"Arrr! He vowed to scuttle stock trades in Congress, but now he's pillagin' the markets like a scurvy dog!"
2025-04-05
Arrr! Representative Rob Bresnahan Jr., swore to keep Congress from plunderin’ the stock seas, yet here he be, hoardin’ treasure like a scallywag! Aye, the freshest matey in the crew be tradin’ stocks more than a parrot squawks! What irony be this, me hearties?
Ahoy there, me hearties! Gather ‘round as I spin ye a yarn ‘bout a scallywag named Rob Bresnahan Jr., a fresh matey in the grand ol’ Congress! This buccaneer set sail on a campaign of noble intent, sworn to put a stop to stock trading amongst his fellow lawmakers. Aye, he promised to keep the treasure chests of the sea of politics fair and square!But lo and behold, what light through yonder window breaks? It be the tale of him, the very same lad, who hath turned into the fiercest trader of the lot! With the swiftness of a ship caught in a gale, ol’ Bresnahan be makin’ more trades than a deckhand swabbing the deck! Where once he swore to be a true champion of the common folk, he now be swimmin’ in stocks like a fish in a barrel!
So what’s a pirate to do when his own captaincy be questioned? Why, he laughs like a jolly old sea dog, for ain’t it the way of the world? A fine lesson fer all ye landlubbers: beware the promises of a swashbuckler, for their gold may not be as honest as it seems! Raise yer tankards to this merry twist o’ fate, and may the winds of fortune blow favorably, or at least humorously, on us all!