The Booty Report

Arrr, matey! This scallywag on death row be seekin' a delay to spy on the last poor soul’s bones!

2025-02-16

Arrr, mateys! This scallywag on the gallows be beggin' for a delay, sayin' his legal crew be still waitin' on the last body report from the last hangin’ two weeks past! I reckon he wants to know how his matey met Davy Jones! Har har har!

Avast, ye scallywags! Gather 'round for a tale from the treacherous seas of South Carolina, where a cursed soul named Brad Sigmon, aged 67, be awaitin’ his fateful day of reckoning on the 7th of March! This scallywag, notorious for turnin’ the lives of his ex-girlfriend's kin into a bloody mess with a baseball bat, be requestin’ a delay in his execution, as his lawyers be waitin’ like landlubbers for the autopsy report from the last victim of the gallows two weeks past.

Why, ye ask? Sigmon’s choice be hangin’ in the balance like a ship on a stormy sea, as he must decide whether to face the lethal injection, the firing squad, or the dreaded electric chair! His lawyers be clamorin’ for answers, claimin’ the stakes be higher than a crow’s nest, with the deadline approachin’ faster than a cannonball.

But the tale darkens, as previous executions have left witnesses shiverin’ in horror. Poor Richard Moore, who met his end, mayhap felt like he was drownin’ in his own lungs! Sigmon be hesitant, eyein’ the electric chair like a treacherous kraken. With the state’s secrecy shrouded like a pirate’s treasure, Sigmon’s crew be seeking answers aplenty, hopin’ to postpone his doom until they’ve plundered the truth from those reports. Aye, it be a jolly good mess on these here waters!

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