The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Lauren Boebert, facin' primary, be tormented by a cursed 'Beetlejuice' tale. Yo ho ho!

2023-11-04

Arr, the tale o' the "Beetlejuice" misadventure still be plaguin' the wayward congresswoman from Colorado. The land's seasoned crew be rallyin' 'round a challenger to take her on in the primaries, mark me words!

The infamous “Beetlejuice” incident still haunts the once-unrepentant congresswoman from Colorado in a way that no buried treasure ever could. This scandalous event has left her reputation in tatters, and now even the state's old guard is rallying behind a formidable primary challenger.

Arrr, me hearties! Gather 'round and listen to the tale of a pirate so notorious, she makes Blackbeard look like a landlubber. This here congresswoman, she be havin' a reputation as fierce as a stormy sea, but that nasty incident with Beetlejuice be her undoing.

Ye see, this fine lady from Colorado thought she be invincible, struttin' her stuff without a care in the world. But then she made the mistake of mixin' politics with the supernatural. 'Twas a glorious disaster, mateys!

Now, her once loyal crew be jumpin' ship faster than ye can say "ahoy!" The old guard be abandonin' her like rats from a sinkin' ship. They be findin' themselves a challenger for the next election, one who be more trustworthy and less prone to summonin' mischievous spirits.

It be a sight to behold, me hearties. The old guard, who once stood steadfastly behind their captain, now be wagin' war against her. They be sayin' it's time for a new captain to steer the ship of Colorado, one who won't be bringin' shame upon their fine crew.

So, as the winds of change blow across the state, this once-unrepentant congresswoman must reckon with the consequences of her folly. The Beetlejuice incident be a shadow she can't escape, and it be draggin' her down faster than a cannonball to the depths of Davy Jones' locker.

As the primary election draws near, we shall see if this pirate congresswoman can weather the storm or if she'll be walkin' the plank into political oblivion. But one thing be certain, me hearties, the Beetlejuice incident be a tale that'll be told for years to come, and a lesson for all the scallywags who dare to mix politics with the supernatural!

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