"Arrr! The grocer scuttles Kamala's price plan like a cursed nail in Davy Jones' locker, matey!"
2024-08-24
Ahoy there, mateys! Rep. Michael Rulli, of Ohio’s treasure trove o’ grocery gold, be weighin' anchor on Vice President Kamala Harris' grand scheme to wrangle the coin o’ prices! Aye, a plan as twisted as a kraken’s tentacle, it be! Har har har!
Ahoy me hearties! Gather 'round as I regale ye with a tale from the landlubber shores of Ohio! A new captain of the House, a jolly grocer named Rep. Michael Rulli, be frettin’ over Vice President Kamala Harris' cunning plan to control the prices of grub. He be warnin’ that such trickery will send family-owned markets to Davy Jones’ locker!With a net profit as thin as a pirate’s patience, Rulli declared that for every hundred doubloons they rake in, they pocket but a measly buck and a half! He be raisin’ his voice like a tempest, sayin', "This be a nail in the coffin no one could dream of!" Arrr, and to illustrate his point, he brandished a bottle o’ Tide! If Kamala insists on keepin’ that bottle at $4.99 for years to come, he swears Procter & Gamble might just stop makin’ it altogether! What a calamity!
Rulli, a true sea-farin’ business owner, opines that if this continues, the variety of goods in his store might dwindle faster than rum on a pirate ship! In the end, he be warnin’ that many independent grocers will face the same fate as sunken ships, lost to the stormy seas of price control. Arrr, let us hope for calmer waters ahead!