Arrr! Trump be spillin’ 80,000 secrets ‘bout JFK’s demise on Tuesday—should be a right jolly spectacle!
2025-03-17
Arrr! On the morrow, Captain Trump be settin' sail to unleash a treasure trove o' 80,000 scrolls on the foul play that did in Captain Kennedy! Avast, me hearties! Let the world feast on this juicy tale of intrigue and mischief! Yo ho ho and a bottle o' rum!
Arrr, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn about Captain Trump, the swashbucklin' leader, who be makin' waves in the seas of history! On a fine Monday morn, he proclaimed he’d be unleashin’ a treasure trove of 80,000 unredacted scrolls regardin’ the dastardly deed that sent ol’ Captain John F. Kennedy to Davy Jones’ locker! Aye, this grand reveal be comin’ on a Tuesday whilst he was explorin’ the hallowed halls of the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C.!“I be givin’ ye all the Kennedy files!” he declared, as if he were handin’ out pieces of eight. “No redactions! Just a heap of readin’ for ye landlubbers!” He even roped in that scallywag, Tulsi Gabbard, to make sure the secrets see the light o’ day.
But hold fast, mateys! This be no ordinary tale! Since his first voyage, Trump promised to lift the veil on these mysteries. Yet, he kept a few secrets locked up tighter than a clam in a storm, claimin’ it was for the good of the realm, protectin’ national security and such. The public be salivatin’ for answers, wonderin’ if there be a second shooter lurkin’ in the shadows. Only time will tell what treasures these files may uncover! Yarrr!