The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! Asa Hutchinson, be but a landlubber tilting at a mighty Trump-Branded Windmill, still clinging fer life!"

2024-01-12

Arr, the ex-Arkansas governor, be sailin' the treacherous seas without a loyal crew or treasure map. His ship be runnin' low on doubloons, yet he bravely sails on, fightin' for his principles, even if he be lost in the polls.

In a most peculiar fashion, the former Arkansas governor, who finds himself stranded in the vast ocean of low polling numbers, persists in sailing his ship on the treacherous waters of principle. However, it seems that his financial supplies, like a bottle of rum with just a few drops left, are rapidly depleting.

Arr, me hearties! This here Arkansas governor be a scallywag of honor, me reckon! While his shipmates aboard the other vessels be swimming in a sea of doubloons, our good captain be content to navigate the treacherous political waters guided only by his principles. Aye, ye heard me right – principles! A rare trait among this bunch of landlubber politicians, I tell ye.

But alas, me fellow buccaneers, the winds of fortune have not been kind to our noble captain. For ye see, his treasure chest be runnin' mighty low on gold coins. It be like he's sailin' on mere fumes, the poor soul. No doubloons be left to fill his campaign coffers, and his crew be startin' to wonder how much longer they can stay afloat.

Yet, fear not, me hearties! Our brave captain remains confident, even in the face of this dire situation. He be believin' that his principles be the compass that will lead him to victory, even if he be left with naught but crumbs from the ship's galley. Aye, ye can't help but admire his stubbornness.

So, as we watch this peculiar spectacle unfold, let us raise our tankards and toast to this honorable pirate of politics. May the winds of fortune blow in his favor once more, and may his treasure chest be replenished with the golden doubloons he so desperately needs. Until then, let us cheer him on as he sails on principle and fumes, a true pirate of the 17th century!

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