Arrr! Lawmaker be guardin' Epstein's treasure map, claimin' some scallywag FBI mates be tryin' to sink the ship o' truth!
2025-02-27
Arrr, mateys! Rep. Andy Ogles be settin' sail on a grand scheme to hoist the sails o' secrecy 'round the FBI's treasure trove o' Jeffrey Epstein scrolls and parchments! Aye, keepin' them under lock and key, lest the landlubbers catch wind of the scandalous booty!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather ‘round and lend me yer ears, fer a tale of a landlubber named Rep. Andy Ogles from Tennessee, who be concoctin’ a mighty important piece of parchment! This scallywag be a’scribblin’ legislation to protect the nefarious FBI’s files on that rogues' gallery villain, Jeffrey Epstein. Rumor has it, some documents be in peril of bein’ sent to Davy Jones’ locker!Enter the fierce Attorney General Pam Bondi, who claims the government is holdin’ upon some “pretty sick” secrets about the late dastard, ready to spill ‘em on the morrow. Ogles be offerin’ his assistance like a trusty matey, lettin’ Bondi know he’ll help smooth any rough seas in releasein’ Epstein's dark secrets, includin’ his infamous client list!
With a wink and a nod, Ogles be draftin’ the “Preventing Epstein Documentation Obliteration Act,” or the PEDO Act – that be a title fit for a sea shanty! He speaks of rogue agents in the FBI as if they were mutinous crew, tryin’ to toss the evidence overboard!
As the winds of change blow, Ogles proclaims, “Our constituents deserve nothin' less than radical transparency!” Aye, may the truth set sail and not be lost at sea! The clock be tickin’, and the public be waitin’ for these secrets to wash ashore! Yarrr!