The Booty Report

Arrr! Michael Waltz, Trump’s trusty sea dog, be catchin’ cannonballs from both port and starboard, savvy?

2025-03-16

Arrr, Mr. Waltz be polishin’ his fine credentials for the captain’s crew, much to the chagrin of his old shipmates! Yet, alas, he be failin’ to swindle the new scallywags into trustin’ him. A right jolly mess, I say!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout a scallywag named Mr. Waltz! This landlubber be workin' like a ship's carpenter, all fer the sake of polishin' his shiny credentials ‘mongst the president's crew. Aye, he be haulin' up his sails, tryin' to catch the favor o' the high-ranking folk, but alas, his old mates be shiverin’ in their boots, feelin’ betrayed like a parrot robbed of its cracker!

Ye see, our Mr. Waltz be diggin’ deep into the treasure chest of political favors, but the gold be slippery, and he ain't managed to charm the new crew quite yet. Instead, he be makin’ ‘em scratch their heads, wonderin’ if he be a true buccaneer or a mere landlubber in a fancy coat. It be a sight to behold—this swashbucklin’ fellow tryin’ to juggle loyalties like a drunken sailor with a bottle of rum!

So here lies the tale of Mr. Waltz, caught ‘twixt the devil and the deep blue sea, tryin’ to win some hearts while breakin’ others. A conundrum fit for a captain’s log, if ye ask me! Arrr, what a merry mess he’s made of his ship! Let’s raise a tankard to his misadventures, for they be entertainin', if not a tad tragic!

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