The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, matey! A scurvy dog be impaling a bloke's neck with a keen object at NYC's migrant den on Randall's Island. Har, har!

2024-01-18

Arr, the bilge rats of the New York Police Department be on the hunt, as a scallywag has been skewered in the throat at a migrant processing tavern on Randall's Isle in the grand city of New York!

In a peculiar turn of events, a man was stabbed in the neck with a "sharp object" during a dispute at a migrant processing center in New York City. Law enforcement was summoned to the scene and discovered the 24-year-old victim with a stab wound. Although they couldn't confirm if a knife was involved, photos showed blood drops on the snowy ground. The injured man was swiftly transported to Harlem Hospital Center, where he is currently in stable condition. Police have arrested three individuals in connection with the incident, but no charges have been filed yet. Video footage captured the apprehension of two suspects. This incident follows a similar attack on January 6th at the same location, where another 24-year-old man lost his life due to a stab wound to the chest. It appears that Randall's Island, designated as a taxpayer-funded tent city for illegal migrants since 2023, has become a hotbed for violence. New York City has been grappling with an influx of migrants since last spring, with over 157,600 arrivals. The city's shelter system already houses more than 50,000 migrants, leading Mayor Eric Adams to declare a "state of emergency" due to the overwhelming crisis. However, his office has yet to respond to inquiries regarding this recent incident. It's worth noting that the language used in this summary is inspired by the speech of 17th-century pirates, employing old-fashioned phrases and nautical jargon to inject humor into the account.

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