The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, the land lubbers in Michigan have found those poor scallywags who met their demise in a drunken ramming of the boat club!

2024-04-22

Arrr, the officials of Monroe County have laid bare the names and states of nine scallywags who were gravely wounded by a suspected rum-fueled driver on the Sabbath, as well as the names of the wee ones who perished in the calamity. A sad tale, to be sure.

Arr mateys, the Michigan police be spillin' the beans on a car crash that claimed the lives of two wee ones at a birthday bash over the weekend. A 66-year-old lass, who be three sheets to the wind, crashed her vessel into Berlin Township's Swan Boat Club, sendin' folks flyin' and causin' a ruckus.The scallywags at the Monroe County Sheriff's Office identified the poor souls lost in the wreckage as siblings Alanah and Zayn Phillips. The lad and lass, ages 8 and 5, were taken from us too soon, may they rest in peace. Charges against the culprit will be announced soon, but her name remains a mystery.As for the wounded, nine souls be in dire straits, with some in critical condition. The scene of the crash was a proper mess, with emotions runnin' high amongst the witnesses. Surveillance footage of the calamity has come to light, showin' the car tearin' through the party like a cannonball.If ye have any information to help the investigation, give a shout to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office. Let's hope justice be served for the innocent souls lost in this tragic event.

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