Avast ye mateys! Ethan Crumbley, scurvy dog who did away with 4 souls, be condemned to a life behind bars, arrr!
2023-12-08
Arr, the scurvy dog, who be wieldin' his pistols to commit the most fearsome high school attack in all o' the state's history, shan't be granted mercy nor freedom from his prison chains. No parole for ye, ye rascal!
In a tale fit for the taverns, a scallywag of the worst kind, a landlubber who unleashed his fury in the halls of a high school, has been given his fate. This scurvy dog, the blackguard responsible for the most treacherous high school shooting ever witnessed in our fair state, shall spend his days behind bars, with no chance of setting foot on this land again. Aye, there be no hope of parole for this miscreant!As the news spread like wildfire through the pirate-infested waters, the townsfolk sighed in relief, for justice had been served. This cowardly dog, who ambushed his unsuspecting victims with cannon-like firepower, shall rot in captivity until his bones turn to dust. The judge, in his wisdom, saw fit to ensure this scurvy knave would never sail the seas of freedom again.
Oh, the tales this wretched soul could share! If only he had chosen a different path, one of adventure and daring on the high seas, instead of resorting to such villainy. Alas, he chose a path of darkness, bringing harm and sorrow to the innocent souls who sought nothing more than an education.
But let us not dwell on the misdeeds of this dastardly pirate. Nay, let us focus on the resilience of the survivors, those brave souls who stood tall amidst the chaos. They refused to let this scallywag's actions define them, instead choosing to rise above the ashes and forge a new future.
So, as the sun sets on this grim chapter, let us raise a mug of grog to those who have fallen, and to those who have triumphed over adversity. May the winds of fortune guide their sails, and may they find solace in knowing that justice has been served, even in the language of pirates.