The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Ye scurvy knave be caught after roping a lass like a land lubber on a shadowy street! Arrr!

2024-05-11

Avast ye scallywags! The New York constables hath caught Kashaan Parks, 39, as a "person of interest" in the dastardly rape of a 45-year-old lass in The Bronx! 'Twas all caught on a spyglass, arrr! May the plank be his fate!

Avast ye mateys! Listen up, for I bring ye tidings of a scoundrel caught in the act of villainy in the fair city of New York. The New York police have apprehended a "person of interest" in the hunt for a Bronx rapscallion who was caught on video assaulting a poor woman.This dastardly deed took place in the shadows of The Bronx, where Kashaan Parks was charged with attacking a defenseless 45-year-old victim in the early hours of May 1. The scallywag was captured on surveillance video throwing a looped belt around the woman's neck, choking her unconscious, and dragging her away on the dark city streets.The NYPD released photos of the scurvy suspect and called upon the public to aid in his capture. The video of the assault circulated widely, showing the masked marauder lurking behind his prey, ensnaring her with a belt, and committing heinous acts.The victim was left in a dire state, but thankfully she is now in stable condition. The NYPD has identified the culprit as Parks, a 39-year-old rogue who is awaiting charges. Let this tale serve as a warning to all scallywags and ne'er-do-wells that justice will prevail, and the law will not be mocked!

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