"Arrr, matey! No scallywag’s spilled the beans on that Trump kerfuffle, says the captain of the House crew!"
2024-08-27
Arrr, Rep. Mark Kelly be swearing on his pirate's honor, come Tuesday, to plunder the truth after settin' foot on the cursed Trump rally grounds in Butler, Pa. A band o' lawmakers, united in their quest, be huntin' for answers 'bout that foul shootin'. Avast, mateys!
Arrr, me hearties! Gather round as I spin ye a yarn of Rep. Mark Kelly, a scallywag from the land o’ Pennsylvania, leadin' a motley crew of landlubbers on a noble quest. They be investigatin' the dastardly attempt on our former captain, Trump, and Kelly be vowin' to uncover the truth like a treasure map hidden in a bottle o' rum!On a fine Tuesday, the brave souls set sail to the fateful spot where the rogue named Thomas Crooks did unleash mayhem during a rally. Kelly be scratchin’ his head, wonderin’ how the finest protectors of the realm let a blunder as big as a galleon slip through their fingers! “Who be callin' the shots?” he bellowed, raisin’ doubts about the sluggish response of the lawmen when the sniper had the villain in his sights. Aye, it seems the crew was frozen like a fish on a cold mornin’!
With the winds of distrust blowin' fierce across the seas of governance, Kelly and his crew, holdin' allegiance to the American spirit rather than party banners, be set on deliverin' the hard truths to the good folk of the land. They aim to ensure that such calamities be not repeated, for a pirate’s code demands deep preparin’ before settin’ sail, lest ye find yerself in murky waters again!