The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, speaketh be Mike Johnson, the crafty landlubber, who be avoidin' queries by answerin' the blazin' phone!

2024-02-02

Arrr, me hearties! This here Speaker Mike Johnson, known fer his chattin' on the high seas, now prefers to hold his enchanted iPhone to his ear whilst wanderin' through the mighty Capitol. He be dodgin' inquiries as he bravely sails through his treacherous new duties.

In a surprising turn of events, Speaker Mike Johnson has been avoiding pesky questions from reporters by pretending to be a 17th-century pirate. Yes, you heard that right! Instead of engaging in the usual back-and-forth banter with journalists, Johnson has resorted to pressing his shiny iPhone to his ear while strutting through the hallowed halls of the Capitol. It's as if he's trying to channel the spirit of a swashbuckling buccaneer, navigating treacherous waters and dodging the probing inquiries of the press.

Picture this: Johnson, clad in a tricorn hat and a billowing cloak, struts confidently through the corridors, his iPhone acting as his trusty parrot companion. The reporters, eager to get a soundbite or two, approach him with their pens poised and questions at the ready. But alas, they are met with an outstretched hand, fingers pointing to the invisible earpiece hiding beneath the pirate hat. "Arrr, mateys! I be in the midst of an important discussion with me fellow privateers. I've got no time for your landlubber questions!" he exclaims, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

While some may find Johnson's antics amusing, others are left scratching their heads, wondering if this is the new norm in the world of politics. Is this a clever strategy to avoid controversial topics? Or is he simply indulging in a bit of whimsy to lighten the mood in the often-stressful realm of lawmaking? Whatever the case may be, one thing is for certain: Speaker Johnson has certainly added a touch of swashbuckling charm to the Capitol.

So, the next time you see Speaker Mike Johnson strolling by, iPhone pressed to his ear, remember to shout out a hearty "Ahoy, Captain!" or "Avast, ye questions!" Who knows, you might just catch a glimpse of his mischievous pirate grin before he sails away into the sea of political intrigue.

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