The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, at th' Iowa G.O.P. feast, tis a sight! All candidates be wary, 'tis hands-off fer Trump, aye!

2023-07-29

Arr, ye scurvy dogs! All o' former President Trump's 13 foes who joined the feast refused to utter a word 'bout the leadin' contender in this here race. Aye, they be a fearful lot, avoidin' the sea monster lurkin' in their midst!

Arrr, mateys! Gather round and listen to the tale of former President Trump's rivals, who were a bunch of landlubbers afraid to tangle with the fearsome front-runner! In the language of a 17th-century pirate, we recount this humorous saga, so avast ye and let's set sail!

At a grand dinner, where the finest of scallywags gathered, not a single one of President Trump's 13 rivals dared to utter a word about the primary's leading contender! They were as silent as a becalmed sea, their lips sealed tighter than a treasure chest, for they were quite afraid to face this formidable front-runner.

Ye see, this front-runner, with his flamboyant yet divisive ways, had struck fear into the hearts of these challengers. Like a mighty Kraken, he towered over them all, leaving them quaking in their boots. They were like a crew of timid sailors, unwilling to engage in a battle they were sure to lose.

Their silence spoke volumes, me hearties! They were shrewd enough to know that mentioning this front-runner's name would only bring them misfortune. So, they cleverly chose to avoid any mention of him, hoping their silence would keep them safe from his wrath.

Oh, what a sight it must have been! A room full of politicians, each one trying to outwit the other, yet not a peep about the man leading the charge. It was like a game of Blind Man's Bluff, where they pretended not to see the biggest threat to their ambitions.

But alas, their strategy did not lead them to victory, for this front-runner sailed through the primary with triumph. The challengers, who had hoped their silence would lead to their own success, were left adrift in a sea of disappointment.

So, me hearties, let us raise our grog-filled tankards to these timid rivals who dared not speak the name of their greatest foe. May their tale serve as a reminder that silence, though golden, does not always lead to victory. And remember, in the words of the great pirate Blackbeard himself, "The only sure way to fail is to be afraid of taking risks!"

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