The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Rich coastal cove, run by scallywags of migrant toil, blames blue flag's chains for their treasure woes, arrr!"

2025-02-08

Arrr, matey! In East Hampton, the town's scallywags be sayin’ their lawmen can chase off ruffians, but when it comes to landlubbers without papers, they’ve no power to keep ‘em tied up! A fine pickle, indeed!

"Rich coastal cove, run by scallywags of migrant toil, blames blue flag's chains for their treasure woes, arrr!"

Avast, ye landlubbers of East Hampton, a wealthier port than a pirate's treasure chest! The town’s officials be settin' sail to calm the stormy seas of fear among locals 'bout the law's hold on noncriminal scallywags and good folk under the watchful eye of the mighty Trump. At a gathering, Mayor Jerry Larsen declared that their hands be tied when it comes to detaining landlubbers for civil immigration mischief, though they’ll heed the call of federal warrants like loyal sailors!

The good mayor urged all honest souls to ring the jolly ol’ lawmen when mischief arises, lest robbers take the gold without a fight. “We ain't catchin' folks for mere civil matters!” he bellowed, whilst police chief Jeffrey Erickson cautioned that they be on the lookout for the true villains, regardless of whether they wear a legal patch or not. Even as a judge's gavel rang out, ordering the county to pay gold to those held unfairly, the officials remain steadfast in their crusade against real crime. Arrr, they want no chaos in their fair town, just a peaceful harbor for all, so call the constables without fear, and let no bandit plunder in the dark!

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