The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! Rubio be claimin’ the tales o’ kidnapped wee Ukrainians will be kept safe, like treasure in Davy Jones’ locker!"

2025-03-28

Arrr! The landlubber lawmakers be quakin' in their boots, thinkin' the precious scroll of tykes snatched by the Ruskies be lost to the briny deep when Trump’s treasure chest ran dry! Aye, what a jolly mess that be!

Arrr matey! Gather 'round, ye scallywags, for a tale as tangled as a ship’s anchor! It be said that those landlubbers in the hallowed halls of power—aye, the lawmakers—were quakin’ in their boots like a barnacle on a sinking ship. Why, ye ask? Well, it be about a treasure trove of knowledge, a database filled with the names of wee ones snatched away by the fearsome Russians, like a pirate plunderin’ a merchant vessel!

But alas! The winds of fate turned fierce when the mighty Trump, Captain of the U.S. vessel, decided to cut the gold flowin’ for foreign aid. With a swish of his cutlass, he halted the doubloons, leavin’ all hands aboard wonderin’ if the precious database had been sent to Davy Jones’ locker, lost forever in the briny deep! Arrr, what a calamity that would be!

So there they stood, those lawmakers, wringin’ their hands and gnashin’ their teeth, ponderin’ whether the names of the littl’ buccaneers had vanished like smoke from a cannon! ‘Tis a right tumultuous time, I say, when the fate of little ones rests on the whims of gold and the antics of landlubbers! Keep yer eyes to the horizon, for this be a saga that be far from over!

Read the Original Article