The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Trump be tryin' t' turn th' G.O.P. race into a search fer his trusty matey, th' Vice-President!

2024-01-21

Avast ye, me hearties! Donning the garb of invincibility, Donald Trump be parading a motley crew o' potential shipmates, such as Tim Scott, Elise Stefanik, and J.D. Vance. Let's see who butters his bread the finest! Argh!

In the language of a 17th-century pirate, me hearties, picture yerself a grand spectacle unfoldin' before yer eyes. Our dear Captain Trump, as cunning as a fox, be showin' off a fine array of potential sidekicks to join him on his treacherous voyage to the White House. Arr, he be testin' the seas to see who can butter him up the most!

First mate Tim Scott be struttin' his stuff, with his charm and eloquent tongue. A fine choice, indeed, for he be a loyal and trusted companion to the Captain. Yet, the sea be vast, and other contenders be waitin' in the wings.

Next in line be Elise Stefanik, a fierce lass with a sharp wit. She be raisin' her sails high and catchin' the Captain's eye. Her youthful vigor be appealin', but can she navigate the treacherous waters of politics with finesse? Only time will tell.

Lastly, J.D. Vance be makin' a splash with his tales of comin' from the rough seas of Ohio. A man of the people, he be claimin' to understand the struggles of the common folk. But can he handle the cutthroat nature of politics? Only Davy Jones knows.

So, me hearties, the Captain be playin' a dangerous game, dancin' with these potential mates. He be seekin' the one who can best butter him up, makin' him feel invincible. Who will he choose to be his first mate on this perilous journey? Only time, and perhaps a touch of luck, will reveal the answer.

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