Arrr! DeSantis be callin' the new Florida GOP matey a spineless jellyfish! Squishin' ain't fit for a true pirate!
2025-04-02
Arrr, matey! Ron DeSantis be launchin’ cannonballs at Randy Fine on the high seas of politics, claimin’ Fine's peculiar troubles be the reason he barely snagged a treasure chest in a Republican stronghold! Aye, ‘tis a right jolly mess o' election shenanigans!
Arrr, gather 'round me hearties, for a tale of political squabblin' on the high seas of Florida! Governor Ron DeSantis, that scallywag, hath laid the blame for a slim victory upon the shoulders of Randy Fine, a newly-minted representative who barely hoisted the flag in a solidly Republican harbor.In a special election, Fine sailed through with a mere 14-point lead, the weakest for a Republican since the dark days of 2018. DeSantis, in a fit of pique, called Fine a "squish," claimin’ that even the sailors of the district preferred to stay ashore rather than cast their lots for him. "The president had to throw a lifeline, lest the ship be sunk!" shouted the governor, insinuating that voters were merely makin’ a sacrifice for the crew.
But the winds of discontent blow strong, and DeSantis ain’t shy about sharing his disdain for Fine, even recountin’ how state lawmakers wished to shunt him off to lead a university, rather than keep him in the legislature. The feud goes back to when Fine switched his allegiance to Trump, leaving DeSantis feelin’ like a shipwrecked sailor!
In response, Fine fired back with a quip, likening DeSantis to a dying star burnin’ bright before vanishing into the murky depths. With the ship’s crew divided, one thing be certain—this tempest in a teapot shall continue to brew in the waters of Floridian politics!