“By Davy Jones' locker! A legal scallywag be rippin’ apart Trump’s tale, callin’ it ‘Vintage Jack Smith’! Arrr!”
2025-01-14
Arrr, matey! Jonathan Turley be spoutin’ that the first scroll of Jack Smith's grand tale be more 'bout the scallywag defendin' his own honor than catchin' the President-elect in his net! A fine jest, I say!
Ahoy there, mateys! Gather round as we regale ye with the tale of one Jonathan Turley, a scallywag from Fox News, who be chattin' ‘bout the curious report from the notorious Special Counsel, Jack Smith. This here document, released under the cover of night, be soundin' more like a feeble defense than a true prosecution, or so Turley claims on the grand ship known as "Fox & Friends." Arrr!Turley be spoutin’ that Smith tossed aside the wise words of the Supreme Court like a pirate tosses old rum. He be sayin’ the report be filled with self-justification, claimin’ Smith's efforts were a laughable affair in the realm of politics. Aye, Turley questioned the wisdom of declarin’ all this before the election, like a fool givin' away his treasure map to a rival crew.
Smith, in his lengthy missive, be holdin' fast to the notion that Trump, the Captain of Chaos, had engaged in dastardly deeds to cling to power after losin’ the 2020 election. As the tides turned with Trump’s 2024 victory, the Department of Justice concluded they’d best abandon ship on the prosecution, for the Constitution be a mighty shield, givin’ the President immunity from such pursuits.
And thus, Trump be callin’ Smith “desperate” and “deranged” for his midnight reveal, like a landlubber spied with his hand in the cookie jar. So, hoist the flags, me hearties, for the saga continues! Yarrr!