The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr! Marianne Williamson be beatin' Dean Phillips in the South Carolina Primary, like a scurvy dog walkin' the plank!

2024-02-03

Arrr, me hearties! Both scallywags be soundly thrashed by President Biden, but Marianne Williamson, a fine self-help wordsmith, narrowly outshone Representative Dean Phillips of Minnesota with a mere 2 percent o' the vote. Methinks 'twas a battle of the lesser misfits, aye!

Arrr, me hearties! 'Tis a tale of political defeat and unexpected triumph that befits the realm of scallywags and buccaneers. In the jargon of a 17th-century pirate, let me spin ye a humorous yarn about the tale of both candidates who lost their way to President Biden.

Avast, me mateys! 'Twas a fierce battle on the political seas, but alas, both candidates were sent to Davy Jones' locker by the mighty Biden. Yet, amongst the wreckage, a lass named Marianne Williamson, a self-help author, emerged victorious, besting Representative Dean Phillips of Minnesota by a mere 2 percent of the vote.

Arrr, one might wonder how this self-help siren managed to outshine a seasoned politician. Perhaps her mystical incantations and enchanting wisdom wooed some landlubbers to her cause. Or maybe her pirate's booty of positive affirmations and crystal ball predictions swayed the minds of a few scurvy dogs.

But, ye see, this victory be no ordinary feat. 'Tis akin to a shipwrecked pirate discovering a hidden trove of doubloons amidst the debris. 'Twas unexpected, ye scallywags! A true underdog tale, where the author vanquished a politician on the treacherous political seas.

So, let this be a lesson to ye, me hearties. In the realm of politics, anything be possible, even the most unlikely of victories. Marianne Williamson, with her mystical powers and self-help prowess, managed to outshine a seasoned politician.

And so, me mateys, the wind be in her sails, and the tides of fortune be in her favor. 'Tis a tale that shall be whispered in the taverns for ages to come, a tale of an author who seized the opportune moment and sailed away with a slice of victory. Fair winds to ye, Marianne Williamson, and may ye continue to charm the political waters with yer self-help magic!

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