Arrr, matey! Trump be sayin’ scallywags sneakin’ aboard be at an all-time low this past moon! Blimey!
2025-03-01
Arrr, matey! The Trump crew be cheerin' this Saturday, claimin' that the scallywags of Customs an' Border Patrol caught naught but a wee handful o’ illegal landlubbers in the captain's first moon of rule. A record low, they say! A fine tale for the tavern, indeed!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round, fer I be tellin' ye a tale of the high seas of politics! Recently, Cap'n Donald Trump, in his quest to keep the shores of America shipshape, declared that "The Invasion of our Country is OVER!" after a mere month in command. With only 8,326 scallywags caught by the U.S. Customs and Border Patrol, it be the lowest number ye ever did see, aye!In a post on that treacherous platform called Truth Social, Trump boasted that these intruders were swiftly tossed overboard—or if they be truly dastardly, prosecuted for their crimes! In stark contrast to the Biden crew, who saw a whopping 301,981 miscreants in December, Trump’s numbers be as rare as a mermaid sightin’!
With a mighty 96% drop in apprehensions, Trump declared the borders safer than a pirate’s treasure chest! Signing orders to send the military to the fray, he even froze the Biden-era programs like a sailor’s rum on a frosty night. “Anyone who dares to board this ship illegally,” he warned, “will find themselves walkin' the plank!”
So hoist the Jolly Roger, for in Trump’s world, the seas be clear and the bounty be plenty—unless ye be a scallywag lookin’ for trouble! Arrr!