The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr, Texas governor be demandin' me hearties to hoist their sails back to the office, all present and engaged, aye!"

2025-03-07

Arrr, me hearties! Governor Abbott be shoutin’ from the crow’s nest that all hands must return to the ship—five days a week, in the flesh! Seems that ol’ Captain Trump be hoisting the same flag at the federal docks. Ahoy, let the swashbucklin’ begin!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round fer a jolly tale from the land of Texas, where the Governor, the fine Greg Abbott, be followin' in the grand footsteps of the mighty Trump! Aye, he be decreein' that all state scallywags must hoist their anchors and return to the office full-time, five days a week! Arrr, no more loungin' about in yer jammies!

This here command comes after Trump proclaimed to the high seas of Congress that a whole horde of federal workers be slackin' off, not showin' their faces at work. Abbott's crew received word that they must be back at their posts by March 31, lest they face the dreaded plank! The Deputy Press Secretary, Eduardo Leal, proclaimed that Texans demand their public servants be present and accounted for. Aye, efficiency of the taxpayers' gold be at stake!

But lo and behold! The Vice President of the Texas State Employees Union, Myko Gedutis, raised a ruckus, claimin' there be not enough space in the ships—er, offices—for all the crew! Some were happier workin’ from the comfort of their own quarters, savin’ doubloons on recruitment. Meanwhile, the Downtown Austin Alliance be rubbin’ their hands in glee, awaitin' the return of office workers to fill the taverns and shops. More foot traffic means more grog and grub for the local buccaneers!

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