The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Avast, me hearties! A brave California lass of eight met her doom, thwarting scallywags o' drugs. Aye, what a tale!

2024-08-19

Arrr, a California wench with eight wee scallywags met her doom whilst givin’ a piece of her mind to a raucous crew she thought peddled those devilish vape pens to her young buccaneer! Aye, the seas be a treacherous place indeed!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of woe from the sunny shores of California! A brave mother of eight, the fair Maria Guadalupe Ramos Velasco, did meet her untimely end whilst confrontin' a scallywag crew she thought were sellin' devil's lettuce vape pens to her youngin'. Aye, the event transpired in Oakland, where our valiant lass took to the streets with her own kin, ready to send those miscreants packin’!

On a fateful day, Maria sprang from her chariot to face the ne'er-do-wells, armed with naught but her fierce spirit and a canister of pepper spray—a true warrior's weapon! But alas, a blunderin' 16-year-old rogue, driven by mischief, unleashed a shot that would silence her forever. As her mother dashed away in fright, she returned to find her daughter sprawled upon the ground, fightin' for breath like a fish outta water.

Though Maria battled her own demons in days past, she was a beacon of love to her seven daughters and one strappin’ lad. Her spirit will live on, and her kin shall gather to honor her memory, seekin’ treasure to relieve their burdens. So raise a tankard to Maria, a true heart who dared to confront the storm, and may the winds of change blow favorably to her family! Arrr!

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