The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, the scallywag who be accused o' attackin' Pelosi be facin' trial, stirrin' debate on political violence once more!

2023-11-09

Avast ye scurvy dogs! David DePape, a scallywag of 43 summers, be facin' charges o' attempted kidnappin' and assault on an immediate kin of a federal official fer his misdeeds in the grand 2022 attack upon Paul Pelosi. Ye be sailin' into treacherous waters, matey!

In a swashbuckling tale fit for the high seas, David DePape, a scallywag of 43 years, finds himself in quite a pickle. He stands accused of attempting to kidnap and assault none other than the immediate family member of a federal official, the infamous Paul Pelosi, in a daring escapade that unfolded in the year 2022.

Now, picture this, me hearties – a modern-day pirate, with a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous grin, plotting a nefarious scheme against the kin of a powerful figure. It seems our matey DePape thought he was Captain Kidd himself, ready to take on the high-profile Pelosi clan.

But alas, his plans were dashed upon the rocky shores of justice. The authorities caught wind of his dastardly intentions and swiftly intervened, putting an end to his jolly rogering antics. The charges of attempted kidnapping and assault are a mighty weight to bear, indeed.

One can't help but wonder what drove this scurvy dog to such deeds. Was it a thirst for treasure? Or perhaps a score to settle with the federal official himself? We may never know what demons haunted DePape's twisted soul.

As we await the day when justice will be served, it's worth remembering that even in our modern age, pirates still roam the seven seas. Their cutlasses may be replaced with cellphones, and their ships may be landlocked, but their spirit lives on. Whether it be Captain Hook or David DePape, these rogues remind us that danger lurks around every corner.

So, me hearties, let this tale serve as a reminder to tread carefully and beware the pirates – both on the high seas and in our own backyards. And let's hope that justice is swift and true for all those involved in this whimsical 17th-century-inspired escapade.

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