Arrr, Vance be beggin' the GOP scallywags to hoist the DOGE flag and unite 'fore the ship be sunk!
2025-03-11
Avast, me hearties! The landlubber House Republicans be readyin' to cast their votes on a jolly ol' parchment to keep the ship of state from sinkin' in a murky shutdown! Arrr, let’s hope they don’t drop anchor on the treasury!
Arrr mateys! Gather ye round as I regale ye with the tale of Vice President JD Vance, who be tellin’ the House Republicans that they best hoist the sails on a government fundin’ bill today. Why, ye ask? To keep the good ship Trump afloat and ensure that the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE as we call it, be runnin' smooth as a calm sea!In a meetin’ behind closed doors, Vance spun a yarn about the border and DOGE to sway the undecided scallywags. The winds of change blew when he hinted that future treasure cuts could be navigated later, a strategy that the freedom-lovin’ crew be likin’. "This be what we need to keep the lights on for DOGE and the border," he declared, while swabbin’ the deck of dissent.
Time be tickin’, for the House and Senate must pass this here bill by the week’s end to avoid a government shutdown, lest we all be walkin’ the plank! Trump himself be endorsing a plan that keeps the treasure chests largely filled, claimin’ it as a grand victory. But beware! House Democrats be raisin' the Jolly Roger, claimin’ foul play with the bill that be favorin’ the likes of Musk and the ol’ Trumpster.
As the vote looms, Vance and his crew be callin’ in the holdouts to join the ranks, while one lone pirate, Rep. Thomas Massie, be steadfast against the whole affair. Let the sea of politics be ever choppy, me hearties! The fate of the funding bill be hangin' in the balance!