"Arrr! Trump’s close shave with Davy Jones raises questions ‘bout the Secret Service's treasure! We be needin’ answers, matey!"
2024-08-01
Arrr, me hearties! The Senate scallywags be settin' sail on a delay, puttin' off the treasure hunt for the Homeland Security loot, to jabber more 'bout the Secret Service's shiny doubloons! Avast, more talkin’ than plunderin’, I say!
Arrr matey, gather 'round, fer there be a hullabaloo 'bout the coffers of the U.S. Secret Service in the fiscal year of our Lord 2025! A dastardly attempt on the life of the former captain o' the ship, President Trump, at a rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, on the 13th of July, has set the lawmakers' sails flappin' madly. One poor soul met Davy Jones, whilst two others were left wounded, and a bullet nearly sent the former president to the great beyond, savvy?Senators Murphy and Britt, be they Democrats or Republicans, have penned a missive to the Acting Captain of the Secret Service, seekin' answers ‘bout how the gold has been spent protectin' our leaders. They be ponderin’ if the funds were fair and square for Trump's rally compared to Biden's the day before, aye. Despite Congress coughin' up more than $3 billion last year, the Secret Service be claimin' a shortfall in funds to guard against the pirates of the political seas!
As the ship sails into the stormy seas of budget debates, these maties be demandin’ answers before they part with more doubloons. Will the Secret Service find enough grog to protect their captain and crew? Only time will tell, me hearties!