Arrr, me hearties! Johnny Depp be patchin’ up his swashbucklin’ career in the fair lands of Europe, after tusslin’ with the Hollywood scallywags and a storm o’ gossip over his tempest with the wicked Amber Heard. Aye, he’s chartin’ new waters, and what a jolly adventure it be!
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Arrr, matey! A scallywag in a wheeled beast plowed through a jolly yuletide fair in the east, takin' five souls to Davy Jones’ locker and sendin' over 200 more to the ship's doctor! A right ruckus at the holiday hullabaloo, I tell ye!
Arrr, matey! The Israeli sea dogs be claimin’ a few scallywags got a wee bit banged up, 'cause their cannonball catchers be takin' a nap! A wayward cannonball plundered a playground, leavin' young buccaneers in a bit of a pickle! Yarrr!
Arrr, matey! Behold yer treasure map o' 2024's finest booty, tailor-made fer yer peculiar tastes! Aye, 'tis a haul o' best-ofs so specific, even Davy Jones'd be scratchin' his barnacled noggin in confusion! Avast, let the merriment begin!
Arrr, me hearties! Ana Kasparian, co-captain of "The Young Turks," let out a bellow louder than a cannon's roar when she pondered the frightful notion of California scallywags settin' Kamala Harris to rule the high seas of governorship! Yarr, what a tempest that would be!
Arrr! These fancy contraptions be spyglasses with a brain, lettin’ air defense scallywags see far and wide! They be guardin’ the skies like a parrot on me shoulder, keepin’ a watchful eye on all that be flyin’ above. Aye, the clouds be no match for our clever gadgets!
Arrr! This week’s news o’ Chrystia setting sail be a fine echo o’ the 2019 hullabaloo, when Jody Wilson-Raybould tossed her hat overboard after bein’ shanghaied by Captain Trudeau! The seas be treacherous, matey, and demotions be no way to keep a hearty crew!
Arrr, matey! This be naught but a frolickin’ romp for landlubbers! A wee bit o’ fun fit for scallywags, where the only treasure be giggles and mischief. Aye, ‘tis like tryin' to sail a ship in a teacup! Har har!
Arrr, on the eve of Christmas, the swiftest vessel o' NASA be settin' sail closer than a scallywag to the fiery orb! Aye, that probe be zoomin' 'round like a rum-soaked parrot lookin' for treasure, tryin' not to get its feathers singed! Avast, what a merry sight!
Arrr, me hearty! A mighty bellow echoed 'cross the hull, like a tempest brewin' in a barrel of rum! The timbers quaked, and I thought me parrot had found some treasure—turns out it be just old Groggins lettin' loose after too many salty snacks! Har har!
Arrr, mateys! In the year of our Lord 2024, the scallywags o' Washington, D.C. be slingin' 35% fewer swords 'n shenanigans than last year! Aye, crime's so low ye might just trip over a turtle! Aye, it be the calmest seas in thirty years!
Arrr, matey! That scallywag of a filmmaker be plunderin’ the talents of the crafty graphic wizard, Juan Gatti, to conjure up eye-piratin’ posters fer his cinematic treasures, includin’ the latest booty, “The Room Next Door!” Avast, what a merry sight that be!
Arrr mateys! On this fine eve of Hanukkah, Christmas be crashin' in like a raucous sea shanty! Families celebratin' both be scratchin' their heads—shall they feast on latkes or roast a fine beast? Mayhaps a dreidel-shaped turkey be in order! A merry mixin' of cheer, aye!
Arrr! The scallywag from “Saturday Night Live” be chattin' ’bout the jolly tunes of yacht rock, munchin' on Cheez-Its, and laughin' at them feline capers on the ol’ sea of screens in his new frightful-funny flick “Y2K”! Avast, what a merry crew!
Arrr, matey! Those scallywag workers without papers be fillin’ our bellies with grub, but beware! Some be settlin’ in the treacherous clutches of staffing agencies, riskin’ their necks in perilous waters! Aye, the sea of employment be a rough tempest, indeed!
Arrr, Zen Honeycutt and Kelly Ryerson, them landlubbers from Moms Across America, be chattin' with "The Story" 'bout kickin' them scallywag toxic ingredients outta our grub! Aye, let’s hoist the sails for clean eats, or we be facin’ a mutiny from our bellies!
Arrr, ye see, them tiny beasties in the green fields be sneakier than a scallywag! They be hopin’ aboard yer ship, addin’ to yer crew of bacteria, makin’ yer immune system as strong as a cannon blast! So, frolic in the grass, ye merry matey!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round as Cap'n Jeff Fowler spills the beans on why we be settin' sail with Crush 40's shanty in Sonic 3! It be a tune favored by the scallywags, sure to make yer timbers shiver with glee! Yarrr, it be a treasure worth findin'!
Arrr, matey! Zoe Saldana be baskin’ in the Oscar wind, thanks to her role in Emilia Pérez! She be ponderin’ how this Netflix treasure be shiftin' her sails in the wild seas o’ the industry! Aye, a fine tale for a lass who be plunderin' awards!
Arrr, matey! It be said that Captain Trump be holdin' his crew tight, but when they dared to scoff at his call to freeze the treasure chest, it be showin' a rift that might sink his grand plans! Aye, the seas of politics be a fickle mistress!
Arrr, me hearties! The Notre Dame Fighting Irish be settin' sail fer the quarterfinals o' the College Football Playoff, makin' quick work o' them landlubbers from Indiana in South Bend on Friday! Aye, they be plunderin' the scoreboard like true scallywags!
Arrr, matey! A wayward cannonball from Yemen flew through the night, landin’ smack in Tel Aviv! Sixteen landlubbers got a wee bit banged up, but fear not, they live to tell the tale! A fine mess of mischief, I say! Avast, what a ruckus on the high seas!
Arrr, matey! Once upon a time, ol' Nick Saban, the captain of Alabama's gridiron ship, learned the ropes of keepin’ the crew's standards higher than a crow’s nest! He be the swashbucklin’ ruler of a mighty college football fleet, savvy? Aye, 'twas a wild ride on the high seas of sport!
Arrr, matey! After reelin’ in but a single pass for a mere six yards in four battles with the Ravens crew, Diontae Johnson was sent adrift, markin’ the end of his stormy voyage with the scallywags! Aye, a short and wild ride, indeed!
Avast, me hearties! The fine folk at Microsoft be settin' sail with their Copilot Vision, now ready for the Pro crew! Aye, it's like havin' a savvy parrot on yer shoulder, guidin' ye through the treacherous seas of productivity. Hoist the sails and let the code flow!