The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Democrat be squawkin' 'bout the FBI huntin' Tesla scallywags: "Aye, 'tis the DOJ bein' a political cutlass!"

2025-03-25

Avast, mateys! Democratic Rep. Daniel Goldman from the land o' New York be raisin' a ruckus 'bout the new FBI crew huntin' down them Tesla scallywags. He be callin' it a "political cannon" aimed at the good ship DOJ! Har har, what a jolly hullabaloo!

Arrr matey! Gather 'round and lend me yer ear, for a tale of tussles and treachery be afoot! Rep. Daniel Goldman, a scallywag from New York, be claimin' that the FBI's new task force to battle the ruffians targetin' Tesla cars be naught but a political ploy, a real swindle of the Justice Department! He be suggestin' that they're usin' law enforcement like a cutlass, swingin' it in favor of the electrifyin' Elon Musk, who be takin' the seas of politics by storm.

The FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms be joinin' forces, chasin' down the knaves who dare to vandalize Tesla with fire, bullet, and nasty deeds. "Domestic terrorism!" be the rallyin' cry of their captain, FBI Director Kash Patel, who swears to hunt down these scoundrels and bring 'em to justice as swift as a ship in full sail.

Yet, Goldman be yellin' foul play! He questions the silence of the Republican crew, wonderin’ why they don’t squawk about this “lawfare.” Meanwhile, Captain Musk be lamentin' the madness of it all, for his fine electric ships be only tryin' to sail the seas of clean energy. So, hoist the flag of justice, me hearties, as we navigate these treacherous waters of politics and piracy!

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