Arrr, them Colorado ranchers be seekin' Trump's might to fend off them city folk meddlin' in their cowpoke shenanigans!
2025-02-15
Arrr, matey! As some landlubber ranchers be beggin' President Trump to shoo away them pesky wolves, a band of scallywags be hopin' to toss the whole ruckus back to the crew – the voters! Now that'd be a fine spectacle on the high seas of democracy!
Arrr matey! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn about the Wolf Wars of Colorado! In yon Grand County, Merrit Linke, a cattleman of many a year, be throwin' hay fer his Corriente critters whilst the sun shines bright on grass aplenty. “Aye, these be our wireless, autonomous solar energy harvestin’ units!” he claims, but t’ain't no treasure map, just a way of keepin’ his cattle fed in a land not fit fer crops.But lo! Trouble brews as the scallywags of the urban seas voted to reintroduce the gray wolves, causin’ a ruckus fer the ranchers who tend their livestock. “These wolves be comin’ fer our sheep and calves!” wails Caitlyn Taussig, a cow-calf operator, expressin’ her disdain for city folk usin’ ballots to dictate their fate. “They don’t know the first thing about ranchin’!” she exclaims, like a seasoned sailor addressin’ landlubbers.
With wolves now runnin’ amok, the ranchers be feelin’ the pinch, and trust in wildlife officials be sinkin’ like a ship with a leak. “Aye, we used to welcome ‘em, but now we’re lockin’ our gates!” says Tim Ritschard, shiverin’ at the thought of those cunning canines.
Alas! The wolf advocates say the ranchers be stirrin’ the pot, while the ranchers be callin’ fer help from the likes of President Trump! Will the wolves rule the land or will the ranchers reclaim their treasure? Only time will tell in this high seas adventure of woe and wild beasts!