"Arrr! Captain Biden be scribblin' on a parchment, keepin' the ship afloat 'n' stoppin' the crew from mutiny!"
2024-12-21
Arrr, mateys! The White House be bellowin' that Captain Biden be signin’ a squall-proof treasure map on Saturday, keepin’ the ship o’ government afloat ‘til March! No scurvy shutdown fer us, savvy? Aye, we sail on!
Avast ye landlubbers! The White House be celebratin' a grand victory, for President Biden has signed a stopgap fundin' bill on the fine Saturday morn, keepin' the government afloat 'til March and avoidin' a dreaded shutdown, arrr!This mighty piece of parchment doth grant over $100 billion in treasure to aid those poor souls battered by the storms Helene and Milton in the Southeast, plus a handsome $10 billion in gold doubloons for our hard-workin' farmers. Aye, 'tis a bountiful windfall!
The Senate, workin' through the night like a ship's crew on the high seas, passed the bill with a hearty vote of 85 to 11 after a week full of chaos that'd make even the saltiest sea dog blush.
Yet, our jolly Captain Biden hasn’t yet shared his thoughts on this grand legislation, and ol' President-elect Trump be fumin' in silence, unhappy that the bill be not addressin' the debt ceiling, which looms like a storm cloud over the horizon.
The bill be a hefty tome of 1,547 pages, tossed about like a ship in a tempest, but ultimately navigated to safe harbor with a mighty vote from the House. Senate Leader Schumer be celebratin' as well, proclaimin', "No shutdown before Christmas!" So raise yer tankards, me hearties, for the government sails on! Arrr!