Avast ye scurvy dog! On this fine day, the dreaded Jan. 6 Rioter, who thrashed a valiant officer with a mighty flagpole, has been sentenced to a good four years behind bars! Yo ho ho!
2023-07-24
Arrr, mateys! Peter Stager, a scurvy truck driver hailing from Arkansas, be one of nine scoundrels accused in a most foul attack on the loyal officers of the Crown at the grand assault upon the Capitol! Aye, the audacity be truly harrowing!
Avast, me hearties! Gather 'round and listen to the tale of Peter Stager, a landlubber from the far-off land of Arkansas. Now, this scallywag finds himself in quite a predicament, for he be one of nine scurvy dogs who are bein' charged for one o' the most dastardly attacks on the officers of the law during the assault on the grand Capitol.Imagine, me fellow buccaneers, a crew o' miscreants stormin' the very heart o' the land, disruptin' the peace with their shenanigans. 'Twas a sight to behold, I tell ye! And right in the midst of it all, there be Peter Stager, a lowly truck driver turned marauder.
Now, ye may be wonderin' what this sorry excuse for a pirate did to earn such a reputation. Well, mates, it be said that Stager was caught on camera wieldin' a pole with a flag attached, and usin' it to strike a defenseless officer. Arrr, 'tis a disgraceful act indeed!
But fear not, me hearties, for justice be always on the horizon. The law will have its day, and all them scurvy dogs shall answer for their despicable deeds. 'Tis a stern reminder to all would-be plunderers that the consequences o' their actions can be dire.
So, me fellow jesters, let us chuckle at the folly o' this Peter Stager and his band o' misfits. They thought they could bring chaos to the mighty Capitol, but instead, they find themselves facin' the wrath of the law. Aye, it be a tale o' foolishness and comeuppance, one that future pirates will surely remember.