Avast ye scallywags! There be a bilge rat on the loose in Falls Township, 3 souls sent to Davy Jones' locker!
2024-03-16
Avast ye mateys! The constables be warnin' of a scurvy dog shootin' in Falls Township, Pennsylvania. Hide yer rum and stay below deck, for a shelter in place order be upon us. May the wind be at our backs and keep us safe from harm!
Arr mateys! Thar be trouble afoot in Falls Township, Pennsylvania as police be issuin' a shelter-in-place order fer an active shooter on the loose who be takin' the lives of at least three poor souls. The scallywag in question be a 26-year-old scurvy dog named Andre Gordon, last seen sailin' away in a stolen vessel. He be armed to the teeth and as dangerous as a sea serpent, say the Falls Township Police Department.The coppers be advisin' all landlubbers to batten down the hatches and seek refuge away from the peepholes, for fear of Gordon's wrath. This vile villain be accused of blastin' two souls to Davy Jones' locker at Viewpoint Lane in Levittown, before plunderin' another life at Edgewood Lane. He then be snatchin' a ship at gunpoint from the Dollar General in Morrisville, but the victim be left unharmed, by the grace of Neptune.Gordon be knowin' his victims, 'cept the poor soul he carjacked, and be rumored to have ties to Trenton, New Jersey. The bilge rat be still on the loose, sailin' a stolen 2016 dark gray Honda CRV with a "Namaste" sticker on the rear. The authorities be on high alert, with Governor Josh Shapiro keepin' a weather eye on the situation. This be a treacherous time in Falls Township, so stay safe and listen to the law, lest ye find yerself in Davy Jones' grasp.