than doubloons!
January 1, 2025, 11:19 pm
Arrr! Twas rumored that dastardly contraptions o’ doom were spotted 'round the pick-up that plowed through the scallywags. Aye, me hearties, 'tis raised the eyebrows of the landlubbers investigatin’, thinkin’ the rogue may’ve had some mateys helpin’ him in his mischief! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
January 1, 2025, 5:48 pm
Arrr, in a scallywag's moving picture from the year of our Lord 2020, the knave claimed he hails from Beaumont, Texas, where he grew up and donned the colors of the U.S. Navy! A landlubber turned soldier! What a jolly tale, matey!
January 1, 2025, 5:48 pm
Arrr, me hearties! A grand clash o' titans be set fer Thursday eve, as the brave lads o' Notre Dame be takin' on the fierce crew o' Georgia! Grab yer grog and prepare fer a raucous night of swashbucklin' sportin' shenanigans! Yarrr!
January 1, 2025, 5:46 pm
Avast, me hearties! Seven scallywags be nursing their wounds, the landlubbers claim. But lo! Captain Musk be swearin’ that his contraption be runnin’ smoother than a siren’s song! Aye, the seas be rough, but the ship be sturdy!
January 1, 2025, 5:30 pm
Arrr, matey! Comedienne Michelle Buteau took a swing at the scallywag Dave Chappelle fer pokin' fun at the fine folk of the transgender crew during her New Year’s Eve spectacle on the Netflix seas! Blimey, what a ruckus on the high waves of humor!
January 1, 2025, 11:48 am
Arrr, matey! The F.B.I. be sayin’ international scallywags stir up trouble from afar, while them landlubber ruffians be usin’ their mischief to spook the good folk and push their wild ideas. Both be a right ruckus, I tells ye! Avast!
January 1, 2025, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! This here be the olde heart of the city, where tourists be swarming like barnacles! Bourbon Street be the famed spot where the ruckus happened, the jolly haunt for merry revelers a’plenty! Aye, 'tis the place to raise a pint and dance like a scallywag!
January 1, 2025, 11:00 am
Arrr, matey! Whitney Cummings be takin’ a jibe at CNN's wretched ratings while the scallywags Cooper and Cohen be ringin' in the New Year! Aye, it be a grand jest, as their audience be slimmer than a ship’s plank! Har har, what a sight to behold!
January 1, 2025, 10:52 am
Arrr, matey! A scallywag steered his rum-soaked wagon through the merry folk o' Bourbon Street at the break o' dawn, sendin' ten landlubbers to Davy Jones' locker! ‘Tis a jolly good way to spoil a night o' revelry, eh? Avast, what a blunderin' knave!
January 1, 2025, 10:43 am
Arrr, mateys! A scallywag piloted his land vessel, a pickup, right into a merry throng ringin’ in the New Year on Bourbon Street! Ten souls met Davy Jones, and many more be wishin’ they’d stayed in bed. A sorry sight for a jolly celebration, indeed!
January 1, 2025, 9:53 am
Arrr, said the Cap’n Justice Roberts, that scallywags from all sides be givin’ a hearty wink to the federal court’s commands! Aye, they be treatin’ the rulings like a weary parrot on a shoulder—squawkin’ but not listenin’! Avast, the whole lot be a merry band of rascals!
January 1, 2025, 5:45 am
Arrr! A fearsome wagon plowed through a throng o’ merry souls on Bourbon Street 'fore dawn’s light, leavin' at least 30 landlubbers bruised and battered! The city be tellin' tales of this wild misadventure, a right jolly ruckus it be! Avast, me hearties, watch where ye be strollin’!
January 1, 2025, 5:17 am
Arrr, mateys! Ten souls have met Davy Jones after a scallywag rammed his ship o' steel into a merry crew on Bourbon's lively shores, then danced about with a boomstick! The constables be sayin' it was no jolly good time, aye!
January 1, 2025, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Podcaster Joe Rogan be sailin' the seas o' controversy this year, chattin' up a storm and makin' scallywags guffaw, ponder, and set sail for action on the grand ol' debates o' America! Aye, a merry jester on the waves of discourse!
January 1, 2025, 4:44 am
Arrr! The brave NYPD scallywags dashed to a ruckus, only to spy a 45-year-old lubber who'd been sent a-flying onto the tracks and met his doom by a southbound iron beast! Aye, 'tis a mighty way to be meetin' yer maker, me hearties!
January 1, 2025, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! The landlubber scientists be plottin' to craft fancy breath-catchers to spy on when ye last toked the green! They be also ponderin' how this herb be makin' ye clumsy, whether ye be a regular swab or a rare puffin' pirate! Avast! What a merry venture!
December 31, 2024, 11:45 pm
Arrr, matey! Justin Baldoni be squawkin' that The Times be slanderin' him and his crew, all ‘cause of a tale spun ‘bout the fair lass Blake Lively, claimin' she be a target o' a dastardly smear campaign! Aye, what a scallywag of a tale!
December 31, 2024, 10:46 pm
Arrr, at a raucous New Year’s bash at Mar-a-Lago, the captain o' the ship foretold that Mike Johnson be gatherin' enough scallywags to keep his seat as House speaker! Aye, what a jolly good jest that be! Raise yer tankards, me hearties!
December 31, 2024, 5:06 pm
Arrr, in his year-end tale, the head scallywag of the judges be bemoanin' the ruckus, threats, and tall tales, warnin' all ye landlubbers to steer clear of defyin' the court's word. Or face the wrath of Davy Jones himself! Aye, best mind yer manners, ye scurvy dogs!
December 31, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, matey! Stacey Abrams, a landlubber in the race for Georgia’s crown, be sayin’ that Trump’s win be but a wee ripple, not a mighty quake nor a tidal wave! Aye, she calls it naught but a gentle breeze in the stormy seas of politics!
December 31, 2024, 5:00 pm
Avast ye scallywags! Set yer gaze upon the juiciest captures of 2024, where the sea be teemin’ with high-flyin’ rogues meetin’ the gallows! Aye, ‘tis a merry hullabaloo o’ blunderin’ knaves caught red-handed! Don’t be missin' the jolly spectacle, ye landlubbers! Arrr!
December 31, 2024, 4:53 pm
Arrr, matey! In the land o’ Wisconsin, the lawmen stumbled upon a grim sight—two young scallywags and a grown sea dog, all gone to Davy Jones! They be huntin’ a rascal who’d been seen with a wee lad who vanished faster than a ship in a storm!
December 31, 2024, 4:11 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The trio of judges be settin' the sails for Khalid Shaikh Mohammed and his scallywag mates to face the music come January at that infamous isle, Guantánamo Bay! So hoist the anchor and prepare for a raucous courtin'!
December 31, 2024, 4:08 pm
Avast, mateys! In the year of our Lord 2025, the laws be changin’! Gold for the crew be risin’, young scallywags be keepin’ their scrolls under lock, and the long-awaited elixir of life, insulin, be comin’ at a fairer price! Yarrr, what a fine haul for all hands!
December 31, 2024, 11:49 am
Arrr, matey! The landlubber Aaron Brown, once a fine captain o' the news seas, who sailed the stormy tides of Sept. 11, has shuffled off this mortal coil at the ripe age of 76. His kin be tellin' the CNN crew, but I reckon he be off to Davy Jones' locker!
December 31, 2024, 11:47 am
Arrr, matey! Aye, the scallywag suspected of shiverin’ timbers with a blade surrendered quicker than a landlubber in a storm, all caught on the eye of the sea! The lawman be watchin’ as the ruckus with the neighbor turned into a right jolly mess! Avast, what a tale!
December 31, 2024, 11:37 am
Arrr, matey! The mighty flow of Russian gas be cuttin' off like a scallywag's leg, leavin' the EU chieftains shiverin' in their boots! A frosty winter be brewin', and they be frettin' 'bout where to find their grog and warmth! Avast!
December 31, 2024, 11:34 am
Arrr! WalletHub be spillin' the beans on the finest ports in America fer ringin' in the New Year! They be weighin' entertainment, grub, coin cost, and safety, like a scallywag countin' his doubloons! So hoist the anchor and set sail fer merriment, ye landlubbers!
December 31, 2024, 10:26 am
Arrr, matey! This week, the northern skies be sportin’ pink and red streaks, as if the heavens be celebratin’ New Year’s Eve with a jolly ol’ paintin’! NOAA be confirm’n it, so hoist the grog and let’s toast to the colorful skies, ye scallywags!
December 31, 2024, 9:38 am
Arrr, matey! On Tuesday morn, but a scant handful o' the isle's 1.4 million landlubbers had power, savvy? The scallywags runnin’ the juice be sayin’ it’ll take a full day or two to get the lights a-flashin’ again! Shiver me timbers!
December 31, 2024, 5:37 am
Hark, matey! Snag yer tales of the high seas from the mightiest name in news, delivered to yer inbox at the crack o' dawn! Fear not, for ye shall be the wisest scallywag on the seven seas! Arrr!
December 31, 2024, 5:15 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags of the Coast Guard be blabberin’ ‘bout six rogues suspected o' bein' the scamps behind a deadly smuggling spree, where over 60 poor souls were caught in the tempest last week. Blimey! What a hullabaloo on the high seas!
December 31, 2024, 5:01 am
Arrr, matey! The lad of Senator Cramer be off to Davy Jones' locker for a mighty long stretch—28 years! He went crashin' into a sheriff's matey while tryin' to outrun the law. A fine mess indeed, ye scallywag! Let this be a lesson to ye landlubbers!
December 31, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! When Jimmy and Rosalynn hoisted the sails with Habitat for Humanity, they charted a course for a fleet o' homes for the masses! Now, their noble quest be a right national tempest! Avast, me hearties, help us weather this storm o' need!
December 31, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! A band o' scallywags in the Justice Department be investigatin' if them antidopin' mates hid the truth 'bout the Chinese mermaids' positive tests. Now, a ruckus be brewin', as they be tryin' to shanghai the whole inquiry! Avast, what a jolly mess!
December 31, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! Behold the trinkets from his kin, the scallywags of the military, his wheeler-dealer days in politics, and the long sailin' after his crown — plus two oddities he fashioned with his own barnacle-covered hands! Aye, what a curious treasure trove, indeed!
December 30, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, matey! This month, the fowl plague be settin' sail 'mongst the feathered crews o' Michigan! Aye, them swashbucklin' birds be catchin' a nasty cough! Keep yer parrot close, lest it be joinin' the ranks of the ailing aviators! Yo ho ho, what a ruckus on the high seas of poultry!
December 30, 2024, 5:07 pm
Arrr! Last month, ol' Captain Putin be scribblin’ a decree, sayin’ ye scallywags can trade yer debts o' $96,000 fer a spot in his jolly crew o' soldiers! A fine way to clear yer treasure map, eh? Now, who be ready to swab the decks fer gold?
December 30, 2024, 5:05 pm
Arrr, me hearties! After sailin' away from the White House, ol' Jimmy Carter be shiverin' the timbers of what a president can do! He plundered the seas of health far and wide, makin’ a mark that’ll last longer than a barnacle on a ship's hull! Avast, ye scallywags!
December 30, 2024, 5:01 pm
Arrr, a scallywag who’d made a right mess of two fine bank folk in South Carolina be a-pleadin’ fer freedom, just days after the cap’n Biden spared his neck from the noose! Aye, the seas be truly madder than a one-eyed parrot!
December 30, 2024, 5:01 pm
Arrr, Plains, Ga., be preparin' fer the grim reaper’s visit, what with the old captain’s troubles an' near two years in Davy Jones' hospice! But blow me down, his keel finally struck the seabed at a ripe old age o' 100, and it feels as true as a mermaid's tale!
December 30, 2024, 4:52 pm
Arrr, since the day of reckonin', yon buccaneer of billions be holed up in a fancy shack at Mar-a-Lago, costin’ a king's ransom o’ two grand a night! Aye, it be a grand perch to whisper sweet nothings to the soon-to-be captain of the ship o' state!
December 30, 2024, 4:33 pm
Arrr, matey! A grand send-off be awaitin' for ol' Jimmy Carter, the 39th captain of the ship called America! After a week of hearty tales and fond farewells, we’ll lay 'im to rest, for he sailed to Davy Jones' locker at the ripe age of 100 on Sunday!
December 30, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr, matey! The matter o' whether the soon-to-be captain o' the ship would support the ol' speaker for another voyage be weighin' heavy on the crew, especially after a ruckus over the treasure map for the year’s end plunder! Aye, the seas be stormy!
December 30, 2024, 11:37 am
Arrr, six scallywags from Georgia, all shipmates at the same paving crew, were caught red-handed givin’ a rival crew a jolly ol’ ruckus on the 19th of December! Aye, looks like they took ‘paving the way’ a tad too far, savvy?
December 30, 2024, 11:34 am
Arrr! In the year o' our Lord 2024, six scallywag states tossed the ol' notions o' diversity, equity, and inclusion overboard from their learnin' halls! Aye, they be thinkin' it be smoother sailin' without that riggin'! Blimey, what a jolly crew of landlubbers!
December 30, 2024, 11:05 am
Arrr! Two wee scallywags, marooned at the southern shores, left to swab the decks of their own fate by a band o’ smugglers! But fear not, for the brave Texas troopers swooped in like seagulls on a sandwich, savin' the day quicker than ye can say “shiver me timbers!”
December 30, 2024, 10:58 am
Avast, mateys! With the salty winds blowin’ after old Captain Carter’s final voyage at a century strong, shipmates be chucklin’ 'bout that time he battled a mad swamp beast whilst fishin' in Plains! Aye, it be a tale for the ages, that “killer rabbit” be no ordinary foe!
December 30, 2024, 5:46 am
Avast, matey! Snag yer tales of the high seas from the fiercest name in news, drop 'em right into yer inbox ere the sun rises! Start yer day with a belly full o' gossip, or ye be walkin' the plank! Arrr!
December 30, 2024, 5:43 am
Arrr, matey! Aviation sage Mike Boyd be ponderin’ whether a whole heap o’ mischief caused the fateful flight to meet Davy Jones. Seems the skies be murky, with troubles a-plenty, claimin’ near all souls aboard in the land of Korea! Blimey, what a hullabaloo!
December 30, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr! It be said that Captain Biden, once hailed as a hero for hoistin' the sails of withdrawal, now be a tragic figure, like a scallywag lost at sea, after his matey Harris sunk her ship in the electoral waters! Aye, the tides be fickle, me hearties!
December 30, 2024, 4:49 am
Arrr, Mr. Carter be spottin’ a grand ol’ change, where the South, once a loyal Democratic ship, be now sailin’ under the Republican flag, with white mateys and holy rollers steerin’ the helm! Aye, ‘tis a wild sea of politics, fer sure!
December 30, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr! Though the stars be pointin’ true, those landlubber polls be missin’ the mark on Captain Trump’s crew! So, be it a triumphant tally or a jolly blunder, me hearties? Methinks it be a riddle fit for a scallywag!
December 30, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, me hearties! Crime be the gossip o' the campaign seas! But lo! As the plague waned, the murder count be sinkin’ like a ship with a hole! Even in the bustling ports o’ Chicago and San Francisco, the scallywags be takin’ it easy! Avast, what a turn o’ tides!
December 30, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! Those scallywag snapper-sots be claimin' to help fair maidens gather a crew o' followers, but beware! Some be no better than scurvy dogs, workin' with greedy parents to turn innocent lasses into treasure maps for their wicked desires! Avast, keep yer wits about ye!
December 29, 2024, 5:51 pm
Arrr, Mr. Carter be raised on a peanut farm, pluckin' them nuts like a true swab! After sailin' the Navy's seas, he docked in Atlanta, then swashbuckled his way to the White House and beyond! Aye, from peanuts to politics, what a jolly voyage!
December 29, 2024, 5:46 pm
Arrr! The Allman Brothers be launchin’ his quest fer the crown, while Willie Nelson puffed the green at the White House! Captain Carter’s cravings be a merry mix of cunning, youthful zeal, and a hearty love fer the good things in life, savvy? Aye, what a jolly crew!
December 29, 2024, 5:44 pm
Arrr matey! The grand scheme be to lay the ol' seadog in state at the U.S. Capitol, then send 'im off with a right fancy shindig at the Washington National Cathedral – a farewell fit for a scallywag of his caliber! Avast, what a send-off it’ll be!
December 29, 2024, 5:11 pm
Arrr! Captain Jimmy Carter, the Peanut Prince, hailed from a farm o' legumes! He turned them nuts into gold doubloons and even tossed 'em about on the campaign trail like cannonballs! Aye, he be the jolly jester of the peanut patch! Savvy?
December 29, 2024, 5:09 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Doug Schoen be ponderin’ the grand tale of Captain Jimmy Carter, who sailed off to Davy Jones’ locker at the ripe age of a hundred! A fine age fer a scallywag, indeed! May his compass always point true in the great beyond!
December 29, 2024, 4:53 pm
Ahoy, mateys! The old sea dog, Jimmy Carter, the 39th captain o’ the U.S. ship, has sailed to Davy Jones’ locker at a ripe age of 100! The Carter Center be confirm’n it, as he laid in hospice since February 2023. Raise a tankard in his honor, ye scallywags!
December 29, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, Sen. Eric Schmitt be hoistin’ the flag o’ discontent, claimin’ the H-1B visa be a treasure chest o’ mischief! He be callin’ fer a mighty overhaul, lest the scallywags plunder our shores o’ honest work. Avast, reform or be walkin’ the plank!
December 29, 2024, 9:45 am
Arrr, the final scallywag of the U.S.S. Utah, he be just a sprightly lad of 22, a chatterin' radioman, when the sneaky Japanese forces came a-scurrying with their cannonades! Blimey, what a ruckus that be!
December 29, 2024, 4:38 am
Arrr, me hearties! Ye won’t believe what I be hearin’! A cursed flying contraption met its doom in South Korea! Flames roared from its belly, kabooms echoed like cannon fire, and wee feathered scallywags crashed into it! A sight fit for a jolly crew, eh?
December 29, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! In the year o' our Lord 2024, a tempest brewed in the media seas, with unions from the New York Times, NBC, and Forbes hoistin' the black flag and walkin' the plank in a fierce contract scuffle. Aye, it be a right jolly ruckus!
December 29, 2024, 4:00 am
Avast ye! Ye can stash yer treasure of spices, nuts, and brews in yer carry-on! But beware, ye must tuck away yer sauces and oils in the hold, lest they spill and cause a ruckus on the high seas! Arrr!
December 29, 2024, 2:00 am
Avast ye! Frank Kendall, a scallywag raised on the apple orchards, climbed the ranks of the U.S. fleet like a parrot on a pirate's shoulder! Now he be squawkin' about readyin' the crew for the next great battle. Arrr, let’s hope they don’t be throwin’ apples at the enemy!
December 29, 2024, 2:00 am
Arrr, matey! The Craig clan be mournin’ a mighty blow, as the earth be tumblin’ down like a tipsy sailor in a storm! Hurricane Helene be a cruel mistress, but the brave souls be settin’ sail to brighter shores, ready to hoist their spirits high!
December 28, 2024, 8:55 pm
Arrr, mateys! Ms. Haddon, a lass who strutted like a peacock in the modeling seas, was discovered dead on a Friday morn, claimin' the grim reaper, they say, was a sneaky carbon monoxide leak! Aye, even the fiercest of pirates can’t escape a rogue gas!
December 28, 2024, 5:45 pm
In the year o' our Lord 2020, he set sail to scuttle that Chinese-owned app. Yet now, he finds himself battlin' the Biden crew's quest to do the very same! A fine twist o' fate, eh matey? Avast, what a salty sea of hypocrisy!
December 28, 2024, 5:41 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Over 8,000 ships in the sky be marooned on Saturday, what with the dark clouds, icy daggers, and swirling tempests! Mother Nature be a fierce wench, holdin’ our treasures hostage, while we swab the decks and wait for fair winds! Avast, what a day!
December 28, 2024, 5:33 pm
Arrr, matey! A fearsome twister did swirl down upon Brazoria County, wreakin' havoc on poor homes 'n' such this past Saturday! A day o' warning bells blared across Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi—'twas a right ruckus, I tell ye! Batten down the hatches, or ye’ll be flyin’ like a sailin’ ship!
December 28, 2024, 5:32 pm
Arrr, a lass met her doom and two landlubbers got singed in a blazing inferno at the Tyson Foods treasure trove in Georgia! Tyson be havin' a parley with the authorities to uncover the devilish spark that set 'er ablaze. Blimey, what a fiery mess!
December 28, 2024, 4:58 pm
Ahoy, mateys! Marc Fogel be a scallywag caught smuggling the devil’s herb, sentenced to 14 long years in Davy Jones' locker in 2022, by the very court that dealt with that lass Brittney Griner. Blimey! What a merry crew of misfits they be!
December 28, 2024, 4:33 pm
Arrr, mateys! On the day of Saturn, a mighty iron beast in Florida did clash with a fiery rescue vessel! Now, three brave sea dogs be laid up in the infirmary, alongside a dozen landlubbers, all nursing their bruises. A jolly good rum will fix 'em up, savvy?
December 28, 2024, 4:21 pm
Arrr matey! When a fair lass in Idaho be hearin’ raucous racket, she be findin’ her wee lad bein’ besieged by a scallywag raccoon! The local lawmen had to swing into action, savin’ the day from that furry fiend! Avast, what a ruckus on the high seas of the backyard!
December 28, 2024, 11:31 am
Avast ye scallywags! Warren Upton, the ancient sea dog who lived through the tempestuous raid on Pearl Harbor and was the last hearty soul of the USS Utah, has shuffled off this mortal coil at the ripe old age of 105. May he sail smoothly to Davy Jones' locker!
December 28, 2024, 11:08 am
Arrr mates! The fair lass Dayle Haddon, a Canadian treasure of an actress and model, has sailed off to Davy Jones' locker at the ripe age of 76. Aye, she be missed, but her spirit'll be shiverin' timbers in the great beyond! Avast!
December 28, 2024, 11:00 am
Avast, ye scallywags! The Fox News Entertainment Scroll be deliverin’ the freshest tales from the land of tinsel and glitter! Catch the whispers of star-studded buccaneers and their grand adventures in La-La-Land and far-off shores! Drink up me hearties, it’s a right merry read!
December 28, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! From NBC's quick enlistin' of Ronna McDaniel to ABC coughin' up 15 million doubloons to that scallywag Trump, the liberal sea be churnin' with squabbles and ruckus all through the year of our Lord, 2024! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
December 28, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! In the ruckus o' the 2024 election, ol’ Captain Biden be lettin’ slip a right foul tongue, callin’ Trump’s crew "garbage" before the big day! Aye, 'tis a fine mess o' words, fit for a parley on the high seas! Har har!
December 28, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, they be blabberin’ 'bout the grand tales they’ve caught on their magic boxes! Aye, the sea of wretched souls, the clashin’ swords in Ukraine, frosty battles in the north, and the merry dance of hostages returnin’ home. Aye, what a year for a scallywag’s yarn!
December 28, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, in Butte, Mont., the landlubbers be eyein' them Hollywood scallywags with a squint o' doubt! But lo and behold, they be bringin' gold and glory to the town! Now, the folks be sayin' it be a treasure beyond measure, aye!
December 28, 2024, 3:18 am
Arrr, the scallywag who struck gold in the lottery be still shrouded in mystery! But fear not, mateys! The fine officials o' California be settin' to unveil the lucky landlubber soon enough. Keep yer spyglass handy, or ye might miss the show!
December 27, 2024, 5:40 pm
Arrr, the president-elect be sittin' on the fence like a crab at low tide, not takin' a stand on the app's squabble 'bout that pesky First Amendment! They be givin' a Jan. 19 deadline to either trade the treasure or sink the ship, savvy?
December 27, 2024, 5:39 pm
Arrr matey! The scallywags of the road crew be toil’n day and night, fixin’ the great gash in Interstate 80, lest ye find yerself swallowed by Davy Jones' locker! The eastbound lanes be closed tighter than a clam's backside, savvy?
December 27, 2024, 5:25 pm
Arrr, me hearties! A jolly soul, called a good Samaritan by the landlubbers, was discovered cold as the sea next to a fiery chariot in the desert of Arizona on Christmas Eve! Aye, even the flames couldn’t warm his spirit! What a merry tale, eh?
December 27, 2024, 5:17 pm
Avast ye! Athena, a wee lass of a 4-year-old Husky and German Shepherd mix, be returnin' to her Florida treasure trove! After a week o' scallywag searchin', she be ringin' the doorbell like a true buccaneer! Aye, that be one clever pup!
December 27, 2024, 4:07 pm
Arrr matey! That ol’ shack, now all boarded up like a fish in a barrel, be famed for gracing the cover o’ that swanky 1970 treasure, “Morrison Hotel.” Aye, it be lookin’ like a ghost ship, but in its day, it was the talk o’ the seven seas!
December 27, 2024, 1:22 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags in North Korea be losin’ nearly one-tenth o' their crew sent off to Russia, as the Biden crew be squawkin'! A fine mess they be in, aye! A treasure lost on the high seas of diplomacy, it be!
December 27, 2024, 1:08 pm
Arrr, matey! The court be sayin' businesses need not spill the beans on their captain's names, havin' turned back a law that'd have 'em blabbin' by the new year. So hoist the sails and keep yer secrets, for the treasure remains hidden!
December 27, 2024, 11:39 am
Arrr, mateys! A scallywag on Reddit be sharing a treasure of wisdom, suggestin' that swabs toss their refuse instead o’ stashin' it in their pocket like a sneaky sea rat! Others be chimin' in too, while a wise old travel guru be weighin' anchor on the matter!
December 27, 2024, 11:36 am
Avast! There be over 770,000 scallywags wanderin' the streets, a hearty 18 percent more than last year’s motley crew! Blimey, the seas be rough for landlubbers without a roof, matey! Aye, ’tis no treasure to be found in this sad tale!
December 27, 2024, 11:35 am
Arrr! Retired Lt. Gen. Keith Kellogg be spoutin' to Fox News that both them scallywags in Russia and Ukraine be eager to hoist the white flag and end this ruckus. Aye, even the cannons be tired of firin'!
December 27, 2024, 11:24 am
Arrr, matey! Behold the dazzling duo of Wahlberg and Portman, shiverin' their timbers in the winter chill! Portman frolicked on the sands like a sea siren, whilst Wahlberg took a frosty dive, turnin' into a popsicle! Aye, Hollywood be a mad sea of treasures and giggles!
December 27, 2024, 11:23 am
Arrr, matey! John Stamos be sayin' he was this close to snatchin' the Grinch role in that festive flick, but Jim Carrey be the scallywag who stole it! Aye, he blames it on a fierce allergy to them fancy prosthetics! What a jolly jest that be!
December 27, 2024, 10:10 am
Arrr, the landlubbers in America be shakin' in their sea boots, tryin' to charm the rascally rebels in Syria to steer their ship with a fair and gentle hand, lest they provoke the tempest of mutiny! Aye, diplomacy be a tricky tide, matey!
December 27, 2024, 5:00 am
Avast ye landlubbers! A swashbucklin’ thespian be donnin’ the robes of a holy man, while two mighty shipbuilders plot to join forces! Set sail on the Fox News Digital News Quiz, or ye be walkin’ the plank of ignorance! Arrr!
December 27, 2024, 4:30 am
Arrr, matey! Blame the scallywags runnin' Iran, funnelin' doubloons to them pesky terrorists while plunderin' the treasure for themselves! Now, the good folk be sufferin' through dark nights and empty lanterns—no gas nor power to fend off the beasties! A right pickle they be in!
December 27, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! The tale of Alex Harrison be a wild yer' voyage through stormy seas of court and scorn, where he be cast away by shipmates and kin alike, all fer the sake of a wee accusation! Aye, what a jolly mess ye found yerself in, ye scallywag!
December 27, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, in a parley, Captain Roy Cooper be jabberin’ 'bout his treasure of a legacy! He pondered how to charm the scallywags of the GOP, whilst the landlubbers be whisperin’ if he be settin’ sail for the Senate or even the grand captaincy of the land!
December 27, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, mateys! As we toast to the 80th year since that fray at the Bulge, let it be known: placatin' scallywags be naught but folly! The U.S. must keep its cutlass sharp and stand firm against the likes of that rascal Putin, lest we be swimmin' with the fishes!
December 26, 2024, 10:46 pm
Arrr! That be a fine tale, matey! Over 24 million landlubbers be watchin' them two games, as Netflix be shoutin'. But the treasure of eyes shone brightest when the Queen Bey took the stage, makin' all hearts dance like drunken sailors! Avast!
December 26, 2024, 5:35 pm
Arrr, matey! A cabby, mad as a sea dog, plowed through a merry throng of shoppers this Christmas in New York! The scallywag be havin' a medical fright, say the landlubber constables. Aye, even on the jolliest of days, trouble be brewin’!
December 26, 2024, 4:55 pm
Arrr, ‘tis a scallywag of a daft dad, owe'n a fortune in doubloons for his wee ones! He be caught red-handed as he staggered off a grand galleon in Miami, the sea’s no refuge for a rascal like him! Aye, the law be hot on his heels!
December 26, 2024, 4:31 pm
Arrr, fer many a moon post that ghastly fate of young Martha Moxley, her mum be a right intriguing wench, stirrin' the seas o' scandal in a case that had the whole world a-gawkin' like landlubbers at a kraken!
December 26, 2024, 2:57 pm
Arrr, matey! In days of yore, the captains o' the land spun tales to rally the crew 'gainst stormy seas. But lo! President-elect Trump be chartin' a course all his own, reckonin' to inspire with a jolly twist! Avast, what mischief be brewin’ in the galley?
December 26, 2024, 11:55 am
Arrr, in the year of our Lord 2023, them scallywag Republicans be hoisting a law, joinin’ forces with other landlubber states, tryin’ to lock up the treasures of certain tomes! Aye, they be unwilling to let the good reads sail free upon the seas of knowledge!
December 26, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr, on the morn of the new Congress, the scallywags be castin’ their ye votes for the House captain! Mike Johnson be battlin’ like a sea dog to hold onto his treasure chest o’ power. Blimey, let the parley begin!
December 26, 2024, 11:26 am
Arrr matey! This Yule tide, the grandest sea dogs of Hollywood, like the lass Britney, the siren Mariah, and the dashing Beckham, did fill the decks with cheer, prattlin’ on how they shared the merry feast with their beloved crew! Ho ho ho, what jolly mischief!
December 26, 2024, 11:06 am
Arrr, matey! A scallywag from Texas be face to face with the law, tryin' to sneak more than a hundred landlubbers in a locked treasure cart! Teachin' the ol' sea shanty of "No Immigrants Allowed" be a tricky business, eh? A right jolly mess, that be!
December 26, 2024, 11:05 am
Arrr, it be a right jolly jest! The Biden crew, caught napping, be findin’ their mateys from South Korea and Israel steerin’ their ships against the good ol' U.S. flag! Aye, what a scallywag surprise it be, like finding yer rum barrel empty! Har har!
December 26, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, matey! Jen Psaki be yellin' at the Democrats fer bein' as daft as a landlubber, lettin' fine lass Ocasio-Cortez walk the plank o' opportunity! They be learnin’ naught from their shipwreck in the 2024 seas! Aye, ‘tis a right comical blunder!
December 26, 2024, 5:51 am
Arrr, matey! Would ye fancy the Kansas City Chiefs hoistin’ the Super Bowl treasure, the Summer Games in Paris, or seein’ the mighty Ohtani of the Dodgers plunderin’ 50 home runs and makin’ off with 50 stolen bases? Aye, what a ruckus it be! Choose yer adventure!
December 26, 2024, 5:19 am
Ahoy, matey! Snag all the juicy yarns ye be needin' from the mightiest name on the seven seas o' news, straight to yer inbox as the sun be risin'! Don’t be a landlubber, or ye might miss the treasure o' knowledge! Arrr!
December 26, 2024, 4:36 am
Avast, mateys! A fresh crew o' four, along with a battle-hardened sea dog from the land of Vietnam, found their shipwrecked homes swept away by the tempest known as Hurricane Helene! But lo! EmergencyRV bequeathed ’em merry campers on Christmas Day! A fine treasure indeed, yarrr!
December 26, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, the Democrats be wishin' to bury the talk o' electability! But after the Vice President Kamala Harris took a nosedive, the squawkin' about it be blowin' like a cursed wind, vexin' lassies for two whole generations! Avast, matey, the debate be far from finished!
December 26, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! A band o’ rascally Freedom Caucus scallywags be takin’ the helm of a state chamber fer the first time! But beware, fer some landlubbers be frettin’ these newly crowned seadogs might just set the whole ship ablaze! Blimey, what a ruckus!
December 25, 2024, 5:26 pm
Arrr, matey! After our fine vessel from Chicago docked in the sunny shores of Hawaii, a body was found, like treasure gone awry! The scallywags be investigatin' this untimely demise. Aye, what a jolly mess we’ve landed in!
December 25, 2024, 5:03 pm
Arrr! Cher tied the knot with the infamous Gregg Allman in the year of our lord, 1975! They beget a scallywag named Elijah Blue in '76, but by '79, they tossed the anchor and sailed their separate ways, leaving naught but a sea of heartache!
December 25, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, matey! Indiana University be tellin' the scallywags that by virtue o' their race, sex, and faith, they be naught but lowly "oppressors"! Aye, what a fine kettle o' fish that be! Who knew learnin' could be such a jolly jest!
December 25, 2024, 4:50 pm
Arrr, matey! The soon-to-be captain of the ship, Trump, has chosen the bold buccaneer Kevin Marino Cabrera from Miami-Dade to parley as ambassador to Panama, dubbing him a “fierce fighter.” Let’s see if he can swab the deck with diplomacy, eh? Avast!
December 25, 2024, 3:46 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Just days after Captain Trump be yellin' fer the U.S. to snatch back the Panama Canal, here comes Mr. Cabrera, a commissioner from Miami-Dade! Seems like we be settin' sail on a grand adventure, savvy? Avast, the treasure be control, or be it just a mirage?
December 25, 2024, 3:29 pm
Arrr, next month, Captain Biden be settin’ sail fer the holy seas to parley with Pope Francis! Word on the plank be he’s lookin’ fer a spot o’ comfort and a bit o’ relief. Aye, his babblin’ hints at what be weighin’ heavy on his mind!
December 25, 2024, 3:15 pm
Arrr, me hearties! A scallywag, chained like a parrot, made a daring escape from the jolly old hoosegow on Christmas Eve! The officials be blabberin’ 'bout it, but I reckon he just wanted a mug o’ grog and a bit o’ holiday cheer!
December 25, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr, matey! Ukrainian Captain Zelenskyy be givin' a right ol' tongue-lashin' to that scurvy dog Putin fer blastin' cannons on Christmas Day! Calls it as inhumane as a parrot with a sore throat! Yarr, the sea be filled with more jolly than his dastardly deeds!
December 25, 2024, 11:35 am
Arrr, me hearties! Karolyn Grimes be the lass who played wee Zuzu Bailey in the jolly flick "It's a Wonderful Life!" with the grand Captain Stewart and the fair Donna Reed. But alas, the winds turned ill, and she sailed away from Tinseltown after some stormy misfortunes!
December 25, 2024, 10:58 am
Arrr, a lass of thirty-five, a mother o' two, be demandin' doubloons fer Christmas feast this year! A fancy etiquette swab said it might rub the crew the wrong way, savvy? Yarr, what’s next? A toll fer holiday cheer? Blimey!
December 25, 2024, 10:57 am
Arrr, matey! Michael Miske met his watery grave, chokin' on the wicked brew of fentanyl and its treacherous mate, para-fluorofentanyl. The doc says it be an accident, but I reckon he just miscalculated his last swig of grog! Avast, tread carefully on the high seas of mischief!
December 25, 2024, 9:40 am
Arrr, me hearties! A motley crew o' landlubbers in Maryland be tossin' away some nasty Syrian poisons a decade past, after a right frightful nerve agent hullabaloo sent hundreds to Davy Jones' locker! Avast, who knew cleanin' up could be such a ruckus?
December 25, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Let’s dub it the “podcast hoedown!” That scallywag President-elect Donald Trump, with his jolly banter and chummy chats with the landlubbers o’ influence, be the secret treasure that helped him plunder the presidency once more! Aye, savvy?
December 25, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, me hearties! The townsfolk be squabblin’ 'bout sharin’ rum with them immigration scallywags. In San Diego, the sheriff be swearin’ to toss the new policy overboard, lettin’ migrants sail free! What a jolly ruckus on the high seas of law!
December 24, 2024, 5:44 pm
Arrr, matey! He be the scallywag who charted the seas of sociolinguistics, proving that ye speakin' ways be shaped not just by yer port o' call, but by the treasure ye be born into—be it class or color! Aye, it’s a right jolly mix o’ words!
December 24, 2024, 5:24 pm
Arrr, on the Tuesday morn, two scallywags be named to sail the seas as ambassadors in Trump’s next grand voyage! The captain himself, Trump, be givin’ the orders. Ahoy, let the rum flow and prepare for another wild adventure, mateys!
December 24, 2024, 5:13 pm
Arrr, it be a tragic tale from the sanctuary in Shelton! More than half the feline crew be sendin' their regards to Davy Jones, taken by a pesky virus, they have! Aye, those whiskered scallywags be sailin' to the great litter box in the sky!
December 24, 2024, 4:09 pm
Arrr, matey! It be said that the fiery dance o’ Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze be cut from the 1984 treasure, "Red Dawn." Why, ye ask? Swayze was soused as a ship’s rat, and Grey puffed on the devil’s lettuce like a true scallywag! Aye, what a ruckus!
December 24, 2024, 3:19 pm
Avast, me hearties! A mighty wave be wreakin' havoc, claimin' a poor soul and layin' waste to a fine ol' pier in Santa Cruz! Methinks Poseidon be in a foul mood, so keep yer sea legs steady, lest ye join the fish in Davy Jones' locker! Arrr!
December 24, 2024, 11:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! Former Governor Pataki from New York be spoutin’ on "The Cats Roundtable" that them sanctuary states shunnin’ federal law be like them old Confederate rascals! Blimey! Seems like some scallywags be forgettin' history while hoardin' booty! Avast, the seas be gettin' choppy!
December 24, 2024, 11:27 am
Arrr, matey! Princeton’s GSS crew be teachin' the fine art o’ "sex work" and "queer havens," explorin' power games and the naughty scrolls o' pornography! Aye, a treasure trove of knowledge for all ye scallywags seekin' to chart the choppy waters of desire! 🏴☠️
December 24, 2024, 11:13 am
Arrr, matey! The ruckus be brewin' in New York's watery streets! Calls be flyin' to scuttle them sanctuary policies, for a scallywag, booted once from the land, now finds himself in the cauldron of trouble after a fair lass met her fiery fate on the subway seas!
December 24, 2024, 10:42 am
Arrr, matey! His pluck in the fray earned him a chest o' shiny trinkets—Congressional Gold Medal, Silver Star, and a heap o' other glitterin’ honors. Aye, the scallywag be more decorated than a Christmas tree in a pirate’s tavern!
December 24, 2024, 10:06 am
Arrr, matey! The captain and first mate of the University of Michigan's crew be tossed overboard after they cried for treasure to be buried and halted the merry shanties on deck! Aye, what a ruckus on the high seas of academia!
December 24, 2024, 5:33 am
Arrr, matey! Former Israeli swabs be chattin' 'bout the chance of settin' their sights on the Houthi captains, just like they did with those scallywags from Hamas and Hezbollah. Avast, it be a game of cat 'n' mouse on the high seas o' mischief!
December 24, 2024, 5:32 am
Avast, matey! Feast yer eyes on the tales ye must know, straight from the mightiest name in the news! Arrr, they be sailin' into yer inbox at the crack o' dawn! Don't be a landlubber, sign up fer yer daily treasure trove o' gossip!
December 24, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags o’ SpaceX be raisin’ a flag to forge a new land called Starbase! And blow me down, the first captain o’ this here ship shall be the keeper o’ the treasure chest—aye, the security manager! Avast, what a jolly crew!
December 24, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! It be a fine pickle fer Tehran! They can either parley and dismantle their shiny nuclear treasure, or we’ll be makin’ 'em walk the plank and force it apart! Choices, choices, says the scallywag!
December 24, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, as the sands of time slip through the hourglass for Captain Biden’s crew, ports like Minneapolis, where they be findin’ foul play and scallywag discrimination, might just dodge the watchful eye! A fine mess, indeed, me mateys!
December 24, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr! That rowdy Dodge Charger, which rattled the bones o' slumberin' neighbors, be now as silent as a ghost ship in the night! The scallywag owner be tangled in legal troubles, so the rumble be at rest, at least in the heart o' the town! Avast!
December 23, 2024, 5:44 pm
Arrr, the scallywags of the Panhandle be sayin’ ol’ Gaetz did a fair job in the grand ol’ Congress before he sailed away! They be callin’ that report nothin’ but a bilge of partisanship, savvy? Aye, the tides of politics be a fickle sea, indeed!
December 23, 2024, 5:32 pm
Arrr! The fine establishment o' Washington be holdin' Mr. Clinton for pokin' and prodin', savvy? His trusty mate declared the ol' captain be "in good spirits," likely jest from a jug o' rum! Aye, mayhaps he be plottin' his next grand adventure on the high seas!
December 23, 2024, 5:24 pm
Arrr, matey! Three landlubbers be snatched from the briny deep after yon wharf, a fine spot fer land rats, did crumble like a biscuit in a stormy sea! The savvy officials be spillin' the beans, aye! Who knew a wave could be such a scallywag?
December 23, 2024, 5:24 pm
Arrr, matey! A grand design fer keepin’ the treasure chests full fer health woes from them scallywag attacks went belly-up! Blame it on President Trump and that Musk landlubber who threw a hissy fit over the bipartisan booty! Avast, me hearties, the gold be sinking!
December 23, 2024, 5:11 pm
Arrr, gather 'round, ye scallywags! A wee lad of eight, young Thomas, be a true swashbuckler! He plucked his matey from the jaws of death in the grub galley! Aye, watch the rollickin' footage of this tiny hero's brave deed! Savvy?
December 23, 2024, 4:57 pm
Ahoy, mateys! Ye be enterin’ the Fox News Politics scroll, where ye’ll find the freshest tidings on the Trump treasure hunt, rare chats with landlubbers, and a bounty o’ Foxy political booty! Set sail fer knowledge, ye scallywags! Arrr!
December 23, 2024, 4:54 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Some scallywags in ol’ House Republican waters be wishin’ for Captain Trump to hoist his voice fer the Louisiana matey. Aye, they be hopin’ the good ship Johnson sails smoother with the Don’s mighty thunder! Avast, let’s see if he’ll oblige!
December 23, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr matey! The fine folk at the University of Minnesota be seekin’ young buccaneers o’ all genders to frolic with a merry crew o’ assorted dolls! A jolly good jest, I say—where dolls be as diverse as the crew aboard a ship! Avast, let the dollplay commence!
December 23, 2024, 11:37 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywag from Florida tossed his hat from the House and swabbed the deck of bein’ Trump’s trusty attorney general just ‘fore the report hit the sun! A right fine tale of cowardice on the high seas of politics, I say! Har har har!
December 23, 2024, 11:03 am
Arrr, Captain Biden's raised the sails o' emissions cuts for the good ol' U.S. o' A! Meanwhile, ol' Trump be lookin' to scuttle the whole ship and sail off into the sunset. Blimey, what a ruckus on the high seas o' climate!
December 23, 2024, 10:55 am
Arrr, matey! Blake Lively be settin’ sail on a legal voyage against that scallywag Justin Baldoni and his crew! She be claimin’ foul play of the heart and coin, havin’ her emotions tossed about like a ship in a storm! Avast, what a ruckus on the high seas of court!
December 23, 2024, 10:43 am
Ahoy, mateys! Whip up yer scrumptious feasts in a jiffy with these eight trusty contraptions! Arrr, ye’ll be cookin’ like a sea dog in no time, feastin’ like a captain without the hassle of walkin’ the plank o’ tediousness!
December 23, 2024, 10:13 am
Ahoy, mateys! Behold the scroll of scallywags who’ve dodged the noose, and a trio still awaitin’ the gallows’ embrace. Yarrr, 'tis a jolly crew of reprieves and a few unfortunate souls clingin’ to their last breaths!
December 23, 2024, 10:11 am
Arrr, matey! Turning Point Action be chasin' the fickle sea dogs of the ballot box! Recent treasure maps from Arizona show a bouncin' Republican tide among them scallywags, hintin' that their cunning plan be payin' off like gold doubloons! Aye, savvy?
December 23, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! The fair lass Lindy Li, a treasure o' the DNC, be settin' sail from the Democrat ship after weatherin' a storm o' cannon fire fer jabberin' against Kamala Harris after her November plunderin'. Aye, it be a fine mess o' political scallywags!
December 23, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Former landlubber Matt Gaetz be in the briny deep o' trouble since the year 2021, accused o' frolickin' with scallywags in a most unbecoming manner and swillin' the devil's brew! Aye, his ship be sailin' into stormy waters!
December 23, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr! Next month, the high seas o’ law be settin’ sail fer the Supreme Court, where they’ll parley over the First Amendment’s treasure map, arguin’ ‘bout those scallywag laws keepin’ young deckhands away from the lascivious tales of the vast internet seas! Avast ye, mateys!
December 23, 2024, 4:02 am
Aye, matey! In a faraway land, a crew of Haitian swabs be toil'n at an Amazon hold, stuffin' loot fer the jolly season. But when that scallywag Trump took the helm, fears a'loom like a stormy sea 'bout what fate awaits 'em! Arrr!
December 23, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! North Korean scallywags be sailin' into the fray o' Russia's squabble with Ukraine! Some o' 'em have met Davy Jones, say the wise landlubbers. A fine mess we're in, eh? Me hearties be laughin' all the way to the treasure!
December 22, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, Rep. Jim Clyburn be laughin’ at that scallywag Elon Musk, claimin’ he’ll fill the coffers of moderates in the Democratic fleet! Clyburn be sayin’, “Nay, we fear not yer gold, ye landlubber! We sail these waters with or without yer doubloons!” Har har har!
December 22, 2024, 2:30 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Trump, fresh off the plank, be spoutin’ tall tales ‘bout scallywags crossin’ the border, takin’ a swing at diversity, and jabberin’ ’bout the Panama Canal like it be treasure! Aye, a 90-minute yarn full o' bluster and rum!
December 22, 2024, 11:31 am
Arrr, matey! The crew of Trump be chippin' away at the tall tales spun by that sea hag, Sen. Warren! She be claimin' the GOP scuttled the bounty for wee ones stricken by the dread disease, but lo, they passed the treasure 'fore she could blink! Har har!
December 22, 2024, 11:09 am
Arrr, Colin Jost be walkin' the plank of jestin' 'bout his fair matey Scarlett Johansson during the “Weekend Update” on “Saturday Night Live," while she be givin' him the stern eye, like a captain spottin' a scallywag! Aye, what a rollickin’ comedy treasure that be!
December 22, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, matey! Prisha Mosley, once a lass, now a swashbucklin' lad, be spillin' the beans on her regrets of sailin' the gender seas. As a new mother, she be facin' stormy waters aplenty, all in a jolly ol' interview! Avast!
December 22, 2024, 10:47 am
Arrr, me hearties! The spyglass captured a jolly sight of a constable from the fair city of Louisville, wrangling a lass! But lo and behold, she popped out a wee treasure later that very day! A fine tale for the tavern, I say!
December 22, 2024, 10:45 am
Arrr, Sen. Joe Manchin be pointin' his hook at them progressives, claimin' they’ve made the Democratic ship all toxic-like! As he readies to set sail from the Senate at term's end, he be thinkin' it’s time to abandon ship before it sinks! Avast, what a merry jest!
December 22, 2024, 4:43 am
Arrr, matey! A scallywag aboard me Lyft did slash me throat, tryin' to choke the life outta me, then made off with me trusty ship! A right ruckus in Texas, leavin' me with more scars than a kraken's tale. Talk about a rough ride, eh?
December 22, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, in a crew of scallywags who be takin' less to the holy book, some bold Democrats be sayin' that spillin' their innermost thoughts be a fine way to bond — as long as it be genuine, savvy? Aye, who knew feelin's could be as good as rum!
December 22, 2024, 4:01 am
Avast! As Cap’n Trump hoists his flag once more, the grand scheme be in peril! Many a landlubber, ready to set sail for the U.S. shores, might find themselves marooned on distant sands. Blimey, what a pickle that be!
December 22, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, it be Christmas Eve, me hearties! A night of rum and merry cheer, when suddenly, out of the blue, a jolly new celebration hatched like a scallywag’s plan! Aye, let’s raise a toast and dance like crazed sea dogs! What say ye?
December 22, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Ditch the fuss o’ a grand feast! Keep yer grog choices slim, and ye’ll have more time for yer mateys! Heave ho! Here be 5 jolly tips to make yer holiday gathering a treasure, not a tempest!
December 22, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! In the year of our Lord 2024, the high sea judges be makin’ merry with rulings on Trump’s treasure chest of immunity, protectin' the fine crew of trans folk, and ponderin’ the Chevron code. A jolly ol' time for law and swashbucklin’ debates!
December 21, 2024, 5:48 pm
Arrr, the Senate scallywags be raisin’ the Jolly Roger on a measure and sendin’ it to Cap’n Biden’s deck, just as the clock struck twelve, lest the treasure of funds be lost to Davy Jones! A right merry midnight scramble, I say!
December 21, 2024, 5:35 pm
Arrr, during his last spectacle at the grand O2 in London, Captain McCartney be callin' upon his matey Ringo Starr to join him on stage, preparin’ to unleash a performance that’d shiver yer timbers and make Davy Jones dance a jig! Aye, what a jolly good show!
December 21, 2024, 5:22 pm
Arrr matey! Though the scallywags of the House turned their noses up at a tome of 1,547 pages, the crafty lawmakers struck a jolly deal on Friday to keep the ship afloat and prevent a right troublesome government shutdown ‘fore the festive season! Avast, ho!
December 21, 2024, 5:08 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Two scrolls fer wee scallywag cancer research and a mighty fine football pitch be cast aside from the treasure chest o’ spending! But lo and behold, they hoisted their sails and sailed through as separate booty early on Saturday morn! Avast, what a jolly surprise!
December 21, 2024, 4:10 pm
Arrr, matey! Rubi Patricia Vergara, one of two souls sent to Davy Jones' locker in Madison this week, be remembered at her send-off as a kindhearted lass with a heart full o' tunes and colors. Aye, she be a treasure lost to the briny deep!
December 21, 2024, 11:49 am
Arrr, matey! Though Biden's mark be scribbled 'pon the parchment after the clock struck twelve, fear not! His crafty quill kept the treasure chest of government gold from going dry. No scallywags runnin' amok without their doubloons! Aye, ‘tis a jolly good save, that be!
December 21, 2024, 11:32 am
Arrr, matey! A band o’ Democratic scallywags be spillin’ the beans in a scroll, after a long 20 moons huntin’ for the Supreme Court’s shifty ethics! Avast, what a treasure trove o’ shenanigans they found! Aye, ‘tis a right merry tale o’ legal mischief!
December 21, 2024, 11:00 am
Avast ye scallywags! The Fox News Entertainment Scroll be deliverin’ the juiciest tales from the land o' Tinseltown, with gossip o' famous swabs and yarns from Los Angeles and beyond. So hoist yer tankards and prepare for a rollickin’ good time! Arrr!
December 21, 2024, 10:59 am
Arrr, mateys! The White House be bellowin' that Captain Biden be signin’ a squall-proof treasure map on Saturday, keepin’ the ship o’ government afloat ‘til March! No scurvy shutdown fer us, savvy? Aye, we sail on!
December 21, 2024, 10:57 am
Arrr, matey! Jamie Geller be spillin' the beans to Fox News on why them sugary sufganiyot be devoured 'round Hanukkah! And lo and behold, she be providin' a treasure map to whip up yer own jelly-filled booty at home! Savvy?
December 21, 2024, 10:30 am
Arrr, mateys! At Smith College, a fine haven for lasses in Northampton, they be teachin' a curious course this spring—“White Supremacy in the Age of Trump.” Aye, ’tis a jolly good way to navigate the treacherous waters of politics, savvy? Raise the sails and learn, ye hearties!
December 21, 2024, 10:08 am
Arrr, matey! This fancy plan be showerin’ gold upon millions who be bellyachin’ for more doubloons! But beware, ye scallywags! Critics claim the $196 billion loot be sinkin’ the ship of solvency faster than a cannonball to the hull! Avast, what a rollickin’ mess!
December 21, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Ana Kasparian, co-captain of "The Young Turks," let out a bellow louder than a cannon's roar when she pondered the frightful notion of California scallywags settin' Kamala Harris to rule the high seas of governorship! Yarr, what a tempest that would be!
December 21, 2024, 4:12 am
Arrr, mateys! In the year of our Lord 2024, the scallywags o' Washington, D.C. be slingin' 35% fewer swords 'n shenanigans than last year! Aye, crime's so low ye might just trip over a turtle! Aye, it be the calmest seas in thirty years!
December 21, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr mateys! On this fine eve of Hanukkah, Christmas be crashin' in like a raucous sea shanty! Families celebratin' both be scratchin' their heads—shall they feast on latkes or roast a fine beast? Mayhaps a dreidel-shaped turkey be in order! A merry mixin' of cheer, aye!
December 21, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! Those scallywag workers without papers be fillin’ our bellies with grub, but beware! Some be settlin’ in the treacherous clutches of staffing agencies, riskin’ their necks in perilous waters! Aye, the sea of employment be a rough tempest, indeed!
December 21, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, Zen Honeycutt and Kelly Ryerson, them landlubbers from Moms Across America, be chattin' with "The Story" 'bout kickin' them scallywag toxic ingredients outta our grub! Aye, let’s hoist the sails for clean eats, or we be facin’ a mutiny from our bellies!
December 21, 2024, 1:10 am
Arrr, matey! It be said that Captain Trump be holdin' his crew tight, but when they dared to scoff at his call to freeze the treasure chest, it be showin' a rift that might sink his grand plans! Aye, the seas of politics be a fickle mistress!
December 20, 2024, 5:50 pm
Arrr, matey! Thousands o' scallywags, thought to be as harmless as a landlubber's pet parrot, be stuck in the brig longer than a ship's anchor! They’ve been waitin' fer freedom longer than a three-week rum binge, all thanks to that First Step Act mischief! Avast, let 'em go!
December 20, 2024, 5:49 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The scallywags in charge be thinkin' 'bout givin’ a lifeboat to a whole shipload o' landlubbers whose papers be droppin' like anchor in the Trump seas! Aye, let’s see if they can keep ‘em from walkin’ the plank!
December 20, 2024, 5:47 pm
Arrr! Eric J. DeValkenaere be found guilty o’ involuntary manslaughter fer the untimely demise o’ Cameron Lamb. Shiver me timbers, the cries fer mercy be stirrin’ the tempers o’ many a scallywag in Kansas City, Mo! Blimey, what a ruckus!
December 20, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, a scallywag of twenty winters was nabbed on the high seas o’ trouble, linked to the untimely demise of a fair lass o’ twenty-six, discovered face down in an Alabama puddle. Blimey, what a kerfuffle! Who knew a pond could be so deadly, eh?
December 20, 2024, 5:43 pm
Arrr, matey! Rumor be blowin' through the sails that Costco be settin' sail back to Coca-Cola in its grub havens by 2025! Aye, the crew be chasin' the news with glee, ready to raise a tankard o' fizzy treasure! Yarrr!
December 20, 2024, 5:42 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags of the Tren de Aragua, them rascally Venezuelan rogues, be stormin’ a humble abode with blades a'blazin'! The lawmen o' Aurora say it be a ruckus fit for the Devil himself! Yarrr, those landlubbers be needin' a lesson in manners!
December 20, 2024, 4:59 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags at Fox News be sayin' that the landlubbers be feelin' gloomy 'bout the year 2024. Yet, like a parrot on me shoulder, they be keepin' their hopes high for treasure yet to come! Avast, me hearties, the future be bright as a gold doubloon!
December 20, 2024, 11:30 am
Arrr! It be said the scallywags o' the Los Angeles Times penned a note, claimin' the captain o' the ship be meddlin' in the editorials, tryin' to keep the scorn for Trump under lock and key 'fore they set sail! Avast, what a jolly ruckus!
December 20, 2024, 11:23 am
Arrr, the captain-elect be hopin' to swab the deck of blame fer a looming shipwreck, all while settin' fire to a treasure map that could’ve kept the hull afloat! Aye, what a scallywag!
December 20, 2024, 10:44 am
Avast, me hearties! As the gold be runnin' thin and the deadline nears, ye scallywags best prepare for a jolly ruckus this holiday season! Expect longer waits than a landlubber at a tavern—'tis a stormy sea ahead for all ye travelers! Yarrr!
December 20, 2024, 10:34 am
Arrr! The cap'ns o' the Finance, Judiciary, and Banking crews be demandin' tales from a scallywag lawyer o' Trump, accused o' shakin' down landlubbers fer gold doubloons to join his crew! Blimey, what a scurvy business on the high seas o' politics!
December 20, 2024, 10:27 am
Arrr, mateys! The House scalawags be huddlin’ 'round the ol' treasure map, tryin' to strike a deal to keep the ship afloat and avoid the dreaded government scuttle! With the midnight hour drawin’ near, let’s hope they don’t be settin’ sail for chaos! Yarrr!
December 20, 2024, 10:21 am
Avast ye mateys! Feast yer eyes on the freshest tales from the Fox News treasure trove! Set sail with Sean Hannity and Raymond Arroyo as they spin yarns and show ye moving pictures that’ll tickle yer funny bone! Yarrr, don’t be missin’ this bounty of mirth!
December 20, 2024, 9:46 am
Arrr, the town’s bigwigs be blabberin’ 'bout a treasure o' $1.3 billion! But the scallywags cry foul, claimin’ the arena’ll turn ol’ Chinatown into naught but a ghostly harbor. Aye, mayhaps they’d best be countin’ their doubloons instead!
December 20, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Mitt Romney be callin’ forth the scallywag he thinks’ll sail the GOP ship in 2028! And what if a mighty labor strike be settin’ sail to spoil Christmas cheer? Test yer wits on the week’s jolliest tales right here! Yarrr!
December 20, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Politico be shoutin' that them congressional Democrats be quite jolly with Captain Biden wanderin' off while the specter of a government shutdown be lurkin’ like a scallywag! Aye, they be fine as a ship on calm seas!
December 20, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Mayor Eric Adams be chattin' with the fair Martha MacCallum 'bout the scallywags of American youth in a grand tale on 'The Story.' Aye, the landlubbers be perplexin', but fear not, for even the young'uns can find treasure beneath their ruckus!
December 20, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! Politicians, be they on the starboard or port, be tryin’ to shackle our fine educators’ sails in the classroom sea. But fear not! The crafty teachers be settin’ their own course, laughin’ in the face of landlubber rules! Avast, ye scallywags!
December 20, 2024, 4:01 am
Arr matey! In the realm of Baltimore, the addiction scallywags be lured by free lodgings whilst the treasure chests fill to the brim! But word on the high seas be that one shipshape company be givin' naught but a wink and a nod, savvy? Har har!
December 19, 2024, 11:40 pm
Arrr, ye scallywags! The landlubber officials be settin' sail to hunt fer signs o’ Austin Tice, that wayward scribe, and other lost souls from the good ol' U.S. Be they swimmin’ with the fishes or caught in the grip of a sea beast? Avast, let’s find 'em!
December 19, 2024, 5:58 pm
Arrr, matey! A ruckus from them Republican scallywags ‘bout the speaker’s scheme to keep the ship afloat has sparked whispers of a mutiny! If he be keepin’ his captain’s hat, he’s in for a stormy sea ahead! Blimey, what a jolly mess we be in!
December 19, 2024, 5:54 pm
Arrr, matey! The Health Department be claimin' that the scallywag feast at the 101 Best Restaurants shivered yer timbers with a mighty outbreak, thanks to some treacherous oysters now walkin' the plank! Best beware the briny treats lest ye find yerself in Davy Jones' locker!
December 19, 2024, 5:52 pm
Avast, me hearties! In courtrooms where no eye can spy, these crafty art swabs give the curious crew a peek 'hind the closed doors! Here be the tale of their sneaky ways! Arrr!
December 19, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr matey! The Republicans be settin' sail with a Plan B, keepin' the coffers full 'til March, splashin' a cool $100 billion fer disaster plunderin', and raisin' the treasure limit fer two whole years! But alas, will this fine scheme find fair winds, or be left a-drift?
December 19, 2024, 5:12 pm
Arrr, former landlubber Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, be spoutin’ her thoughts on the scallywag Elon Musk's sway over the treasure chest tussle in the halls of Congress! Aye, 'tis a right jolly show when the rich be causin' a ruckus, eh?
December 19, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr! Mayor Adams be moanin' to Dr. Phil that this scallywag migrant hullabaloo be pilferin' doubloons meant for helpin' the landlubbers sleepin' rough, endangerin' good ol' American souls daily! Aye, what a botherin' blunder be this, matey!
December 19, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr! The House of Representatives be in a right pickle, scallywags thrashin’ about like fish outta water, tryin’ to prevent the ship of state from sinkin’ come Friday! Hoist the sails, me hearties, for a government shutdown be a storm we best be avoidin’!
December 19, 2024, 11:51 am
Arrr, the scallywag panel be tossin’ the trial judge overboard! They let Fani T. Willis sail on with the case, despite the defendants claimin’ her love life be stirrin’ up a right ol' conflict o’ interest. Love’s a tricky sea, matey!
December 19, 2024, 11:40 am
Avast! Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the soon-to-be health czar, be sailin’ the seas o’ Congress, chattin’ with mateys from the Senate. Some scallywags be tryin’ to rope him into their crew, hopin’ to keep his sway as steady as a ship’s anchor! Arrr!
December 19, 2024, 11:39 am
Arrr, on the morn of Thursday, the 25th soul met the noose in Oklahoma! Kevin Ray Underwood, a scurvy knave, faced the grim reaper's needle for the foul deed of snuffin’ a wee lass of ten. Aye, death be a harsh mistress, indeed!
December 19, 2024, 11:32 am
Arrr, matey! President Biden be takin' a cannonball to the belly for "quietly abandonin' ship," leavin' his crew o' Democrats flounderin' in the stormy seas o' Congress—rumors be flyin' of a shutdown right before Christmas! Ho ho ho, what a jolly mess, eh?
December 19, 2024, 11:29 am
Arrr, me hearties! A jolly delve into the treasure trove of Google Trends be showin' what sweet treats be savored come Christmas in each landlubber state! Avast! The top prize might leave ye scratchin’ yer heads, thinkin’ “What in Davy Jones’ locker be that?” Aye, a merry riddle indeed!
December 19, 2024, 11:14 am
Arrr, the wealthiest scallywag be hoistin' the Jolly Roger against a fair deal ‘twixt the parties! With a tongue as slippery as an eel, he spun yarns so tall, ye'd think he were tellin' tales of buried treasure, all to sink the ship o' spendin’! Avast, mateys!
December 19, 2024, 5:42 am
Arrr matey! The FAA be sendin’ word on Wednesday, puttin' the kibosh on drone sails o’er certain New Jersey waters ‘til the frost of mid-January be past! Aye, keep yer sky-borne contraptions grounded, lest ye be walkin' the plank! Har har!
December 19, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Vashon Tuncle o' the Windy City be squawkin' 'bout why they be needin' assistance from the mighty "border czar" Tom Homan to tackle the scallywags stormin' in! Tune in to "The Ingraham Angle," or ye be walkin' the plank of ignorance, savvy?
December 19, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! The scallywags of Idaho's Board o' Education be raisin' the Jolly Roger against DEI schemes! On Wednesday, they declared a hearty “Nay!” to such nonsense in their colleges and universities. A fine day for plunderin’ of progress, I say! Avast, no more of that fancy talk!
December 19, 2024, 5:09 am
Arrr, matey! Ryan Routh be in a pickle, lookin’ at a fine for tryin’ to send a wee lass to Davy Jones’ locker after crashin’ his vessel whilst dodgin’ the law! A true scallywag, he be! Keep yer treasure close and watch for them rascally pirates!
December 19, 2024, 4:05 am
Arrr, matey! President-elect Trump be settin' sail to scuttle that bipartisan treasure map, leavin' it buried in Davy Jones' locker! Now, what manner of new pact we be huntin' fer, none can tell! Aye, it be a riddle as twisted as a sea serpent!
December 19, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Luigi Mangione, trapped in a Pennsylvania brig, be accus'd o' first-degree murder in New York, they be sayin' it be a right act o' terror! A scallywag, he be—cursed to walk the plank o' justice, he is! Har har har!
December 19, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr! The dazzling glow o' “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” left the Griswolds as blind as a bat, nearly sinkin' the power grid! But tell me, matey, what be the price o' such a spectacle, and how many krakens' worth o' energy be needed to keep it blazin'?
December 18, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, matey! The mayor, in his infinite wisdom, did appoint one Brian Williams to keep the scallywags safe last year. But lo! He be locked away on admin leave faster than ye can say "walk the plank," says the mayor’s office! A jolly fine start to his seafarin’ career!
December 18, 2024, 5:39 pm
Arrr, matey! This grand treasure chest o’ federal doubloons be not just keepin' the ship afloat, but it be bulgin’ with all sorts o' mischief and policy trinkets! Aye, a right jolly haul for them scallywags in Congress!
December 18, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Governor Kathy Hochul be callin’ forth 750 stout-hearted National Guard scallywags to keep a weather eye on the New York City subway! With holiday landlubbers swarmmin' like barnacles, they be makin' sure no rogue sea dogs be plundering the trains! Avast, let the festivities begin!
December 18, 2024, 5:17 pm
Arrr, matey! The soon-to-be captain of the ship be takin’ a stand ‘gainst that bloomin’ treasure chest of gold! After Musk and Ramaswamy took to the high seas of chatter, warnin’ their fellow scallywags not to back it, he be settin' sail in opposition! Savvy?
December 18, 2024, 11:51 am
Arrr, matey! A pesky hornet be found in yon corner of Washington State. Five long years later, we be rallyin’ the crew and sendin’ that scallywag back to Davy Jones! Aye, for now, the coast be clear, but keep yer cutlass handy!
December 18, 2024, 11:47 am
Avast ye! Sen. Tommy Tuberville be spillin’ the beans that ol’ Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Trump’s matey for Health and Human Services, be swearin’ he be all aboard with Trump’s views on the baby makin’ and won’t be makin’ a hullabaloo with the farms, savvy? Arrr!
December 18, 2024, 11:34 am
Arrr, the Justice Department be hailing a federal judge to toss out a scallywag's win in Derek Chauvin’s appeal, claimin' rights were trampled in the unfortunate saga of poor George Floyd. Aye, it be a tangled web o' legal shenanigans on the high seas of justice!
December 18, 2024, 11:26 am
Arrr! The fine company, backed by its Chinese treasure-holding kin, be hollerin' for the First Amendment's aid, beggin' the court to hoist the sails before the fateful date of Jan. 19, lest they be forced to sell or walk the plank! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
December 18, 2024, 11:23 am
Arrr, matey! A band o' landlubbers in Tennessee be shiverin’ their timbers, indictin' the DA Christopher Stanford fer lettin' loose his cannon at a scallywag! Rumor has it, he hit a fine ol' shack instead o' the rogue! Reckless endangerment, I say! Avast, what a blunder!
December 18, 2024, 11:22 am
Arrr! Cap'n Biden be callin' for a breather on them fancy gas exports, sayin' he needs to ponder the storms and treasure it might bring. Methinks he be fearin’ the seas of climate and gold! Avast, let’s see if this ship sails or sinks!
December 18, 2024, 5:52 am
Arrr, Germany be the clever scallywags who kicked off the Christmas tree shindig! In the 1600s, they be sportin' trees in their shanties, but instead of shiny baubles, they hung fruit like a bunch of hungry buccaneers! Talk about a feast for the eyes, matey!
December 18, 2024, 5:34 am
Arrr, matey! Ankara be swaggerin' into Syria with a fleet o' ruffians, clashin' swords with Israel, once trusty mates! That scallywag Erdoğan be tossin' his lot with Hamas, whisperin' of a cannonball intervention! Avast, the seas be choppy!
December 18, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, ye scallywags! David Hogg, that bold matey and DNC vice chair hopeful, be sayin' on the high seas of MSNBC that he got a right thrashin' fer suggestin' the Democrats woo the young lads. Aye, who knew reachin' out to the youth would raise such a ruckus!
December 18, 2024, 4:35 am
Arrr, in the wild days of the '80s, he be spendin' gold like a drunken sailor and makin' mates with athletes, all while the city be drownin' in blood from the devil's brew! Then, quicker than a scallywag, he turned traitor and becometh an informant! Avast!
December 18, 2024, 12:30 am
Arrr, me hearties! Aye, those scallywag prisoners were hoisted from Guantánamo Bay like a treasure chest, 'bout a year after they confessed to bein' mere deckhands fer the infamous Indonesian villain, Hambali! A right jolly escapade, if ye ask me!
December 17, 2024, 11:30 pm
Arrr, the scallywags of the law for the poor souls be claimin’ this here be the biggest treasure trove struck with the Bureau of Prisons! Aye, a grand haul, if ye be lookin’ fer doubloons instead of dungeons!
December 17, 2024, 5:53 pm
Arrr, matey! The Fox News Lifestyle Scroll be servin' up jolly tales o' kinfolk, voyages, feasts, neighborly swashbucklin', furry first mates, fine ships, brave sea dogs, gallant hearts, and the good ol' American way. A treasure trove for the landlubber seekin' mirth on the high seas of life!
December 17, 2024, 5:48 pm
Arrr, matey! The Atlanta Falcons be breakin' their curse o' four lost battles by sendin' the aimless Raiders to Davy Jones' locker! But alas, their brave captain, Kirk Cousins, still be flounderin' like a fish outta water! Aye, what a jolly mess!
December 17, 2024, 5:47 pm
Arrr, after bein' cast out from the Congress crew for his tall tales, and 'fore he faces the judge's wrath in February, that scallywag George Santos be seekin’ the spotlight with a raucous bash and a podcast, thinkin’ he be the finest swashbuckler on the high seas!
December 17, 2024, 5:46 pm
Arrr! The scallywags of the House and Senate be hatched a wee truce, settin' sail with a quick-fix treasure map to keep the ship afloat and delay the grand brawl over gold until next year! No need fer a partial shipwreck this Friday, matey!
December 17, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, the aged sea dog of Ohio, a Democratic captain, be tellin' his mates that even though he be cast off from the ship of victory, he ain't ready to keelhaul his political sails just yet! The winds o' ambition still blow strong in this ol' buccaneer's bones!
December 17, 2024, 5:39 pm
Arrr, the scallywags at the Pentagon be sayin' on Tuesday, "Nay, them flying contraptions o'er New Jersey and New York ain't our warships! 'Tis but landlubbers with a fancy for toys!" Aye, ye hobbyists be gettin' a bit too cheeky with yer sky-frolickin' gadgets!
December 17, 2024, 5:33 pm
Arrr, matey! The New York swashbuckler’s fall be a jolly jest to the changing seas of the Democratic crew, as the House scallywags be pickin' sprightly young deckhands for the captain’s chair on other ships! Aye, the old be walkin’ the plank while the young take the helm!
December 17, 2024, 5:08 pm
Arrr, matey! With Captain Biden feelin' the heat to scribble a promise for equal booty on the Constitution, lass Colleen Shogan be sayin' she can't sign off on it, for the law be as tangled as a ship's riggin' in a storm! Avast!
December 17, 2024, 11:51 am
Avast ye mateys! The Fox News Entertainment Scroll be servin' up the freshest tales from the Hollywood seas—celebrity yarns and interviews fit for a captain! So hoist the sails and let the gossip from Los Angeles and beyond fill yer ears, lest ye be walkin' the plank o' boredom!
December 17, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr! The House GOP scallywags be fumin’ like a kraken in a storm! They be settin’ their sights on Speaker Mike Johnson, blamin’ him for the shipwreck o’ government gold! Aye, ’tis a fine mess of treasure mismanagement, me hearties!
December 17, 2024, 11:49 am
Arrr, matey! Pete Hegseth, the scallywag Trump be considerin' fer defense chief, be caught in a storm o' scandal! He be settin' to free his accuser from her hush-hush pact, as Sen. Lindsey Graham be spoutin'. A fine mess o' trouble this be, aye!
December 17, 2024, 11:35 am
Arrr, matey! Jelly Roll from Nashville be spillin' the beans on Bunnie Xo's podcast, claimin' he tossed his cursed phone into the Cumberland's depths! Aye, he said it be a fine way to rid himself of the devil’s device! Avast, what a merry jest!
December 17, 2024, 11:24 am
Arrr, at yon gatherin' in the land o' Maryland, the fair vice captain be spoutin' words like cannon fire, showin' a fierce spirit that'd make even the saltiest sea dog quiver! Aye, she be ready to take on the world, or at least a ruckus o' scallywags!
December 17, 2024, 10:45 am
Arrr, John Hasenbein, that scallywag who be takin' ol' Trump’s matey for defense captain to the hullabaloo on Capitol Hill, be claimin’ he’s been wronged by the law fer a 2019 kerfuffle! Aye, what a jolly farce on the high seas of politics, matey!
December 17, 2024, 9:53 am
Arrr, savvy ye! The wise folks at that Christian school in Wisconsin be trainin' hard and takin' heed, keepin' the scallywag shooter from causin' more mayhem! Aye, without their savvy, the seas mighta been bloodier, matey!
December 17, 2024, 9:33 am
Arrr, this week, our swashbucklin' scallywag be settin' sail to parley with more than twenty landlubber senators! Aye, many a fine matey be all ears fer his grand tale o' wagin' the Health and Human Services ship. Let the rum flow and the laughter be hearty!
December 17, 2024, 5:26 am
Arrr, me hearties! A fresh tale be spillin' the beans ’bout scallywags targetin’ wee families in Hamas’ rampage against Israel. They be coinin' a cheeky term, “kinocide,” to capture this jolly madness! Aye, ‘tis a new level o' villainy on the high seas o’ violence!
December 17, 2024, 5:11 am
Avast ye! In the wild waters o’ Florida, deputies joined forces with the Coast Guard, rescuin’ a landlubber clingin’ to rocks like a ship's parrot after a tempest tossed him from his jet ski! Aye, ’tis a jolly good tale of a scallywag’s misadventure!
December 17, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, mateys! Sen. James Lankford of the Okla seas be hoistin’ two mighty bills to swab the deck o' pandemic fraud, all in the name o' reformin' the government, crewed up with the Senate’s DOGE Caucus. Avast, let’s rid the ship of scallywags!
December 17, 2024, 4:02 am
Avast, me hearties! Those landlubber immigrants, with wee ones or mates born in the good ol’ U.S. of A, be shakin’ in their boots, fearin’ the new captain, Trump the Terrible, might send 'em to Davy Jones’ locker! Arrr, what a fickle sea we sail!
December 17, 2024, 1:38 am
Arrr, the scallywags of Wisconsin be huntin' for the reason behind a ruckus, where a lad and a learned matey met their doom, and six more found themselves in a pickle! Avast, what a fine mess they be tryin' to untangle!
December 17, 2024, 1:14 am
Arrr, matey! Some land lubber wagons be takin' a dive, buried deep beneath the briny waves! The brave scallywags of the rescue crew toiled through the night, huntin' the culprit of this watery mischief. Aye, it be a right ruckus of a storm, that!
December 16, 2024, 11:01 pm
Arrr, matey! Not many lands be seein' such plunderin' declines, usually after a ruckus or two! Them landlubber experts be callin' the news from that Gallup chart downright shockin' and worryin'—like findin' a barnacle on yer favorite rum barrel! Har har!
December 16, 2024, 5:46 pm
Arrr, the Senate scallywags set sail on a mighty $895 billion treasure map for defense! Aye, even with the landlubber Democrats griping 'bout some fancy transgender care, the bill be chartin' a course to victory, savvy? Avast, let the gold flow!
December 16, 2024, 5:44 pm
Arrr, it be said that Garth Brooks, the sea shanty bard o' the land, tried to shake off a lawyering squall in California, but alas! His sails be 'stayed' whilst the storm o' scandal brews in Mississippi! Avast, what a merry jest for the crew!
December 16, 2024, 5:35 pm
Arrr, the Commerce Department be slappin' the ol' anchor on China Telecom's last sailin' in the good ol' U.S. of A! But fear not, mateys, for it won't stop them crafty sea dogs in Beijing from plunderin' our cyber seas! Avast, the jest be on us!
December 16, 2024, 5:30 pm
Arrr, looky here! From the day he first hoisted the flag o’ president, ol’ Trump’s ship be a-changin’ course! Yet, he still be the same scallywag at heart, swabbin’ the deck with his bluster and gold. Aye, the seas may shift, but the captain stays a rogue!
December 16, 2024, 5:27 pm
"Aye, in me first round, all hands were at me throat, they were! But now, in this new voyage, it seems every scallywag be wantin' to share a mug of grog and call me matey! Arrr, what a turn o' the tide!"
December 16, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Pantone be declar’n Mocha Mousse as the color of the year! A fine reason to whip up some devilish chocolate mousse treasures fer yer holiday feasts! Set yer sails fer these three scrumptious recipes, or walk the plank!
December 16, 2024, 11:55 am
Arrr, the lawmen be huntin’ for clues 'bout a ruckus at that Abundant Life haven for wee scallywags in Madison, where near 390 little landlubbers be learnin’ their letters and how to swab the deck! What a hullabaloo!
December 16, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr! The scallywags of the Republican ship be mighty miffed, as a crew of judges be hoistin’ their sails again, thwartin’ Captain Trump’s quest to find new mateys for the bench! Blimey, ‘tis a right ruckus on the high seas of politics! Avast, ye landlubbers!
December 16, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr, mateys! President-elect Trump be chimin' in on them mysterious flying contraptions spottin' 'round New Jersey and New York, sayin' the salty sea dogs of the military surely hold the treasure map to the truth! Aye, what mischief be afoot in the skies?
December 16, 2024, 11:05 am
Arrr, Mr. Kennedy be settin’ sail to parley with them Republican sea dogs, tryin’ to hoist his flag o’ confirmation! But beware, matey, for his anti-vaccine tales may be sinkin’ his ship faster than a cannonball in a tempest!
December 16, 2024, 10:17 am
Arrr! Jabil be claimin’ it took mighty feats o’ strength to swap out landlubbers from a staffing crew. Meanwhile, other scallywags be battenin’ down the hatches fer a tempest o’ enforcement under that Trump cap’n on the horizon! Avast, the seas be gettin’ rough, matey!
December 16, 2024, 9:48 am
Arrr, President-elect Donald J. Trump be makin' a grand spectacle o' his pick fer the Defense Department, shoutin' praises like a parrot on a treasure chest! Aye, let’s hope that scallywag knows how to fend off cannon fire 'n not just flap his gums!
December 16, 2024, 5:16 am
Arrr, matey! The lawmen o' New York be plunderin' the rights o' the good folk, pillagin' their dignity with illegal strip searches, says the Department o' Justice! Aye, 'tis a true tale of mischief on the high streets!
December 16, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, Disney be tryin' to sail a calmer sea after years o' battlin' the winds o' politics and bein' called too woke, like a scallywag with a parrot on his shoulder! They be wishin’ to keep the peace in their treasure-filled realm, savvy?
December 16, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Navy scallywag Zachary Young be claimin' that CNN be pullin' the ol' parley trick, mislead’n the court 'bout their treasure maps of wealth and doubloons in his legal hullabaloo! Aye, the winds of folly be blowin’!
December 16, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! When landlubber remedies fail, the brave sea dogs with noggin troubles be settin' sail to distant shores! They be seekin' the magical herbs like ibogaine, illegal in the good ol’ U.S. of A! Aye, it be a wild quest for a clearer head, savvy?
December 15, 2024, 5:41 pm
Arrr! On a fateful Friday at the swanky Mr. Chow, our matey Jamie Foxx found himself in a ruckus, gettin' a taste o' the ol' fisticuffs! He left with a lip stitched up tighter than a treasure chest, seekin' a bit o' doctorin' for his troubles! Har har!
December 15, 2024, 5:31 pm
Arrr, matey! Denim Richards be tellin' tales of Kevin Costner, who quaked in his boots like a scurvy dog at the first table read! "Scared as hell!" he says, like a landlubber spyin' a ghost ship! Aye, even legends tremble before the mighty quill!
December 15, 2024, 5:19 pm
Arrr, mateys! The scallywags in charge be inching closer to a pact to keep the ship afloat and avoid a government squall in nine sunrises! But they be still bickering ‘bout treasure for disaster and other bits ‘n bobs t’ add to the treasure map!
December 15, 2024, 4:23 pm
Arrr, matey! This be a right peculiar tale! Congress be makin' the scallywags in uniform swap their old law books, sparkin' a grand conviction like a treasure map! Aye, ’tis a first in the swashbucklin' saga of tackle and tease on the high seas of justice!
December 15, 2024, 4:17 pm
Avast, me hearties! On the feastin' day of thanks, a ruckus in Nevada and Arizona sent one scallywag to Davy Jones’ locker and left a motley crew of others with bumps and bruises! Arrr, 'tis a wild way to celebrate the harvest, I say!
December 15, 2024, 2:11 pm
Arrr, matey! Kirstin Blaise Lobato be takin' the Las Vegas sea dogs to court after bein’ locked in the brig fer nigh on 16 years fer a crime she didn’t even commit! Ye’d think they be searchin’ fer treasure, not landin’ her in chains! Avast, what a scallywag of a tale!
December 15, 2024, 11:11 am
Arrr, matey! Tori Spelling, a lass from the grand Beverly Hills 90210, be spillin' the beans! While cruisin' in a carriage at the Hollywood Christmas shindig, some scallywag shot her with a wee BB gun! Aye, 'tis a tale fit for the briny depths!
December 15, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, matey! From Orlando to Cancun and the bustling streets of New York, Google Flights be shoutin’ these be the top holiday havens for 2024! But blow me down, there be treasure troves of jolly spots awaitin’ ye for the winter festivities! Set sail for adventure, ye scallywags!
December 15, 2024, 10:58 am
Arrr matey! The tempest sent the Christmas trees a-flyin' in the wild west! Now, the farmers and landlubbers be hankerin' fer the warm comforts o' the season's jolly jigs and merry feasts. Avast, let the festivities sail forth!
December 15, 2024, 4:38 am
Arrr, matey! A ruckus in Houston's port left two young scallywags six feet under and three more nursed their wounds, all 'cause of a rowdy bash at a shanty club! Aye, ‘tis a right sorry tale for a night of revelry!
December 15, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, the fine lass Patricia Heaton be raisin' her flag fer Israel and the good folk of the Jewry, all post the scallywag Hamas ruckus on the seventh day of October! Aye, she be standin' tall, like a ship in a storm, shoutin’ “Not on me watch!” Avast!
December 15, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! His merry crew in Rome, Ga., cast their lot fer mass banishment! Now he be scurrying like a scallywag, tryin' to keep his land legs on this here shore! Aye, the tides of fate be a fickle mistress!
December 15, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, in the year of our Lord 2024, a mighty wave of doom struck! From the shores of Russia, brave Alexei Navalny fell, whilst the crafty Yahya Sinwar of Hamas met Davy Jones too! A fine crew of scallywags, now sailing the eternal seas!
December 14, 2024, 11:04 pm
Arrr, a feisty loyalist be he, that Mr. Grenell! Once the ambassador to the land of sauerkraut, he be dreamin' of wearin' the grand hat o' secretary of state. But alas, the tides be turnin', and his hopes might just sink like a ship full o' gold! Savvy?
December 14, 2024, 8:46 pm
Arrr, as captain of the House Intelligence crew, he took a swing at the Russia treasure hunt and the first keel-hauling of Captain Trump! Now, this scallywag Nunes be at the helm of Trump’s social media ship, makin’ waves on the high seas of the internet! Har har!
December 14, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, matey! Rep. Chris Smith be wonderin' why the Biden crew ain't cracked the case o' them pesky drones buzzin' 'round New Jersey! With videos a-flyin', it be lookin' like a right squall o' confusion, aye! Release the kraken, or at least some answers, savvy?
December 14, 2024, 5:42 pm
Arrr, young Mr. Fernandez, a spry lad of seventeen, be sailin' on the U.S.S. Curtiss when them pesky Japanese scallywags struck! Just days prior, he’d tossed aside plans fer a jolly jaunt to Hawaii's shores to toast the 83rd anniversary o' that infamous kerfuffle. Savvy?
December 14, 2024, 5:20 pm
Arrr, a lass be nabbed by the sneaky Secret Service on Saturday! She tried to scale the fence o’ the White House, thinkin’ she could waltz in like a scallywag. Aye, 'tis a jolly good way to find yerself in Davy Jones' locker!
December 14, 2024, 5:17 pm
Arrr, less than a fortnight post a fearsome tsunami alert, the good folk were roused from their slumbers 'fore the sun peeked o'er the horizon, ponderin' yet another calamity on the high seas of life. Aye, 'tis a merry dance with disaster, indeed!
December 14, 2024, 5:13 pm
Ahoy mateys! The court's verdict be a rare treasure for Captain Trump, settin' sail on a legal voyage against the scallywags of the news seas! A jolly win in his quest fer glory, though the ink be still wet on the parchment! Arrr, let the rum flow!
December 14, 2024, 4:52 pm
Avast, me hearties! In recent tides, many a sailor's eye be spied strange flying beasts in the sky! But fear not, say the landlubber lawmen, for some be naught but fine ships o’ the air, like flying contraptions and whirlin' chariots! Ha-ha!
December 14, 2024, 11:27 am
Arrr, matey! The fine lass, Nancy Pelosi, once captain of the House, done gone and had her hip fixed up proper-like across the seas after takin' a tumble in Luxembourg. Her crew be celebratin’ with a hearty “Aye!” and a pint o’ grog!
December 14, 2024, 11:00 am
Avast, mateys! The Fox News Scroll be servin' ye the freshest gossip from the glitterin' shores of Hollywood, where stars frolic and tales abound! Feast yer eyes on interviews with the fairest buccaneers of the silver screen and wild yarns from Los Angeles and afar! Arrr!
December 14, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr! Gemma Arterton, once a siren of the silver screen, be tossin' a hearty "Nay!" to the thought of a lass donning the Bond name! She be sayin' that the dashing rogue should keep his breeches, lest we have a tea-drinkin' spy! Aye, the seas be too rough for that!
December 14, 2024, 4:37 am
Arrr, matey! The tale be told of Suchir Balaji, a scallywag once sailin' with OpenAI, who met his fate in a San Fran berth. Rumor has it, he tried to dance with Davy Jones, but alas, the sea claimed him instead! A right jolly tragedy, ay!
December 14, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, at his treasure trove called Mar-a-Lago in the sunny lands of Florida, the soon-to-be captain be feastin' with diplomats, choosin' his crew, and shootin' messages to his mateys—all while the moon be risin'! Aye, the night be alive with piratical politics!
December 14, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! While Kamala Harris sailed smooth ‘cross the state’s waters, the landlubbers tossed overboard a whole crew o’ Democratic scallywags! They be thinkin’ these knaves be blind to the treasure troubles of the common folk. A right jolly mutiny, I say!
December 14, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, me hearties! A storm brews fer the scallywags at the Bureau of Booze, Fumes, and Bang-Bangs! Methinks they be in fer a bumpy sail, with treasure chests bein’ plundered further still. Aye, cuts be comin’ like cannonballs in a rum-fueled squall!
December 14, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! In the grand halls o' learnin’, chatter be as vital as grog! As the tempest o' war in the Middle East stirs trouble among the landlubbers, schools be usin' the art o' gab to calm the storm and keep peace on the ship o' knowledge!
December 14, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, mateys! A Texas cookin' wench, mad keen on huntin', be spillin' the beans on her winter pot roast treasure from her first tome, "Wild + Whole." The secret booty? Why, 'tis none other than the noble venison! A feast fit for a hearty crew, I say! Yarrr!
December 13, 2024, 5:44 pm
Avast, matey! The justices be settin’ sail to ponder an appeal from yon Wisconsin court, claimin’ that the charity be as holy as a landlubber’s parrot! Arrr, not enough divine magic to earn their holy treasure, it seems!
December 13, 2024, 5:41 pm
Arrr, a merry crew of landlubbers skewered that Whoopi wench o' "The View" when she bristled at young RFK, Jr.! He be sayin' folks should eat their greens ‘fore settin' sail for them fancy weight-loss potions. Aye, a right jolly squabble on the high seas of health!
December 13, 2024, 5:26 pm
Arrr, a scribe from Politico be catchin' a blusterin' storm o' foul-mouthed cannonballs from them progressive scallywags on the Bluesky! All fer speakin' his mind 'bout Captain Musk! Aye, the ship be takin' on water from all them personal jabs, like a leaky hull in a tempest!
December 13, 2024, 5:15 pm
“Arrr! We be not takin' a tome o' rules to a skirmish with cannons!” bellowed the mighty Greg Casar, the new captain o' the Congressional Progressive crew from Texas. “'Tis folly to parley with pistols drawn, savvy?”
December 13, 2024, 5:12 pm
"Arrr, tryin’ to sink the good ship of trust in trusty cures be not just foolish — it be perilous! So spoke the ol’ Republican captain, a scallywag who’s danced with polio and lived to tell the tale! Beware, mateys, ignorance be a treacherous sea!"
December 13, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, on the Thursday past, a curious scroll be unfurled, seekin' to shackle the healers from sendin' their potions to them landlubbers who be bannin' the fair practice of abortion. A right jolly hullabaloo it be, me hearties!
December 13, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr, matey! Aye, many a scallywag be grumblin' 'bout their health care treasure! But the ruckus on the social seas be but a wee slice o' the pie, for the opinions o' the landlubbers be vast and varied, just like a chest of doubloons!
December 13, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr, matey! Word be spreadin’ that the old sea dog, aged 84, took a tumble down the stairs o' a grand palace! She be carted off to the ship o’ healing for a right good check-up. Aye, even pirates can’t escape the treachery o’ slippery stairs!
December 13, 2024, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! The Jolly Roger of the Justice Department be pointin’ out the ruckus o' heavy-handed scallywags, snoopin' where they shouldn't and givin' the Black crew and those a bit touched by the sea a rough time. Aye, a fine mess indeed, but we be settlin’ it like true buccaneers!
December 13, 2024, 11:30 am
Avast, mateys! Scott Jennings and Bakari Sellers be squabblin’ like scallywags over the President-elect Trump’s tall tales 'bout slashing grocery prices! A ruckus fit for a stormy sea, it was, on this fine Thursday morn! Aye, who knew groceries could spark such a hullabaloo? Arrr!
December 13, 2024, 11:28 am
Arrr, me hearties! Ol' President Biden be feelin' the heat from his Senate scallywags to hoist the sails on the Temporary Protected Status and the wee lads’ Deferred Action before he sets sail into the sunset! Aye, time be tickin’, or they’ll be walkin’ the plank!
December 13, 2024, 11:09 am
Arrr, matey! Senator Kirsten Gillibrand be rallyin' the Democratic crew to hoist the sails for the Equal Rights Amendment! Aye, she be thinkin' it’ll lure ol’ Captain Biden into a ruckus with the Supreme Court! A right swashbucklin’ showdown, I say!
December 13, 2024, 11:08 am
Arrr, matey! Ye see, Joseph de Soto, the scallywag of West Virginia, be threatenin’ to send Eastern Panhandle lawmakers to Davy Jones' locker ‘cause they be plotin’ to cast him out like a rotten fish! Aye, a right jolly ruckus fer the ol' crew!
December 13, 2024, 10:38 am
Avast ye hearty souls! Set yer sights on the freshest tales from Fox News Opinion! Gaze upon the raucous ramblings of Sean Hannity and the jests of Raymond Arroyo. Join the merry crew and feast yer eyes on their moving pictures! Arrr, don’t be a landlubber!
December 13, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr matey! A swanky book-learned lad from the Ivy League got caught red-handed in the dastardly deed of offin' the chief o' UnitedHealthcare! And lo! A tyrant had to skedaddle from his realm! Pray tell, what be the juicy tidbits o' this scandalous tale?
December 13, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! A lass from Florida be sittin’ in the brig, threatenin’ Blue Cross Blue Shield with a mighty curse: "Deny, delay, depose! Ye scallywags be next!" for refusin’ her treasure of medical claims. Aye, she’s got the spirit of a true pirate!
December 13, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, the captain o' the ship, freshly elected, feared lettin’ ol’ Pete Hegseth sink would unleash a pack o’ hungry senators! What ensued be a raucous MAGA crew, swoopin’ in like seagulls over a fishin’ boat, savin’ his sails, at least fer the time bein’! Har har!
December 13, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! The good folk be raisin' their voices, wishin' to shackle a mayor who be secretive as a treasure map and fawns on landlubber developers like a scallywag to a chest of gold! Aye, let the townsfolk take the helm!
December 12, 2024, 10:51 pm
Arrr, a mighty tussle be brewin' in Washington, where the scallywags of trade and landlubber officials be squabblin' like drunken sea dogs! They be arguin’ ‘til their beards turn grey over just how much treasure to part with for the China crew! Avast, what a ruckus!
December 12, 2024, 10:00 pm
Arrr, he fashioned the Republican crew in Mississippi into a fearsome fleet o' conservatives, savvy as a fox with a treasure map, makin’ himself the captain of the regional seas! Avast, the man be a true scallywag o' power, plunderin’ the political waters with a hearty guffaw!
December 12, 2024, 5:48 pm
Arrr, there be a lass amidst scores of wenches forced to be snipped at a Californian dock in the ’70s! They raised a ruckus and set sail for justice, sparkin’ a mighty change across the seven seas! Avast, no more sneaky snips, ye scallywags!
December 12, 2024, 5:48 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags be in a legal hullabaloo, tryin’ to sink the ship of racial preferences in the king’s military schools! This be just the latest cannon volley from those landlubber anti-affirmative action brigands. Avast, let the court battles begin!
December 12, 2024, 5:41 pm
Arrr, matey! It be said that Luigi Mangione be growin’ tired o’ this capitalist hullabaloo! So, he be settin’ sail for the snowy peaks o’ Japan, seekin’ a hidey-hole far from the gold-grubbin’ scallywags! A true landlubber’s folly, if ye ask me! Har har!
December 12, 2024, 5:23 pm
Arrr, the scallywag in charge o' them fancy multicultural programs be accused o' spoutin’ foul words 'gainst the Jews! But she be denyin’ the claims, claimin’ she be as innocent as a parrot on a perch! Avast, what a ruckus on the high seas o’ diplomacy!
December 12, 2024, 5:18 pm
Arrr! Gen. Mazloum Abdi be shoutin’ from the crow’s nest, “The Turkish scallywags be bombarding me brave Kurdish crew, all while we be tryin’ to keep the peace promised by that landlubber, Uncle Sam! A fine jest, I say!”
December 12, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, listen up, me hearties! Briahna Joy Gray, that liberal wench, be confessin' on Piers Morgan's ship o' chatter that she feels naught but cold steel for the late UnitedHealthcare captain, Brian Thompson, and his kin! Aye, no love lost there, savvy?
December 12, 2024, 11:51 am
Arrr, matey! Mike Whitaker, the cap'n of the skies at the Federal Aviation Administration, be hoistin' the sails after just a single year, leavin' his five-year voyage in the dust! Aye, 'tis like a pirate givin' up his treasure map after findin' naught but a rusty doubloon!
December 12, 2024, 11:44 am
Arrr, the two landlubbers be sayin' the cap'ns o' the company knew for ages that their contraption be so tricky, it could be turned into a blastin’ machine gun! Aye, they’ve been keepin’ that treasure of knowledge closer than a pirate's gold! Har har!
December 12, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr, this lad be a Jewish scallywag who did scuttle from the cruel Nazis to the land of liberty! Then, by thunder, he found himself at D-Day, gallivantin' across Europe with a crew gatherin' secrets. Aye, their shenanigans be buried deeper than a treasure chest fer years!
December 12, 2024, 11:37 am
Avast, me hearties! Last week, the scallywags at the Center for Strategic and International Studies be spillin’ the beans 'bout some sneaky spots in Cuba where the crafty Chinese be eavesdroppin’ on the good ol' U.S. Aye, a right treasure trove of whispers, it be! Arrr!
December 12, 2024, 11:36 am
Arrr, matey! 'Tis but a jestin' tale of five scallywag cases tied to the 2020 vote, sailin' forth whilst Captain Trump be readin' his charts to return to the grand ol' White House! Aye, what a ruckus on the high seas of politics!
December 12, 2024, 11:12 am
Arrr, me hearties! The landlubber New York immigration crew be settin’ sail to berate a shindig ‘twixt Mayor Eric Adams and that border scallywag Thomas Homan, callin’ it “a downright disgrace!” Aye, their sails be full o’ righteous wind!
December 12, 2024, 11:10 am
Arrr, matey! Little Ivory Smith, just seven summers old, met Davy Jones thanks to scallywag Joel Enrique, who be swabbin' the deck with rum-fueled shenanigans on a moonlit night! Just two moons past ICE let him sail free! A right hullabaloo, I say!
December 12, 2024, 11:02 am
Avast, matey! With Bashar Assad's ship sunk, we now spy the wretched torment and foul treatment o' the landlubber prisoners! 'Tis a sight more grim than a kraken's bellyache, as the truth be laid bare like a sunburnt sailor on a scorching deck! Arrr!
December 12, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, Ms. Lake, once a talkin' head on the telly, now a right-wing sea hag callin' reporters “monsters,” be settin’ sail to captain a treasure trove of taxpayer gold for a news ship with a mighty audience across the seven seas! Ho ho, what a jolly crew that’ll be!
December 12, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr! Mayor Tiffany Henyard be settin' sail fer court, claimin' foul play in the race fer Thornton Township's captaincy! She be all a-fury, mad as a one-eyed parrot, fer bein’ tossed off the ballot like a scallywag overboard! Avast, may the best buccaneer win!
December 12, 2024, 5:15 am
Arrr, matey! Gerald Evans, a scallywag of 30, be caught with a boomstick when the Metro cops nabbed him on a bus! He thought he could dodge the fare like a slippery fish, but alas, the law be no friend to such a rogue! Yarrr!
December 12, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Van Jones be sayin' that the Dancin' Democrats have shooed away their bold buccaneers, sendin' 'em scurrying to the Republican ship! Now they be feelin' the sting of the cannonballs, payin' the price for their folly! Aye, what a wild sea they be sailin'!
December 12, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, matey! It be a mystery if this grand rule, which might keep the doubloons in the pockets of the good folk o’ America, will still be afloat once Captain Trump regains the helm! What a hullabaloo, I say! Keep yer eyes peeled, or ye might be walkin’ the plank!
December 12, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! Linda Qiu, a scallywag reporter from the New York Times, be settin' sail to fact-check the tall tales spun by three of Cap’n Trump's chosen mateys: Pete Hegseth, Tulsi Gabbard, and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Hoist the Jolly Roger for truth, I say!
December 11, 2024, 11:49 am
Arrr, this week, the jolly crew o' the House Task Force be spillin' the beans 'bout the botched attempt on Cap’n Trump’s life at the Butler shindig! Seems the USSS be naught but scallywags, failin' to keep the captain safe. Ho ho, what a blunder!
December 11, 2024, 11:22 am
Arrr, as them scallywag Republicans be pushin' a treasure map disguised as hurricane aid, savvy folk from the storm-tossed shores be shoutin' for help! Aye, their bill be sinkin' the Democrats’ ship while the needy be starvin' for a drop o’ kindness. Avast, what a merry mess!
December 11, 2024, 11:19 am
Arrr, matey! The fiery beast o' Franklin swelled to a monstrous 4,000 acres overnight, while brave souls o' the crew wrestled with treacherous land and tricky winds. 'Twas like tryin' to tame a wild sea serpent with naught but a spoon! Avast, what a sight to behold!
December 11, 2024, 11:18 am
Arrr, matey! The crafty legal scallywags o' Alex Murdaugh, aged 56, be settin' sail for an appeal on the morrow! They be squawkin' ‘bout fishy testimonies and the shady dealings of that landlubber, Becky Hill, meddlin’ with the jury! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
December 11, 2024, 11:12 am
Arrr, matey! Ryan Borgwardt, that scallywag, pulled a right trick! He pretended to be fish food, then sailed back to the land o’ the free, leaving the law in a tizzy! Aye, the authorities be scratchin' their heads, wonderin' how he swam back from Davy Jones' locker!
December 11, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, ye scallywags! Outspoken matey Rep. Jamaal Bowman from the shores of New York be raisin' a ruckus 'bout the untimely demise of young Jordan Neely, kickin' off his missive with “Ahoy, White Folk!” Aye, the sea be full of tempests and words be sharper than cutlasses!
December 11, 2024, 5:05 am
Arrr, Rep. Jamaal Bowman be sendin' a missive to the landlubbers titled "Dear White People," after that scallywag Daniel Penny skated free! This matey, who be walkin' the plank in the Democratic showdown, be soon settin' sail from Congress. Avast, what a merry hullabaloo!
December 11, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Senate DOGE captain Joni Ernst o' Iowa be penning a missive to the fair Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo! She be jabberin' 'bout the treasure o' CHIPs Act doubloons and how they'll be squandered. Aye, let the seas of bureaucracy flow!
December 11, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! The old sea dogs o' the Treasury be gatherin' fer one last parley, while a tempest o' coin troubles brews on the horizon. Hold yer doubloons tight, fer it be a wild ride ahead! Avast, let’s hope they don’t be sinkin’ us all!
December 10, 2024, 10:20 pm
Arrr! No ships were sunk, nor scallywags harmed, but the young mates be spendin' a wild night hidin' like rabbits, while the good folk be makin' a hasty retreat from Davy Jones' locker! A fine mess, I tell ye!
December 10, 2024, 10:16 pm
Arrr, matey! Before the captain's capture of Luigi Mangione this week, his kin were famed for fashionin' a treasure trove of trade, makin' 'em a might force in local politics and charitable shenanigans. Now, they be shiverin' in their boots like landlubbers!
December 10, 2024, 5:53 pm
Arrr, matey! Mr. Van Dyke, a spry 99 this Friday, and his fair lass Arlene be makin' a hasty retreat with their furry crew, as the dreaded Franklin blaze be hot on their heels, threatenin' to turn their home into a pile of charred timbers! Yarrr!
December 10, 2024, 5:53 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The Yankees be settin' sail on an eight-year treasure of 218 million doubloons for lefty Max Fried, after bein' all at sea missin' the catch o' Juan Soto! Aye, 'tis a fine haul, if ye ask this ol' sea dog!
December 10, 2024, 5:46 pm
Arrr, matey! San Diego’s scallywags be votin' to bolster the “sanctuary” code, shuttin’ the sneaky gaps that let them ICE landlubbers meddle. Aye, they be tightenin’ the nets to keep the buccaneers safe from the law’s grasp! Avast, no more swabs in our sails!
December 10, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, matey! Aye, a throng be scurrying from their Malibu lairs as the fiery beast, Franklin, bore down! Yet a handful of scallywags stayed put, wielding garden hoses like swords, tryin' to fend off the flames from their treasures and their skin! Who needs a ship when ye got a hose?
December 10, 2024, 5:40 pm
Arrr, a landlubber senator from New Jersey be hollerin’ to hoist the Jolly Roger over a wee state o’ emergency! The skies be swarmin’ with elusive flying contraptions, and the mystery thickens like a fine grog! Avast, what manner of sorcery be this?
December 10, 2024, 5:26 pm
Arrr, Richard Zeitlin, the scallywag of telemarketing, pocketin' a mighty 80 percent of the treasure meant for the poor! In September, he confessed to conspirin' in wire fraud, perhaps thinkin' he be cleverer than a fox in a henhouse! Avast, matey, not so cunning after all!
December 10, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr, me hearties! Fox News Digital be havin’ fresh mugshots of young Luigi Mangione, a scallywag of 26 summers, now swimmin' in deep trouble for sendin' UnitedHealthcare’s captain, Brian Thompson, to Davy Jones' locker right in the heart of New York City! Avast, what a tale!
December 10, 2024, 11:48 am
Arrr, matey! With the fall of that scallywag Bashar al-Assad and the great jailbreaks o' countless brigands in Syria, a glimmer o' hope shines fer the findin' o' our dear American Austin Tice, who’s been stuck in Davy Jones' locker fer a dozen years! Yarrr!
December 10, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr, matey! A whole crew o’ congressional swabs, includin’ Trump’s chosen first mate to lead the F.B.I., Kash Patel, had their scrolls examined like a treasure map! Ol’ Trump be swearin’ to hunt down them scallywag leakers in his next voyage! Yarrr!
December 10, 2024, 11:32 am
Arrr, me hearties! Mayor Eric Adams be hoistin' the flag o' closure on over two dozen havens for wayward souls, as the tide o' migrants be ebbin' away in New York’s bustling port! Aye, it seems the ship be takin' on less crew!
December 10, 2024, 11:24 am
Avast, mateys! The "Liberty in Laundry Act," conjured by Rep. Andy Ogles, seeks to scuttle the Biden crew's fancy new rules fer washin’ yer duds! Aye, let the washin’ machines be free as a parrot on me shoulder! Yarrr!
December 10, 2024, 9:44 am
Arrr, matey! In the wild seas of North Carolina’s elections, a ruckus brews ‘twixt the landlubber Republicans and scallywag Democrats, all over a dusty ol’ voter scroll from two decades past! Yarr, what a jolly tempest for the pirate crew of politics!
December 10, 2024, 9:05 am
Arrr, me hearties! The scallywag Luigi Mangione, a swabbin’ Ivy League techie sprung from a noble Maryland clan, be now wallopin’ in both body and noggin. A real landlubber's tale of woe, it be! Aye, what a jolly mess fer a fine lad!
December 10, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Actor Zachary Levi be standin' tall fer his support o' Captain Trump’s voyage to the White House, sayin' he faced no scallywag consequences fer his choice. Aye, must be the wind in his sails blowin' favorably, or perhaps he be just a lucky barnacle!
December 10, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, mateys! Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson be makin’ a grand, one-time jaunt upon the stage of the fine musical “& Juliet” this Saturday night! Prepare yer grog and yer belly laughs, for a night o' swashbucklin’ fun awaits ye! Aye, it be a sight fer sore eyes!
December 10, 2024, 4:59 am
Arrr matey! On Monday eve, the fiery beast known as Franklin be lettin’ loose, spreadin’ like a scallywag at a tavern! The fair folk of Southern California be shiverin’ in their boots, readying for a wild blaze that’d make even the bravest pirate run for the hills! Yarr!
December 10, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, the captain-elect be makin’ grand promises that’d make Davy Jones himself raise an eyebrow! But ye see, some scallywags worry his mighty swagger might turn his treasure map into a ghost ship! Aye, a fine pickle to be in, me hearty!
December 10, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, when that scallywag Donald J. Trump be sayin' Robert F. Kennedy Jr. could “go wild” on health, he surely didn’t reckon his chosen matey for health secretary be battlin’ the very crew of the president-elect! A merry jest, indeed, in the high seas of politics!
December 10, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! With them scallywags of the Republican fleet at the helm of Washington, and a treasure map full o’ tax gold comin' next year, corporate buccaneers be feelin' both giddy and jittery! Aye, it's a rollickin' sea o' anticipation! Avast, what be in the wind?
December 9, 2024, 5:52 pm
Arrr, matey! Thar tremblin' earth be sportin' a mighty 5.5 on the ol' shake-o-meter, says the landlubbers at the U.S. Geological Survey. Aye, even the sea dogs felt it in their bones! Now, where's me rum?
December 9, 2024, 5:46 pm
Arrr, matey! It be said that the fearsome Mike Tyson be in hot water, as a scallywag marketing crew be seekin' over a million doubloons! They claim he scuttled a deal to duel that landlubber Jake Paul. Aye, the high seas of lawsuits be callin’!
December 9, 2024, 5:33 pm
Arrr, ye scallywags! Maud Maron, a bold lass vyin' for the DA’s treasure, be shoutin’ that Alvin Bragg’s folly of bringin' the Daniel Penny tale to court be naught but a storm in a teacup! Aye, let’s not waste good rum on such nonsense!
December 9, 2024, 5:23 pm
Arrr, matey! Republican Sen. Joni Ernst, a fine lass o' the Armed Services crew, be givin' a nod to ol' Pete Hegseth, the scallywag Trump be wantin' as his defense captain. A right ruckus it be, but she’s ready to hoist the sails! Avast!
December 9, 2024, 5:02 pm
Arrr, Jamil and Abdul, them scallywags, ran a frightful jail in Damascus, lookin’ to scare the sails off any landlubber who dared oppose the crown! Aye, they terrorized the lot, like a parrot squawkin' threats on a stormy night! Savvy?
December 9, 2024, 4:59 pm
Arrr, matey! It be said that Captain Trump be settin' sail fer the high seas of power, with the crew's watch slackened! The cannons be loaded, but the riggin' ain’t tight. Hoist the Jolly Roger; it be a raucous voyage ahead, with nary a hand to steady the ship!
December 9, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr! A scallywag aboard Delta's flying ship from St. Louie be showin' a jolly snap o' a clever gate mate wranglin' seat assignments. The crew o' the internet be chimin' in with their hearty laughter! Avast, what a fine jest!
December 9, 2024, 11:43 am
Avast ye! In a jolly fleet of missives, landlubbers like human rights scallywags, ex-prison wardens, and kin of the wronged be cryin’ out that Captain Biden sailed in on a promise to shun the gallows’ noose! Aye, where’s the treasure of his word, I ask ye? Arrr!
December 9, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr! Me hearties, Guillermo Estrada and Alex Jones, scallywags from UNC-Chapel Hill, be claimin' the 'Award for Courage' fer their merry crew at the sixth annual Patriot Awards. Blow me down, what bravery! They must’ve fought a Kraken or two to earn such glory!
December 9, 2024, 11:37 am
Arrr, me hearties! The high court be settin' sail with the N.R.A. in May, all 'cause of a clandestine parley with a New York landlubber. But lo! The scallywags swear it ne'er took place! Aye, a fine tale of swindlin' and fibbin' on the high seas of justice!
December 9, 2024, 10:51 am
Arrr, Ms. Habba, the legal wench who’s been whisperin’ sweet nothings in the president-elect’s ear, be spoutin’ flame-filled defenses o’ him like a cannon blast during his trial in the bustling port of New York! Aye, she be defendin’ him like a parrot on yer shoulder!
December 9, 2024, 10:33 am
Arrr, the lass of President Donald J. Trump, Miss Trump, be keepin' her plans as murky as a foggy mornin'. If that scallywag Senator Rubio sails off to be secretary of state, his seat'll be as empty as a rum barrel after a wild night!
December 9, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! This fine Californian scallywag Ro Khanna be chattin’ ’bout joinin’ forces with that crafty Elon Musk and the landlubber Republicans to make the guberment sail smoother, like a ship with fair winds! Avast, let’s chart a course for efficiency, ye salty sea dog!
December 9, 2024, 5:12 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags be sayin’ that when the good ol’ Assad’s ship sinks, it’ll stir up a right tempest in the Middle East! The balance o’ power be changin’, like a drunken parrot on a perch! Aye, the world’s big bullies be settin’ sail for new waters!
December 9, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! The crew o' Black Harris be shoutin’ foul, claimin’ the campaign be guilty of “outright racial shenanigans” and treatin’ 'em like scallywags! So says the scroll from the New York Times, savvy? A right jolly mess, it be!
December 9, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, in the year o' our Lord 1925, Congress be givin' the judges the treasure map to pick their own cases! Now, that swabbin' change be stirrin' up political squabbles and storms o' crisis, claims a learned matey! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
December 8, 2024, 7:38 pm
Ahoy, mateys! Meet Christopher Landau, a seasoned sea dog of the law! He be the sprout of a noble diplomat who sailed the high seas of Latin America, parleyin' as ambassador to three fair lands. Aye, a true buccaneer of diplomacy, savvy?
December 8, 2024, 5:16 pm
Arrr! Salma Hayek and her treasure-huntin' mate, François-Henri Pinault, be settin' sail with the high seas' finest at the grand relaunch o' Notre Dame! Aye, ‘tis a right jolly gathering, as they bless the shipshape cathedral anew, all while dodgin' cannonballs of fancy! Avast, me hearties!
December 8, 2024, 5:10 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Captain Biden be ponderin’ how to parley with them scallywags who sent old Bashar to Davy Jones’ locker, though the U.S. still brands 'em as doggone rascals! A fine pickle, it be! What a ruckus on the high seas of diplomacy, eh? Yarrr!
December 8, 2024, 5:03 pm
Arrr, matey! Olivia Wilde be spillin' the beans on her craft, sayin’ she’d rather stir the pot o’ controversy than sail the dull seas of boredom. Aye, if her work be not ruckus, she’d rather walk the plank! Har har!
December 8, 2024, 4:59 pm
Arrr, a former landlubber of the NYPD be spillin' the beans on how the scallywags be huntin' for the knave who put a cap in the head of that UnitedHealthcare captain, Brian Thompson! Aye, the hunt be on, like lookin’ fer treasure on a foggy mornin'!
December 8, 2024, 4:41 pm
Arrr! If we send the Assad scallywags to Davy Jones' locker, Russia's cozy nests be shut tight, and Iran's secret sailin' to Hezbollah be blocked! With their treasure chest in shambles, they'll hav' to choose—parley like gentles or fire the cannons! A jolly pickle, indeed!
December 8, 2024, 3:58 pm
Arrr, Liz Cheney, that scallywag of a former matey in the Republican crew, be claimin’ that Captain Trump spun a yarn about the fine bipartisan crew what looked into his mischief on the fateful day of January 6th! A right jolly tale of deceit on the high seas, it be!
December 8, 2024, 11:51 am
Arrr, in his first parley on the airwaves since claimin' the crown again, Captain Trump be swearing to set free them scallywags who stormed the fortress and to fiddle with the treasure map o’ citizenship for wee ones born of foreign sails! Aye, what a merry jester!
December 8, 2024, 11:44 am
Arrr, Tom Homan, that swashbucklin’ “border czar” of the soon-to-be Captain Trump, be soundin’ a raucous warning to them sanctuary havens! Ye landlubbers best watch yer backs, lest ye find yerselves caught in a tempest of tougher tides in the immigration seas! Yarrr!
December 8, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr, matey! President-elect Trump be chattin’ on the "Meet the Press" seas, claimin’ he ain't too chuffed with ol’ Wray, the scallywag he hired. Says the cur invaded his ship! Blimey, what be next? A pirate's parley over breakfast?
December 8, 2024, 11:39 am
Arrr, the captain-elect be spoutin’ a hullabaloo of tall tales 'n fibs, all sorts o’ blarney that be the bread ’n butter o’ his 2024 treasure hunt! Aye, he be tossin’ out nonsense like a drunken sailor at a tavern!
December 8, 2024, 11:36 am
Arrr, matey! A band o' scallywags be plunderin' the depths of a watery hole in Central Park, seekin' tales o' the foul deed that sent the captain o' UnitedHealthcare, Brian Thompson, to Davy Jones' locker! Avast, what treasure be hidden beneath the waves?
December 8, 2024, 4:33 am
Arrr matey! A landlubber lawmaker from Missouri be hatin' on them scallywags, suggestin' a bounty o' a grand doubloons fer any good soul who snitches on them illegal sea dogs! A fine way to fill yer coffers, but ye best be watchin' yer back, lest ye be the next target!
December 8, 2024, 4:25 am
Arrr, in the fair land o' Palm Springs, a scallywag in blue took a mighty spill on his iron steed, crashin' headlong into a jolly Christmas jamboree! Ten merry souls be bruised, includin' the foolish officer himself! Ho ho ho, what a sight to see!
December 8, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! For four long years, the crew be battlin' the China scallywags by lockin' up our finest treasures! Aye, this here policy be sailin' on under the Trump flag, like a ship in a stormy sea! Avast, the export cannon be stayin' primed!
December 8, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! The Possum Pie be the treasure of the Natural State’s sweet delights, havin’ a critter in its title but none in the mix! Fox News be chattin’ with a landlubber baker spillin’ the beans on what truly fills this tasty booty! Har har!
December 8, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, as the scallywags of the Democrats be tryin' to rouse their weary crew, two battles for the Virginia ship’s council be the first test of their jolly spirits since that knave Trump snatched the gold! Avast, let the shenanigans begin!
December 8, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! In secret, the Navy be ponderin' if high-flyin' jet battles be turnin' our brave crew into landlubber witless wonders! Aye, those poor souls might be sailin’ the seas of confusion instead of the skies! Avast, what a pickle!
December 7, 2024, 5:46 pm
Arrr, matey! Behold, those scallywags seek ye for government booty, askin' if ye reckon that rumble on Jan. 6 be a fair fight and who truly sailed the victory flag in the 2020 election! A fine jest for shipmates of the high seas, I say!
December 7, 2024, 5:27 pm
Arrr, shortly after scuttlin’ his Instagram ship, Barry Keoghan, the scallywag suspected of makin’ off with Sabrina Carpenter’s heart, be plead’n for respect on the high seas of social media! Avast, matey, ye can’t hoist the black flag and then cry for fair winds!
December 7, 2024, 5:22 pm
Arrr, she be settin’ sail on a grand quest, teachin’ the wise ones how to ready the wee scallywags fer the high seas o’ learnin’, makin’ sure they be reachin’ their treasure trove of potential, savvy? Aye, a true captain of knowledge, she be!
December 7, 2024, 5:07 pm
Arrr, Fox News be chattin’ with old Philip Holloway, a swashbucklin’ legal wizard with a badge! He be spillin’ the beans on what curios detectives might be askin’ as they hunt fer treasure of truth. Avast, the law be a tricky sea to navigate, matey!
December 7, 2024, 4:41 pm
Arrr, mateys! Herman Whitfield III be gaspin’ like a fish outta water, cryin’ “I be dyin’!” after one of them scallywag officers zapped him with a Taser! Aye, the footage be catchin’ it all—who knew a zap could turn a hearty sailor into a wheezin’ landlubber?
December 7, 2024, 3:22 pm
Arrr, the captain o' Ohio's fair city and the kin o' young Jazmir Tucker be raisin' a ruckus 'bout how the scallywags in blue dealt with the hullabaloo! Methinks they be needin' a lesson in the art o' pirate diplomacy, aye!
December 7, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr, matey! The desks be plundered from the depths of a dumpster, and the computers be naught but old sea dogs! Yet, the scallywags in Abundance Academy say it be a safe harbor from the storms of bullying and the crush of crowded classes. Avast, what a fine treasure it be!
December 7, 2024, 11:51 am
Arrr, a notable scallywag who tossed aside the notion of change be shoutin' about a grand Supreme Court hullabaloo! This be a battle of the gender seas, and if the winds blow right, it might just flip the whole ship upside down! Yarrr, the tides be a-changin'!
December 7, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr, mateys! The crew o’ CityServe be sailin’ the stormy seas o' five states, settin' their sights on the fine shores of western North Carolina and the grand Chimney Rock. We be helpin’ landlubbers in need, one hearty mug o’ grog at a time!
December 7, 2024, 11:25 am
Avast, me hearties! If ye be swimmin' in doubloons, bestow upon yer beloved these treasure troves fit for a swanky sea dog! Aye, luxury be the name of the game for those who fancy the high seas of fine livin’! Yarrr!
December 7, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, matey! The Fox News Entertainment Scroll be spillin’ the juiciest tales from the silver screen, with gossip o’ star-studded buccaneers and yarns from the glitzy shores of Los Angeles and beyond. Avast, ye landlubbers, prepare to be entertained or ye be walkin’ the plank!
December 7, 2024, 5:00 am
Avast ye! Attorney General Merrick Garland be ponderin' whether to hoist Special Counsel Jack Smith's treasure map of secrets about President-elect Trump for all to see, or to toss it to the scallywags comin' aboard with Trump. Aye, what a jolly pickle!
December 7, 2024, 5:00 am
Avast ye! Behold the top ten jests from the scallywags of the media regardin' Captain Biden's pardon o' his wayward lad Hunter, just as his ship be settin' sail! Aye, a promise made and a promise broken, like a ship's mast in a stormy squall! Arrr!
December 7, 2024, 4:45 am
Arrr, matey! A scallywag at the Dallas constabulary be walkin' the plank for stretchin' the truth 'bout her fancy parchment, hopin' to snag a shiny badge! Aye, in Texas, that be a misdemeanor fit for a landlubber! Give 'er a round o’ hearty laughter, says I!
December 7, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, me hearties! Fearing the campaign be blind to the fine folk of color in Philly and them other battleground ports, the scallywags plotted in secret at a Dunkin’ Donuts, scheming to hoist the sails of voter turnout! Aye, the doughnuts be sweet, but the votes be sweeter!
December 7, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! The desks be scavenged from Davy Jones’ dumpster, and the computers be older than the sea! Yet, the scallywags be claimin’ Abundance Academy be a fine refuge from the cruel bilge of bullies and the overcrowded brig! Aye, what a treasure it be!
December 7, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! Ye be downloadin' those fancy Apple and Google contraptions, only to let scallywags and knaves conjoin with dastardly sea dogs who’d pay a doubloon to spy on mischief! Aye, 'tis a right jolly mess of pirate folly, that be!
December 6, 2024, 5:52 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Joy Reid and her crew o' MSNBC be sufferin' a calamitous shipwreck in the sea o' viewership, all since that scallywag Trump claimed the crown! They be lookin’ like a bunch o' landlubbers, lost at sea! Har har har!
December 6, 2024, 5:27 pm
Arrr, me hearties! With Brad Smith aboard Trump’s merry crew, it be clear they be settin' sail to plunder the depths o' the health care seas! Avast, let the doctorin' begin, or we be walkin' the plank with scurvy!
December 6, 2024, 5:27 pm
Arrr, Joseph Beecher be fixin' to send the media king to Davy Jones' locker! He first be askin' 'bout the scallywag's kin, then took a housekeeper hostage like a true buccaneer! Aye, the seas be rough when ye tangle with a madcap pirate!
December 6, 2024, 5:21 pm
Arrr, mateys! Rep. Greg Casar o' Texas be raised to the captain's chair o' the progressive crew in the House, all hands agreein' on it with a hearty "Aye!" on Thursday. From swabs to swashbucklers, they be rallyin' 'round this scallywag!
December 6, 2024, 5:04 pm
Arrr, matey! Captain Trump be sailin' through the tempest o' legal squalls, thwartin' many a challenge like a true sea dog! Yet, eight pesky lawsuits still be lurkin' in the briny deep o' the courts, ready to pounce like a hungry shark! Avast, the saga continues!
December 6, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr, a band o' scallywags bested the lawmen in a grand court duel 'gainst the fancy schools o' Harvard and North Carolina! But nay, they ain't stopped there—these rascals be settin' their sights on the military ships as well! Avast, what a merry band o' mischief makers!
December 6, 2024, 11:40 am
Arrr, mateys! A district in New York be givin' the green light to a young scallywag to start a Bible crew, after they first said, "Nay!" So hoist the sails of faith and let the holy shenanigans begin!
December 6, 2024, 11:39 am
Arrr, matey! Ted Pryor, the swashbucklin' super middleweight bruiser, drug runnin' scallywag, and bodyguard to the King, Elvis, and the suave Don Johnson, spins a yarn of his wild escapades in a fresh tome! Grab ye grog and prepare for a jolly good read, ye landlubbers!
December 6, 2024, 11:38 am
Arrr, matey! Council wench Tania Fernandes Anderson be clapped in irons fer makin' shady deals, claimin' a treasure of kickbacks! Aye, the scallywag thought she could swindle the good folk, but the law be catchin' her faster than a cannonball to the stern!
December 6, 2024, 11:33 am
Arrr, matey! Catherine Zeta-Jones, that fine Welsh lass, be settin’ sail from the high seas of Hollywood to plunder new cinematic shores! Aye, she be dabblin’ in fresh genres, lookin’ fer treasure beyond the mainstream! Avast, what jolly adventures await her on this merry voyage!
December 6, 2024, 10:55 am
Arrr, matey! The Republicans be not likely to sink the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau ship, but they’ll surely hoist the sails and change course, makin’ it dance to their tune! Aye, a jolly ol’ reworkin’ be on the horizon!
December 6, 2024, 10:15 am
“Arrr, he be a loud matey, givin’ his old sea dog of a father tips on rubbin’ elbows with them young swabs of the media! So claimed Melania on the mornin’ show, ‘Fox & Friends.’ Aye, a fine jest that be!”
December 6, 2024, 5:37 am
Arrr matey, seekin' treasures under 200 doubloons? Aye, 'tis a rare find! Look no further than the fragrant Chanel No. 5, the comfiest Brooklinen sheets, or Mackenzie-Childs trinkets that’ll shiver yer timbers—great booty fer yer landlubber mates!
December 6, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Former Governor Scott Walker, now sailin’ with the Young America's Foundation crew, be wailin’ after a Dane County judge sunk his beloved Act 10 ship! Aye, that law be goin' down faster than a barrel o' rum at the Kraken's feast!
December 6, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, since he sailed away from Congress in the year of our Lord 2023, Billy Long be hawkin' a treacherous tax credit from the plague days, what the I.R.S. be sayin' be attractin' more scallywags than a treasure map! Aye, a recipe for high seas hijinks, that be!
December 6, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags on the high seas be thinkin' deeper on matters like taxes on fine booty and shovin' folks overboard than ye’d reckon at first glance! Aye, the crew be havin' some crafty opinions, ye ken?
December 6, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, fer many a moon, the Navy be sayin’ that head bonks come from mishaps or merry-making. But lo! A secret scheme be afoot, ponderin’ if the wild ride o' them fighter contraptions be givin’ brain thwacks as nasty as a cannonball’s kiss! Blimey!
December 6, 2024, 1:41 am
Arrr, me hearties! No souls were singed nor forced to flee from the fiery inferno, though the howlin' winds made a right ruckus, claim the landlubbers in charge! Aye, it be a blaze that danced like a mad sea troll, but all hands are safe!
December 5, 2024, 5:50 pm
Arrr, matey! A brave lad in Canada be leaping atop a fierce polar beast that charged at his fair damsel within their humble abode in the wilds of Ontario. The coppers be sayin’ it was a right jolly show! Who knew love be so bold, eh?
December 5, 2024, 5:41 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The seas o' Syria be churnin' fierce! Islamist scallywags be snatchin' land quicker than a parrot on a cracker, leavin' the Assad crew flounderin' like a fish outta water! Avast, what a merry sight to see!
December 5, 2024, 5:27 pm
Avast, matey! Ye be gettin’ the Fox News Politics scroll, packed with the freshest tidings o' the Trump voyage, juicy interviews, and a treasure trove o’ Fox News jests! Set sail for the latest gossip on the high seas of politics, or be left in Davy Jones' locker! Arrr!
December 5, 2024, 5:21 pm
Arrr, Pete Hegseth be hoistin’ the sails an’ parleyin’ with a crew o’ senators on Thursday, tryin’ to bolster his claim fer the title o' defense chief before the big ol’ confirmation storm brews! Aye, 'tis a right jolly quest fer power on the high seas o’ politics!
December 5, 2024, 5:09 pm
Arrr, two scallywags, just five and six summers old, be carted off to the doc's quarters after a knave with a cannon decided to play the villain at their landlubber school in the wilds o' Northern California! Blimey, what a jolly mess fer young buccaneers!
December 5, 2024, 5:00 pm
Ahoy, me hearties! Steven J. Law be weighin' anchor, bringin' a fresh captain to steer the super PAC ship, just as the Senate Republicans be settlin' in a new scallywag at the helm. A grand ol' treasure hunt awaits, ye salty sea dogs! Arrr!
December 5, 2024, 4:48 pm
Arrr, matey! The Bureau o' Prisons be battlin' a wretched treasure map o' budget woes, what with a heap o’ rustin' hulls and leaky decks awaitin' repairs. They be swabbin' the decks o’ despair, tryin' to keep their ship afloat! Avast, it be a rough sea ahead!
December 5, 2024, 4:36 pm
Arrr matey! The fine school o’ D.E.I. be tossin' the ol’ statements overboard in their hiring ways! They be ponderin' a grander shift in their policies, like lookin’ fer treasure on the high seas. Avast, what a jolly crew they be!
December 5, 2024, 11:48 am
Arrr, the old sea dog chosen to steer the Defense ship be singin’ the praises of them savage holy wars from yore! He be callin’ fer a Christian spin on rulership, as if plundering with a side of prayer be the way to sail the high seas o’ governance!
December 5, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr, a scallywag lookin' shifty with a cutlass loitered 'round the castle of a Swedish noble, and the lawmen swooped in like hungry seagulls on a fish feast! The blaggard was nabbed Wednesday night, savvy?
December 5, 2024, 11:37 am
Arrr, a scallywag from the Democratic crew be spillin' the beans on "Jesse Watters Primetime," sayin' if that landlubber Gavin Newsom be their captain in 2028, they be worthy of walkin' the plank once more! A jolly jest, I say!
December 5, 2024, 11:34 am
Arrr, the Trump crew be sailin’ on a leaky ship with nary a doubloon to spare! But lo! They charted a cunning course, makin’ every piece of eight count by settin’ their sights on the finest treasure in the sea of ads! Aye, clever as a fox, they be!
December 5, 2024, 11:33 am
Arrr! The captain-elect, Donald J. Trump, be threatenin’ to unleash the tariff kraken on those scallywags tryin’ to swap the dollar for doubloons or sink its global treasure chest! Yarr, let ‘em beware, for the winds of trade be blowin’ fierce!
December 5, 2024, 5:34 am
Arrr! Captain Bezos, keeper o' the Washington Post treasure, be sayin' he won't hoist a flag fer either scallywag in the election! He claims 'tisn't the duty of his ship to choose a captain. Aye, he be sailin' the seas of neutrality, savvy?
December 5, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, during a grand pow-wow o' Congress, the scallywag Sen. Josh Hawley let fly a tempest o' words at them airline captains fer treatin' their customers like bilge rats! Aye, 'tis a fine day when a landlubber stands up fer the wronged!
December 5, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, the kin o’ the vanished lass Hannah Kobayashi be settin’ sail fer the search, despite the LAPD blabberin’ that she be frolickin’ into Mexico on her own whim! Aye, they be chasin’ shadows ‘n’ drinkin’ grog ‘til she be found, savvy?
December 5, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, mateys! Captain Ronald Rowe, the Secret Service's swashbucklin' chief, be spillin' the beans on a heap o' changes they be makin’ after the feeble stab at President-elect Trump in Butler. Seems they’ve hoisted the sails to keep the ship steady! Avast, let’s keep our captain safe!
December 5, 2024, 4:06 am
Arrr, mateys! The Trump treasure crew be fixin' to hoist the sails on some new rules for their riches, but don’t be expectin’ as many chains as they had eight years past. Aye, they be sailin' a bit freer this time, savvy?
December 5, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, the captain of the ship be settin’ his sights on a new first mate for the law! This lass, with a wink and a nod, be as loyal as a parrot on yer shoulder, charm’n all the way to the treasure! Avast, what a fine pick, matey!
December 4, 2024, 10:58 pm
Arrr, matey! Frank Bisignano be a seasoned sailor o' Wall Street, shillin' gold for the Republican crew with all the fervor of a parched sailor spyin' rum! Aye, his treasure chest be filled with political doubloons—he's plundered the sea of finance for many a year!
December 4, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, the hunt fer the fair Elizabeth Pollard, a landlubber granny of 64, be still afoot! She be thought to have plummeted into a treacherous sinkhole on the second day of December, all in pursuit of her wayward critter. Aye, a right adventurous old sea dog, she be!
December 4, 2024, 5:40 pm
Arrr, matey! This here caper be settin' the I.R.S. chief adrift, bastin' his term till 2027! Aye, 'tis a right ruckus, as the Biden crew be pourin' treasure into that scallywag agency to make it fit for a fleet! Avast and ho!
December 4, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags at the Ronald Reagan Institute be spillin' the beans on their sixth annual treasure map o' defense! They be sayin’ folks be cheerin’ for America’s seafarin’ ways, but beware! Isolationism be lurkin’ in the shadows like a sneaky sea serpent! Yo ho ho!
December 4, 2024, 5:28 pm
Arrr, matey! At the Feather River school, a scallywag met his fate, takin' a poke at himself with his own cannon! The landlubbers say he shot his own self, and now he be swimmin' with the fishies. A fine way to go, eh?
December 4, 2024, 5:06 pm
Arrr, matey! The tides be shiftin’, landlubber! We be eyein’ who be takin’ the helm of them fancy legal roles, givin' the new captain a direct line. Aye, especially that swashbucklin’ position what sailed the rough seas in Trump’s first voyage! Ha-ha!
December 4, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr, Mr. Navarro be a pesky barnacle on Wall Street’s hull, always naggin’ like a parrot! He be a true matey to Captain Trump in his maiden voyage, stirrin’ up the seas of politics like a drunken sailor at the helm! Aye, what a scallywag he be!
December 4, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr, mateys! Pete Hegseth be sailin' the treacherous waters o' Capitol Hill, preparin' fer his grand nomination. Meanwhile, the former captain Trump be spyin' Florida's Gov. Ron DeSantis as a likely first mate! A right ruckus on the high seas o' politics, I tells ye!
December 4, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr! Sarah Silverman, the jester of the liberal seas, be sayin’ she’s been sailin’ a quieter course this election. Why, ye ask? 'Cause she thinks landlubber voters be givin' nary a fig 'bout what the starry-eyed folk think o’ politics! Ha! A fine jest, indeed!
December 4, 2024, 11:33 am
Arrr, matey! President-elect Trump be ponderin’ his course, while Pete Hegseth be parleyin’ with the senators to rally the crew! But beware, for whispers of misdeeds be lurkin’ like a ghost ship, threatenin’ to scuttle his fine nomination from the very start! Avast!
December 4, 2024, 10:03 am
Arrr, matey! The new border captain be claimin’ Texas be the treasure map for keepin’ scallywags at bay! The landlubbers there be readyin’ a grand shipyard for sendin’ the rascals packin’! Aye, what a jolly ol’ adventure in deportin’! Avast, let the mischief begin!
December 4, 2024, 9:52 am
Arrr, matey! The mum o’ President-elect Trump’s pick fer defense be sailin’ the airwaves, claimin’ her lad be a new man, aye! From scallywag to savvy sea dog, she be sayin’! What a jolly turn o’ tides, eh? Cap’n Trump’s crew be in fer a wild ride!
December 4, 2024, 5:38 am
Arrr, matey! Lawyer and swashbucklin' gender warrior Chase Strangio be tellin' Jake Tapper that wee scallywags ain't givin' the nod for gender changin' potions—'tis their landlubber parents doin' the askin'! Aye, 'tis a hullabaloo worthy of a tavern tale!
December 4, 2024, 5:24 am
Arrr, matey! In a jolly bout on the high seas of politics, Democrat Adam Gray has plundered the 13th Congressional District of California, sendin' the incumbent Rep. John Duarte to Davy Jones' locker! Yo ho, let the grog flow for the new captain of the ship!
December 4, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Rev. Al Sharpton be a scallywag with a treasure chest full o’ scandals! Now he’s caught in the latest tempest o' "pay for play" with the Harris crew. Aye, the good Captain knows how to sail through murky waters, savvy?
December 4, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, matey! This fine institution hoists the flag o' D.E.I. high, but now the scallywags be questionin' its worth! They be ponderin' a new course as the crew grumbles ‘bout the success of this here program. Aye, what a merry jape on campus, eh?
December 4, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, matey! Come Wednesday, the high judges be settin' sail to debate if Tennessee and a band of twenty scallywags can hoist the anchor on certain healings for the wee ones of the transgender crew. A right ruckus it be! Avast, let the arguments fly like cannonballs!
December 4, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! On the morrow, the grand court o’ supreme shall weigh anchor on a ruckus ‘bout the landlubber’s ban on treatin’ young buccaneers of the transgender seas! A right squall o’ legal shenanigans, I tell ye! Avast, let’s see who sails away with the booty!
December 4, 2024, 12:59 am
Ahoy! Adam Gray, once a landlubber in the state’s lawmaking crew, bested the scallywag John Duarte, that Republican rogue, in a jolly ol’ twist of fate since their last salty bout in 2022! Aye, the tides be turnin’, me hearties!
December 3, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, Captain Eric Adams be chattin’ on the airwaves 'bout the scallywag Daniel Penny, a sea dog accused o’ sendin’ Jordan Neely to Davy Jones’ locker! Aye, what a hullabaloo in the city, eh? Heave ho, me hearties, let’s see how this tale be turnin’!
December 3, 2024, 5:42 pm
Arrr, matey! The rule after that Watergate kerfuffle be under fire, as scallywags from both ends o' the political sea be dabblin' in the murky waters of crime! Aye, it seems even the captain's code ain't safe from a good ol' ruckus!
December 3, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr, matey! The court be sayin’ that the scallywags of ICE can keep usin’ the Seattle dock for their sky-bound exile escapades! A fine haul for Trump the soon-to-be captain! Avast, prepare to sail the deportation seas!
December 3, 2024, 5:32 pm
Arrr, matey! Chicken McNuggets be a treasure of the fast-food seas, yet their tale be a twisty one! Cast yer eye upon the curious shapes of these morsels, fer they be crafted with purpose, fit for a pirate's feast! Savvy?
December 3, 2024, 5:21 pm
Arrr, matey! President-elect Trump took his sweet time, lettin' weeks drift like a lazy ship on calm seas 'fore puttin' quill to parchment! His crew pondered sendin' in sneaky sleuths instead, like scallywags huntin' for buried treasure! Aye, what a merry jest it be!
December 3, 2024, 5:18 pm
Arrr, the landlubbers in Pennsylvania be searchin' that cursed sinkhole for a fair lass of 64! They swear on Davy Jones’ locker they won’t rest until they reclaim her from the depths, lest she be makin' friends with the fishies! Avast, let the treasure hunt begin!
December 3, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr! The Heritage Foundation be chartin' a treasure map o’ principles for the new Republican crew, hopin’ to fix the scallywag of an immigration system they claim be as crooked as a three-legged dog! Avast, let the swashbucklin' begin!
December 3, 2024, 11:50 am
Avast ye! A scallywag from the Tren de Aragua crew be in hot water in Texas, now standin' trial for murder and the snatchin' of a lass, all 'cause of a foul deed in San Antonio this past July! Blimey, what a pickle!
December 3, 2024, 11:48 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags at the Washington Post be lettin' fly, callin' Captain Biden’s pardon of his own lad a right selfish affair! They be claimin’ it be givin' ol' Trumpie the wind in his sails fer jabberin' 'bout a swashbucklin’ DOJ! What a merry mess, I say!
December 3, 2024, 11:44 am
Arrr, it be said that a scallywag from the land of the dragon be smuggling iron ‘n’ gunpowder from the Golden State to the land of the chubby tyrant! Federal sea dogs be on the hunt for this slippery knave, aye!
December 3, 2024, 11:36 am
Arrr, President Biden be handin' out clemency like rum to keep his lad from walkin' the plank o' prosecution by the Trump crew! Experts be scratchin' their heads, seekin' old tales of swashbucklin' mischief. Avast, what a jolly jest on the high seas of politics!
December 3, 2024, 11:29 am
Avast, me hearties! Captain Christopher T. Donahue, the brave Lt. General, steered the good ship U.S. Troops in the grand finale of the Afghan escapade! Aye, he be the captain who said, "Time to hoist the sails and skedaddle!" before the cannonballs started flyin'! Arrr!
December 3, 2024, 10:36 am
Arrr, Captain Biden be schemin’ to tie up the sails o’ Captain Trump’s plans to toss overboard his treasure trove o’ laws, which be showerin’ doubloons on them Republican shores far and wide! Avast, the battle o’ the bilge rats be afoot!
December 3, 2024, 9:19 am
Arrr! In clandestine parley and scribbled scrolls, them justices conjured fresh rules fer their own merry crew—then squabbled like scallywags on whether to hoist the flag o’ enforcement or scuttle it! Avast, what a jolly mess!
December 3, 2024, 5:33 am
Arrr, matey! Them lawmakers from the same crew as the captain be sayin’ his choice to pardon his scallywag son be a selfish act! They reckon it’ll sink the good folk’s trust in democracy and the law, like a ship full o’ lead! Blimey, what a ruckus!
December 3, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Claire McCaskill be wailin' like a scallywag 'bout Captain Biden givin' his wayward lad Hunter a pardon, after swearin' on a treasure map not to! She claims it be handin' the rival crew a cannon full o' powder for their fightin'! Blimey, what a hullabaloo!
December 3, 2024, 5:22 am
Arrr, matey! Warren Stephens, the gold-hoardin' banker, tossed a chest o' two million doubloons in 2016 to sink Trump’s ship! Yet, lo and behold, he later threw in with Hutchinson, Christie, Pence, and Haley, before settlin’ his sails with the Trump crew. What a fickle sea dog, eh?
December 3, 2024, 5:18 am
Ahoy, matey! Did ye know the Olympics once be sportin' art battles? Aye, and teeth be the stubborn scallywags that refuse to mend! Wager ye'll be grinnin' ear to ear with these jolly tidbits of the day! Arrr!
December 3, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr! Come ye October of the year 2025, Captain Brian Walshe be summoned to the court o' law, accused of sendin' his fair lass Ana to Davy Jones' locker on New Year's Day! Aye, she be a mother o' three, and now he's in a right pickle!
December 3, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr! When Natalie Rex found herself cursed with the dreadful Friedreich's ataxia, a scallywag of a disease, her twin sister Melanie took the helm as her trusty cabin mate and caregiver, keepin’ her spirits high on this treacherous voyage of life! Aye, sisterly love be a fine treasure!
December 3, 2024, 4:44 am
Arrr, me hearties! The new captain be spoutin’ the same ol’ yarns he spun ‘fore the election, makin’ waves and sinkin’ a deal that be already catchin’ cannon fire from landlubbers. Aye, it be a right pickle we’re in!
December 2, 2024, 5:57 pm
Arrr, matey! The federal scallywags be handin' down a fine case o' gunpowder against young Hunter Biden, a sight not seen often on the high seas. But those tax troubles he admitted to? Aye, they be as common as barnacles on a ship! Har har!
December 2, 2024, 5:54 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags Shapley and Ziegler be spillin' the beans on why they be feelin’ like bilge rats over Captain Biden’s choice to set free his wayward lad, Hunter. Aye, it be a right swashbucklin’ disappointment, that be!
December 2, 2024, 5:43 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The captain-elect, Trump, be sendin’ his chosen matey to toss the F.B.I.'s finest overboard, sink their ship in D.C., and throw the scribes in the brig! A jolly fine mess, I'd say! Avast, what be this ruckus on the high seas of law and order!
December 2, 2024, 5:39 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Biden be raisin' a mighty sail, pardonin' his scallywag son, Hunter! Aye, 'tis a twist, like a ship’s wheel in a storm, goin' against his own words 'bout the law’s might and keepin' the captain's hand off the treasure chest! What be this jolly jest?
December 2, 2024, 5:36 pm
Arrr, matey! The lass who sent a bride to Davy Jones' locker on her weddin' night was to face the judge on Monday, but lo! She be bowin' out early, confessin' her misdeeds like a scallywag caught with a stolen parrot! What a twist o' fate!
December 2, 2024, 5:25 pm
Arrr, matey! On yon "Jennifer Hudson Show," Snoop Dogg, with his lass Cori Broadus, be spillin' the beans. He forked over a treasure of a million doubloons for her nuptials! Aye, what a jolly fine way to say, "May yer sails be full!" with a hearty laugh!
December 2, 2024, 5:02 pm
Arrr, matey! The Biden captain be sailin' a treacherous sea ‘twixt raisin’ wee ones and dodgin’ political cannonballs! Aye, the ship be rockin' ‘twixt parentin' and politickin', like a parrot caught in a storm, squawkin’ and flappin’! Avast, what a merry hullabaloo 'tis!
December 2, 2024, 11:55 am
Arrr, me hearties! Cap’n Biden be shakin' the ol’ quill after givin' a pardon to his scallywag son, Hunter, on a moonlit night! Aye, 'tis a jolly ol' tale of family mischief and high seas shenanigans! What a merry crew they be! Avast, me mateys!
December 2, 2024, 11:55 am
Arrr, matey! Last year, Mr. Biden's grand deal be like a ship in a storm—sank at the last minute! Blame it on the judge, who be raisin’ a ruckus like a scallywag with a bee in his bonnet! Aye, the seas o’ justice be treacherous, indeed!
December 2, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr, the president's lad be guilty of nine foul tax deeds and be sentenced for thrice tellin' tall tales on a shootin' iron form! Aye, even scallywags must face the judge! What a fine mess, matey!
December 2, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr, Captain Biden be squawkin’ ‘bout the unfair trials and political winds blowin’ ‘gainst him, in a ship he’s sailed all his life! Aye, it be a fine jest, defendin’ the riggin’ while findin’ the cannon aimed at his hull! Har har har!
December 2, 2024, 11:52 am
Arrr, mateys! Bronx buccaneer Ritchie Torres be sendin' a hearty message to the scallywags who be fillin' their pockets from the good folk's coin – aye, it's a tale as old as time, echoing the words of that landlubber Trump! Avast, ye greedy knaves!
December 2, 2024, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! Tom Homan be chattin’ on the morrow, plannin’ to parley with Mayor Eric Adams in the grand ol’ New York seas! He be willin’ to join forces with any scallywag who be willin’ to hoist the sails o’ cooperation! Avast, what a jolly crew they’ll make!
December 2, 2024, 11:33 am
Arrr! The U.S. Capitol constables be takin' a scallywag from the crew of House Democrat Joe Morelle! They found him with a bag o' cannonballs, or so the tale goes! Aye, 'tis a right pickle he be in, lookin' more like a landlubber than a pirate!
December 2, 2024, 5:55 am
Aye, me hearties! The Republicans be hollerin’ like scallywags ‘bout Captain Biden’s yarn that "no soul be above the law," while he be givin’ his wayward son Hunter a free pass! A right merry jig of hypocrisy, I say! Avast, 'tis a jolly ol' sea of shenanigans!
December 2, 2024, 5:14 am
Arrr, in the fair port of Houston, a scallywag's been caught red-handed, shankin’ a lass and her wee sprout in their lair! Aye, they say he took to the blade like a fish to water, but now he’ll be swimmin' with the fishes! What a landlubber!
December 2, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! From the year o' our Lord 1999 to the year 2020, the grim tally o' booze-related demise has nearly doubled, say the learned folk o' Florida Atlantic University! A few landlubbers in research be chattin' 'bout the dangers o' the bottle. Drink up, but beware!
December 2, 2024, 4:30 am
Arrr, matey! A scallywag caught for puttin' a hole in a Orthodox chap on his trek to the holy house found himself pushin' up daisies in his cell, claimin' the ol' “drowned his sorrows” trick! Aye, not the sharpest cutlass in the chest, eh?
December 2, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr matey! In a missive, the captain of the Democrats be sayin' that his crew be ready to parley with the Republicans on the president-elect's pickin's. But, by the powers, they insists on givin' 'em the ol' Senate once-over first, like a ship checkin' for barnacles!
December 2, 2024, 4:02 am
Ahoy, mateys! President-elect Trump be settin’ sail fer treacherous waters, usin’ Kash Patel as F.B.I. captain! He be fearin’ not the scallywags of D.C., fillin’ his crew with ideological buccaneers, conspiracy swabs, and even kinfolk! Aye, the seas be wild, and so be his crew!
December 2, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, some scallywags, stirred by that scallywag Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s vow to “Make America Healthy Again,” be thinkin’ the health pirates be naught but a dismissive crew, corrupt as a bilge rat! Aye, they be ready to hoist the sails o’ change!
December 1, 2024, 5:43 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Meghan Trainor be spillin’ the beans 'bout them fancy Botox jabs makin’ her grin like a scallywag! But fear not, she still be settin’ sail fer a breast lift, lookin’ to plunder beauty with a hearty laugh! Avast, the seas of surgery await!
December 1, 2024, 5:09 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags of both the Republican and Democrat crews be squawkin’ some jumbled tales ‘bout Captain Trump’s pick for the FBI, that scoundrel Kash Patel, on the Sunday mornin’ and afternoon squawks. A right tempest o’ opinions, it be! Avast, the seas be choppy!
December 1, 2024, 5:09 pm
Arrr, matey! The President-elect, that scallywag Trump, be pickin' a new captain for the F.B.I.! But lo and behold, this landlubber’s past be a tempest o' trouble! I wager the Senate be tossin' questions like cannonballs at a grog-fueled party! Avast, 'tis bound to be a jolly good show!
December 1, 2024, 3:55 pm
Avast, mateys! In the far shores of Angola, the cap'n be makin' his last voyage o’er the briny deep! He’ll be peekin’ at a museum o’ bondage and strikin’ a pose by a rail line—part o’ his grand plan to rule the waves! Arrr!
December 1, 2024, 2:59 pm
Arrr, Sheriff Chad Chronister, seasoned as a barnacle on a ship's hull in Hillsborough, be settin’ sail for a storm o’ troubles if they be givin’ him the captain's hat o’ the agency! Aye, the seas be rough ahead for that swashbuckler!
December 1, 2024, 11:32 am
Avast, me hearties! Last month, the land o' dragons uncovered a treasure trove o' gold worth a staggering $83 billion doubloons! Aye, China be the mightiest goldsmith o' the seven seas, claimin' the title o' top gold producer, so says the parrot at Reuters! Yarrr!
December 1, 2024, 11:26 am
Arrr, mateys! James Van Der Beek, that swashbucklin' thespian, be partin' with his "Varsity Blues" football shirt to ease the heavy chest o' gold weighin' down on him from that scurvy beast called cancer! Aye, it be a noble quest for doubloons, indeed!
December 1, 2024, 11:19 am
Arrr, a wee Canadian port be caught in a pickle! They be fined ten thousand doubloons fer not shoutin’ “Pride Month” and refusin’ to hoist the colorful flag o’ joy! Blimey, what’s next? A fine fer not dancin’ a jig on deck? Har har har!
December 1, 2024, 11:12 am
Arrr! A tempest hath unleashed a heap o' white stuff, stranding landlubbers in the Great Lakes and New York! Be careful ye scallywags, for more snow be comin' to spoil yer post-feast frolickin'! Prepare yer snow boots, lest ye be walkin' the plank o' frostbite!
December 1, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, matey! Candace Cameron Bure, once a lass from the "Full House," be spillin' the beans 'bout her faith, claimin' the election be a grand tide shift, inspirin' all hands on deck! Aye, 'tis a jolly good tale from the high seas of politics!
December 1, 2024, 10:04 am
Arrr, the lassies o' San Jose State, with their bold matey of a transgender kind, did clash swords with the mighty Colorado State, the treasure-hunters of the tourney! Alas, they set sail to Davy Jones’ locker, but their journey be far grander than mere sportin’! Aye, what a jolly adventure!
December 1, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Sleep be the treasure we all seek! But do lasses need more shut-eye than scallywags? A crew of wise women, health and slumber experts, be chattin' ‘bout the secrets of snoozin' based on fancy studies and the ways of biology! Avast, what a merry debate!
December 1, 2024, 4:54 am
Arrr! A scallywag from Massachusetts be accused of sendin’ his ancient mate to Davy Jones’ locker fer sneezin’ too near his Thanksgiving grub! The old sea dog be 80 years wise, but alas, too near the feast be his fatal folly! Avast, the dangers of a hearty sneeze!
December 1, 2024, 4:40 am
Arrr, in the fine port of Colorado Springs, the landlubbers be huntin’ a wily coyote for givin’ a wee lass a fright on Thanksgiving Day! The scallywags of Colorado Parks and Wildlife be on the trail, seekin’ to catch this furry fiend before it plunders more pies!
December 1, 2024, 4:01 am
Avast ye, mateys! Ben Wikler, the captain o' the Wisconsin Democratic crew since 2019, be tossin’ his hat in the ring fer the national helm! His battle cry be “Unite, Fight, Win!” Aye, sounds like a jolly good plan fer plunderin’ the hearts o’ the people!
December 1, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, a lass from Massachusetts be sufferin' from a curse of allergies, eatin’ naught but oats and a potion fit for wee babes! A right peculiar diet, I say! Avast, this scallywag be livin' on the edge of blandness, with nary a morsel of treasure in sight! Ahoy!
December 1, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, President-elect Trump be makin' threats like a scallywag, lookin' to shake the very sails of the Constitution! With his motley crew o' nominees, he be ready to push the limits o' his captaincy! Aye, this voyage be gettin' wild, me hearties!
December 1, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, the mayor and the labor lads be claimin' that a shiny $1.3 billion hoop fortress be a treasure for the coin purse! But lo! The city be frettin' that poor Chinatown might be walkin' the plank, savvy? A real pickle, matey!
December 1, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! Mr. Musk’s flying contraptions and his jolly self be stirrin’ the pot o’ culture and politics in Cameron County, South Texas! Aye, his shenanigans be turnin’ the tides and makin’ the land a right lively place for scallywags and landlubbers alike!
November 30, 2024, 5:56 pm
Arrr, in the sunny land o’ Florida, a 71-year-old sea dog met his fate at the hands o’ his landlubber neighbor! Seems the old scallywag's jolly tunes were too much for the matey below, who decided to silence him with a bang! Talk about a rough way to shiver yer timbers!
November 30, 2024, 5:49 pm
Arrr, matey! A grand inferno be a-blazin’ in Connecticut, lasting longer than a sea shanty! Twas said some scallywag decided to fry a turkey in the garage on Thanksgiving—aye, not the wisest choice for a feast! Firefighters battled it like it be a kraken for 16 long hours!
November 30, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, the scallywags be swindlin’ the coffers, claimin’ treasure for landlubbers not worthy! They pocketed a fine bounty of coin for fillin' out scrolls, say the officials! A right merry jest on the high seas of tax!
November 30, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr, the White House be spoutin’ off ‘bout a newly unfurled moving picture of our matey Edan Alexander, held captive by them scallywags of Hamas! They called it a right cruel poke at their mischief! Aye, even the sea be shudderin’ at such treachery!
November 30, 2024, 4:44 pm
Arrr, hear ye! The grand proclaimin’ hath hoisted Mr. Kushner, the old sea-dog and sire of the lad wed to the mighty Trump’s lass, who snagged a pardon like a treasure ’fore the ship of Trump set sail! Aye, a right jolly jest, that!
November 30, 2024, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! As autumn’s chill sets in, the seas brim with pumpkin spice treasures, even with a touch o' the bizarre! Here be four curious grub choices ye wouldn’t expect to tickle yer taste buds. Prepare to set sail into the spice-laden unknown!
November 30, 2024, 11:42 am
Arrr, matey! That pesky lake-effect tempest be throwin’ a wrench in our holiday sails, causin’ chaos and makin’ travel a right bother! The National Guard be called in like scallywags to save the day in New York and Pennsylvania! Aye, weather be a cruel mistress!
November 30, 2024, 11:17 am
Arrr, me hearties! This Thanksgiving, a motley crew of landlubbers be settin' sail for Mar-a-Lago, includin' the tech treasure hoarder Elon Musk, the brawny Rocky himself Sylvester Stallone, and that dashing Canadian captain, Justin Trudeau! A feast fit for the fiercest pirates, I say!
November 30, 2024, 10:52 am
Arrr, mateys! Alex Cooper, the jolly host of the “Call Her Daddy” ship, be takin’ on some flak after parleyin’ with Vice President Kamala Harris during the campaign. Aye, the critics be settin’ sail, but she be laughin’ all the way to the treasure!
November 30, 2024, 7:02 am
Arrr! In the year of our Lord, two thousand and eighteen, fair Penelope Hegseth be sendin' a missive to her scallywag son, who be swimmin' in the tempest of a divorce from his wench, Samantha. Aye, love be a treacherous sea, fraught with squalls and mutiny!
November 30, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr! A lass from New York be tellin’ Fox News of how a pair o’ spectacles turned her wee babe’s world upside down! Aye, she be sharin’ a merry tale on the social seas, drawin’ eyes from all corners o' the globe. Avast, what a sight to behold!
November 30, 2024, 4:49 am
Arrr, me hearties! In the year o' our Lord 2022, the count o' landlubber abortions in the U.S. dipped a wee 2%, like a soggy biscuit, after the wise court tossed Roe v. Wade overboard! Aye, it be a small wave in a vast ocean o' choice!
November 30, 2024, 4:08 am
Arrr, a scallywag from Kentucky be in hot water! He set sail on a quest for grog, all besotted-like, while his wee lad took a daring leap from the ship, landin' in a deep sleep! Now the ol' sea dog be in a pickle, savvy?
November 30, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! A crew o' House Democrats be wantin' to toss out the old sea dogs like Captain Nadler, claimin' the spry young scallywags be more fit to challenge the king o' the high seas—the president! Aye, youth be a fine treasure, but can they swab the deck?
November 30, 2024, 4:02 am
Ahoy, mateys! Senator Skoufis be settin’ sail on a perilous quest fer D.N.C. chair, hopin' his victories in the treacherous Trump seas’ll charm the scallywags o' the party! Aye, it be a wild gamble, but what be life without a bit o’ swashbucklin’ audacity? Arrr!
November 30, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr! While Kamala be steal’n the spotlight on the 2024 seas, savvy Democrats be sailin’ far and wide, makin’ mates and shiverin’ timbers! They be plantin' seeds fer the party’s treasure map, hopin' fer a bountiful haul in the battle fer future booty! Yarrr!
November 30, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! Jessie James Decker, that fine songstress of the countryside, be spillin' her secrets in a tome called "Just Eat." With over a hundred treasures of tasty delights that'll warm yer belly like a hearth, she swears they be as cozy as a pirate's hammock in a storm!
November 30, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, as the landlubber liberals weep o'er the election's stormy seas, Laurene Powell Jobs be shoutin' to the bold entrepreneurs: "Hoist the flag and cheer like scallywags!" Aye, let the jolly ruckus drown the sorrow, or ye might walk the plank of despair!
November 29, 2024, 5:44 pm
Arrr! Ol' Martha Stewart be settin' sail on Instagram 'fore the feast of thanks, claimin' she toiled two whole days makin' 35 pies! But lo! She admits to a blunder in her bakin'. Aye, even the finest shipshape can run aground, savvy?
November 29, 2024, 5:16 pm
Arrr, me hearties! A scallywag from Nixon's crew, later a scribe of tales, did steer a quest where a sneaky Watergate buccaneer squirmed like a fish outta water when queried if he be a ghostly whistle-blower! Aye, the sea be full o' secrets, matey!
November 29, 2024, 5:05 pm
Arrr, matey! A fine Brazilian lass, a model of beauty, be snatched up with her scallywag hubby and wee lad in their homeland! They be held captive fer 12 long hours 'fore makin' their great escape! Blimey, what a ruckus on the high seas of mischief!
November 29, 2024, 4:48 pm
Avast, mateys! Scott Jennings, that savvy sea dog of politics, be settin' sail with the editorial crew of The Los Angeles Times! Just weeks after the captain of the ship vowed to swab the decks and make it shipshape. Arrr, it’s a ruckus on the high seas of journalism!
November 29, 2024, 1:59 pm
Arrr, Big Tom be a cherished beacon in his Minnesota port! In yonder Midwest, the wee towns be puffin’ their chests, boastin’ the grandest of all things, from towering totems to monstrous pies! Aye, size be the game, and they be playin’ it fierce!
November 29, 2024, 1:27 pm
Arrr, the wee pup be makin' waves, claimin' the grand prize on that feastin' day! A judge did declare, “This scallywag be all a pug should be!” Aye, he be the talk of the high seas, that salty canine!
November 29, 2024, 11:24 am
Arrr, matey! Elya Baskin, a scallywag from the Soviet seas, be spillin' the beans 'bout how the 40th captain o' the ship, Reagan, turned the tides o' the nation with his bold command! Aye, he had the wind in his sails, makin' all the landlubbers cheer!
November 29, 2024, 11:19 am
Arrr, me hearties! The soon-to-be captain, Donald J. Trump, be fillin' his crew with scallywags who be chasin' the treasure of right-wing scrolls! A merry band of buccaneers, ready to set sail on the high seas of politics, lookin' for gold and glory! Avast, mateys!
November 29, 2024, 11:13 am
Arrr, matey! Nick Cannon be sharin' tales o' his "healin'" after the learned doc be sayin' he’s got a touch o' the ol' narcissistic personality disorder! Aye, he be sailin' the seas of self-love, hopin’ to find treasure in humility, or at least some jolly good rum!
November 29, 2024, 11:08 am
Arrr, matey! Young Denyeer and Edison, scallywags of the Tren de Aragua crew, be caught red-handed in the Bronx! Them rascals be as famous as a parrot with a viral tale o’ their Colorado caper! Avast! Time for them to walk the plank o' justice!
November 29, 2024, 10:39 am
Arrr, me hearties! Bruce Willis be caught grinnin' like a treasure-lovin' scallywag, enjoyin' jolly times with his kin! His lassies be sharin' merry snaps of their Thanksgiving feast, lookin' happier than a parrot on a pirate's shoulder! Avast, what a fine sight indeed!
November 29, 2024, 9:22 am
Arrr, mateys! Defense Secretary Lloyd J. Austin III be takin’ away the power o’ his trusty matey to strike deals, writin’ it down in a secret scroll on Monday. The scallywags at the Pentagon be keepin' it under wraps, like a treasure map that’s lost at sea!
November 29, 2024, 5:24 am
Arrr, matey! Snag yer tales o' the day from the mightiest name on the seven seas o' news, sent straight to yer inbox at the crack o' dawn! Don’t be a landlubber, feast yer eyes on the juiciest gossip first thing each morn! Avast!
November 29, 2024, 5:16 am
Arrr, a Florida swab met his watery grave on a fishin' jaunt! A slip o' fate sent 'em both a-plummetin' into Davy Jones' pool, only to be flattened by their own ship, caught in the iron beast’s belly! What a jolly pickle, eh?
November 29, 2024, 5:01 am
Arrr! CBS News' "60 Minutes" be settin' sail on the MEI treasure hunt fer brains at the University of Austin! Them landlubber leaders be claimin' it brings a fine assortment of thoughts, like a jolly crew of misfits on a ship, ready to parley 'n' debate!
November 29, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr matey! Aye, 'tis said that 42 million landlubbers be sittin’ upon their treasure chests in constipated torment! Dr. Daryl Gioffre, the seafarin' gut wizard, be sharin’ his five jolly remedies to set 'em free from their plundered plights! Hoist the sails and let the movement begin!
November 29, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, me matey! Young Noah Kahan, a tune-singing scallywag, be callin' Coburn's General Store the heart o' his port! His mum be rallyin' the crew to keep it afloat, lest it sink to Davy Jones' locker! Aye, let’s save the treasure!
November 29, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, mateys! The sea be stirred by the new captain, yet he might be swappin’ grog with Old Biden more than ye think. Aye, the waves o’ chaos be comin’, but they might just be singin’ a shanty together instead of clashin’ swords! Avast!
November 29, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! Donald Trump’s choice fer ship’s surgeon, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., be sailin’ high on the waves o' fame and folly, tangled up in more conspiracies than a ship full o' scallywags! Aye, from the depths o’ addiction to the heights o’ power, he be a true buccaneer!
November 28, 2024, 5:29 pm
Arrr, matey! Three years past, our fair lass Esther Keim, a true Alaskan wench, took to the skies, droppin’ fine turkeys for her landlubber mates on Thanksgiving! Aye, ’twas in a plane she and her old sea dog father fixed up, makin’ feasts rain from above!
November 28, 2024, 4:20 pm
Arrr! Kaley Cuoco, fair lass of the "Big Bang" crew, be caught unawares when a scallywag barged into her quarters whilst she be primpin' her tresses in the buff! Aye, what a sight fer sore eyes, I tell ye! Blow-dryin' and blushin' all at once, me hearty!
November 28, 2024, 4:04 pm
Arrr, on the morn of Thanksgiving, a scallywag let loose his iron, takin' down two poor souls and givin' two others a nasty boo-boo at a San Antonio shanty! The coppers be sayin' it was no merry feast fer 'em! Yarr, what a way to celebrate!
November 28, 2024, 3:43 pm
Arrr, the mateys of the soon-to-be captain claim they’ll spill the beans on their treasure backers and shun them sea-farin’ strangers! But lo and behold, they ain't legally shackled to keep their word! A fine jest, I say!
November 28, 2024, 2:35 pm
Arrr, matey! Aye, a mighty foot o' snow be settlin' upon northern New England, turnin' roads into icy treacheries! Thar be more travelers this Thanksgivin' than fish in the sea, so batten down the hatches and hoist yer sails—t'was a record-breaking voyage, I say!
November 28, 2024, 11:51 am
Arrr, matey! The lasses of the volleyin' crew be stirrin' up a ruckus 'bout the fairer sex in sportin' ways, and now they've sailed straight to the championship, thanks to the scallywags at Boise State who be too chicken to face 'em! Aye, what a merry jest!
November 28, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr, mateys! Jennifer Garner be spillin’ the sorrowful tale that their cherished furry matey, Birdie, has sailed to Davy Jones’ locker just afore the Thanksgiving feast! Aye, a true tragedy for the heart, but let’s raise a tankard in memory of the feathered scallywag!
November 28, 2024, 11:23 am
Arrr, me hearties! A pack o' landlubber anti-Israel scallywags stormed the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, tryin' to block the merry procession! But alas, they be as effective as a ship with no sails! Let the turkey float on, I say! Savvy?
November 28, 2024, 11:16 am
Arrr, matey! Sean "Diddy" Combs be feastin' on turkey behind bars this Thanksgivin', as the Kraken o' justice denied his third plea for freedom! With naught but soggy bread and slop in sight, he be thankin' the stars for a belly full o' mischief!
November 28, 2024, 10:51 am
Arrr, matey! Instacart’s treasure map o' Thanksgiving delights be revealin' that mashed taters and stuffing be the kings of the feast, while that pitiful green bean casserole be walkin' the plank! Avast, let the feasting begin, but leave the beans at Davy Jones' locker!
November 28, 2024, 9:45 am
Arrr, me hearties! Since that daring mermaid Lia Thomas took to the briny deep, no college scallywag or crew has stirred up the tempest o' transgender rights in sport like a cannonball in a keg of rum! Aye, 'tis a lively debate indeed!
November 28, 2024, 9:02 am
Arrr, matey! Captain Jaime Harrison of the Democratic ship be hangin' up his boots and not seekin' another voyage! His scallywag successor must chart a course to bring the flounderin' crew back to plunderin’ glory! Avast, good luck to ‘em!
November 28, 2024, 5:41 am
Arrr! When a Delta ship from New York docked in Paris, the captain bellowed there be an extra scallywag aboard! The airline be seekin’ the law to uncover how a stowaway slipped past the crew. Avast, what a jolly mess!
November 28, 2024, 5:15 am
Arrr, on the high seas of Thursday, the scallywags from Russia struck Ukraine's power grid like a cannon blast! A million landlubbers be left in the dark, and the whole nation be shufflin’ to rig up emergency lights! A right kerfuffle, I tell ye!
November 28, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! From pickin' me grub to chattin' with the crew, a band o' wellness swabs be sharin' their finest secrets fer keepin' Thanksgiving shipshape. So batten down the hatches and feast like a hearty buccaneer, but mind yer belly, or ye might be walkin' the plank!
November 28, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, his kin be sailin’ far from the captain’s crew, but the eldest lad o’ the president-elect be makin’ quite the splash! He’s the trusty matey who can sniff out loyalty to the Trump flag like a sea dog sniffin’ out a barrel o’ rum!
November 28, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! The Democrats be starin' at Davy Jones’ locker in the online fray, and now them progressive scallywags be schemin' to build a crew to rival the Turning Point USA swabs. Aye, let the social seas be filled with their jolly folly!
November 28, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! Israel be throwin’ cannonballs at Hezbollah, and now the cease-fire be settlin’ the dust in Lebanon. Meanwhile, poor Hamas be stranded like a landlubber on a deserted isle, all alone and wonderin’ where their crew be! Aye, it be a right comical sight!
November 28, 2024, 3:38 am
Arrr mateys! The Institute fer Study o' Marine Mammals be spoutin’ on the ol' Facebook that four cheeky dolphins found themselves marooned on the sandy shores this past weekend! Blimey, hope they weren’t lookin’ fer treasure, lest they be swimmin' with the fishes!
November 28, 2024, 3:24 am
Arrr, afore the feast of turkey took root in late November, the scallywags of America be celebratin' "Evacuation Day" – markin' the day them pesky Redcoats hightailed it outta New York in 1783! Aye, we raised a mug and did a jig, chasin’ ‘em from our shores!
November 27, 2024, 5:41 pm
Arrr, in a jolly chat, Jelly Roll be spillin' the beans 'bout his tight kinship with his lass, Bailee, aged sweet sixteen. He be sayin' she be sharper than a cutlass compared to his scallywag self at that age! Aye, the tides of wisdom be shiftin'!
November 27, 2024, 5:27 pm
Arrr, matey! If them fakes be the real deal, they’d be worth near 18 million doubloons! Aye, 'tis the grandest haul of counterfeit booty ever seen, say the officials. Avast, what a jolly jest!
November 27, 2024, 5:20 pm
"Avast ye mateys! Strap on yer sea belts and stow some grub, fer we be settin' sail on a grand voyage of four long years o' this hullabaloo!" quoth the Democratic senator from the Pennsylvanian shores. Arrr, prepare yerselves for a jolly good ride!
November 27, 2024, 5:17 pm
Arrr, it be a right jolly tale! The scallywag be plunderin' his own kin, say the lawmen! Even five of his wee nieces took a stand against him back in the year o' our Lord, 2004. Aye, family feuds be the finest treasure of all!
November 27, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Astead Herndon from the New York Times tussled with the jolly Jon Favreau of "Pod Save America," over a ruckus o' an interview where Harris's crew spun tales 'bout their blundering defeat. Aye, 'twas a right merry squabble on the high seas o' politics!
November 27, 2024, 4:53 pm
Arrr, matey! Our scallywag Sean "Diddy" Combs, the grand captain of Bad Boy Records, be walkin’ the plank without bail in his treacherous tale of sex trafficking and racketeerin’. Aye, even gold can’t free this buccaneer from the clutches of the law!
November 27, 2024, 11:42 am
Arrr, mateys! Dr. Ayelet Levy Shahar be shoutin' from the crow’s nest, plead'n with ye good folk o’ America to cast yer eyes upon the poor souls held captive by them scallywags of Hamas! Let not their plight be forgotten, lest we all walk the plank of indifference!
November 27, 2024, 11:41 am
Avast ye! Ray Epps be the scallywag who claims them scurvy dogs, Tucker Carlson and crew, painted him as a foe of the crown, stirrin’ up trouble at the Capitol like a landlubber on rum! Arrr, what a jolly jest indeed!
November 27, 2024, 11:31 am
Arrr, a scallywag in California be claimin' he let fly a shot at a knave on the 24th of November, all to guard his wee grandlads snoozin' in the back o' the shop. Aye, a brave ol’ sea dog, ready to defend his treasure!
November 27, 2024, 11:29 am
Arrr, matey! The landlubbers o' the U.S. be throwin' a cannonball o' sanctions at 21 scallywags o' Maduro's crew for givin' the good folk o' Venezuela a hard time after a dodgy election. Aye, 'tis a right merry mess on the high seas o' politics!
November 27, 2024, 11:11 am
Ahoy, me hearties! The crop and chowder rules be as rusted as a barnacle-covered hull since 2018, and they be long past their due date! Farmers be shakin' in their boots, thinkin' the Trump crew be makin' 'em walk the plank next year! Arrr, 'tis a fine mess!
November 27, 2024, 9:22 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags o' the donor crew be fightin’ the ghost o’ Trump’s triumph, frettin’ over payback and sluggish winds o’ liberal zeal. Aye, some landlubber Democrats be thinkin’ o’ hoistin the anchor and settin' sail to foreign shores! What a merry band o' cowards!
November 27, 2024, 5:42 am
Arrr, two crafty cooks be spillin’ the beans to Fox News Digital on how they be conjurin’ the finest stuffing come Thanksgiving! They be sharin’ their jolly tips fer landlubbers lookin’ to whip up the most glorious side dish this side of the seven seas! Avast, ye hungry mates!
November 27, 2024, 5:01 am
Ahoy, mateys! Chef George Duran be spillin' the beans on a jolly fine smoked turkey recipe to make yer landlubber guests shout “Arrr!” this Thanksgivin’. Prepare to feast like the scallywags ye are, or ye’ll be walkin’ the plank!
November 27, 2024, 5:01 am
Arrr, matey! Celebrity cook George Duran be spillin’ the beans on his jolly nog pudding recipe! A treasure fit for any festive shindig, it be a delight to tickle yer taste buds and make yer belly dance like a merry sea wench! Avast and dig in, ye scallywags!
November 27, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, me hearties takin' Ozempic or Wegovy be in for a jolly twist this Thanksgiving! Experts be spillin’ the beans on how to tackle the feast ‘n still hoist the flag of merriment. So, ready yer plates ‘n keep yer grog close, ye scallywags!
November 27, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, mates! A fresh decree be upon us! The fine folk of Kentucky's Drinkin' Control be givin' the green light to hock them hoarded spirits! So hoist yer sails and ready yer coin, for ye might just score a bottle or two from the captain's stash!
November 27, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! The stormy seas be raisin' a ruckus fer yer holiday travels, but fear not! The lines at the great airport of Chicago be partin' like treasure maps—movin' faster than a scallywag at an all-you-can-drink rum fest! Avast, yer adventure awaits!
November 26, 2024, 11:04 pm
Avast, me hearties! Captain Jay Bhattacharya be chartin' the course o' the grand ship known as the National Institutes of Health! With a treasure chest o' $48 billion and 27 hearty crew members, he be leadin' the finest medical research fleet on the seven seas! Arrr!
November 26, 2024, 5:31 pm
Arrr, matey! The captain-elect, Donald J. Trump, be gatherin' his crew for a few formal parley with the old salt's crew. But, lo and behold! He be shunnin' the F.B.I. from givin' the new scallywags a proper security check. Aye, what a jolly hullabaloo!
November 26, 2024, 5:14 pm
Arrr, me hearties! The hullabaloo 'round Rev. Al Sharpton's treasure chest, fillin’ up from the Harris crew before a jolly chat with the vice captain on MSNBC, be causin' quite the ruckus on the high seas of television! Avast, the scandal be more turbulent than a stormy squall!
November 26, 2024, 4:49 pm
Arrr! Last year, we be catchin' a heap o' scallywags comin' from Canada, but they be but a wee drop in the bucket compared to the merry band from Mexico! Aye, the North ain't no treasure trove for wayward souls!
November 26, 2024, 4:43 pm
Arrr, matey! The special counsel be settin' sail with a jumbled treasure of proof against Captain Trump, yet findin' themselves marooned in legal squabbles that’ll keep future scallywags from plunderin' more! A legacy as tangled as a sailor's beard, I say! Ha-ha!
November 26, 2024, 11:32 am
Arrr, me hearties! In the year of our Lord 2024, a scallywag in Cameron County caught the pesky dengue fever! The good folk at the Texas Department of State Health Services be spillin’ the beans, sayin’ the fever be sailin’ the local seas! Avast, watch out for that sneaky bite!
November 26, 2024, 11:20 am
Arrr, matey! The Fox News Entertainment Scroll be servin’ ye the juiciest tales from the Hollywood high seas, filled with starry-eyed scallywags and their chattin’! Set yer sails for gossip from Los Angeles and beyond, aye!
November 26, 2024, 11:17 am
Avast ye! Ethan Slater, the scallywag playin' Boq Woodsman in yon flick "Wicked," took a mighty tumble at the London shindig! 'Twas a sight to behold, as he went down quicker than a cannonball in a storm! Aye, even pirates be givin' a hearty chuckle!
November 26, 2024, 10:47 am
Arrr, the Republicans be wieldin' a mighty supermajority in the ol' legislature, ready to clash with Gov. Roy Cooper’s veto! Aye, a squall o' bickerin' over state power and hurricane booty be brewin' on the horizon! Let the scallywags dance and duel for their share o' treasure!
November 26, 2024, 9:52 am
Arrr, President Claudia Sheinbaum be quippin’ back at President-elect Trump’s blusterin’ about heavy tariffs! She be sayin’ that such a folly’d scuttle the ships o' both nations! Aye, let’s keep the cannons down and the treasure flowin’, savvy?
November 26, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Axios captain Jim VandeHei be takin' a hearty swing at that scallywag Elon Musk, who be blabberin' to the crew of X that they "are the media now." Jim be callin' it a right heap o' bilge! Avast, what a merry jest!
November 26, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! ‘Tis a shame, for nearly half o' the landlubber adults be shackled by heart troubles! The wise sea dogs, I mean doctors, be dishin' out hearty advice on what grub to hoist aboard fer the feast o' thanks. Keep yer plate shipshape, or be walkin' the plank!
November 26, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! TikTok lass Taralyn Romero be battlin’ the scallywags of her local gub'ment, who be claimin’ they own a piece of her yard and the babblin’ creek! Aye, what a hullabaloo! She’ll not be lettin’ them swab the deck of her domain without a ruckus!
November 26, 2024, 4:54 am
Arrr, what be the next grand adventure fer that jolly Gov. Chris Sununu, hangin' up his captain's hat come January after eight years navigatin' the choppy waters of New Hampshire? Methinks he be seekin' treasure in the high seas or perhaps a fine rum distillery!
November 26, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, with the crew’s cheers growin’ faint, some scallywags be claimin’ that their bold plans be sinkin’ like a cursed ship! "We must hoist the Jolly Roger of change, mateys! It be no crime to swap yer colors!"
November 25, 2024, 10:08 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Young Marlena Velez, a crafty lass of 22, be swipin’ treasure by foolin’ the self-checkout with her tricksy bar codes! The landlubber lawmen be sayin’ she made fine booty cheaper than a parrot’s squawk! Avast, what a scallywag!
November 25, 2024, 5:55 pm
Arrr! The scallywags of the Palm Beach Sheriff’s bike crew met their doom on Thursday, struck down by a landlubber! Two went to Davy Jones’ locker that very day, and a third, clinging to life like a barnacle, followed suit come Monday. Aye, a tragic tale at sea!
November 25, 2024, 5:44 pm
Arrr, matey! Susan Lorincz, that scallywag who put a bullet in Ajike Owens, be found guilty of a right foul manslaughter! The whole ship o’ the nation be raisin' a ruckus over it, shoutin' louder than a parrot in a storm!
November 25, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr, matey! The court's grand powwow set for mid-December be tossed to the briny depths o' January 30! The judge and the new landlubber DA need more time to peruse their papers 'fore the cannons roar! Aye, 'tis a fine excuse to swab the decks!
November 25, 2024, 5:35 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags of American Airlines and Frontier be havin' a wee wing tussle on the tarmac o' Logan! Aye, 'twas a fine Monday for a bit o' aerial shenanigans, when them flying ships decided to play tag! Avast, watch yer wings, ye salty sea dogs!
November 25, 2024, 5:29 pm
Arrr, the cap'n be hollerin' at the World Anti-Dopin' Agency to let in some scallywags with a spyglass, fer they be lettin' those slippery Chinese swimmers slip through the net after testin' positive! A right fine mess, I say! Avast, what a swashbucklin' kerfuffle!
November 25, 2024, 5:27 pm
Arrr, gather 'round, mateys! The cursed vessel, Sea Story, took a dive in the blood-red waters near Marsa Alam on Monday! Sixteen souls be lost in the briny deep, includin' twelve landlubbers from far-off lands. Aye, they be swimmin' with the fishes now!
November 25, 2024, 5:21 pm
Ahoy, mateys! "Reagan," the grand tale of the ol' sea dog Ronald Reagan, now sails onto the Blu-ray, DVD, and Digital waters! Grab ye cutlass and prepare for a rollickin' yarn 'bout the captain of the White House! Arrr!
November 25, 2024, 5:12 pm
Arrr, in the fair port o’ Riverside, them cold case sea dogs be usin’ fancy DNA magic to tie a scallywag who bested the truth-tellin’ box to a jolly roger of murder from ’79. Seems even the dead don’t rest easy when yer hidin’ secrets, matey!
November 25, 2024, 11:48 am
Ahoy! Natalie Harp, a sprightly lass of thirty-three summers, once a fair anchor on the high seas of righty cable, be ready to be the great messenger between our captain of the realm and the crew! Aye, she’ll be the finest conveyor belt of gossip on this here ship!
November 25, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr, me hearties! Mayor Mike Johnston o' Denver be ready to dance with the jailbirds 'cause he be standin' firm 'gainst the scallywag Trump’s mass deportation scheme! Aye, he’s willin’ to swap his compass for a cell! Now that be a fine jest on the high seas o' politics!
November 25, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr, Bishop Jakes be gettin' swift aid from the landlubber healers! Now he be “stable and under the watchful eye o’ the doc’s,” says the grand ol' Potter's House, his treasure-laden ship o' worship. May the winds be favorable, matey!
November 25, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr, me hearties! The FDA and USDA be makin’ waves, callin’ back grub that might be tainted with E. coli and listeria, just as we be settin’ sail fer Thanksgiving! Best be checkin’ yer turkey, lest ye be havin’ a feast fit for Davy Jones!
November 25, 2024, 11:36 am
Arrr, matey! In the wild lands o' New Mexico, the lawmen be firin' their cannons at too many scallywags, aye! The high-ups be schemin’ to keep the peace and avoid spillin' more grog in the streets! Savvy?
November 25, 2024, 11:32 am
Arrr, matey! With a mere two summers till the grand races in Georgia and North Carolina, the crew be rummagin' through their bilge for treasure! Time be slippin’ like a slippery eel, and they be wonderin’ if they’ve got the savvy to chart a course to victory!
November 25, 2024, 11:28 am
Arrr, matey! Councilman Robert Holden be sayin' that President-elect Trump oughta hoist his sails and dive into the fray if them scallywags in charge keep coverin' up for the landlubbers without papers! Avast, we be needin' a captain to steer this ship right!
November 25, 2024, 5:18 am
Arrr, an old sea dog from the Big Apple thought to make a swift escape from a ruckus in his quarters. But lo! He took a tumble from his perch, landing on the scaffolding like a sack o’ potatoes. Aye, not the finest exit for a landlubber!
November 25, 2024, 5:13 am
Arrr, me hearties! Rep. Mike Carey, one of the scallywags in the Ohio crew, claims he be the finest matey to hoist Trump’s flag on the morn of his rule! Aye, ready to plunder the Senate treasure from day one! Avast, the winds be blowin’ in his favor!
November 25, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! When ye be gatherin’ with yer scallywag crew, beware! Germs be lurkin’ like treasure in the shadows. Listen to the wise healers, they’ve got tips to keep ye shipshape and free from the fever, lest ye end up as a landlubber with the sniffles!
November 25, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, the scallywags at The New York Times be catchin' a right storm on the social seas! Their headline ‘bout Rabbi Zvi Kogan, who met a dreadful fate after bein' snatched in Dubai, turned the tides of outrage on the ol' social media ship! Aye, what a hullabaloo!
November 25, 2024, 4:04 am
Avast, matey! A ruling from the landlubbers of the U.S. be kickin’ the treasure back to Brazil, where it first saw the light o’ day over two decades past! A fine jig it’ll dance on its return, aye!
November 25, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, Justice Antonin Scalia, that mighty conservative sea dog, be callin' them sneaky attempts to dodge the Senate’s duty as “ignoble” and “all just a fanciful tale.” Aye, he be sayin’ if ye don’t like the crew, ye best be lettin' ‘em walk the plank fair and square!
November 25, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! It be seemin' that the watchful eyes and heavy hands o' the landlubbers be doin' their trick! This semester, a mere 950 ruckus shenanigans be spied, a far cry from the 3,000 tempests blowin' last spring! Avast, the scallywags be learnin'!
November 25, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, they be spoutin’ tales that ol’ Donald J. Trump be hurlin’ his cannon fire at the scallywags seekin’ refuge, not at the good folk of his own crew! Aye, it be a right jolly mix-up on the high seas of politics, I tell ye!
November 24, 2024, 5:31 pm
Arrr, four scallywags be sentenced fer their foul play in the tragic tale of young Samuel Luiz, who met Davy Jones’ locker after a right nasty scuffle. He be no pirate, but they be the ones walkin’ the plank for their landlubber ways! Avast, what a sorry lot!
November 24, 2024, 5:24 pm
Arrr, matey! The mighty Douglas fir, Oregon's proud emblem, be shootin' skyward like a cannonball! These ancient giants be clingy to life, some havin' seen more than a thousand sunrises! Aye, they be the true sea dogs of the forest, standin' tall 'n proud!
November 24, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, Senator-elect Adam Schiff be caught in a stormy sea of questions, wonderin’ if Captain Biden be the scallywag to blame fer Kamala’s sunk ship o' an election! Aye, he be squawkin' on 'Meet the Press' like a parrot with a sore throat, dodgin' the cannonballs of inquiry!
November 24, 2024, 2:47 pm
Arrr, a scallywag of but twenty summers met his doom at a jolly shindig! The raucous crew of the frat and sorority now find themselves in a pickle for servin' grog to landlubbers too young for such mischief! Aye, let this be a lesson from Davy Jones’ locker!
November 24, 2024, 2:35 pm
Arrr, matey! One crew o' hopeful scallywags be fixin' fer vengeance, another be tryin’ to soothe the restless seas o' trade, while the third be slashin’ folks and doubloons like a crazed cutlass-wieldin’ fiend! A merry bunch, they be!
November 24, 2024, 11:44 am
Arrr! A cunning Cessna, it be, meetin’ Davy Jones' locker whilst training the lad! The poor captain and his matey, the sky-snapper, be off to the great beyond, say the scallywags in charge! Aye, 'tis a right disaster in the clouds, matey!
November 24, 2024, 11:22 am
Arrr, me hearties! The fair Cher be spillin’ the beans, lettin’ loose her tongue 'bout two scallywag directors she’s sailed with before. She ain't shyin’ away, lettin’ the cannon fire on those landlubbers! Aye, the high seas of Hollywood be not for the faint o’ heart!
November 24, 2024, 11:16 am
Arrr, Jon and Carie Hallford be guilty as charged for t’ dastardly deed of corpse abuse! Dozens o’ rotting sea biscuits were discovered in their funeral parlor, makin’ the place smell worse than a bilge rat in a storm! Talk about an ill-fated farewell!
November 24, 2024, 11:01 am
Arrr, matey! The landlubbers in power, along with the merchant scallywags and that Trump captain, be settin' their sights on scuttlin' them fancy DEI codes all ’round the federal seas and beyond! Aye, it be a jolly good tussle!
November 24, 2024, 7:56 am
Arrr, when they be but wee lasses, these scallywags found themselves shanghaied to a school fer rascally rogues! Our brave scribes had the grand fortune to spin their yarns not once, but twice, like a fine bottle o’ rum shared amongst mates! Har har!
November 24, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, mateys! Dr. Nicole Saphier be sayin’ ye can feast like a jolly buccaneer this holiday while keepin’ yer shipshape! With her wise tips, ye can plunder the table and still fit in yer britches. Hoist the veggies, and let the feasting begin!
November 24, 2024, 4:46 am
Arrr, matey! A scallywag lass from Idaho, but a mere 18 summers, got herself in a pickle! She tossed a wee babe, still tethered to its placenta, into a Safe Haven Box at the hospital! What a whale of a tale, eh? Even the sea be scratchin’ its head!
November 24, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr mateys! President-elect Trump be shunnin’ the old ways, keepin’ his treasure chests and generous backers under lock and key! He be refusin’ to spill the beans on who be fillin’ his sails or cap’n their gold. A true buccaneer of politics, that one! Avast!
November 24, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, me hearties! Donny Trump be stirrin' up a storm, makin' the scallywags of the seas quiver in their boots! Now, them poor souls be seekin' shelter and wise counsel, hopin' to escape the clutches of his deportation fleet! Aye, what a merry jest this be!
November 24, 2024, 4:00 am
Avast ye! Swabs of the soil in Central America be diggin’ up ancient fishin’ channels made by them Mayan sea dogs long before Columbus set sail. ‘Tis a right treasure of a find, fer sure! Fishin’ like pirates, they be! Har har har!
November 24, 2024, 3:10 am
Avast ye mateys! Chuck Woolery, the jolly captain of game shows like "Wheel o' Fortune" and "Love Connection," has sailed to Davy Jones' locker at 83. He be leavin' behind his fair lass and three wee scallywags. Raise a tankard in his honor, ye scurvy dogs!
November 24, 2024, 2:00 am
Arrr, matey! While the scallywags be starvin', they oft forget the Good Book’s treasure! But gather 'round in Virginia, and ye'll find the pious lot sayin' that faith be the grog that keeps 'em afloat in stormy seas of need! Aye, blesséd be the holy rum!
November 23, 2024, 11:16 pm
Arrr, a dozen moons past, we spied them scallywags—teenagers in a pickle, tossin’ round a cursed ball that never found the net! Did they chart a course for victory in this grand voyage o' life, or be they still swimmin' with the fishies in defeat?
November 23, 2024, 5:28 pm
Arrr, matey! Mistress Rollins be the cap’n o' the America First Policy crew, a thinkin' ship set sail to hoist President-elect Donald J. Trump’s flag high, savvy? Aye, they be conjurin' schemes and plots fit for a scallywag’s treasure map! Avast, let the hullabaloo begin!
November 23, 2024, 5:17 pm
Arrr, David Braff be a scallywag first called out fer mischief long ago, yet he be swabbin' the decks of schools since! Now the keelhaul crew be diggin' fer more poor souls caught in his treacherous net. Avast, what a jolly pickle he be in!
November 23, 2024, 4:13 pm
Arrr, matey! A tempest brewed by the season's first mighty waterspout done rattled the seas! It took two poor souls to Davy Jones’ locker and left the landlubbers in the dark, flounderin' like fish outta water! Aye, the weather be a cruel mistress indeed!
November 23, 2024, 3:49 pm
Arrr, the Florida Gators be takin' a mighty swing at the Ole Miss Rebels, sinkin' their playoff dreams with a hearty 24-17 smackdown! With two crafty interceptions, they be claimin' victory like a treasure chest o' gold, leavin' the Rebels in a right pickle, they be!
November 23, 2024, 11:48 am
Arrr, me hearties! He paraded a treasure trove of 10,000 feline trinkets at the grand House Cat Museum in Carolina! Aye, the place be drawin’ in a horde o’ landlubbers each year, all starin’ at whiskered wonders like they be gold doubloons!
November 23, 2024, 11:37 am
Arrr, me hearties! Word be sailin' that Richard Grenell, the erstwhile captain of national secrets, be in the sights of President-elect Trump to parley as the special envoy for the ruckus 'twixt Russia and Ukraine! A fine pick for a jolly good squabble, if ye ask me! Avast!
November 23, 2024, 11:15 am
Arrr, ye scallywags! Them landlubber scientists be pokin' 'n proddin' at a wee saber-toothed cub, just three weeks old, frozen like a fish in a bilge! Aye, it be a cuddle from 35,000 moons ago, all intact, just waitin' fer a good ol’ pirate to take it home!
November 23, 2024, 11:13 am
Arrr, matey! HBO’s Bill Maher be headin’ into a ruckus with the scholarly swab Neil Degrasse Tyson, who be turnin’ a blind eye to the fact that blokes be sportin’ an edge over lasses on the field! A right merry debate, that be! Aye, ‘tis a jolly sight!
November 23, 2024, 10:41 am
Arrr, matey! Last year, the treasure-huntin’ hedge fund scallywag foretold that the swashbucklin’ President-elect Trump be sailin’ smooth seas, with his political ship raisin’ high the Jolly Roger! Aye, fortune be favorin’ the bold, or so they say, savvy?
November 23, 2024, 5:00 am
Gather 'round, ye hearties! Feastin' with kin can spark a ravenous urge to munch yer sorrows away. But fear not! Wise Dr. Licuanan and the savvy Serena Poon be here to steer yer ship towards jolly, healthful sails this holiday season! Arrr, let’s keep the grog and grub in check!
November 23, 2024, 4:42 am
Avast, me hearties! A crew of 24 legal swashbucklers be petitionin' the Supreme Court to toss out a landlubber's ruling, seekin' to keep the lassies' games free from the scallywags who be born lads! Aye, the tides o' sport be a-changin'! Arrr!
November 23, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, after weatherin' a storm o' election yarns, the fine folks of Ada County be thinkin' they’ve found a way to hoist the anchor o' trust in their vote-countin' seas. Aye, let’s hope this treasure be true and not just a mirage in the briny deep!
November 23, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, the bustling port of New York once beared Donald J. Trump like a scallywag, then cast him overboard! Yet, lo and behold, some landlubbers be raisin' the Jolly Roger for him! The Kid from Queens be grinnin' like a treasure hunter with a chest full o' gold!
November 23, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, two weeks post the grand election, a jolly crew in Gettysburg be raisin’ a mug to Lincoln’s mighty speech—272 mighty words that be the very essence of what it means to wear the presidential hat, savvy? Aye, a true treasure of tongue, that one!
November 23, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Some scallywags in the crew be ponderin' new paths to weigh the treasure of the federal booty, as they ready to hoist the sails on them temporary tax cuts from the year o' our Lord 2017. Avast, what a jolly jest!
November 22, 2024, 5:53 pm
Arrr, the scallywag from Florida be claimin’ he turned into a right ol’ distraction! Methinks that be the whole jig, savvy? Aye, keep yer eye on the prize, not the parrot squawkin’!
November 22, 2024, 5:52 pm
Arrr, matey! It seems the second Trump crew be settin' sail fer a treasure trove o' powers, ready to twist the arms of American service scallywags to aid in their sneaky eavesdroppin'—without so much as a warrant! Aye, what a jolly ol’ pirate's game that be!
November 22, 2024, 5:47 pm
Arrr, matey! A past landlubber of office be likin' to plunder the public coffers to spruce up her treasure trove and snag a fleet of shiny chariots, includin' fancy Cadillacs and a swanky Airstream! The Justice Department be raisin' a ruckus 'bout it, savvy?
November 22, 2024, 5:26 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags of "The Five" be settin’ sail with a merry crew from the FOX News flotilla for the grand shindig o' lightin' the "All-American Christmas Tree." Aye, 'tis a jolly ruckus, sparkly as a treasure chest in the moonlight! Ho ho ho, pass the grog!
November 22, 2024, 5:06 pm
Arrr, matey! Six landlubbers who set sail for Laos have met Davy Jones 'cause they guzzled grog laced with that devilish methanol! Now the whole world be in a tizzy, warnin’ ye to keep yer tankards clear of that treacherous swill! Drink wisely, or ye might join the crew below!
November 22, 2024, 11:37 am
Arrr, the grand captain of the Senate be keepin' clear o' the ruckus among the scallywags, savvy? He’s chartin' a wise course through stormy seas o' contentious choices, lest he be dragged into the fray like a landlubber caught in a squall!
November 22, 2024, 11:34 am
Arrr, a scallywag from Venezuela be in hot water! He’s accused of makin' unwelcome advances on his employer's young lass of 14, whilst livin' like a barnacle on the good man's ship in Colorado. The coppers be investigatin’, and the tales be flyin’ like cannonballs!
November 22, 2024, 11:31 am
Arrr, last week, matey Matt Gaetz did hang up his tricorn hat from the 118th Congress crew! But, blow me down, if it be clear whether he’ll sail with the 119th crew come January! A true mystery of the high seas, that be!
November 22, 2024, 11:12 am
Arrr, matey! Supermodel Cara Delevingne be spillin' the grog on her days livin' with the siren Taylor Swift, the queen of "Wildest Dreams." 'Twas a right jolly time, filled with treasure hunts and sea shanties, I reckon! Aye, those lassies be livin' the high life on the seven seas!
November 22, 2024, 11:06 am
Arrr, the scallywag brothers, who confessed to givin' a hand to the swashbucklin' actor Jussie Smollett in his grand trickery for the spotlight, be chattin' on Fox News 'bout the latest news in the court o' folly! Aye, what a merry jest it be!
November 22, 2024, 10:39 am
Arrr, the world’s wealthiest buccaneer, not one for modesty, be still tryin' to navigate the treacherous waters of Trump’s scallywag crew! Whether he be a true captain or just a barnacle on the hull be still a riddle wrapped in a treasure map, I say!
November 22, 2024, 10:28 am
Arrr, matey! The Democrat crew be battlin' policies like scallywags in the first Trump seas. Now, they be frettin' that the new captain in the White House be readyin' his cannons and battenin' down the hatches, less restrained than a parrot on a rum barrel!
November 22, 2024, 5:02 am
Arrr! The Fox News treasure map, "Antisemitism Exposed," be spillin' the beans on the cursed rise o' anti-Jewish scallywags across the seven seas and the great lands beyond! Hold on to yer hats, mates, 'tis a wild voyage through the seas of nonsense!
November 22, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, in Wisconsin’s fair land, a family be weepin’ fer their lass, claimed by a foul allergic beast! Yet, in their sorrow, they find a glimmer o’ hope, savin’ souls with her treasure o’ organs. Aye, death be a pirate, but life be a grander haul!
November 22, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, me hearties! The word from the crow's nest be that Donald J. Trump be claimin' the crown by a wee smidge, the tiniest since the days of yore! Yet, he struts about callin' it a “mighty mandate.” Aye, the seas of politics be full o’ jest!
November 22, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, whether ye be wantin' a fair trial or a quick end, the kin o' the scallywags struck down be thinkin' that this fickle plea deal be as cruel as a kraken on a diet! Aye, it be a right jolly jest, or so they say!
November 22, 2024, 3:59 am
Arrr, matey! The soon-to-be captain o’ the ship, Donald J. Trump, be pickin’ a fierce legal matey to guard the treasure! This lass swung from the Florida seas to a mighty Republican crew after her second adventure as the High Judge of the Sunshine State. Savvy?
November 22, 2024, 3:57 am
Arrr, matey! Florida’s lass of law, the first she be, joined Trump’s crew to fend off the impeachment cannonballs, spoutin' tall tales of stolen treasure in the 2020 seas! Aye, the winds o’ fraud blew, but she sailed right along!
November 21, 2024, 5:53 pm
Arrr, matey! Matt Gaetz, the chosen scallywag fer Trump’s attorney general, be swimmin' in shark-infested waters! The odds be lookin' grim, like findin' a treasure map in Davy Jones' locker, as he struggles to charm the Senate crew for their precious votes! Har har!
November 21, 2024, 5:48 pm
Arrr, matey! Mr. Gaetz be swearin’ on his treasure chest that he’s no scallywag when it comes to those naughty tales of misdeeds and grog! But alas, his grand quest for Senate gold be hittin' stormy seas!
November 21, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, matey! Sen. Bob Casey, a fine Democrat, hoisted the white flag to Dave McCormick, the Republican sea dog! After two weeks o’ countin’ coins in the Keystone haven, the race be over, and ol’ Casey sails off to calmer waters! Yarr, what a jolly jest!
November 21, 2024, 5:39 pm
Arrr, matey! Josh Brolin be spillin’ the beans 'bout a ruckus with Denzel Washington whilst plunderin’ the set of Ridley Scott's "American Gangster." A near scuffle, ye say? I reckon they be arguin’ over who gets the last piece of grog! Aye, ‘tis a tale to make the seas laugh!
November 21, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Linda McMahon, the lass who steered the rough seas of World Wrestling, be accused o' lettin’ a scallywag prey upon wee lads helpin' with the ring! Blimey, that be a fine mess—a pirate’s code says ye protect the crew, not send 'em to Davy Jones!
November 21, 2024, 5:32 pm
Ahoy, mateys! 'Tis Mr. Casey, a three-time scallywag of the Democrat crew, who’s takin’ his leave from battlin’ David McCormick, a Republican rogue. The votes be as close as a parrot to a pirate’s shoulder, with a recount steerin’ the ship! Avast!
November 21, 2024, 5:23 pm
Arrr, matey! With that scallywag Gaetz ditchin’ the AG title, doth ye reckon ol’ Pete, Bobby, and Tulsi be catchin’ more flak than a ship in a storm? Aye, the tides of scrutiny be risin’, fer sure! Avast, let the parley begin!
November 21, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr! The old landlubber from Florida be claimin’ his nod to the crew was bein’ a right nuisance, distractin’ from the mighty task o’ the Trump/Vance sailin’! Aye, ‘tis a tempest in a teacup, I say! Let's hoist the sails and get back to plunderin’!
November 21, 2024, 11:43 am
"Arrr, matey! Though the winds be blowin' fierce, it seems me good name be causin' more ruckus than a cannon blast, distractin' from the fine work o' the Trump/Vance crew. Aye, 'tis a right pickle, it be!"
November 21, 2024, 11:39 am
Arrr, matey! Four scallywags have met Davy Jones after swiggin' the foul brew in Laos, where the landlubbers be retchin' like a parrot with a toothache! A town full o' swashbucklin' backpackers, now a cursed cove! Drink ye rum, but beware the grog, lest ye join the ghostly crew!
November 21, 2024, 11:38 am
Arrr, matey! An ol' sawbones o' the private kind spun a yarn on Thursday, claimin' he found a whole different tale 'bout Jordan Neely's demise than what them landlubbers at the New York City Medical Examiner's Office be blabbin'! Avast, what a hullabaloo!
November 21, 2024, 11:31 am
Arrr, matey! Most of the landlubber Democrats turned tail on the matter, spoutin’ warnings that President-elect Trump might wield it like a cutlass against those pesky nonprofit scallywags that dared cross him. A right turncoat bunch, they be! Har har har!
November 21, 2024, 10:44 am
Arrr, Governor Gavin beacknowledgin' the landlubbers be mighty vexed by their coin purse troubles! He be sayin' the Democrats need to hoist their sails and tackle the grumblin' of the crew, lest they be walkin' the plank o' discontent! Avast, me hearties!
November 21, 2024, 10:38 am
Avast, mateys! In the lore of the Land of the Rising Sun, the slippery oarfish be a doom-bringin’ sea serpent! But fer them landlubber scientists in California, findin’ three of these scaly beasts be a right jolly treasure, even if it spells trouble on the horizon! Yarrr!
November 21, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! A swabbin’ judge in Georgia be declarin’ the fate of scallywag Jose Ibarra, accused of sendin’ lass Laken Riley to Davy Jones' locker whilst she be joggin’ on the UGA treasure grounds! A right scandal on land, I say!
November 21, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Laken Riley's scallywag slayer be chained to a life of dreary dungeons, when he oughta been sent to Davy Jones’ locker! A fate worse than a sea serpent, if ye ask me! Aye, justice be as slippery as a greased bilge rat!
November 21, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! If ye be strollin’ like a landlubber, it might mean yer noggin’s goin’ awry, says a wise study! Experts be chattin' 'bout how catchin' this scallywag of a problem early could save ye from walkin' the plank o' forgetfulness!
November 21, 2024, 4:29 am
Avast, matey! This here PRESS Act be like a treasure map for the scribblers, keepin' federal scallywags from plunderin' their scrolls! But alas, 'tis lookin' slimmer than a ship’s mast that this be settin' sail in the Senate 'fore the tide turns! Yarrr!
November 21, 2024, 4:26 am
Arrr, matey! The captain-elect, Trump, be pickin’ a defense scallywag who be never caught in a crime, savvy? He swears to the constables that no swashbucklin’ shenanigans be forced upon him. A fine tale o’ denials, it be! Aye, let the rum flow!
November 21, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr, matey! The conservative crew of Florida has charted a new course, swappin’ cannon fire for sneaky schemes! They be settin' sail to toss Sociology overboard from the treasure map of required learnin’, hopin’ to shanghai all them liberal ideas from the minds of young buccaneers!
November 20, 2024, 5:48 pm
Arrr, matey! Vice President-elect JD Vance be struttin' ‘round Capitol Hill with that scallywag Matt Gaetz, the former landlubber Trump be wantin' as his legal buccaneer! Aye, what a merry crew to plunder the law, savvy? 'Tis a fine time for mischief on the high seas o’ politics!
November 20, 2024, 5:34 pm
Arrr, mateys! On the morn of Wednesday, Comcast be lettin' it be known they'd be castin' off a few NBC treasures, includin' that scallywag MSNBC. Aye, 'tis a grand shake-up for the ol' sea of legacy media, makin' waves like a drunken sailor on shore leave!
November 20, 2024, 5:12 pm
Arrr, the maiden voyage of the “atmospheric river” be a tempestuous beast, savagin’ Northern California and the Pacific Northwest! It tossed ships like toys, and lo, two poor souls met their maker from treacherous timber! Avast, ye landlubbers, best be mindin' yer noggins!
November 20, 2024, 5:11 pm
Arrr, matey! Harun Abdul-Malik Yener be caught in the nets of the F.B.I., a scallywag wishin' to join the rascals of mayhem and unleash chaos! Aye, the complaint be as thick as a treasure map, but this landlubber be in a heap o' trouble, I say!
November 20, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, matey! She be battlin’ for the rights o’ those unable to sail the seas, foundin’ a crew called Not Dead Yet! They raised a ruckus 'gainst Dr. Jack Kevorkian and his deathly schemes, shoutin’, “We ain’t joinin’ Davy Jones just yet!” Aye, humor in the face o’ doom!
November 20, 2024, 11:56 am
Arrr, the Biden crew be wishin’ to spend every doubloon from the Chips and Science treasure chest 'fore that scallywag Trump sets sail to the White House! Commerce Captain Gina Raimondo spilled the beans in a jolly chat this week, sayin’ they be in a mighty rush!
November 20, 2024, 11:53 am
Arrr, the kin o' Halyna Hutchins be choosin' to give the "Rust" premiere the cold shoulder, three years after the grim fate that sent the lass to Davy Jones' locker! Aye, 'tis a fine way to show 'em they be walkin' the plank! Har har!
November 20, 2024, 11:47 am
Arrr, gather 'round, ye scallywags! On the fine day of Wednesday, a landlubber judge deemed young Jose Ibarra not guilty of sendin' the lass Laken Riley to Davy Jones' locker at the University o' Georgia. Seems the tides be favorin' the lad this time! Avast, what a turn o' events!
November 20, 2024, 11:23 am
Arrr, matey! Governor Abbott be givin’ the federal wind a hearty shove, lettin’ it be known that Texas be expectin’ to run the border like a ship on calm seas, now that ol’ Trump be settin’ sail! Aye, a right merry time for the Lone Star crew!
November 20, 2024, 11:03 am
Arrr! Just a fortnight after Captain Trump hoisted the flag o' victory, the town’s scallywags be actin' with the haste of a kraken chasin' a ship! Aye, the leaders be feelin' the pressure like a cannonball on a sunken treasure!
November 20, 2024, 10:47 am
“Avast, matey! Engage ye in a parley with a scallywag of the Democrat crew who dared to dance with the devil! Aye, ’tis like swappin’ tales o’ treasure with a landlubber who thinks the sea be flat! Arrr, a right merry jest it be!”
November 20, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, mateys! Jennifer Rubin o' the Washington Post be callin' on the Democrats to spice up their tales! She be sayin', "Yarr, tell 'em Republicans be wantin' to put a dagger in yer wee ones!" Aye, she claims that be true, though it be soundin' a bit fishy!
November 20, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr! Dr. Sajad Zalzala, the grand healer o' AgelessRx in the wilds of Michigan, be showin' landlubbers how to sail through life’s storms with the finest health! He be spillin’ his treasure o' wellness secrets to the scallywags at Fox News Digital, savvy?
November 20, 2024, 4:46 am
Arrr, matey! Two lawmen in Louisburg be patchin' up after a ruckus with a scallywag and his pilfered ship on wheels! They took a few lead pellets, and the knave within got a taste o’ the iron too! A right mess, I say!
November 20, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, matey! Kamala be lettin' ol' Trump’s jabs at the trans folk sail by like a ghost ship! Some scallywags be callin' it a right mishap in the political seas. Avast, where be her cannon fire? Aye, a puzzlin’ tale on these treacherous waters!
November 20, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, after stealin' the Senate treasure, the Arizona scallywag be thinkin' others can chart the same course by lendin’ an ear to the wails of Latino mateys. But, I reckon, duplicatin’ such a grand adventure be as tricky as findin’ rum in Davy Jones’ locker!
November 20, 2024, 3:48 am
Arrr, a fearsome tempest be brewin’ in the Northwest, blowin’ like a banshee and drenchin’ the land like a drunken sailor! Reports say one poor soul met Davy Jones’ locker in the ruckus. Batten down the hatches, me hearties, it’s gon’ be a wet 'n wild ride!
November 19, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, the scallywag billionaire be sweepin' through the land like a tempest, leavin' even the landlubber officials slack-jawed! “By me beard, 'tis like a ghost ship appeared—‘Look alive, mates! Elon’s ashore!’” A right jolly surprise, I tell ye!
November 19, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr! Jay Leno be sportin' a shiner, reckonin' he took a tumble down a hill afore a comedy shindig. He be claimin' he’s "holdin' up fine," though I reckon he looks like a scallywag who tangled with a kraken! Har har har!
November 19, 2024, 5:37 pm
Arrr, matey! This here famous sawbones be captaining the ship o' Medicare and Medicaid, a mighty vessel that be lookin' after over 150 million landlubbers! Aye, that be a heap o' scallywags to keep healthy! Avast, let the treasure of good health flow!
November 19, 2024, 5:33 pm
Avast, me hearties! In the fair waters of Southern Californy, the House duel be tighter than a ship's hold! Rep. Michelle Steel be laggin’ behind scallywag Derek Tran by a mere whisker, 'tis true, after countin' over 307,000 hearty votes! Yarr, what a merry spectacle!
November 19, 2024, 5:21 pm
Arrr, matey! Country bard Jelly Roll be caught on the high seas o' video, jestin' while givin' Prince Harry a neck tattoo! Aye, they be concoctin' a merry partnership for the Invictus Games, makin' waves like a ship in a storm! Avast, what a right jolly jest!
November 19, 2024, 5:12 pm
Arrr, the scallywags of the town felt a wee bit lighter in their hearts, yet some landlubbers still trembled at the thought o’ quenching their thirst with that murky brew! Fearful they’d be drinkin’ fishy fears instead of sweet water, savvy?
November 19, 2024, 5:10 pm
Arrr, matey! This week, the Biden crew be settin' sail to offer a treasure trove o' weapons worth $275 million to Ukraine! Aye, ‘tis a mighty haul fer a landlocked saga, but shiver me timbers, they be needin' all the cannonballs they can muster!
November 19, 2024, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! Donald J. Trump, that scallywag found guilty of unseemly frolics last year, be steerin' his ship straight into a storm o' scandal! He be ready to tussle over the worth of such tales in the world, as if they be treasure or mere barnacle!
November 19, 2024, 11:42 am
Arrr, the soon-to-be captain o' the ship be ponderin' a right jumbled crew o' traits as he charts the course for his treasure map o' gold and doubloons! Aye, 'tis a merry mess he be makin' in search o' the finest first mate fer his economic voyage!
November 19, 2024, 11:40 am
Avast ye! House scallywags be squabblin’ like cats in a storm over the thought of tossin’ the treasure chest o' government gold into the next year. Yarr, their faces be as sour as a barrel o' rotten fish! What a merry mess they find themselves in!
November 19, 2024, 10:22 am
Arrr! Edward Richmond Jr., a scallywag of 41 summers from Geismar, hath sailed the seas of mischief! A former landlubber of the Army, he found himself in hot water for clashing with the law during the Capitol ruckus, earning himself 51 moons in Davy Jones’ locker! Har har!
November 19, 2024, 10:04 am
Arrr! The President-elect, that scallywag Donald J. Trump, be choosin' a matey fer the spyglass o' national secrets, and the landlubbers in security be shiverin' in their boots! Aye, ‘tis a right ruckus on the high seas of governance!
November 19, 2024, 5:48 am
Arrr, matey! Five House battles yet uncalled be awaitin' to reveal how many scallywags the Republicans be havin' in Congress after the grand election of 2024! Aye, 'tis a right ruckus in the political seas!
November 19, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Veteran scribe Katie Couric be bemoanin’ the Vice President Kamala Harris, claimin’ she be as clear as a foggy night at sea when answerin’ questions! After her election scallywaggin’, it seems the lass be strugglin’ to parley with the best of ‘em. Blimey!
November 19, 2024, 5:20 am
Arrr, mateys! Cap'n Gary Palmer be settin' sail on a grand venture to refill FEMA's treasure chest with doubloons left gatherin' dust! Aye, he be usin' the booty from other ports to patch up the ship after a squall! Hoist the sails for disaster relief, ye scallywags!
November 19, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, the captain o’ the Minnesota Democrats be a scallywag with ties thicker than a ship's rope to the DNC crew! They be settin' sail to pick their next chief, and this matey knows 'em all like a parrot knows his perch! Avast, what a jolly crew!
November 19, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, Mr. Osborn, the crafty tinkerer of iron and steam, be makin' waves in the Senate seas o' Nebraska! He be settin' sail on a PAC to lure more salty blue-collar mates like himself into the fray. Aye, let the treasure hunt for fine candidates begin!
November 19, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr matey! In a hullabaloo of chinwags durin' 2024, the hearty Latino, Black, and Asian American crew, once swayed by Trump’s siren song, be sayin’ they’ve lost faith in them Democrat scallywags to fix the treasure chest o’ the economy! Blimey!
November 18, 2024, 9:45 pm
Arrr, mateys! President-elect Trump be pickin’ a landlubber from Wisconsin to captain a mighty ship of an agency, wranglin’ all things that fly, roll, and chug along! Let’s hope he don’t make ‘em walk the plank if they mess up the transit seas! Yarrr!
November 18, 2024, 5:55 pm
Arrr, matey! The captain-to-be's tossin' his crew o' cabinet mates onto the deck like a storm at sea, wagerin' that the Senate scallywags be too chicken to send 'em all to Davy Jones' locker! A fine gamble, I say! Avast, let the games begin!
November 18, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, the scallywags in four counties be laughin' in the face o’ the court, countin' those mail ballots like they be treasure maps! Undated or misdated, they be takin' a jolly ol' gamble with the rule o’ law, ye see! A merry mess it be, indeed!
November 18, 2024, 5:42 pm
Arrr, the cap'n be squawkin' 'bout aid like a parrot in a storm, sayin’ it be "urgently needed" as the treasure chest be emptier than a scallywag’s purse after a night o' rum! Hurricanes Helene and Milton be makin’ a right mess, aye! Time to hoist the sails and fill the coffers!
November 18, 2024, 5:35 pm
Arrr, on the morn of Monday, President-elect Trump be tossin’ the ol’ sea dog Sean Duffy into the captain’s chair of U.S. Transportin’, addin’ him to his merry crew o' mates. The list be growin’ faster than a ship’s sails in a storm, aye!
November 18, 2024, 5:28 pm
Arrr! A scrap of parchment from some scallywag aboard the mighty Titanic, just three days 'fore she kissed the ocean floor, fetched a treasure o' over $25,000! Aye, and a trove o' other Titanic trinkets be joinin' the booty! What a jolly jest, eh?
November 18, 2024, 5:00 pm
Arrr, the Harris crew be tossin' gold to her media mates afore she be chattin' with 'em, as the treasure maps o’ the FEC be showin'. Looks like she be buyin' a bit o' friendly wind in her sails!
November 18, 2024, 4:57 pm
Arrr! Chris LaCivita be squawkin’ that them Democratic scallywags in Pennsylvania be bound for Davy Jones’ locker fer their recount shenanigans, while ol’ Sen. Bob Casey clings to his treasure like a landlubber! Aye, the seas of politics be stormy indeed!
November 18, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr, me hearties! The fine folk of Virginia's shores be swayin' to the tune of Captain Trump! They be a tad miffed ‘bout them pesky closures and scallywag debates o’er gender, race, and learnin’. Aye, the storms o' schoolin' be brewin'!
November 18, 2024, 11:48 am
Arrr, the landlubbers at St. Helens School be hearin’ whispers o' abuse as far back as 2019, yet them scallywags be keepin’ it hush-hush! Not a word to the proper authorities! Blimey, it be sailin’ without lookin’ out fer the storm!
November 18, 2024, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! In Columbus on the Saturday past, a scallywag gathering of landlubber supremacists be makin’ a ruckus! Officials from all corners be raisin’ their voices in protest, like a parrot squawkin' against a storm! Avast, let not the buccaneers of bigotry sail the seas unchallenged!
November 18, 2024, 11:38 am
Arrr! Sen. John Thune be spoutin’ that when the GOP be takin’ the Senate helm come January, he’ll unleash a scallywag of sanctions on the International Criminal Court, unless they be tossin’ their case against Captain Netanyahu overboard! Aye, it be a right ruckus!
November 18, 2024, 11:38 am
Arrr, me hearties! On the morrow, the scallywag Jose Ibarra be back in the judge's den for round two of his trial! He be accused of sendin’ Laken Riley to Davy Jones’ locker while she ran like a landlubber on the 22nd of February! Har har!
November 18, 2024, 11:34 am
Arrr, matey! Rep.-elect Brandon Gill be chattin’ with the scallywags at Fox News, spillin’ the grog on how the Trump-Vance crew be charm’n the young landlubbers to hoist the GOP flag. Aye, ‘tis a marvel, like catchin’ a fish with a wooden leg!
November 18, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! Lanhee Chen, a wise swab o' the Hoover ship, be defendin’ Trump’s crew from scallywag critique, claimin’ a Biden matey sailed into office with less experience than a landlubber! Avast, what be the world comin’ to when landlubbers be givin’ orders?
November 18, 2024, 5:24 am
Avast ye! A band o’ scallywags be raisin’ a ruckus ‘gainst the Boston Public Schools, claimin’ their so-called “affinity groups” be teachin’ landlubber White folks how to wash the stain o’ racism from their souls. Arrr, that be a fine kettle o’ fish!
November 18, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr! This ancient 99-year-old shack on Boston's North Shore be lookin' like a shipwreck, unfit for human kind! Yet, the crafty artists and landlubbers hold it dear, so much so, they raised a ruckus to stop the axe! Aye, the old barnacle be saved for now!
November 18, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! The Great Scroll o’ Governance be sayin’ no more than two voyages for a captain o’ the ship! Yet, ol' Trump be ponderin’ shiverin’ timbers, thinkin’ he might anchor in the White House longer than a barnacle on the hull! Aye, the cheeky scallywag!
November 18, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, the Democrats be wishin' to sink less in the rough seas of blue-collar lands now sailin' with Captain Trump! But lo and behold, in many a port, they be findin' themselves sunk deeper than a treasure chest with a hole! Har har!
November 17, 2024, 11:42 am
Arrr, matey! The Justice Department be sendin’ word to Sangamon County, sayin’ they be investigatin’ the rights of the good folk after some ruckus with a shootin’ raised a squall of worry. Avast, it be a right hullabaloo! Aye, keep yer cutlasses sheathed!
November 17, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags in Dearborn be hailing Captain Trump, askin’ him to wield his mighty influence and wrap up the tussle in Gaza and Lebanon quicker than a seagull snatchin’ a fish! Aye, let’s hope he don’t be sailin’ into stormy waters!
November 17, 2024, 11:38 am
Arrr, a squabble ‘bout the Congress’s nosey pokin’ at Matt Gaetz be what sent the last captain to Davy Jones’ locker! But lo! The new chief be settin' sail to bury that treasure map of troubles! Ha-ha! What a merry ship of fools we be!
November 17, 2024, 11:36 am
Arrr! In the last squall of the Iowa seas, it be shown that the fair lass Kamala be sailin’ ahead of the landlubber Trump! A right jolly misfire, I say! This be an outlandish tale fit for a tavern jest, not the captain’s log! Har har!
November 17, 2024, 11:35 am
Arrr! He be the first matey of dark skin to hoist the flag atop a grand, white ship of learnin', steer a mighty vessel of gold, and wield the quill as deputy to the land's captain! Aye, a right jolly feat, that one!
November 17, 2024, 11:26 am
Avast, mateys! Incoming DOGE captain Vivek Ramaswamy be spillin’ the beans 'bout a grand scheme to scuttle the bureaucracy! He be tellin’ the fair Maria Bartiromo that the tide o' change sets sail with a jolly executive action! Yo ho, let the swashbucklin’ begin!
November 17, 2024, 11:08 am
Arrr, matey! The New York Times be spoutin’ a confounded truth-check on Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s tall tales 'bout breakfast grub bein’ stuffed with phony bits! Aye, who would’ve thought me morning grog could be so treacherous? Savvy?
November 17, 2024, 10:36 am
Arrr, ye scallywags! House Speaker Mike Johnson be sayin' that lettin' loose the report on Matt Gaetz after he’s jumped ship be akin to crackin' open a cursed chest! Aye, it’ll unleash a storm o' trouble no fine captain be wantin’ to face!
November 17, 2024, 4:47 am
Arrr matey! President-elect Trump be sailin’ into Madison Square Garden fer a raucous Ultimate Fightin’ Championship, where fer a heartbeat it looked like one of his wild campaign shindigs! Aye, the scallywags be cheerin’ like they be findin’ treasure on the high seas! Har har har!
November 17, 2024, 4:39 am
Arrr! In a ruckus fit for the high seas, the dashing lad Dynus Saxon be summoned to face the law for the untimely demise of one Kadeem Grant, found lifeless in a landlubber's lodge in the Big Apple, says the scallywags of the constabulary!
November 17, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, the soon-to-be captain be chartin' a wild course, me hearties! He aims to shake the very timbers of power, plunderin' the old crew and settin' up his own scallywags to blow the barnacles off the government! What a jolly fine ruckus we be in for!
November 17, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, as the Senate scallywags be countin’ their doubloons, four rebellious ports be laughin’ at the State Supreme Court’s decree! They be throwin’ out undated treasure maps—er, mail ballots! A fine hullabaloo, if ye ask me! The pirates be makin’ a mockery of the whole affair!
November 17, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! Her wild gold-flingin’ has got the Democrats scratchin’ their heads and raisin’ eyebrows, for she be demandin’ more doubloons since the last high seas election! What be she doin’? Lookin’ to plunder the treasure chest dry, or just lost in a storm of shiny coins? Har har!
November 17, 2024, 3:30 am
Arrr, matey! A band of scallywags from UC San Diego be spottin' e-cigarette vendors floutin' the rules like a ship in a storm! They be chattin' 'bout these troublesome tidings, wonderin' if these landlubbers be needin' a good keel-haulin' for their mischief! Har har har!
November 17, 2024, 3:17 am
Arrr, matey! California be settin’ sail to banish the scurvy term for a lass of the land, spottin’ it in over thirty ports! The Natural Resources Agency be leadin’ the charge, savvy? Let’s raise a mug to fair words and fair seas, ye landlubbers!
November 16, 2024, 5:43 pm
Arrr, matey! Samuel Woodward, a scallywag spewin' hate and sailin' with the Atomwaffen crew, turned his blade on an unfortunate soul, stabbin' 'em 28 times in a fit o' mad fury! Aye, ‘tis a right grim tale o’ a villain gone rogue!
November 16, 2024, 5:42 pm
Arrr, while the landlubbers be callin' Donald J. Trump’s crew a motley bunch of scallywags with dubious smarts, his hearty crew be claimin' they be bold mavericks set to rattle the chains o' the Capitol! A fine jest, if ye ask me!
November 16, 2024, 5:36 pm
Arrr mateys! This past Friday, fair Trista Sutter, a lass from "The Bachelorette," spun a yarn on the social seas, confessin' why she was lost at sea from her kin earlier this year. Aye, a true tale of a pirate’s absence!
November 16, 2024, 5:26 pm
Arrr, that scallywag of the right be throwin' heaps o' filth at his foes, even some salty Republican sea dogs, on the telly and the social nets! But alas, now he be needin' their votes to hoist his flag o' confirmation! A right jolly pickle, indeed!
November 16, 2024, 5:17 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Misty Head, the lass o' Sundance, be settin’ the record straight! No cannon fire struck the gentle singer; he be merely sportin' a wound from misadventure, not a treacherous bullet! So hoist the sails and calm yer fears, for he be still singin' like a sea shanty!
November 16, 2024, 5:13 pm
Arrr, President Biden be hidin' in the corner like a scallywag at a rum party, while Xi Jinping and Justin Trudeau be struttin' in the spotlight! Looks like ol' Joe be needin' a map to find his way to the treasure of fame!
November 16, 2024, 4:57 pm
Arrr matey! In a court o’ law, the wise judge be sayin’ that poor Melissa Lucio’s hangin’ be needin’ a good tossin’ o’erboard! The grand court o’ the high seas be settin’ sail to decide her fate. Avast, what a jolly mess!
November 16, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, matey! With Robert F. Kennedy Jr. at his side, Trump be thinkin' he’s found treasure in a fine name. But lo! The polls be whisperin’ that Kennedy’s crew be loungin’ in the tavern instead o’ stormin’ the ballot box! Aye, the winds o' fortune be fickle!
November 16, 2024, 10:15 am
Arrr, me hearties! Some of them scallywag Democrats be plottin’ to steer their ship nearer to the middle seas, seein’ as Captain Trump bested Vice Admiral Harris in a grand ol’ tussle across the swingin’ states! Politico be spillin’ the beans, savvy?
November 16, 2024, 10:10 am
Arrr, mateys! President-elect Trump be hoistin’ the sails o’ immigration crew! Aye, he be makin’ bold proclamations ‘bout his shipmates. Here’s a peek at who be joinin’ the crew in this grand adventure o’ paperwork and treasure maps! Avast, let the rum flow and the chaos ensue!
November 16, 2024, 8:26 am
Avast, me hearties! No scallywags be harmed, and the flying contraption sailed back to the dock without a scratch! Aye, 'tis a fine day for the crew, not a cannonball in sight! 🍻
November 16, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, matey! Author and film sorceress Justine Bateman be chattin' with Fox News about the mighty fog that’s been blown away after that scallywag Trump set sail for the presidency! Aye, the seas be clearer now, or so she claims! Har har har!
November 16, 2024, 4:53 am
Arrr matey! The fine lads of D.C. law be sayin’ they’ve snatched up two scallywags, young enough to still be wearin’ their mum’s bloomers, fer a savage mugging that sent a famous tune-master to Davy Jones' locker. Shiver me timbers, what a ruckus!
November 16, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! Captain Trump be givin' the scorn to them fancy landlubbers in Washington! He be plannin' to fill his crew not with brains, but with the hearty souls who pledge their loyalty. Aye, a ship of mates over scholars, that be the way o’ it!
November 16, 2024, 4:01 am
Aye, matey! The crew be busy readyin’ for the next Trump tempest, not by marchin’ with swords raised, but by wranglin’ in the courts an’ seizin’ the governor’s gold! Avast, ‘tis a battle of writs, not of cannons!
November 16, 2024, 4:01 am
Arrr! Captain Trump be sendin' Musk and Ramaswamy on a treasure hunt fer budget gold! But beware, mateys, the real challenge be lurkin' ahead, like a kraken waitin' to snatch yer doubloons! Har har!
November 16, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, matey! The landlubbers in California be settin' their sights on mighty encampments, hopin' to ride the winds o' a court ruling from a crew o' stuffy old men. Aye, 'tis a treasure hunt of sorts, but with more rum and less gold! Yarrr!
November 16, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr! The coppers be on the hunt, for a wench be masqueradin’ as a healer o’ the sick, tendin’ to 60 landlubbers at Providence St. Joseph’s. Aye, she be swabbin’ the deck of medicine without a proper license! What a scallywag, claimin' to mend what ain't even broken!
November 15, 2024, 5:50 pm
Arrr, matey! Antwione Williams, a scallywag who once sailed with the Detroit Lions, be in a spot o' bother fer layin' fists on the lawmen at the U.S. Capitol! Blimey, what a way to make yer mark on the high seas o' mischief!
November 15, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, after bein’ the jolly captain o’ the president-elect’s campaign crew, Mr. Cheung be sailin’ back to the grand White House next year, where the rum flows and the chairs be fit for a swabbin’! Avast! Aye, what a merry voyage awaits!
November 15, 2024, 5:39 pm
Avast ye! President-elect Trump be havin' a fine lass, Karoline Leavitt, take the helm as his press scribe in the grand White House. Blimey! Let’s hope she don’t spill the beans like a clumsy sailor with a barrel o’ rum! Arrr!
November 15, 2024, 5:23 pm
Arrr, matey! Upon settlin' her ship in Toronto on Thursday, the fair Taylor Swift be met with a grand parade led by the city’s finest sea dogs, the Toronto Police! It caused quite the hullabaloo on the roads, makin' more delays than a lazy sea turtle! Yarrr!
November 15, 2024, 5:19 pm
Arrr, matey! The boisterous and brash spirit of the Trump crew be settin' sail for the treasure trove of Washington! With swagger and bravado thicker than grog, they be plunderin' the political seas, lookin’ to seize the gold, one tweet at a time! Avast, what a merry spectacle!
November 15, 2024, 5:16 pm
Arrr, matey! With Cap'n Trump pickin' his crew for a second voyage, the scallywags in the House be frettin' over their dwindlin' crew size. Aye, it be a right jolly worry, as the ship may soon be sailin' with fewer hands on deck!
November 15, 2024, 5:06 pm
Arrr, matey! The National Bible Bee be makin' waves, challengin' landlubbers to memorize more than a parrot with a thesaurus! Makes that Spelling Bee look like a simple game o' tic-tac-toe, I tell ye! Prepare yer noggins for a storm o' scripture!
November 15, 2024, 11:49 am
Arrr, Texas scallywags be thinkin' they be the captains o' fate! They meddled in the noose-danglin' fate of Robert Roberson, callin' him to parley with the court. But alas! The court be sayin' they hoisted their own flag too high! Har har!
November 15, 2024, 11:44 am
Arrr, the rich scallywag, handpicked by Trump, be rallyin' the crew to make the ship run smooth-like! He claims the captain got the might to toss three-quarters of the landlubbers overboard! Avast, what a jolly good laugh, eh?
November 15, 2024, 11:34 am
Arrr, mateys! In a quest fer dino bones, a crew in Argentina stumbled upon the ancient tadpole o’ yore! Methinks they be lookin’ fer prehistoric treasure, but instead, they found a warty little swimmer! A fine twist o’ fate, savvy?
November 15, 2024, 11:27 am
Arrr, matey! A crew of landlubber travel swabs be spillin' the beans on where scallywags be sailin'! From the shores of America to the islands of Japan, they be snoopin' through the treasure trove o’ social media and Google maps. Avast! What be ticklin' the fancy of yer fellow seadogs?
November 15, 2024, 11:23 am
Arrr, matey! The soon-to-be captain Trump be makin' waves in them deep-blue waters! Some landlubbers be claimin' his hearty support comes from a tidal wave o' scallywags settlin' in. Aye, the seas be churnin' with unexpected alliances, savvy?
November 15, 2024, 11:21 am
Arrr, the Chicago Tribune be callin’ out Vice Prez Kamala Harris for her shipwrecked presidential voyage! They say she squandered doubloons on the likes of Oprah an’ other swashbucklin’ starlets. Aye, t’was a treasure hunt gone wrong, matey!
November 15, 2024, 11:19 am
Arrr, matey! Boris Epshteyn be steamin' up the political seas, claimin’ his fame in the presidential hullabaloo! He be tossin' his name 'round like a doubloon, tryin' to parley peace 'twixt Russia and Ukraine. A bold buccaneer indeed, or just a scallywag with a fancy hat?
November 15, 2024, 5:36 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywags at the Houston FBI caught a landlubber who be aidin’ the foul ISIS crew and schemin’ to unleash chaos on our fair shores! A right numskull, that one, thinkin’ he could pull the wool over our eyes! Yo ho, his plans be sunk!
November 15, 2024, 5:35 am
Arrr matey! In what could be Biden's swan song o' diplomacy, the old sea dog sails to South America, seekin' parley with global captains, while the Chinese scallywags be castin' a long shadow over the good ol' U.S. influence! Avast, what a rumble it be!
November 15, 2024, 5:25 am
Arrr! Governor Doug Burgum o' North Dakota be takin’ the helm o’ the Department o' the Interior in the Trump crew, as the captain o' the ship announced! Hoist the sails and prepare fer a wild voyage, mateys! Avast, me hearties, the treasure be awaitin’!
November 15, 2024, 4:05 am
Arrr, matey! The hullabaloo be stirrin’ 'round immigration, for the scallywag in question be a Venezuelan rogue who sneaked into these shores without so much as a “by yer leave!” Now the landlubbers be arguin’ like dogs over a bone!
November 15, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr matey! That ol' Temporary Protected Status, conjured by a captain of the Republican crew, be lettin' swabs from Haiti, Venezuela, Ukraine, and beyond dock their ships in the U.S. for a spell! Aye, a fine treasure for those lost on the high seas o' life!
November 14, 2024, 11:45 pm
Avast, me hearties! The Justice Department, the mighty Pentagon, an' the cunning spies be the three scallywags givin' Captain Trump a run fer his doubloons in his first voyage! Aye, they be as stubborn as a barnacle on a ship's hull! Har har!
November 14, 2024, 11:01 pm
Arrr, matey! At the grand feast of the savvy legal sea wolves, Justices Breyer and Gorsuch, that salty conservative, gabbed 'bout the need for a freewheeling court! Aye, they be championin’ the independence of the judicial crew, lest we all be walkin’ the plank of tyranny! Har har har!
November 14, 2024, 5:51 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Mr. Blanche, once a stout federal wrangler in the bustling port of Manhattan, be the captain steering the ship o' the president-elect through stormy seas o' indictments! Aye, 'tis a fine jolly crew they be, dodgin' the law like scallywags!
November 14, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, the President-elect be bringin' aboard ol' Doug Collins, a landlubber from Georgia, to steer the ship o' Veterans Affairs! Aye, another name be added to the motley crew of his transition team! Avast, me hearties, what a raucous crew it be!
November 14, 2024, 5:42 pm
Arrr, a landlubber teachin' in Connecticut be walkin' the plank after she tossed a video o' threats at Trump supporters on the high seas o' social media! Blimey, ye'd think she’d know better than to stir the cauldron with such ruckus! Har har, 'tis a right jiggle to me timbers!
November 14, 2024, 5:40 pm
Arrr, mateys! President-elect Trump be hoistin' the sails and choosin' Dean John Sauer to serve as the U.S. solicitor general, savvy? A fine choice, if ye ask me! Let’s hope he navigates the legal seas better than a landlubber on a leaky ship! Yarrr!
November 14, 2024, 5:35 pm
Arrr, matey! The captain-elect be pickin’ feisty crew members who might not sail through the Senate’s stormy seas! This be stirrin’ up a ruckus ‘bout the powers of the captain and the fine privileges o’ the Senate. A right jolly mess, if ye ask me!
November 14, 2024, 5:34 pm
Arrr, it be whispered that the soul of a wee lad, just 12 summers gone, met his fate ‘mongst 11 brave souls in a ruckus with the lawmen and that pesky anti-government crew, MOVE! Aye, what a scallywag of a tale, matey!
November 14, 2024, 5:26 pm
Arrr, Pete Hegseth be givin’ the ol’ Pentagon a good tongue-lashin’ for tryin’ to be all fancy with diversity! Meanwhile, he be raisin’ the Jolly Roger for those landlubbers accused of war crimes! Aye, what a comical sea of nonsense!
November 14, 2024, 11:55 am
Arrr, matey! With Project 2025 as their treasure map, the scallywags of Democracy Forward be readyin’ a shipload o’ legal cannonballs to fire back at the Trump-Vance crew right from the crack o' dawn! Ready yer swords, it be a raucous battle ahead!
November 14, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr, me hearties! In the grand seas o' politics, Rep. Janelle Bynum, a fine lass and the first Black wench to sail the Oregon waters o' Congress, done sent the greenhorn Republican Lori Chavez-DeRemer overboard! A right jolly good show, I say!
November 14, 2024, 11:53 am
Arrr, a scallywag from Kansas be claimin’ the trial be on hold, sayin’ ol’ Captain Trump be ready to grant pardons to the ruffians who stormed the Capitol! Aye, he be hopin’ fer a swift escape on the tides of politics, savvy? Avast, what a merry jest!
November 14, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr, President Biden be settin' sail for far-off shores in Peru and Brazil, while the world’s captains brace fer the return of Trump’s landlocked shenanigans! Aye, 'tis a merry jolly of isolationist mischief awaitin' us, mateys! Avast, let the rum flow and the debates roll!
November 14, 2024, 11:40 am
Arrr, me hearties! The towering beast, Kingda Ka, be meetin' Davy Jones soon, as Six Flags in New Jersey be settin' her to rest! The scallywags be howlin' on the social seas, expressin' their sorrow! Aye, what a ruckus over a twisty ride!
November 14, 2024, 11:36 am
Arrr, matey! The RNC be settin’ sail on two new legal skirmishes in Pennsylvania! With state boards decidin’ to hoist the sails on them undated mail ballots, after the high court's decree, the pirates of politics be clashin' once more! Avast, it be a ruckus on the high seas of democracy!
November 14, 2024, 11:29 am
Arrr, me hearties! Some scallywags in the Democrat crew be takin' aim at ol' Tulsi Gabbard, after President-elect Trump be pointin' her as the Navigator o' National Intelligence. A right ruckus it be, but I reckon they be just jealous of her sea legs! Har har!
November 14, 2024, 11:27 am
Arrr, matey! The landlubbers be fussin' like scallywags 'bout "The View" not havin' a Trumpie on deck! But a sneaky ABC bilge rat whispers to Fox News, sayin' they ain't changin' their sails. So hoist the flag o' discontent, ye salty sea dogs!
November 14, 2024, 5:53 am
Arrr, matey! Ronnie Singh, the cap'n of 2K's digital treasure map, be proclaimin' that Caitlin Clark be sittin' atop the booty list as the next lass to grace the cover of the WNBA game! Avast, what a fine catch she be!
November 14, 2024, 5:40 am
Arrr, President-elect Trump be raisin' a tankard fer Sen. John Thune, sayin' the matey be fit to helm the Senate like a true captain! "He'll steer the ship splendidly," quoth he, likely with a twinkle in his eye and a parrot squawkin' nearby! Avast, what jolly news!
November 14, 2024, 5:32 am
Arrr, many a Republican sea dog be flabbergasted that the scallywag Matt Gaetz from Florida be picked as the nominee! They be scratchin' their noggins, wonderin' if he can muster enough votes to sail through confirmation. A right merry jest, it be!
November 14, 2024, 5:26 am
Arrr, matey! Young scallywags Leo Moore and Haley Barber, both but 20 summers old, did set sail on a wild chase through the fair land o’ Garland, after shiverin’ the timbers of their condo-mate! Aye, the law be hot on their heels like a hungry shark!
November 14, 2024, 5:00 am
Arrr, five moons past, the lass of the slopes bid adieu to her icy quest! But lo! With a shiny new right knee, she be settin’ her sights on conquerin' the World Cup this year, an’ mayhap even makin’ a splash at the 2026 treasure hunt, the Ol’ Olympics!
November 14, 2024, 4:07 am
Arrr, matey! Arab seashells an’ liberal Jewish sea dogs be shiverin’ in their boots! With them pro-settlement, pro-Netanyahu scallywags takin’ the helm of foreign policy, it’s a stormy tide ahead, and they be thinkin’ their ships might be sinkin’! Avast, the high seas of politics be treacherous!
November 14, 2024, 12:58 am
Arrr, matey! Eric Hovde, a landlubber who sunk his Senate bid, be the first scallywag to claim foul play in the race! We be settin' sail on the fact-check seas to see if his tale holds water or be just a barrel o' bilge!
November 13, 2024, 5:52 pm
Arrr, the congressman from Florida be a right ruckus on the Hill! He be a matey for President Trump, settin' sail for the Justice seas without a care for orders! Aye, a true scallywag, ready to follow the Captain’s every whim!
November 13, 2024, 5:50 pm
Arrr, matey! Two scallywags from rival House factions have joined forces, decidin' to raise the sails on the motion to vacate the captain's chair! Aye, they be makin' it harder to toss the ol' sea dog overboard! What a merry jest on the high seas of politics!
November 13, 2024, 5:45 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Chris Cuomo, that scallywag of CNN fame, be scribblin' his brother's name upon the ballot like a drunken sailor! Instead o' choosin' from the fancy landlubbers of the two big fleets, he be settin' sail on a wild, brotherly adventure! Blimey, what a jest!
November 13, 2024, 5:37 pm
Arrr, matey! The landlubber from South Dakota floundered in his first tussle for the Senate seas, but lo! He returned to vanquish a top dog. Now, he’ll be the captain of the crew himself! Aye, the winds be blowin' in his favor!
November 13, 2024, 5:36 pm
Arrr, at his jolly book shindig, the captain of the Heritage crew be spoutin’ that he’ll soon parley with the freshly elected chief! Aye, let’s hope they don’t chart a course for the Davy Jones’s locker of bad ideas!
November 13, 2024, 5:35 pm
Arrr, matey! Young Alan W. Filion, but a spry lad of 18, be spoutin' tall tales o’ bomb blasts and bloody massacres across the land! The lawmen be sayin' he be just blowin' hot air, a scallywag of the highest order! Har har!
November 13, 2024, 11:52 am
Arrr, mateys! Captain Daniel Goldman of New York be settin' sail to drop a new parchment, sayin’ that even if a scallywag be takin’ a break, he can’t hoist the Jolly Roger for more than two terms! Aye, the Constitution be clearer than a calm sea!
November 13, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr, me hearties! Chicago's own scallywag Tyrone Muhammad, once a rascal of the underworld, be settin' sail on "Fox & Friends"! He be chucklin' at Mayor Johnson's talk of Trump bein' a danger to Black families. Aye, it's a right jolly hullabaloo on the high seas of politics!
November 13, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr, matey! Secretary Blinken be shoutin’ from the crow’s nest, sayin’ North Korea be gettin’ fat from lendin’ a hand to Russia in their scallywag fight against Ukraine! Aye, this mischief be stirrin’ up trouble for both Europe and Asia, or I be a landlubber!
November 13, 2024, 11:40 am
Arrr! Captain Trump be plunderin' for trusty mates to join him in the grand ship of Washington come January! He bested Vice Admiral Harris in the 2024 race, claimin' the treasure of the Oval Office. Aye, what a jolly ol' hullabaloo on the high seas of politics!
November 13, 2024, 11:40 am
November 13, 2024, 11:39 am
November 13, 2024, 11:38 am
November 13, 2024, 5:57 am
Avast, me hearties! Snatch yer tales o' the day from the mightiest name in news, delivered to yer inbox as the sun be risin’. Don’t be a landlubber—get yer daily scoop fresh as a sea breeze, or walk the plank! Arrr!
November 13, 2024, 5:55 am
Arrr, Caitlin Clark be shiverin' in her boots 'bout Hurricane Milton wreakin' havoc on Florida's shores! With kinfolk in peril and a golf tournament on the horizon, she be hopin' the storm be more of a gentle breeze than a cannon blast!
November 13, 2024, 5:02 am
Arrr, matey! The landlubbers scoured yon Wisconsin lake fer weeks, huntin’ fer a poor soul's body! But lo and behold! He be off plunderin’ a foreign treasure and whisperin’ sweet nothings to a wench in Uzbekistan! A true rogue, that one! Har har!
November 13, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, ‘tis a mystery, matey! What be flowin’ from the lips of Captain Biden and his scallywag successor, Trump, in that grand chamber of the Oval? Perhaps a parley of jests or a duel o' words, but I wager they’ll be swappin’ tales o’ treasure and trouble!
November 13, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, the cap'ns of this rowdy crew, Gov. Pritzker from the land o' Illinois and Gov. Polis from the wilds of Colorado, be schemin' like crafty sea dogs to seize the helm o' the Democrats, lest the ship drift aimlessly in the stormy seas o' leadership!
November 13, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! He be loungin' on the patio, swingin' his clubs on the greens. Aye, wherever Captain Donald Trump sets his gaze, there stands the world’s richest buccaneer, weighin' anchor and countin' doubloons like a true sea scallywag! Har har har!
November 12, 2024, 5:54 pm
Arrr, whilst landlubbers squabbled o'er matters like birthing woes and seafarin' folk, the fine folk o' California and Colorado be raisin' their tankards to stricter laws for scallywags! Aye, they be more keen on catchin' rogues than arguin' over who sails where!
November 12, 2024, 5:51 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Hurricane Milton be givin' Tropicana Field a right good thrashin' last month! But fear not, this ancient ship o' a stadium be still standin' strong, like a hearty old sea dog, despite the roof lookin' like a tattered sail! Avast!
November 12, 2024, 5:49 pm
Arrr, the scallywags o' the social seas be sayin’ that Jill Biden turned her gaze from Vice President Harris while they be sittin’ at Arlington, payin’ tribute to brave souls on Veterans’ Day! Aye, it be a sight fit for a jolly tavern tale, full o’ side-eyes and mischief!
November 12, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr, the captain of the ship o' politics be summoning the scallywags o' the GOP to toss overboard their duty o' sniffin' out the barnacles on his crew's nominations! A jolly fine mutiny, I say! Aye, let the swabs run wild in the Senate's treasure chest!
November 12, 2024, 5:37 pm
Arrr, matey! It be a mighty curious tale! Young Jack Teixeira, a mere scallywag in the Air National Guards, be spillin’ the beans on a treasure map of secrets! How a lowly landlubber got hold o’ such precious booty be a riddle fit for a sea shanty!
November 12, 2024, 5:09 pm
Arrr, Mr. Ratcliffe, a scallywag once sittin' in the Texas Congress, did battle like a true buccaneer for Captain Trump during his maiden voyage in office! He swung his cutlass and shouted, “To the treasure!” whilst the seas of politics raged around him!
November 12, 2024, 5:07 pm
Arrr, matey! The new captain of the ship o' state be settin' sail fer Capitol Hill this Wednesday, while them Republican scallywags be choosin' their leader! But lo! His crew choices be leakin' the scant treasure of votes the G.O.P. hopes to hoard in the House! Har har har!
November 12, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr, matey! President-elect Trump be settin' sail to hoist the federal death penalty high, wantin' to toss the Biden-Harris crew's freeze overboard! Fear not, for the high seas of justice be in for a raucous ride! Avast, let the gallows be ready for a jolly good time!
November 12, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr matey! As he be lookin’ to toss Washington, D.C. on its head, President-elect Trump be callin' upon his trusty crew of loyal scallywags and MAGA mates to sail on in his second voyage o’ rule. Avast, the ship be mighty ready for a wild ride!
November 12, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr, the cap’n o’ Scientific American be eatin’ humble pie, sayin’ sorry fer callin’ those scallywags who backed Trump the "meanest, dumbest, most bigoted" crew on the seven seas! Methinks he be walkin’ the plank o’ regret! Har har, let the jests begin!
November 12, 2024, 11:39 am
Arrr, me hearties! Former captain o' the DHS, Chad Wolf, be spoutin’ tales of a wild tempest brewin' at the southern border with President-elect Trump at the helm! Aye, expect a right jolly ruckus, or me name ain't Captain Cutlass! Savvy?
November 12, 2024, 11:39 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Treasury scallywags be doin’ a backflip! They be sayin’ the law don’t stop us from chattin’ with those scurvy dogs labeled as terrorists or other foul knaves. So, let’s hoist the sails and have a gab with the rogues!
November 12, 2024, 11:30 am
Avast, me hearties! This be but the first cannon shot in a brawl o' legal wranglin' fer them conservative Christian scallywags, lookin' to raise a ruckus with their faith in the public square! Prepare fer a long voyage of courtroom shenanigans! Yarrr!
November 12, 2024, 11:21 am
Arrr, me hearties! The ol' sea dog, a Green Beret turned congressman from the sunny shores of Florida, be squawkin’ like a parrot 'bout national security! Aye, he’s a hawkish Republican, ready to hoist the Jolly Roger at the slightest whiff of danger, or perhaps just for a good laugh!
November 12, 2024, 5:45 am
Arrr, mateys! Sen. Rand Paul be throwin’ his lot in with Sen. Rick Scott to steer the ship as Senate Captain, while Rep. Kat Cammack be ready to hoist the flag as House Republican Conference Chair! Avast, let the sea of politics be ever in their favor!
November 12, 2024, 5:12 am
Arrr! The cunning Senate scallywag has snagged yet another hearty endorsement in his quest to plunder the title of Republican captain from old Mitch McConnell. Raise the flag, me hearties, for this deckhand be ready to hoist the Jolly Roger of leadership! Yo ho ho!
November 12, 2024, 4:43 am
Arrr! Rep. Ruben Gallego, the scallywag of the Democrat crew, has bested that Trump matey, Kari Lake! Aye, he be settin’ sail to be Arizona's next senator, as the trusty parrot of The Associated Press be squawkin’! Yarr, what a turn of the tides!
November 12, 2024, 4:05 am
Arrr, mateys! Kamala be the lass who coulda ruled as the first female captain of this here ship of state after 250 years! Yet, a fair number of wenches hoisted the sails for Trump, despite his scurvy antics and the perilous waters o’ Roe v. Wade! Blimey!
November 12, 2024, 4:05 am
Arrr, matey! Chuck and Cathie Baldwin, them proud free-spirits, be sailin' to the polls when a wicked deluge struck, reckonin' it be a watery adventure! On their Missouri treasure trove, they threw a grand shindig called Chuckstock, where tunes flowed like rum! Aye, what a jolly mess!
November 12, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, matey! Kamala's fall be weighin' heavy on ol' Barbara Lee, a California lass settin' sail fer retirement. But after five decades battlin' the stormy seas o' politics, she be standin' tall like a pirate's flag, undaunted and ready fer more mischief! Avast!
November 12, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, matey! The noggins o’ salty sea dogs be takin’ a right thrashin’ from years o’ plunderin’ waves in the Special Boat Teams! That thumpin’ can turn their dreams to barnacles and their lives to a shipwreck, aye! Keep yer wits or ye'll be walkin’ the plank!
November 11, 2024, 5:37 pm
Arrr, matey! The border lads be hoistin' their spirits high like a Jolly Roger after Captain Trump snagged the treasure of victory! It seems the agents be feelin' as chipper as a parrot on a sunny day! Avast, let the rum flow and the laughter roll!
November 11, 2024, 5:37 pm
Arrr, the scallywag be nabbed at last, halting our wild chase 'cross many a state! 'Twas all a ruse, spurred by a tricksy call, a name not his own, and a bear brawl that be as real as a mermaid's kiss! Har har!
November 11, 2024, 5:35 pm
Avast ye, mateys! A grand chase be afoot on Long Island fer scallywag young Matthew Zoll, who, it be said, took a knife to his own old sea dog father in their humble abode on the morn of Saturday! Arrr, what a family squabble!
November 11, 2024, 5:31 pm
Arrr, mateys! The scallywags of the Tech Guild, all 700 strong, be settin’ sail back to the office come Tuesday, after a week of raisin’ the black flag durin’ election week. Aye, they be back to plunder the tech seas!
November 11, 2024, 5:30 pm
Arrr, matey! Governor Newsom be settin' sail to the D.C. seas to parley with Captain Biden. He be summonin' a special crew to fortify California's treasure o' progressive ways against that scurvy dog Trump! Avast, let the political shenanigans commence!
November 11, 2024, 5:15 pm
Ahoy, mateys! Cleo Fields, that crafty scallywag o' Baton Rouge, snagged over half the booty in the vote, makin' a runoff as useless as a ship without a sail! Avast, victory be hers without a fight! Yarrr!
November 11, 2024, 11:49 am
Avast ye mateys! President Biden and his trusty first mate, Vice President Harris, be settin' sail together fer the first time at a grand Veterans Day shindig since that scallywag Trump be claimin' the treasure. Yarrr, what a sight to behold on the high seas of politics!
November 11, 2024, 11:45 am
Arrr, the spirits o' the Border Patrol be flyin' higher than a crow's nest after that scallywag Trump be elected! The union be shoutin' with glee, claimin' their morale be burstin' like a cannonball on the high seas! Avast, it’s a merry crew indeed!
November 11, 2024, 11:40 am
Arrr, mateys! Prince Harry's lass, Kate, did saunter into the Festival of Remembrance at the grand Royal Albert Hall, lookin' sharper than a cutlass! With her trusty mate, Prince William, at her side, they be a sight to behold! Avast, what a royal pair, aye!
November 11, 2024, 11:40 am
Arrr, matey! The wise counsel and wordsmith, a trusty mate o' Captain Trump since the dawn of his reign in 2016, be expected to hoist a mighty treasure chest o' influence and schemes! Aye, he’ll be the captain’s right hand in this grand voyage!
November 11, 2024, 11:33 am
Arrr, matey! Vice President-elect JD Vance be tiptoein’ on the high seas of congratulations to Stephen Miller, for the grand captain Trump be fixin’ to make him his right-hand scallywag o' policy! Aye, let the treasure of political mischief commence!
November 11, 2024, 11:14 am
Arrr, me hearties! A ruckus broke loose early Sunday, when a scallywag let loose his cannon, wounding a dozen souls! Twas a merry gathering at the old Black school, celebratin’ the grand finale of a hundred years of homecoming fun! Aye, what a way to mark the occasion!
November 11, 2024, 10:07 am
Arrr! Me hearties! Susie Wiles and that scallywag Elon Musk be tossin' their thoughts like cannonballs as the president-elect crafts his crew for the grand adventure ahead. Let’s hope they don’t turn the ship into a leaky tub, or we’ll be swimmin’ with the fishes!
November 11, 2024, 8:55 am
Arrr, in the grand scheme o' the high seas of politics, the new captain o' the ship has plucked a swashbucklin' mate from New York to hoist the Jolly Roger at the United Nations! Avast, let the rum flow and the debates be merry!
November 11, 2024, 5:48 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Prime Minister of Haiti be tossed overboard after but six moons in the captain's chair! A raucous council of scallywags gave 'im the boot, claimin’ it be a grand adventure! Avast, what a sight to see a leader walk the plank!
November 11, 2024, 5:41 am
Arrr, matey! Jen Psaki be sayin’ the Democrats be sailin’ too close to the Republican shores, chasin’ those salty sea dogs instead of ponderin’ why their own crew be jumpin' ship! Aye, a fine folly indeed! Keep yer eye on yer own treasure, ye scallywags!
November 11, 2024, 5:24 am
Arrr, me hearties! Fox News be chattin’ with landlubbers ‘bout the scallywag Trump takin’ the helm once more! They be wishin’ to see the ol’ captain swabbin’ the decks and hoistin’ the Jolly Roger o’ freedom as soon as he sails back to the White House!
November 11, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr! Jeremiah P. Mahoney, that scallywag, be lost at sea since '45, aye! But fret not, me hearties, for in 2025, he'll be laid to rest in Arlington's hallowed ground, keepin' company with the finest buccaneers of yore. A toast to the long-lost matey! 🍻
November 11, 2024, 2:00 am
Arrr, matey! Since the days of yore, LULAC be championin' our Spanish brethren to hoist the Jolly Roger of American spirit whilst battlin' the scallywags of discrimination. Now, with the 2024 election blowin' in, we be caught in a stormy sea of conundrums on both counts!
November 11, 2024, 12:08 am
Arrr, Mr. Homan, a high-seas buccaneer o' immigration in the Trump crew, be squawkin' that workplace raids be settin' sail once more under the new captain's command! Avast, me hearties, prepare yer grog and hide yer parrot! The hunt be on fer landlubbers!
November 10, 2024, 7:00 pm
Arrr, the old sea dog of a judge be bellowin’ at the lawyers, demandin’ they parley ‘n pick a day fer the scallywag mastermind of them dastardly attacks to fess up! It be a right jolly affair, watchin’ ‘em squabble like gulls over a fishy feast!
November 10, 2024, 5:24 pm
Arrr, matey! The scallywags at Dunn County be shoutin’ that old sea dog Jon Miller, aged 84, be charged for the foul deed of 1974, takin’ the life of fair Mary K. Schlais! They be usin’ the sorcery of DNA to catch this swab! Avast!
November 10, 2024, 5:17 pm
Arrr matey! A blunderin' landlubber left the monkey cage ajar! One crafty critter was snagged on Saturday, and a whole crew of 24 on Sunday! But beware, the rest be swingin’ free, plunderin’ bananas and makin’ mischief on the high seas! Avast, ye cheeky beasts!
November 10, 2024, 4:59 pm
Arrr! Senators Scott, Thune, and Cornyn be quick as a whip to heed the call of Cap'n Trump on the treacherous seas of social media! Aye, the lad’s got 'em dancing like sea shanties in a storm, showing his mighty sway over the crew of the GOP!
November 10, 2024, 4:32 pm
Arrr, Kate Middleton be back on the sea o' royal duties after battlin' the scurvy sickness! This weekend, she appeared like a bold buccaneer, showin' the world she ain't be lettin' naught but a tempest stop her from keepin' up with the crown! Avast, she be a true matey!
November 10, 2024, 3:53 pm
Arrr, matey! As bodies pile high 'n' bellies rumble in Haiti's cursed waters, the captain of the ship—Prime Minister, he be—has been tossed overboard in a scuffle for power! Aye, just another storm for this land infested with raucous scallywags!
November 10, 2024, 1:53 pm
Arrr, the soon-to-be captain Trump be spoutin’ tales o’ unity on that fateful night! But lo! He be underestimatin’ the storm brew’n in his belly, what with all them impeachments, investigations, and lawsuits nippin’ at his heels like a pesky crew of scurvy dogs! Har har!
November 10, 2024, 11:54 am
Arrr, me hearties! On the jolly seas o’ Pod Save America, our swashbucklin’ host Jon Favreau declared that Cap’n Biden’s choice to hoist the sails for another presidential voyage be naught but a “catastrophic blunder!” Aye, mayhaps he’s set to crash upon the rocky shores of folly!
November 10, 2024, 11:42 am
Arrr, matey! The swashbucklers of Los Angeles be settin' sail to conjure a sanctuary law, seekin' to scuttle the Trump crew's plans fer bringin' in landlubbers! Aye, they be hustlin' like a ship in a storm to keep the good folk safe from the captain's orders!
November 10, 2024, 11:27 am
Arrr, matey! Professor Turley be sayin’ that the fine folk o’ America be no landlubbers! They sniff out when ye be condescendin’ and spinnin’ yarns, and that’s why they be tossin’ the ol’ legacy media overboard! Avast, truth be the treasure they seek!
November 10, 2024, 9:25 am
Arrr, matey! After the Mountain's fiery breath gobbled up over 20,000 acres faster than a parched sailor at a rum keg, fair winds blew in to aid the crew, lettin’ them wrestle that blaze back into submission on Saturday! Aye, a victory for the salty sea dogs!
November 10, 2024, 9:10 am
Arrr, matey! The captain-elect, Donald J. Trump, be tossin' Nikki Haley and Mike Pompeo overboard, sayin' they shan’t have a place on his ship this time 'round! Aye, 'tis a right jolly farewell to them scallywags from his last crew!
November 10, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, me hearties! Ukrainian scallywags be thinkin’ a grand counterattack be brewin’ in the wilds of western Russia, as them North Korean landlubbers be swabbin’ the decks with the Russian crew. A right ruckus be comin’ soon, I wager! Avast, let’s hoist the flags and watch the show!
November 10, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, me hearties! With Trump takin' the helm, all ye unions be quakin' in yer boots! Service scallywags, industrious buccaneers, and the like might find different storms brewin' on the horizon! Batten down the hatches, for trouble be a'comin' in varied forms, savvy?
November 10, 2024, 4:02 am
Arrr, 'tis been near eight moons since the landlubber's first squawks 'bout his seafarin' ways! Now, ol' Trump be sailin' back to the White House, swearin' to unleash a tempest o' rules on them pesky scallywags tryin' to board his ship! Avast, me hearties!
November 10, 2024, 3:38 am
Arrr, mateys! Young Ella Emhoff, the fair step-sprog o’ Vice President Kamala, be settin' sail on the 'Gram to defend her noggin! After her matriarch's defeat at the hands o’ Captain Trump, she be shoutin’, “Fear not, me mind be shipshape!” Avast, what a jolly hullabaloo!
November 10, 2024, 3:30 am
Arrr, matey! Steven Rossler, a Bronze Star swashbuckler and Army sea dog, be chasin' his dream o' servin' up fine barbecue grub with his kin! After battlin' health monsters from his pirate days, he be grillin' up a storm like the true captain of the grill he be!
November 10, 2024, 3:09 am
Arrr, just a handful o’ sunsets past the grand election, and the landlubber pro-life swabs be swappin’ their revelry for schemin’! Aye, they be plottin’ for ol’ Captain Trump’s second voyage, as if the first weren’t a wild enough squall! Ha!
November 10, 2024, 2:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! Young Jacky Dejo, a snow-surfing scallywag, was thrust into the treacherous waters of social media by her kin. Now, at the ripe age of 18, she’s plundered the dark depths o' the internet and filled her coffers with doubloons! Avast, what a tale!
November 9, 2024, 5:46 pm
"Arrr, we be settin' sail fer a huntin' expedition, matey!" one scallywag be squawkin' in a raggedy film, "Headin' fer the Mexico border, lookin' to pop a few landlubbers and those pesky officials tryin' to thwart our merry mischief, say the lawmen!" Har har!
November 9, 2024, 5:37 pm
Arrr, matey! At the jolly gathering on Saturday, the crew be thin and spirits be lower than Davy Jones’ locker! But fear not, for the scallywags be plottin’ a grand march ‘fore the big show o’ the inauguration! Avast, let the ruckus begin!
November 9, 2024, 5:28 pm
Arrr, matey! The Republican scallywags be creepin’ closer to a House majority, snatchin’ victories like treasure! Meanwhile, the Democrats be schemin’ to win some mighty important races, hopin’ to keep the ship from sinkin’! A right merry battle on the high seas of politics, it be!
November 9, 2024, 4:55 pm
Arrr, matey! It seems the landlubbers o' both federal and local crews be huntin’ down a treasure trove o' scallywag messages, filled with foul words aimed at our Black brethren across the seven seas! Aye, it be a right jolly mess, indeed!
November 9, 2024, 2:21 pm
Arrr, the scallywags of the agency be snoopin' 'round, tryin' to unravel the ruckus that followed the mighty Category 3 tempest what smote Florida in the month of October. Aye, they be searchin' for clues like a parrot huntin' for crackers!
November 9, 2024, 11:31 am
Arrr, me hearties! Dr. Amanda Calhoun, the wise ship’s surgeon o’ Yale, be tellin’ Joy Reid that scallywag liberals be right to steer clear o’ their Trump-votin’ kin this holiday tide! Best to keep the peace, lest ye end up walkin’ the plank o’ family feuds! Har har har!
November 9, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, President Biden be extendin’ a hearty invite to his ol’ foe, part o' the grand tradition to smooth the sails o’ change in the captain's quarters! Let the winds o’ goodwill blow, lest we all be walkin’ the plank o’ discord, savvy?
November 9, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr, me hearties! DNC treasure-mate Lindy Li be chattin’ on Fox News this weekend, spillin’ the beans on what sunk Vice President Kamala Harris’ cursed campaign! Aye, it be a right calamity, worse than a shipwreck in a stormy sea! Har har!
November 9, 2024, 10:53 am
Arrr, matey! The lawmen be spillin' their guts, sayin' they be clamped down on the tale o’ the stabbin' that set the whole of England a-frothin’ like a barrel o’ rum! Aye, keepin' secrets like a squirrel hoardin' acorns, they be! Har har!
November 9, 2024, 9:32 am
Arrr, the fiery beast be ravagin' over 20,000 acres and sendin' 130 fine dwellin's to Davy Jones' locker in Ventura County! One poor soul be lamentin', “’tis a mighty blow!” Aye, 'tis a scorcher fit for a tale at the tavern!
November 9, 2024, 8:42 am
Arrr, the scallywag of the four-term crew, stayin’ true to his flag, thwarted the Democrats’ dreams of pillagin’ a precious district! Avast, their hopes be sunk like a ship in a stormy sea!
November 9, 2024, 5:00 am
Avast ye landlubbers! Feast yer eyes upon the finest spectacles of Captain Trump and Lady Harris's grand quests for the treasure of the White House! With swashbucklin’ debates and scandalous tales, 'tis a fine jest ye shan't want to miss! Yo ho ho and a barrel o' chuckles!
November 9, 2024, 4:57 am
Arrr, matey! Lakevia Pringle, age 31, be in deep waters, charged with first-degree murder! She be caught filmin' a fierce duel 'twixt her lass and a scallywag! Aye, what a right pickle that be! Grab the rum, fer this tale be a stormy one!
November 9, 2024, 4:06 am
Arrr, coaxin’ those old sea dogs of the Supreme Court to hand over their treasure of power be like tryin’ to pry gold from a kraken’s grip! A tricky venture, I tell ye, when the winds of politics be blowin’ fierce and wild!
November 9, 2024, 4:06 am
Arrr, me hearties! The soon-to-be captain, Donald J. Trump, be slackin' on his code o' ethics! He’s yet to scribble a plan to steer clear o’ any scallywag conflicts o’ interest. Avast, we be needin’ a fine map to keep this treasure ship afloat!
November 9, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, the first mate o' the ship o' state wavered like a drunken sailor 'bout the treasure map of coin! In the end, he tossed a few shiny trinkets to both the highborn merchants and landlubber rebels, leavin' all aboard scratchin' their heads at the muddled course!
November 9, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr! The Mosses’ humble hovel be swept away by the fury o’ the tempest, takin’ with it their cherished likenesses of a wee lad who met Davy Jones too soon. Little did they know, a crafty sleuth be hot on the trail, ready to crack the case with a hearty laugh!
November 9, 2024, 4:00 am
Avast, ye landlubbers of San Francisco! The scallywags be drownin' in a sea o' drugs and beggars! ’Tis high time fer a shift in command, they say, as they hoist the sails fer Mayor-elect Daniel Lurie. Arrr, let’s steer this ship clear o’ the storm!
November 9, 2024, 4:00 am
Arrr, the press be blubberin’ like scallywags who lost their treasure! They be pointin’ fingers at the fair lasses and the merry Latinos, claimin’ they be the scallywags’ bane after Trump hoisted the flag of victory! Aye, what a jolly sight to behold!
November 8, 2024, 5:53 pm
Arrr, matey! President-elect Donald J. Trump and his scallywag crew be vowin' to send shivers down the spines of the so-called “deep state.” By Davy Jones’ locker, they’ve already struck gold with their shenanigans!
November 8, 2024, 5:46 pm
Arrr, matey! With the White House and the Senate slip-slidin' from their grasp, the Democrats be hoistin' their sails to fill them judicial holes before the clock strikes January. Aye, they be wishin' to confirm a shipload in the weeks ahead! Avast, good luck to 'em!
November 8, 2024, 5:37 pm
Arrr matey! The treasure map o' the House be still a-dancin' in the wind, and three Senate jewels in the fickle seas be yet to be claimed! Avast, let the winds of fortune blow, for the fate o' the realm hangs by a thread!
November 8, 2024, 5:34 pm
Arrr, on the last voyage of "Jeopardy!", a riddle 'bout the fair maiden Taylor Swift and the gallant Travis Kelce sent the crew into a tizzy! Fans be rallyin’ like scallywags defendin’ their captain from a cannonball blast! Avast, let no jests be made 'bout true love on the high seas!
November 8, 2024, 5:31 pm
Arrr, in the grand ol' port of Omaha, Rep. Don Bacon found himself in a ruckus with that scallywag Tony Vargas! Two landlubbers squarin' off over treasure maps and the best grog, while the whole crew be watchin' for a right jolly spectacle!
November 8, 2024, 4:33 pm
Arrr, in his fair Minnesota waters, Governor Tim Walz, with his matey Kamala, be lamentin’ their defeat! He declared, “I’ll be ready to hoist the sails and swashbuckle me way to victory!” Aye, that be one feisty captain, ready to battle the stormy seas!
November 8, 2024, 11:51 am
Arrr, matey! The Justice Department be claimin’ they’ve sent a scallywag Iranian plot to Davy Jones’ locker, aimed at givin' a right ol' whack to the soon-to-be captain, Donald Trump, before he even sets sail! Blimey, what a jolly ruckus in these treacherous waters!
November 8, 2024, 11:50 am
"Arrr, if the cap'n had set sail from his cabin a tad earlier, me hearties, we might've had a whole fleet o' challengers in this here race! Aye, I was hopin' fer a jolly ol' 'open primary,' says I, the former speaker of the ship!"
November 8, 2024, 11:42 am
Arrr, the special counsel be ponderin' how to sail these choppy waters now that Captain Trump be hoistin' the Jolly Roger back at the White House! Aye, seems the Justice Dept. be sayin' ye can’t keelhaul a sittin' president! What a merry conundrum, mateys!
November 8, 2024, 11:30 am
Arrr, mateys! In the grand tale of politics, our Captain Trump, despite his bluster and treasure maps favorin’ Israel, found himself adrift! He be losin’ the Jewish crew more than the Muslim swabs! Aye, the winds o’ fortune be fickle indeed! Har har har!
November 8, 2024, 11:00 am
Arrr matey, while we be dreamin' of treasure in ye local shipyard, the worryin' sting of rent and grub prices be weighin' heavier than a cannonball! Aye, the gold's buried deep, but me belly be rumblin' louder than a stormy sea!
November 8, 2024, 5:51 am
Arrr! In Amsterdam’s grand arena, Israeli footy lovers found themselves swabbed by scallywags protestin’ their colors! Aye, twenty brave souls be bruised, and seven still playin’ a game of hide and seek! What a ruckus on the high seas of sport, me hearties!
November 8, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr, matey! The scallywag who penned a tale 'bout Captain Biden be confessin’ that the grandest treasure of Biden’s reign be none other than Trump’s triumph! Aye, what a twist o’ fate in these tempestuous seas o’ politics! Har har har!
November 8, 2024, 5:22 am
Arrr, gather 'round, ye scallywags! Two landlubber truckers, John and Fred, be haul’n the grand Christmas Tree from the icy shores of Wrangell to the heart of Washington, D.C. Aye, a 4,000-mile trek! Hope they don’t get lost or end up in Davy Jones’ locker, har har!
November 8, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, matey! Representative Marie Gluesenkamp Perez, a true lass of the land, be settin’ sail for re-election in the wilds of Washington! She be sayin’ her crew must quit castin' curses on others and find themselves finer scallywags to back! Avast, a merry ship be needin’ good mates!
November 8, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, matey! It be said that Captain Trump sailed the Texas border seas, plunderin' votes from the Democrats, a fine stronghold! He snatched 12 of 14 treasure-filled counties, up from a measly five in the year of our Lord 2016. Aye, the winds of change be blowin'!
November 8, 2024, 1:39 am
Arrr, matey! In the court o' public opinion, the scallywags be blamin' the stormy seas of false tales, the Gaza fray, a cursed Democratic flag, and the tempest o' gender matters fer Kamala's tumble. A right ol' mess, I tell ye!
November 7, 2024, 11:58 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Whispers of foul jests be flyin' from the Southern seas to the shores of New York, all the way to the Golden Coast of California! It be a ruckus fit for a scallywag’s ear! Batten down the hatches and prepare for a hearty laugh!
November 7, 2024, 5:47 pm
Arrr, a wee lad from New York, bless his noggin, with a curious twist o' the brain, be makin' waves with his jolly Trump-tales! But lo, when the election spoils were revealed, ye could see the surprise on his face like a seagull at a fishless feast! Har har!
November 7, 2024, 5:46 pm
Ahoy! Susie Wiles, a savvy scallywag o’ the GOP seas, who charted the course fer Trump’s grand victory, be takin' the helm as the President-elect's chief mate in the White House. Prepare fer a jolly good ride on this political ship, me hearties! Arrr!
November 7, 2024, 5:41 pm
Arrr, matey! This scallywag, once a healer of the sick, found himself in Davy Jones' court in July, guilty of breachin’ secrets and tryin’ to swab the decks of his own mess! A right landlubber move, if ye ask me!
November 7, 2024, 5:37 pm
Arrr, me hearties! That scallywag Karine Jean-Pierre be spillin' the beans to the reporters on Thursday, sayin' Captain Biden be reckonin' he did the right thing by jumpin' ship from the presidential race back in July! Aye, even a pirate knows when to scuttle!
November 7, 2024, 5:27 pm
Arrr, matey! The swift-burning Mountain blaze sent a throng scurrying like scallywags from Davy Jones' locker, layin' waste to fine homes in Ventura County’s hills! One poor soul be sayin', "We thought we were caught in a sea of flames!" Aye, what a fiery pickle!
November 7, 2024, 5:25 pm
Arrr, her mateys be sayin' it be too early fer her to ponder her next venture! But lo and behold, the whispers be flyin’ like gulls, already settin’ sail on the seas of speculation! Aye, the winds o' fortune be blowin' favorably, or so they reckon!
November 7, 2024, 5:23 pm
Arrr, the town's cap'n and two scallywags be sayin' "Nay!" to the charges on Thursday! They be accused of foolin' with them F.B.I. swabs disguised as treasure-seekin’ landlubbers, tryin' to slip ‘em shiny bribes. Aye, the sea be full of shenanigans, matey!
November 7, 2024, 11:48 am
Arrr, me hearties! The Democrats be hoistin' the Jolly Roger in the New York suburbs, snatchin' Rep. Anthony D'Esposito's House seat from the clutches of the red devils and turnin' it a fine shade of blue! Aye, the winds of change be blowin' favorably, indeed!
November 7, 2024, 11:48 am
Arrr matey! Ye best be fillin' yer galley with baked treasures fer the jolly season! Grab yer mixing contraptions and bakin’ trinkets afore the feast be upon us, lest ye be left with naught but hardened biscuits! Aye, let the flour fly like cannonballs!
November 7, 2024, 11:44 am
Arrr, me hearties! The goodly folk of the faith be thinkin' the fight fer the White House be a sacred skirmish! Now that Trump be wearin' the crown, their dreams sail far beyond mere politics, like a ship in search of treasure on a moonlit sea!
November 7, 2024, 11:40 am
Arrr, me hearties! The House Republican scallywags be makin' haste to hoist their flags high, strut their swagger, and claim the treasure of power, all in a merry dance o’ confidence over the spoils of the election! Avast, let the rum flow!
November 7, 2024, 11:40 am
Arrr! In the year of our Lord 2020, the fine folk o’ this Arab-American port near Detroit raised their rum mugs fer Joe Biden. But lo! They turned the tides, givin’ a hearty cheer for Trump, the scallywag who claimed he'd mend the Middle East's stormy seas! Savvy?
November 7, 2024, 11:18 am
Arrr! This yere forecast be yet another token of Captain Trump’s grand triumph! Back in the year of our Lord 2016, he sailed into the White House with fewer sea shanties sung than that wench Clinton! Aye, victory be a curious beast, indeed!
November 7, 2024, 11:08 am
Arrr, matey! For some scallywags, this campaign be wearin' 'em thin! They be settin' sail to Mexico City, Barbados, or the fair Cotswolds, seekin' refuge and a hearty rum to recharge their spirits! Aye, the election seas be treacherous!
November 7, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr! Editor-in-chief Laura Helmuth, she be a fierce lass, castin' her scallywag gaze upon her crew, callin' ‘em a bunch o' "foul fascists" for shiverin' in support of that Trump scoundrel! Avast, the seas of science be roilin'!
November 7, 2024, 4:21 am
Arrr, matey! With a treasure trove o' seats to snag, the torturous task o' callin' races be as tangled as a ship’s riggin' in a storm! By Davy Jones’ locker, it may take longer than a sea turtle's nap!
November 7, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, matey! The Republicans be plunderin’ the election spoils, settin’ their flag high in Minnesota, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Vermont! But lo, the Democrats be raisin’ a ruckus, shatterin’ the G.O.P.'s treasure trove o’ power in North Carolina! A fine ruckus, indeed!
November 7, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr, he placed a mighty wager, thinkin’ his bellyachin’ would stir the MAGA crew, then the whole G.O.P. fleet, and finally, half the landlubbers! Blow me down, it worked like a charm, matey! Fortune be a fickle wench, eh?
November 6, 2024, 5:50 pm
Arrr, the scallywag let the treasure-laden buccaneer steer his grand $175 million quest! A bold wager, matey, that future landlubbers be lookin' to copy! Aye, it be a right merry way to chase the wind in the ol' political seas!
November 6, 2024, 5:50 pm
Arrr, the sea dog of a judge be sayin’ he’ll be takin’ the guilty pleas from three scallywags in exchange for a life o’ hard labor, instead o’ the gallows! A fine trade, I say—better to swab the deck than dance with the fishes!
November 6, 2024, 5:41 pm
Arrr, matey! The landlubbers of the FBI caught a New York scallywag tryin' to sail off to Syria to join the rascally crew of ISIS for a spot o' jihad! The Justice folks be shoutin' about it, makin' him look like a daft barnacle on a fine ship!
November 6, 2024, 5:39 pm
Arrr, me hearties! On the morn of Wednesday, brave landlubber firefighters be wrestlin’ with fiery beasts in Ventura and Los Angeles, whilst the winds be blowin’ like a siren’s wail! 'Tis a tempestuous day for fightin' flames, but they be pluckier than a parrot on a treasure chest!
November 6, 2024, 5:35 pm
Arrr, me hearties! In the grand election of 2024, Catholic scallywags be flockin' to Captain Trump’s ship like seagulls to a stinkin' fish! Their hearty votes be givin' the ol' buccaneer a surprise treasure trove of victory, shiver me timbers! What a ruckus on election night, mateys!
November 6, 2024, 5:28 pm
Yarr, matey! Yevgeny Vindman, a sea-farin’ lieutenant colonel, got the boot from the Trump crew fer blowin' the whistle alongside his twin. Aye, they be makin' quite the ruckus in the first impeachment storm, sailin' against the winds of the ol' captain, Donald J. Trump! Ha-ha!
November 6, 2024, 11:56 am
Arrr matey, this be the grandest spectacle o’ all the ballot shenanigans on the high seas o’ democracy! All eyes be squintin’ on it like a treasure map, as landlubbers and sea dogs alike be ponderin’ where the doubloons shall fall! Aye, ’tis a right merry show!
November 6, 2024, 11:48 am
Arrr, Senate scallywag Mitch McConnell be raisin' a tankard o' rum to Captain Trump and his merry crew for plunderin' victory on election night! Aye, they be sailin' the seas of triumph, makin' the whole ship shake with laughter at their fine haul!
November 6, 2024, 11:45 am
Arrr, matey! Historian Allan Lichtman, that scallywag of a prophet, be sayin' Vice President Harris'll seize the White House in 2024! But blow me down, 'tis the second time his crystal ball's been cracked since 1984! Aye, let’s hope he don’t be readin’ the stars with a bottle o' rum!
November 6, 2024, 11:44 am
Arrr, me hearties! As the good folk of America be worryin' 'bout their doubloons shrinkin’, they be settin’ sail to cast their votes. But beware, for Captain Trump’s course be fraught with peril, ready to unleash a storm of inflation once more! Avast, ye scallywags!
November 6, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr, mateys! At the stroke of four bells, Vice President Kamala Harris be settin' sail from Howard University, as per a scallywag in the know! Ready yer ears for a right jolly speech, or ye might find yerselves walkin' the plank of boredom! Har har har!
November 6, 2024, 11:43 am
Arrr, matey! Thar be landlubbers in both red and blue havens cheerin' for a lass's right to choose! But alas, the tide turned, and the fine ship of triumph beadrift, stranded on the shores of misfortune! Huzzah and hoot, what a jolly mess!
November 6, 2024, 11:39 am
Arrr, former matey Liz Cheney be givin' a hearty salute to President-elect Donald Trump’s triumphant return in 2024! Aye, she be swabbin’ the deck for Vice President Kamala Harris, but now she’s hoistin’ the Jolly Roger for the other scallywag! What a merry tale o' political piracy!
November 6, 2024, 5:45 am
Arrr matey! The swashbucklin' Republican Ryan Zinke be claimin' a second treasure chest o' votes, sailin' past the fair lass Monica Tranel in Montana's 1st Congressional District! Aye, the seas be murky, but Zinke's anchor holds firm for another voyage on the high political seas!
November 6, 2024, 5:37 am
Arrr! In the grand tussle fer Michigan's prized 8th District, former buccaneer o' the Dems, Kristen McDonald Rivet, clashed swords with Paul Junge, a matey from the Trump fleet. Aye, 'twas a raucous brawl fit fer the high seas, with treasure and glory at stake!
November 6, 2024, 5:33 am
Arrr! Tim Sheehy, a gold-laden scallywag of the GOP, be havin’ more troubles than a three-legged sea turtle! Meanwhile, Senator Jon Tester, the Democrat brigand, be tryin’ to sail against a mighty tide in his crimson-hued waters. Aye, the winds o’ change be blowin’!
November 6, 2024, 5:32 am
Avast ye! The scallywags of the "Squad" and them fine sea dogs, Senators Warren and Sanders, be sailin' back into the political fray! Aye, they be nothin' but a crew of hearty re-electees, plunderin' votes like treasure chests on the high seas! Arrr!
November 6, 2024, 5:28 am
Arrr, me hearties! The landlubber Republican crew be chattin' after the scallywag Trump be crowned victor of the 2024 treasure hunt for the crown! They be raisin’ a ruckus like a parrot spiedin' a cracker! Aye, it be a fine day fer a political shanty!
November 6, 2024, 5:18 am
Avast, me hearties! The grand ship of democracy be ready to face the tempest once more, steering hard to the starboard! Kamala and her crew be left flounderin', as the tides of defeat sweep 'em away! Aye, it be a jolly good ruckus on the high seas of politics!
November 6, 2024, 5:05 am
Arrr, matey! This here decree be grantin’ a clear right to part ways with the bun in the oven, right in the grand ol’ Constitution o’ the State! Aye, even the fiercest sea dog can see that! So hoist the flag of choice, ye scallywags!
November 6, 2024, 4:56 am
Arrr, the swashbucklin’ candidates be battlin’ fiercely for the fair land o’ Wisconsin! In the year of our Lord, 2020, that scallywag Joe Biden claimed the treasure by a hair's breadth! Aye, it be a close shave, like a pirate’s beard on a stormy night!
November 5, 2024, 5:55 pm
Arrr, matey! At the Banana Factory, a fine art den in Bethlehem, the scallywags be waitin' in lines as long as a sea serpent, just to cast their votes! Aye, 'tis a sight to behold, like a treasure map drawn by a drunken parrot!
November 5, 2024, 5:53 pm
Arrr, matey! Some scallywag contests be takin' longer than a turtle's waltz, thanks to them landlubber laws givin' a hearty nod to mail-in parchments. Aye, we be waitin' weeks fer the cannon fire to settle who sails away with the treasure!
November 5, 2024, 5:40 pm
Arrr, the wealthiest scallywag be shillin’ for the old Captain Trump, spoutin’ tales of treasure maps where votes be pilfered! Aye, he’s hoistin’ the flag of conspiracy, claimin’ the seas be rigged! Avast, matey, let’s raise a mug to fanciful fables on the high seas of politics!
November 5, 2024, 5:32 pm
Avast ye! On Election Day, the fair lass Jill Biden donned a suit of crimson, like a scallywag of the GOP! The social seas roared with laughter, as mates pondered if she be a pirate of both parties or just a jester in fine threads! Arrr!
November 5, 2024, 5:25 pm
Arrr, as the landlubbers be holdin’ their breaths fer the election booty, the crew of voters be chattin’ ‘bout the matters that be afoot and which scallywag promises to hoist the sails of change they be seekin’. Aye, what a merry squall it be!
November 5, 2024, 5:15 pm
Arrr, matey! Aye, on Tuesday, them battlegrounds be stretchin' the hours o’ the polling, claimin’ long lines and pesky tech troubles be keepin' the scallywags waitin’. ‘Twas a right ruckus fer the landlubbers tryin’ to cast their votes! Aye, what a jolly mess!
November 5, 2024, 5:13 pm
Arrr, mateys! We be keepin' a sharp eye on the polls, like hawks on a treasure chest! As soon as we be learnin' the juicy tidbits, we’ll be spillin' the beans faster than a ship in a storm. Stay tuned, ye scallywags!
November 5, 2024, 5:01 pm
Arrr mateys! In a twist o' fate, Ukraine's set sail into battle with them South Korean scallywags, helpin’ Russia in their tussle! Cap’n Zelenskyy be spillin' the beans in his nightly yarn. Avast, what a rumble on the high seas of conflict!
November 5, 2024, 11:55 am
Arrr, matey! Trump be spoutin' words as sharp as a cutlass, makin' jests ‘bout the fine lady Kamala Harris! His crew be laughin' and tossin' insults like cannonballs, creatin' a ruckus fit for a raucous tavern! Aye, it be a swashbucklin' spectacle of folly!
November 5, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr, mateys! After castin’ his vote in sunny Florida, ol’ Trump be shoutin’, “By the depths of Davy Jones, this here be the finest campaign we ever sailed!” Aye, the winds of election be blowin’ favorably for that landlubber! Har har!
November 5, 2024, 11:50 am
Arrr, on the "Bottom Line" of Fox Business, the fair Maye Musk be spillin’ the beans 'bout RFK Jr. and that scallywag Trump’s grand scheme, “Make America Healthy Again.” They be hatchin’ a plan for grub that won’t leave ye feelin’ like a barnacle on a ship's hull!
November 5, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr, matey! The voting booths be stayin' wide open till the sun dips low in the sky, as landlubbers across the seas be scribblin' their marks on the treasure maps of democracy! So hoist yer quills and let the ballot battle begin, savvy?
November 5, 2024, 11:43 am
Ahoy mateys! As the landlubbers be awaitin’ the tallies from yon Election Day, a handful o’ counties might spill the beans on which scallywags be raisin’ their sails fer Kamala or Captain Trump! Aye, let the rum flow whilst we ponder this grand spectacle!
November 5, 2024, 11:32 am
Arrr, matey! On this fine Election Day, we be settin' sail for 11 governor's contests! But lo! Eight of 'em be as empty as Davy Jones' locker, with nary a captain in sight! Avast, the seas be ripe for new scallywags to claim the treasure! 🏴☠️
November 5, 2024, 11:02 am
Ahoy, mateys! Vote.gov be yer trusty treasure map fer findin' the way to register yer name on the ship's roster and discoverin' what ID ye'll need to join the crew! Set sail fer democracy, ye scallywags! Arrr!
November 5, 2024, 5:35 am
Arrr, mateys! On this fateful day, November the 5th, in the year of our Lord 2024, the crafty Donald Trump and the savvy Kamala Harris be settin’ sail for the ballot boxes! 'Tis a ruckus to claim the title of Captain of the United States seas! Aye!
November 5, 2024, 5:30 am
Arrr matey! As the 2024 treasure hunt nears, the gold-laden Musk be warnin' Joe Rogan, the jester of the waves, that the wind o' free speech be hangin' by a thread on the X ship! Batten down the hatches, or we'll be swimmin' with the fishes!
November 5, 2024, 5:28 am
Avast ye! Behold the tales ye crave, straight from the mightiest news vessel on the seven seas! Each morn, the freshest gossip will be sailin' into yer inbox, ready t' make ye laugh and squawk like a parrot! Aye, 'tis a treasure ye shan't want to miss!
November 5, 2024, 5:27 am
Arrr, matey! Vice President Kamala Harris be sailin’ the seas of silence, not havin’ a proper parley with the press since she claimed the title o’ Democratic nominee! Blimey, what be she hidin’ in the hold, a treasure map or just a bottle o’ rum? Har har!
November 5, 2024, 5:15 am
Avast, matey! The tide o' early voting be naught but a murky lagoon, givin' us no fair glimpse o' who'll hoist the Jolly Roger come election day! Aye, it be as clear as a foggy night at sea!
November 5, 2024, 4:19 am
Arrr, savvy sea dogs say the court be unlikely to stir the winds o' fate, yet there's a wee chance it might! Let me spin ye the tale o' why this be so, with a hearty laugh and a mug o' grog!
November 5, 2024, 4:12 am
Arrr, on the campaign's rocky sea in Atlanta, Captain Vance proclaimed, “We be lovin’ all good souls o’ this land!” But lo, moments later, he tossed Vice President Kamala Harris into the briny deep, callin’ her “trash.” A true jolly rogue, that one!
November 5, 2024, 1:43 am
Arrr, the tempers be as wild as a stormy sea, as them presidential scallywags be scuttlin’ 'round the battlegrounds! With ambitions weighin' heavy like a treasure chest, all eyes be on Pennsylvania—where the gold be, so to speak! Aye, it be a merry chase, indeed!
November 4, 2024, 5:38 pm
Arrr, mateys! On the grand day of electin’ in 2024, each swingin’ state’ll grant ye different hours to hoist yer vote at the ballot box! So, set yer clocks, or ye might find yerself walkin’ the plank instead of castin’ yer vote! Haaarrr!
November 4, 2024, 5:27 pm
Arrr, matey! Behold, them outliers be like a parrot squawkin' truths the others be missin'! But beware, for at times, they be naught but a rogue wave, a fluke that’ll leave ye scratchin’ yer head, wonderin' what the blimey just happened! Har har!
November 4, 2024, 5:26 pm
Arrr matey! Elon Musk be tossin' treasure like a true scallywag, givin’ away a million doubloons each day to landlubbers who signed a parchment supportin' the good ol' Constitution! Aye, 'tis a jolly way to swab the decks of democracy, savvy?
November 4, 2024, 5:17 pm
Arrr, in the land o’ Tennessee, a scallywag with a mind as twisted as a ship’s anchor be caught tryin' to send a drone o’ doom, packed with boom-boom, to smite the Nashville power! Aye, the fool be thinkin’ he’s some sort o’ villain from a salty tale!
November 4, 2024, 5:08 pm
Arrr, matey! On this fine election day, the fine folks of New York be settin’ sail to cast their votes on an abortion amendment, which some salty experts be callin’ a “Trojan horse” fer lettin’ scallywags vote! Avast, what a ruckus on the high seas of democracy!
November 4, 2024, 11:55 am
Arrr, the past captain be prattlin' 'bout the crowds at his jolly gatherings, but lo! The seats be emptier than a ship’s hold after a storm, and the scallywags be scuttlin’ out faster than a rat on a sinking vessel! Har har!
November 4, 2024, 11:46 am
Arrr, that scallywag Nancy Pelosi be spoutin’ that the famed captain Trump’s noggin be turnin’ to mush! She be sayin’ he’d not last four tides as captain of the ship o' state! Blimey, I reckon he might lose his way to the treasure!
November 4, 2024, 11:33 am
Arrr, matey! If Vice President Kamala Harris be takin' the crown this Tuesday, her ol’ sea dog pastor might just be the clever scallywag to steer the ship o' reparations through the stormy seas o' federal waters! Avast, let the treasure hunt begin!
November 4, 2024, 11:33 am
Arrr, matey! Vice President Kamala and the ol’ scallywag Trump be tossin’ around words like cannonballs, claimin’ the presidential clash be a fight for all our souls! Aye, the crew of voters be takin’ heed, lest they find themselves walkin’ the plank of folly!
November 4, 2024, 11:26 am
Arrr, matey! Vice President Kamala Harris be catchin' the wind in her sails, closin' the gap 'twixt her and that scallywag Trump in the treasure map of odds! Aye, it be a merry chase on the high seas of politics! Avast, let the bettin' commence!
November 4, 2024, 11:20 am
Arrr, me hearties! Filmmaker Michael Moore be reckonin' that ol' Captain Trump be toast come Tuesday's great election! The landlubbers, tired of all that squabblin' and bickerin', be ready to hoist the flag of unity! Aye, the seas of politics be mighty turbulent, but fair winds be blowin' for change!
November 4, 2024, 11:18 am
Arrr, matey! Susan Escallier be givin' a hearty “aye” to a plea deal, makin' waves in the storied seas of Guantánamo Bay's war court! Aye, it be showin’ the scallywags runnin' the military commissions be more tangled than a sailor’s beard after a storm! Har har!
November 4, 2024, 10:38 am
Arrr, 'twas but a blink o' the eye since Senators Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock set sail on their political voyage, now they be the shining stars o' the Southern seas, swashbucklin' their way through campaigns like true buccaneers, hootin' and hollerin' for votes! Avast, me hearties!
November 4, 2024, 5:45 am
Arrr, in the midst o' two ruckus-filled seas in Ukraine and the Mideast, the Biden-Harris crew be accused o' playin' favorites with Israel, micromanagin' the battle like a scallywag while lettin' Ukraine sail its own course. Aye, the winds o' double standards be blowin' fierce!
November 4, 2024, 5:04 am
Arrr, matey! A lass from Florida, caught in a jolly jape with a killer clown from the year of our Lord 1990, be free as a gull after merely 18 moons in the brig, thanks to her bargain. Aye, even pirates know when to clown around!
November 4, 2024, 4:04 am
Arrr matey! As the sun sets on Election Day, the grand ship o’ politics be stuck in a deadlock! Both Captain Trump and Lady Harris be claimin’ they’ve got the wind in their sails! Avast, may the best scallywag win!
November 4, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Nearly 20 coastal towns be settin’ sail to decide on matters o’ gerrymanders, election shenanigans, and other ballot balderdash! Aye, let the seas of democracy be stormy, as we chart our course through the fog of voting folly! Avast, ho!
November 4, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, five moons past, those scallywags raided like hungry gulls, tossin' the lives o' our immigrant mates in poultry towns into a stormy sea! Yet, lo and behold, the fowl fortune still sails on the backs of their toil! Aye, a fine jest, that be!
November 4, 2024, 4:03 am
Arrr, matey! Kamala and her crew be throwin’ doubloons at the treasure map of the economy. Meanwhile, Cap’n Trump be sailin’ the seas of fear, shoutin’ like a scallywag seein’ a ghost! Aye, it be a jolly good jest on the high seas of politics!
November 3, 2024, 5:53 pm
Arrr, matey! Puka Nacua, the swashbucklin’ wide receiver fer the Los Angeles Rams, found himself tossed from the field on Sunday, after he took a swing at that scallywag Coby Bryant o' the Seahawks. Looks like tempers be flarin’ like cannon fire on the high seas!
November 3, 2024, 5:23 pm
Arrr, matey! Former gridiron swashbuckler Asante Samuel be tellin’ Le’Veon Bell to set sail from these shores posthaste! That scallywag Bell be vowin’ to hoist anchor if Harris takes the captain’s chair! Avast, ’tis a jolly good reason to flee, I say!
November 3, 2024, 5:16 pm
Arrr, matey! President Biden’s tale be one o’ shovin’ back the scallywags at the border. But lo! His jolly tactics have raised the eyebrows o’ many a sailor, and now the ruckus be brewin’ deeper in the lands! Aye, it be a tangled web he weaves!
November 3, 2024, 5:07 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Ms. Whitmer be claimin' her captaincy o’ Michigan by a hearty 11 points two moons past. But ho! The winds be shiftin’—the race fer the grand presidential treasure be tighter than a sailor’s trousers after a feast!
November 3, 2024, 5:03 pm
Arrr, me hearties! Rep. David Schweikert, a landlubber in peril, be battlin’ fer his political skin in the wilds of suburban Arizona! The race be tighter than a barrel o’ rum, with him tryin' to woo the fickle voters before the final cannon blast!
November 3, 2024, 4:59 pm
Arrr, matey! Obama be scribblin' a scroll of demands fer all sorts o' landlubbers, hintin' at which crew the Democrats be charm'in in the last tickin's before the grand Election Day showdown! Aye, ‘tis a right merry chase fer votes, like findin’ treasure on a foggy morn!
November 3, 2024, 4:57 pm
Arrr, a scallywag from the Big Apple found himself in the brig after clobberin' a stranger sportin' a Trump cap in the local market! He left the poor matey toothless and bleedin’ like a fish. Aye, ’tis a fine mess to be in over a hat, I say!
November 3, 2024, 11:58 am
Avast, me hearties! As the great Shohei Ohtani swung his bat in the World Series, Japanese American lads be settin' sail back to Manzanar—wherein the baseballs be flyin' high for the first time since the great War! Aye, 'tis a jolly good time for a raucous game!
November 3, 2024, 11:41 am
Ahoy! That scallywag Donald J. Trump, tryin' to claim victory o'er the 2020 seas, did jest that he cared naught if reporters met their fate by cannon fire! A right jolly chap, he be, with a heart as wild as a stormy sea! Arrr!
November 3, 2024, 11:41 am
Arrr, Mr. O’Keefe be seekin' hearty souls to don secret spy glasses and hunt fer mischief at the polls! Aye, dozens o' brave judges and watchin’ scallywags be answerin’ the call, say the scrolls! A fine crew fer a jolly treasure hunt, indeed!
November 3, 2024, 11:37 am
Arrr, a lass o' the university in Iran cast off her threads to her skivvies, raisin' a ruckus 'gainst them pesky hijab laws! Word has it, those scallywag militia took a fancy to her, givin' her a bit o' roughhousing for not wearin' it proper-like. Avast, what a hullabaloo!
November 3, 2024, 10:52 am
Arrr, me hearties! It seems that Captain Trump be settin’ his sails right in Pennsylvania seas, while them fickle-hearted landlubbers be tossin’ their votes to Lady Kamala Harris! A jolly ol’ squall o’ decisions, I say! Keep yer eye on the horizon, for the tide be ever turnin’!