Arrr! Devil’s captain nabbed after a ruckus at Kansas stronghold—‘tis a right scallywag’s mischief, I say!
2025-03-29
Arrr, a scallywag captain o' a "devilish congregation" in Kansas and his motley crew found themselves in chains after a ruckus erupted 'twixt devil-worshippers and holy rollers at the Kansas Statehouse! A right comical clash, I say, where hellfire met hymn-singing! Avast, what a sight!
Arrr mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of mischief and mayhem in the land of Kansas! On a fine Friday, a scallywag named Michael Stewart, the captain of a crew known as the Kansas City Satanic Grotto, found himself in a right pickle! The devilish crew planned to hold a Black Mass in the grand rotunda of the Statehouse, but alas, a brawl broke out when a counter-protester tried to snatch away his script, leading to a fistfight fit for the high seas!As the ruckus unfolded, our devilish captain bellowed, "Hail, Satan!" before being tackled by the Kansas Highway Patrol. They had him handcuffed quicker than ye can say "Davy Jones' locker!" With a bond of $1,000, he was set free, albeit not without a good bit of trouble.
His motley crew of 30 faced off against hundreds of hymn-singing Christians, who demanded they “accept Jesus,” while the Governor, feeling the pressure from the religious folk, banned protests in the House that very day. But fear not, for Captain Stewart declared he was merely flexing his First Amendment rights, and hinted at more antics to come, like “un-baptisms!” So fear not, ye landlubbers, the sea of chaos be just gettin’ started!