The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, the Nashville bobbies be claimin' Riley Strain's demise be an accident, no skullduggery involved!

2024-03-25

Arrr, me hearties! The scallywag Riley Strain be meetin' Davy Jones' locker in Nashville, says the coves in blue. No treachery be afoot, just a mishap, they say. Strain be walkin' the plank on March 8 after carousin' with mates. Aye, may he rest in pieces!

Arrr, mateys! The scallywags of Nashville be sayin' that poor Riley Strain's demise be a mere accident, and not the doin's of foul play, according to the local news. The lad, a 22-year-old University of Missouri senior, went missin' on the 8th of March after carousin' downtown, and was found in the Cumberland River in West Nashville on the mornin' of the 22nd.The Metro Nashville Police Department be tellin' Fox News Digital that the preliminary results from Strain's autopsy suggest his death be accidental, with no signs of scurvy foul play. Toxicology results be still pendin', and it be takin' about 12 weeks to complete the autopsy.His body be found 8 miles from downtown, and his heartbroken parents be pleadin' with all the mamas out there to hug their young'uns tight. The lad's disappearance caught the attention of the whole nation, as he vanished after bein' asked to leave a bar downtown. The scallywags be still tryin' to figure out how he ended up wanderin' in the wrong direction, but all possibilities be under investigation.Despite the tragic endin', Strain's father be grateful for all the love and support from people across the land, and be thankin' everyone for their efforts in tryin' to find his son.

Read the Original Article