Arrr! Fox News be spoutin’ tales o’ Kohberger’s crafty tricks, Read’s tall tales, and Luigi’s tongue-twistin' shenanigans!
2025-03-14
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Arrr, me hearties! Gather 'round fer a tale o' intrigue and mischief on the high seas o' law an' disorder! First up, we be hearin' from Bryan Kohberger, a scallywag who be askin' the judge to toss out evidence 'bout his 'bushy brows.' He claims a witness be sketchin' memories like a drunken artist, all askew and muddled!Next, we sail to a posh Texas port where the winds be blowin' foul! The murder o' Suzanne Simpson be causin' quite the ruckus in her affluent neighborhood, like a storm brewin' over a treasure chest gone missing!
Then, in sunny California, Governor Newsom be chargin' forth with a date for the Menendez brothers' parole board hearing. Aye, a bid fer clemency, but will they escape the brig?
Back to Kohberger, who’s claimin' he be framed like a fine portrait in a pirate’s tavern, insistin' he's no guilty buccaneer in them college killings! And over at the docks, Luigi Mangione’s journal be labeled not as a 'manifesto,' but more like a sailor's grumblin' 'bout the healthcare industry!
Lastly, a detective’s wife be raisin’ a ruckus o’er the media’s portrayal of a suspected cop killer, callin' it pure propaganda! Aye, this be a tale fit for the depths of Davy Jones' locker!