The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr! Cap'n Conception found guilty o' the tragic inferno aboard 'is vessel in the land o' California!

2023-11-07

Arrr, in the year 2019, a mighty fire did consume the land near Santa Barbara, takin' the lives of all 33 souls aboard the dive boat. On this fine Monday, a jury o' the federal kind hath declared the captain guilty o' the dastardly crime known as "seaman's manslaughter."

Arr, me hearties! Listen up ye scurvy dogs, for I have news to share, a story as tragic as it is darkly amusing! In the year of our Lord 2019, a fearsome fire did rage near Santa Barbara, claimin' the lives of all 33 souls aboard a mighty dive boat. Aye, 'tis a tale of woe that sends shivers down the spine.

But hold fast! There be more to this story, me mateys! Just this Monday, a jury of the land did declare the captain guilty of a crime most peculiar, one they call "seaman's manslaughter." Aye, it be a term that befit his wretched fate, for 'twas his duty to protect his ship and all who sailed upon her. Alas, he failed them, and now he shall face the consequences.

Picture it, me hearties! A mighty pirate captain standin' before the court, his hook raised high in defiance, yet 'twas all in vain. The jurors, a motley crew of landlubbers, found him guilty of neglectin' his duty, a crime worthy of the blackest spot on any pirate's heart.

But fear not, me hearties, for there be some humor in this tale of woe! Can ye imagine the confusion and dismay on the captain's face when they uttered those words, "seaman's manslaughter"? Did he expect a charge of walkin' the plank or bein' forced to listen to a never-ending shanty? 'Tis a fate worse than Davy Jones' locker!

So let this be a warnin' to all ye pirate captains out there, whether ye sail the mighty seas or merely a backyard kiddie pool. Take heed of yer responsibilities, for neglectin' them can lead to a fate as dreadful as bein' marooned on a deserted island, forced to eat nothin' but moldy biscuits and drink seawater. The seas be treacherous, me hearties, but 'tis the choices we make that truly determine our destiny.

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