The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, a landlubber gymnast from Wisconsin met Davy Jones just before school! The scallywag who did it be caught, aye!

2024-09-03

Arrr, matey! A young lass of the gymnastic arts met her end in her quarters over the festive days. The scallywag behind the foul deed, a lad of 23, be known to her and now finds himself in chains! A right jolly holiday, eh?

Ahoy, me hearties! Flags be droopin’ low at the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater, payin’ homage to a fine lass named Kara Welsh, a senior gymnast who met her untimely end by the wicked hand of fate—or a scallywag, if ye will. At but 21 years young, this national champion and two-time All-American was snuffed out in her quarters, and the police be on the hunt for the villain, one Chad T. Richards, who now sits in the brig. Coach Jen Regan be singin’ her praises, claimin’ Kara was a beacon of light for all Warhawk brethren, liftin’ spirits higher than a crow’s nest! The void she left be unfathomable, yet her legacy shall echo in the annals of Warhawk gymnastics, like the roar of cannon fire on the high seas. Reports say these two knew each other well, and an altercation had sparked like a powder keg on a ship! The authorities be layin’ charges of first-degree intentional homicide, with Richards set to face the music in court soon. Meanwhile, a GoFundMe campaign for the heartbroken Welsh family be fillin’ up faster than a ship’s hull with treasure, raisin’ over $34,000. Aye, what a tale of triumph and tragedy for the ages!

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