The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, a scallywag in Texas, armed with a mighty 'long gun', hath unleashed mayhem upon a medical establishment, hurtin' both a doctor and a patient.

2023-07-25

Avast ye! In Cedar Hill, Texas, a scurvy dog with a "long gun" be blastin' shots within a medical ship, causin' harm to a goodly physician and a matey. Fear not, for the scallywag be caught!

In a humorous tone, we have news of a shooting incident that occurred in a medical building in Texas. A physician and a patient were injured, but fear not, for the gunman is now in custody. The Cedar Hill Police Department swiftly responded to the "active shooter" calls and found a victim with a gunshot wound outside the clinic. They witnessed a Black male with a long gun fleeing the scene in a black Chrysler vehicle. However, the suspect's escape was short-lived as his vehicle soon crashed.
The police officers at the crash site observed the suspect still armed with his long gun. In a press conference, the Cedar Hill Police Chief explained that five officers discharged their firearms at the suspect. After being shot, the suspect was promptly taken out of the vehicle, and officers began life-saving measures until medical personnel arrived. The suspect is now at the Methodist Dallas Medical Center in stable but critical condition.
The physician injured in the shooting was taken to a hospital and is currently in stable condition. Additionally, a driver involved in the subsequent crash sustained minor injuries and was also taken to a hospital for treatment. Now, a criminal investigation will be conducted by the Dallas County Sheriff’s Office and the District Attorney’s office. To aid in the investigation, footage from multiple car and body-worn cameras will be utilized. Furthermore, the officers involved will be placed on routine administrative leave.
While this may seem like a serious situation, we can't help but imagine the events unfolding in the language of a 17th-century pirate, complete with eye patches and wooden legs. Arrr, mateys, it appears this scallywag tried to make off with his booty, but our brave officers gave him a taste of their firepower. Now he be in the hands of medical scallywags, fighting to stay afloat. The injured physician and the driver of the ill-fated crash be on the mend, thanks to the care of the landlubber doctors. Aye, a criminal investigation be set to catch any other hornswaggling involved in this tale. May the footage be as clear as the skies on the high seas!

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