Arrr, a lass from Iowa washed ashore in Missouri in '78, her identity revealed by the magic of DNA!
2024-04-03
Arrr, the scallywags used their fancy DNA magic to figure out that the body they found in Missouri be the poor lass from Iowa who went missin' 46 years ago! Aye, the sea be full of wonders and mysteries indeed!
In the year of our Lord 2024, after a Missouri swashbuckler stumbled upon a body in the mighty Mississippi River, it has been revealed that the unfortunate victim was none other than a lass of 15 summers from the fair lands of Iowa.The authorities in Lincoln County, Missouri, declared on a fine Tuesday that through the magic of DNA and other scientific wizardry, they had identified the body as that of Helen Renee Groomes, who had vanished from Ottumwa, Iowa. Her body had been discovered in the river near Elsberry, Missouri, back in the merry month of March in the year of our Lord 1978.When the body was first discovered, the coroners reckoned it belonged to a woman of 30 to 40 years old. All they had to go on was a ring with a cat's eye and a tattoo on her arm with a name that was harder to decipher than a treasure map. The cause of her demise was shrouded in mystery, marked as "undetermined."The remains were laid to rest in the sacred grounds of Troy, Missouri, under the name of "Lincoln County Jane Doe." But lo and behold! The coroner Dan Heavin had the body brought forth from its slumber in October and sought the help of wise folk at Southeast Missouri State University.Through the magic of bone and dental analysis, along with the art of DNA sorcery, a genealogical profile was conjured by the wizards at Othram Inc. This led the sleuths to Kevin Groomes, the brother of the fair Helen. It is said that Kevin revealed that his sister had vanished in the year 1977, and he himself had marked her arm with a tattoo bearing the name "Del," her sweetheart of that time.Now, the gallant sheriffs of Wapello County in Iowa have embarked on a new quest to uncover the truth behind the tragic fate of Helen Renee Groomes.