The Booty Report

Arrr! The judge be sayin’ no to lasses’ tests, lettin' all mateys join the games, no matter the sails they hoist!

2025-03-19

Arrr, Judge Les Hatch be sayin’ nay to them fancy rules ‘bout gender tests in the NCAA! No more keepin’ trans swashbucklers from joinin’ the lassies in their sportin’ adventures! Aye, let the tides of fairness flow, or ye'll be walkin’ the plank!

Ahoy there, mateys! Gather 'round and lend me yer ears, for I bring ye tidings from the shores of Texas! A judge named Les Hatch, lookin' as stern as a sea captain, ruled against a band of buccaneers led by Attorney General Ken Paxton, who sought to shiver the timbers of the NCAA and force 'em to test the gender of all athletes to keep trans sailors from plunderin' the women's sports treasure! Aye, it be true!

This whole ruckus be comin' from a recent change in the NCAA's policy, spurred by the orders of none other than President Trump, who declared that any biological lad can’t compete on the lassies’ team. But alas, Paxton and a trio of former female athletes—who be feelin' the sting of competition with trans athletes—testified that the rules be still too loose, and they be wantin' stricter measures!

But Judge Hatch, he be unmoved, like a ship anchored in a calm sea. He claimed that the NCAA's rules be fit fer the times! The NCAA, in turn, raised their flag high, sayin’ they be ready for another season of fierce competition amongst the brave women athletes. Meanwhile, the mothers of these athletes be grumblin' about the ruling, swearin' to keep fightin’ like true pirates for what they believe in! So, keep yer eyes peeled, me hearties, for this saga be far from over!

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